Finally!! The last chapter of Loving Hikari is up!! Hehehe I want to thankyou for your continous support, without your reviews I'm not sure whether I would have finished this story, well I hope you like the ending ^^ Don't forget to review!!

Loving Hikari
Chapter 5
Beautiful As You

Dear Hikari,
You're reading this, I guess I'm gone…Did I cause so much chaos when I ended my life? I guess whatever answer you want to give me, I won't be able to hear it. Are you mad at me? If you are, don't keep it all in… it will only hurt you more, being me; I know how it feels like. Well, first of all, I want to apologize…I want to say I'm sorry that I have hurt everyone, especially you, when I ended my life, I know in your thoughts you were probably saying, "he wasn't thinking when he did this, he wasn't thinking at all!" But to tell you the truth, I was thinking…a whole lot too. The purpose of this letter is to tell you a few things that I never had got the chance to tell you. I have a feeling that the first thing you want to know, is why I decided to take suicide as my solution…the answer might seem lame to you, but it sure didn't seem lame to me. I had had enough Kari! I had enough of everything! Starting with my parent's divorce, it kills me to be separated from T.K and my Ka-san, it kills me that I had no loving mother to take care of me, and what kills me most of all is that I wasn't around T.K when he needed me the most. I was his bigger brother and what I had done for him? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! You should have seen the tears in his eyes when I told him I wasn't going to live with him any longer, you should have seen the pain in his eyes, and I couldn't do a thing to comfort him…that is one of the biggest regret I have in my life. Next thing was my popularity…did you know how many of my friends were jealous of me? Apart from your brother and the rest of the guys in our groups, all of my friends were. They started to call me things behind my back, they spread nasty rumours around the school. And anyone who tried to be my friend were either trying to get popular along with me or were trying to find my weakness. Funny isn't it? My weakness was clearly written all over my face; Fear of being unwanted, fear of not belonging. You know, I never really liked myself, and everyone knows that if you don't even like yourself, there are no chances that other people will like you. Now is everything clear Kari? Why I decided to do it? I know you felt like it was your fault and mostly Sora's, but it wasn't any of your faults, I had my own problems. There's another thing I want you to know, something really important for you to know. Do you still remember when you came over my house, looking as beautiful as ever, with your brown hair tamed with a bandana, and how we both rushed to the beach? It was such a beautiful day, it was the perfect day for saying things that we don't use usually say to other people. I still can taste the amazing food that you had prepared for the both of us; I can still smell the aroma of it. And then…and then you said the words that I have dreaded but waited eagerly for. "Aishiteru Yamato-kun, Aishiteru." I could have said 'I love you' back and save you the hurt and the sorrow but I couldn't, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I shattered your heart, something that I had never intended to do. Instead, I projected my coldest and iciest voice and said, "I don't love you, I never did, if this is your idea is some kind of a joke, please stop it, but if it's not, I want to make it clear to you that I love Sora, I told you this before. Understand it Kari, I have no feelings for you." You were speechless then, you couldn't say anything, I could feel your eyes burning on me. But instead of consoling you, I hurt you even deeper. "The reason I started hanging around with you is because you are much like Sora, physically and mentally. You both were blessed with the same brown hair, you were both blessed with grace, and you both put others before yourselves." It was then that you found your voice back and shot your words at me, "If I was so much like her, why can't you love me instead? Why can't you find space in your heart and grave my name on it? Why can't you love me the way you love her? It's not fair! I love you probably a million times more than her!" Kari, those words were true, those words were right, I don't think Sora had even loved me, but you gave me your everything, though I never did anything to really acknowledge