Loving Hikari
Chapter 2
Sunset Bond
In Kari's mind, all there was hatred. Hatred that had never burn had swelled up inside of her. The girl that just used to know love had now been introduced to the cruelty of everything around her. Was she still the sweet girl who wanted to please everyone? Was she? No, she wasn't, she had developed into something so much more.
As Kari slipped her shoes off her name was called out from Tai's room. Should she go over and see what he wanted to say? Maybe even apologize for slapping him?
Kari shook her head from side to side, no, why should she go and why should she apologize? It was his fault and not hers! Kari walked straight past his room and entered hers. She collapsed on her single bed that was covered with a baby pink blanket that had white Sakura petals on it. She buried her nose on her white pillow and smelt the smell of her perfume on it, Angel.
It wasn't long before Tai entered her room with a troubled look on his face. Kari sat up.
"What now?" Kari asked with such anger in her voice.
Tai was very taken aback. "I just....I just wanted to see how you were doing," he said.
"Well I'm fine!"
No one said anything.
"What else? You said what you wanted to say, or is there more?" Kari asked vehemently.
"Well, you see here, if you don't want me to move out, I won't," he said softly.
Kari's eyes widened. Tai really love her and he would stay for her sake. She looked at him straight in the eyes, there was.disappointment and sadness in there. Her mind clicked, this was a test, something that he and Sora had concocted. They're so stupid to think that she wouldn't realize this. If she was still the little girl that they knew then she would have gone along with it, but she's not anymore. If she was the little girl that they knew, she would have said, no onni-chan, move out if you want, I'll be fine by myself. But since she's not.
"Really onni-chan? That's really nice, thank you for understanding my feelings," Kari replied simply.
As she had predicted, Tai was speechless. His mouth parted slightly.
"What onni-chan? Is something wrong?" Kari asked.
"No, nothing is wrong," he replied quickly.
Kari smiled at her only brother, her only bigger brother who had done nothing but please her and protect her. Her smile evaporated when she remembered the times that she had had with him. Was it right to do this to him? Was she being selfish?
"Onni-chan.you.you can move out if you want," Kari said finally with a sigh.
Tai's face brightened but that look was soon replaced by concern.
"Kari," he said slowly as he walked over and bent down in front of Kari. He placed his hand on her shoulders. "I don't know what's going through your mind right now, but whatever it is, I hope you know that you can always come and talk to me about it, I'll try my best to understand it. You're my only little sister, somebody who I really care about, my shining light, somebody who I can be proud of, I just want you to know that I'll always be here, ready to give you advice and opinions, ok Kari?"
Kari nodded slowly and watched Tai walk out of her room after he gave her a kiss on her forehead. As soon as the door shut, tears escaped her eyes.
Oh how I wish everyday that I could tell you, Kari said in her thoughts. How I wish I could, you have no idea Tai what is going on in my mind and it's better if you don't. It would only destroy you and torn T.K apart. You two are the two people that I cannot bear to hurt, not now not ever! I can't bear to say it especially after Yamato-san's death.
The tears gushed out and Kari brought her hands to her face. No, no. Don't think about Yamato-san's death, it's not worth to cry over. There's nothing that you could do about it. It was his choice and there was nothing you could do about it.
Yes, yes! There was something that I could do! Kari answered her own mind. If only I said, if only I had . Kari took her hands off her face.
The tears continued to flow down, one after the other as Kari's eyes stared blankly at her door. She lifted her right hand and wiped them off, but it still came out of her eyes. More and more it flowed, never stopping. Kari blinked, and looked down.
No use for grieving, Kari he's gone! Let it be!
But Kari knew, the day that she would get over his death would be the day that she died.
There was a knock on the door of her room.
"Kari?" a like child-voice said from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"
T.K, her fragile, vulnerable Takeru. As much as she wanted him to know why she was acting like this, she couldn't bear to say it to him.
Without being invited to come in, T.K opened the door and walked in. His eyes widened with astonishment as he eyed his angel. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, Kari's eyes were red and watery from the crying and her nose was also red from crying.
"Hik, Hikari," T.K said softly as he walked over and bent down in front of her.
Kari didn't answer him but instead looked at him with such sorrow and woe. She would never want to see his usual cheerful blue eyes turned lost, empty and sad. She knew that that would happen if she told him.
"Hikari-chan, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong so I can try to make it right for you," Takeru pleaded.
Kari's lips parted to say something but closed almost immediately.
T.K put his head on her lap. "Kari.I can't stand to look at you like this, say something, tell me what's going through your mind, I can't.I just can't stand it if you like this, seeing you like this makes me remember. . .remember. . ." T.K's voice trailed off there.
T.K didn't need to finish his sentence for Kari already knew what he was talking about. Tears, anguish, sadness and misery. Four similar things that had taken its stand and represent Yamato's death. See tears, it was Yamato that you would think about. Anguish; pain and torture that you feel when you remember his death. Feel sadness, your mind would wheeled around to Yamato and you would always feel miserable if you think about it. But happiness.happiness was what you feel when you remember him. Remember his 'hair', remember his rare smiles and remember his soothing voice. Kari crawled back inside her womb of memories and pictured Yamato in her head. She remembered one of the memories that she had with him.
~F|_a$h|3@cK~
She was about twelve then and he was about fifteen. She was walking past her brother's school when she saw Tai, Sora and Matt, arguing. Kari hadn't known how long the argument had lasted for and what it was about, but it was just about to end because a few seconds later, Matt left and ran past her without noticing her. Neither Tai or Sora chased after him, they just stared off into the direction that he had gone. It looked like that Tai and Sora didn't even notice she was there.
Kari waited to see whether one of them would at least run after him, but none did. So Kari decided that it was up to her to calm Matt down, she had a gift of calming people down and so many people had told her so.
Kari turned and started running to Matt, she could outline the shape of his body as she ran, getting bigger and bigger. Finally she was close enough to him for her to shout out his name and he would definitely hear.
"Yamato-San!" she had shouted. "Yamato-san!"
Matt turned around and was surprised to see Kari running to him. His sky- blue eyes looked at her with surprise.
It was then that Kari noticed how bright and shiny his eyes were. It was so beautiful but yet so sad. Something in it moved Kari's heart, it was so beautiful, so stunning but it was sad all over. She stopped in front of him and caught her breath.
He held her shoulders with his hands and had looked at her with concern but with something else too, sadness. "Are you ok?" he had asked. His eyes sharpened as if he saw something in her that no one else had.
Kari managed a weak smile and straightened herself out. "I'm fine, I'm just not used to running, I'm not athletic."
Matt smiled and it had warmed her. Now she understood why girls would love to see Matt smile at them, he rarely smiles.
"What brings you here to me?" he asked.
"Well I -. you see-," she started to say but her words got mixed up. She didn't want to offend him or anything like that.
"It's ok, you don't have to tell me," he said. He turned around from her and started walking away.
Without thinking and without knowing why, she followed him. She knew that he knew she was there, though he didn't acknowledge her presence. Instead he just walked on and on until he reached the end. Kari realized that they both were standing at the edge of a sea cliff. The sun was setting and it took her breath away.
"Beautiful isn't it?" Matt asked softly.
"Yes, it is." Kari said awed.
Like Matt's blue eyes, the sunset was beautiful but yet so sad. "I come here a lot you know," he started to say. "So I can relieve any stress that I have, like what I'm doing now."
Kari didn't say a word, urging him in silence to tell her more.
"I wish I was a child again, carefree, do things and not caring of the consequences, once you get older you will crave to be young again, crave for the memories of yourself when you were younger, remember how it used to be and see how different it was then than it is now.life before was so much better."
Again Kari didn't say anything.
"I know you saw me, your brother and Sora fight and I know you're asking yourself, what could have happened to had make us fight? I don't think I'm the right person to tell you why, but I'm pretty sure Sora and Tai aren't keen to discuss it. Sooner or later you will know, trust me, but I can't tell you now, because it just happened and it would drive me to insanity if I talked about it, just know this, I'm in love with Takenouchi Sora and I love your brother more like a brother than just a friend."
Kari gasped. "You're...you're in love with Sora? But...but, onni-chan, he...he..." her voice had trailed off there.
Matt turned to look at her. "Yes, he's also in love with Sora..."
"Is this...is this why you three fought?" Kari guessed.
Matt sighed. "No, not because of this, something else, and anyway, no one but you and I know that I'm in love with Sora, no one else..."
"Really? So why are you telling me? Aren't you afraid that I might tell Tai?" Kari asked with curiosity.
"I'm not afraid, because I know you wouldn't tell, the reason why I'm telling you is because, I know you're going through something like what I'm going through, similar but different."
Kari's body froze, if he's talking about what I think it's about...if he...
Matt had noticed the look that had appeared on her face. Fear.
"Don't worry Yagami Hikari," he said with a smile. "I wouldn't tell anyone."
"But, but you're T.K's brother..." she said softly, her body slightly shaking.
"I know I am, but that doesn't mean that I will tell him," Matt said.
"But how did you know? How did you know about it? No one knows, I don't even write it in my diary so Tai couldn't have possibly known...it's all in my head, my thoughts, my heart and soul!"
Matt turned away from her and sat down on the ground.
"I told you, we are alike, we're going through the same thing, I know the way you think because that would be the way that I think, if you concentrate a tiny bit more you'll be able to know why and what it is that we both are going through, though it doesn't have a name or some kind of meaning, it's just....that...."
Though Kari was puzzled, she tried with all her might to understand. She walked over and sat next to Matt.
"Why don't you tell Sora?"
"What?"
"Tell Sora how you feel..."
"What about your brother?"
"If it's what you want then go for it, take the chance while you still have one, it's not like my brother has claimed her or anything."
Matt turned his head to look at her.
"Shouldn't you be saying this to yourself?" he asked with slight mockery tone to it.
Kari's face turned a bright crimson red. "My situation is different," she explained.
"But much more simple," Matt added.
"It is, but . ..T.K ..."
"If it's what you want, go for it! Ne, Kari?" he said and started to laugh.
"It's not funny, Matt," she said.
"Laugh it up Kari while it still permits us too..." Matt said.
"You're T.K's brother, how can you laugh it up?"
"You're Tai's sister, how can you be telling me to go for it?"
"Answering a question with a question.enough said,"
"Come off it Kari, don't be so serious and try to be cheerful! Heck we don't get to be happy and cheerful much," Matt said.
"That's true."
It was dark then, but there was enough light from the houses nearby for them to be able to see each other.
"Getting late, I should take you home, Tai and your parents would be worried sick," Matt said as he stood up.
"Can we talk again sometime?" Kari asked as she too got up.
"Sure, just call me and we would set up a time, ok?"
"Ok, make sure you don't tell anyone about you-know-what," Kari said.
Matt started to laugh again.
"What's so funny?" Kari asked, irritated.
"No one is around and yet you still said 'you-know-what'," he replied.
"You can never be too careful!" Kari answered and stalked off leaving Matt to follow her.
Matt chuckled softly to himself and muttered 'silly girl' and started to follow after Kari. After sitting at the edge of the cliff, watching the sunset, they hadn't known it then, but it had created a strong bond between them.
~enD of F|_a$h|3@cK~
"Kari? Are you there?" T.K asked his voice panicking.
"Oh what? Yes I'm fine, erm- I just don't feel to well T.K," she answered.
"Do you need any medicine? Any at all?" he asked.
"No, no, I don't need any medicine."
"I'll go and get you a glass of water then," T.K said.
Kari nodded and watched T.K disappear out of her view. Remembering Matt was like remembering a past - life. As if it happened such a long time ago, though it was hard to believe that he was alive just three months ago. Just three months ago he was still energetic, still happy and cheerful towards her, he covered his sadness with a smile, with jokes and with . . . memories.
Kari you're stupid! Her mind screamed at her. He was talking about memories, memories of you, him and the others. He was giving you hints, hints to tell you what he was planning. He thought that you would have stopped him, he probably have waited for you before he committed suicide so you could stop him. But you didn't! You failed him! You had forgotten to think the way he thinks! Kari you as much killed him!
These sudden thought struck Kari numb. Cold sweats started to appear. She felt as if her heart had been frozen.
His death was her fault! She was too selfish to think about her when he needed her! If Matt didn't tell her that outrageous news she would have a clear mind and would have spotted his plan.
Kari ran to her door and locked it.
No one was allowed to come in, no one. She ran to her studying table and opened up her first draw. In it was a pair of scissors. Without thinking she picked it up and quickly sliced her wrist.
Chapter 2
Sunset Bond
In Kari's mind, all there was hatred. Hatred that had never burn had swelled up inside of her. The girl that just used to know love had now been introduced to the cruelty of everything around her. Was she still the sweet girl who wanted to please everyone? Was she? No, she wasn't, she had developed into something so much more.
As Kari slipped her shoes off her name was called out from Tai's room. Should she go over and see what he wanted to say? Maybe even apologize for slapping him?
Kari shook her head from side to side, no, why should she go and why should she apologize? It was his fault and not hers! Kari walked straight past his room and entered hers. She collapsed on her single bed that was covered with a baby pink blanket that had white Sakura petals on it. She buried her nose on her white pillow and smelt the smell of her perfume on it, Angel.
It wasn't long before Tai entered her room with a troubled look on his face. Kari sat up.
"What now?" Kari asked with such anger in her voice.
Tai was very taken aback. "I just....I just wanted to see how you were doing," he said.
"Well I'm fine!"
No one said anything.
"What else? You said what you wanted to say, or is there more?" Kari asked vehemently.
"Well, you see here, if you don't want me to move out, I won't," he said softly.
Kari's eyes widened. Tai really love her and he would stay for her sake. She looked at him straight in the eyes, there was.disappointment and sadness in there. Her mind clicked, this was a test, something that he and Sora had concocted. They're so stupid to think that she wouldn't realize this. If she was still the little girl that they knew then she would have gone along with it, but she's not anymore. If she was the little girl that they knew, she would have said, no onni-chan, move out if you want, I'll be fine by myself. But since she's not.
"Really onni-chan? That's really nice, thank you for understanding my feelings," Kari replied simply.
As she had predicted, Tai was speechless. His mouth parted slightly.
"What onni-chan? Is something wrong?" Kari asked.
"No, nothing is wrong," he replied quickly.
Kari smiled at her only brother, her only bigger brother who had done nothing but please her and protect her. Her smile evaporated when she remembered the times that she had had with him. Was it right to do this to him? Was she being selfish?
"Onni-chan.you.you can move out if you want," Kari said finally with a sigh.
Tai's face brightened but that look was soon replaced by concern.
"Kari," he said slowly as he walked over and bent down in front of Kari. He placed his hand on her shoulders. "I don't know what's going through your mind right now, but whatever it is, I hope you know that you can always come and talk to me about it, I'll try my best to understand it. You're my only little sister, somebody who I really care about, my shining light, somebody who I can be proud of, I just want you to know that I'll always be here, ready to give you advice and opinions, ok Kari?"
Kari nodded slowly and watched Tai walk out of her room after he gave her a kiss on her forehead. As soon as the door shut, tears escaped her eyes.
Oh how I wish everyday that I could tell you, Kari said in her thoughts. How I wish I could, you have no idea Tai what is going on in my mind and it's better if you don't. It would only destroy you and torn T.K apart. You two are the two people that I cannot bear to hurt, not now not ever! I can't bear to say it especially after Yamato-san's death.
The tears gushed out and Kari brought her hands to her face. No, no. Don't think about Yamato-san's death, it's not worth to cry over. There's nothing that you could do about it. It was his choice and there was nothing you could do about it.
Yes, yes! There was something that I could do! Kari answered her own mind. If only I said, if only I had . Kari took her hands off her face.
The tears continued to flow down, one after the other as Kari's eyes stared blankly at her door. She lifted her right hand and wiped them off, but it still came out of her eyes. More and more it flowed, never stopping. Kari blinked, and looked down.
No use for grieving, Kari he's gone! Let it be!
But Kari knew, the day that she would get over his death would be the day that she died.
There was a knock on the door of her room.
"Kari?" a like child-voice said from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"
T.K, her fragile, vulnerable Takeru. As much as she wanted him to know why she was acting like this, she couldn't bear to say it to him.
Without being invited to come in, T.K opened the door and walked in. His eyes widened with astonishment as he eyed his angel. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, Kari's eyes were red and watery from the crying and her nose was also red from crying.
"Hik, Hikari," T.K said softly as he walked over and bent down in front of her.
Kari didn't answer him but instead looked at him with such sorrow and woe. She would never want to see his usual cheerful blue eyes turned lost, empty and sad. She knew that that would happen if she told him.
"Hikari-chan, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong so I can try to make it right for you," Takeru pleaded.
Kari's lips parted to say something but closed almost immediately.
T.K put his head on her lap. "Kari.I can't stand to look at you like this, say something, tell me what's going through your mind, I can't.I just can't stand it if you like this, seeing you like this makes me remember. . .remember. . ." T.K's voice trailed off there.
T.K didn't need to finish his sentence for Kari already knew what he was talking about. Tears, anguish, sadness and misery. Four similar things that had taken its stand and represent Yamato's death. See tears, it was Yamato that you would think about. Anguish; pain and torture that you feel when you remember his death. Feel sadness, your mind would wheeled around to Yamato and you would always feel miserable if you think about it. But happiness.happiness was what you feel when you remember him. Remember his 'hair', remember his rare smiles and remember his soothing voice. Kari crawled back inside her womb of memories and pictured Yamato in her head. She remembered one of the memories that she had with him.
~F|_a$h|3@cK~
She was about twelve then and he was about fifteen. She was walking past her brother's school when she saw Tai, Sora and Matt, arguing. Kari hadn't known how long the argument had lasted for and what it was about, but it was just about to end because a few seconds later, Matt left and ran past her without noticing her. Neither Tai or Sora chased after him, they just stared off into the direction that he had gone. It looked like that Tai and Sora didn't even notice she was there.
Kari waited to see whether one of them would at least run after him, but none did. So Kari decided that it was up to her to calm Matt down, she had a gift of calming people down and so many people had told her so.
Kari turned and started running to Matt, she could outline the shape of his body as she ran, getting bigger and bigger. Finally she was close enough to him for her to shout out his name and he would definitely hear.
"Yamato-San!" she had shouted. "Yamato-san!"
Matt turned around and was surprised to see Kari running to him. His sky- blue eyes looked at her with surprise.
It was then that Kari noticed how bright and shiny his eyes were. It was so beautiful but yet so sad. Something in it moved Kari's heart, it was so beautiful, so stunning but it was sad all over. She stopped in front of him and caught her breath.
He held her shoulders with his hands and had looked at her with concern but with something else too, sadness. "Are you ok?" he had asked. His eyes sharpened as if he saw something in her that no one else had.
Kari managed a weak smile and straightened herself out. "I'm fine, I'm just not used to running, I'm not athletic."
Matt smiled and it had warmed her. Now she understood why girls would love to see Matt smile at them, he rarely smiles.
"What brings you here to me?" he asked.
"Well I -. you see-," she started to say but her words got mixed up. She didn't want to offend him or anything like that.
"It's ok, you don't have to tell me," he said. He turned around from her and started walking away.
Without thinking and without knowing why, she followed him. She knew that he knew she was there, though he didn't acknowledge her presence. Instead he just walked on and on until he reached the end. Kari realized that they both were standing at the edge of a sea cliff. The sun was setting and it took her breath away.
"Beautiful isn't it?" Matt asked softly.
"Yes, it is." Kari said awed.
Like Matt's blue eyes, the sunset was beautiful but yet so sad. "I come here a lot you know," he started to say. "So I can relieve any stress that I have, like what I'm doing now."
Kari didn't say a word, urging him in silence to tell her more.
"I wish I was a child again, carefree, do things and not caring of the consequences, once you get older you will crave to be young again, crave for the memories of yourself when you were younger, remember how it used to be and see how different it was then than it is now.life before was so much better."
Again Kari didn't say anything.
"I know you saw me, your brother and Sora fight and I know you're asking yourself, what could have happened to had make us fight? I don't think I'm the right person to tell you why, but I'm pretty sure Sora and Tai aren't keen to discuss it. Sooner or later you will know, trust me, but I can't tell you now, because it just happened and it would drive me to insanity if I talked about it, just know this, I'm in love with Takenouchi Sora and I love your brother more like a brother than just a friend."
Kari gasped. "You're...you're in love with Sora? But...but, onni-chan, he...he..." her voice had trailed off there.
Matt turned to look at her. "Yes, he's also in love with Sora..."
"Is this...is this why you three fought?" Kari guessed.
Matt sighed. "No, not because of this, something else, and anyway, no one but you and I know that I'm in love with Sora, no one else..."
"Really? So why are you telling me? Aren't you afraid that I might tell Tai?" Kari asked with curiosity.
"I'm not afraid, because I know you wouldn't tell, the reason why I'm telling you is because, I know you're going through something like what I'm going through, similar but different."
Kari's body froze, if he's talking about what I think it's about...if he...
Matt had noticed the look that had appeared on her face. Fear.
"Don't worry Yagami Hikari," he said with a smile. "I wouldn't tell anyone."
"But, but you're T.K's brother..." she said softly, her body slightly shaking.
"I know I am, but that doesn't mean that I will tell him," Matt said.
"But how did you know? How did you know about it? No one knows, I don't even write it in my diary so Tai couldn't have possibly known...it's all in my head, my thoughts, my heart and soul!"
Matt turned away from her and sat down on the ground.
"I told you, we are alike, we're going through the same thing, I know the way you think because that would be the way that I think, if you concentrate a tiny bit more you'll be able to know why and what it is that we both are going through, though it doesn't have a name or some kind of meaning, it's just....that...."
Though Kari was puzzled, she tried with all her might to understand. She walked over and sat next to Matt.
"Why don't you tell Sora?"
"What?"
"Tell Sora how you feel..."
"What about your brother?"
"If it's what you want then go for it, take the chance while you still have one, it's not like my brother has claimed her or anything."
Matt turned his head to look at her.
"Shouldn't you be saying this to yourself?" he asked with slight mockery tone to it.
Kari's face turned a bright crimson red. "My situation is different," she explained.
"But much more simple," Matt added.
"It is, but . ..T.K ..."
"If it's what you want, go for it! Ne, Kari?" he said and started to laugh.
"It's not funny, Matt," she said.
"Laugh it up Kari while it still permits us too..." Matt said.
"You're T.K's brother, how can you laugh it up?"
"You're Tai's sister, how can you be telling me to go for it?"
"Answering a question with a question.enough said,"
"Come off it Kari, don't be so serious and try to be cheerful! Heck we don't get to be happy and cheerful much," Matt said.
"That's true."
It was dark then, but there was enough light from the houses nearby for them to be able to see each other.
"Getting late, I should take you home, Tai and your parents would be worried sick," Matt said as he stood up.
"Can we talk again sometime?" Kari asked as she too got up.
"Sure, just call me and we would set up a time, ok?"
"Ok, make sure you don't tell anyone about you-know-what," Kari said.
Matt started to laugh again.
"What's so funny?" Kari asked, irritated.
"No one is around and yet you still said 'you-know-what'," he replied.
"You can never be too careful!" Kari answered and stalked off leaving Matt to follow her.
Matt chuckled softly to himself and muttered 'silly girl' and started to follow after Kari. After sitting at the edge of the cliff, watching the sunset, they hadn't known it then, but it had created a strong bond between them.
~enD of F|_a$h|3@cK~
"Kari? Are you there?" T.K asked his voice panicking.
"Oh what? Yes I'm fine, erm- I just don't feel to well T.K," she answered.
"Do you need any medicine? Any at all?" he asked.
"No, no, I don't need any medicine."
"I'll go and get you a glass of water then," T.K said.
Kari nodded and watched T.K disappear out of her view. Remembering Matt was like remembering a past - life. As if it happened such a long time ago, though it was hard to believe that he was alive just three months ago. Just three months ago he was still energetic, still happy and cheerful towards her, he covered his sadness with a smile, with jokes and with . . . memories.
Kari you're stupid! Her mind screamed at her. He was talking about memories, memories of you, him and the others. He was giving you hints, hints to tell you what he was planning. He thought that you would have stopped him, he probably have waited for you before he committed suicide so you could stop him. But you didn't! You failed him! You had forgotten to think the way he thinks! Kari you as much killed him!
These sudden thought struck Kari numb. Cold sweats started to appear. She felt as if her heart had been frozen.
His death was her fault! She was too selfish to think about her when he needed her! If Matt didn't tell her that outrageous news she would have a clear mind and would have spotted his plan.
Kari ran to her door and locked it.
No one was allowed to come in, no one. She ran to her studying table and opened up her first draw. In it was a pair of scissors. Without thinking she picked it up and quickly sliced her wrist.
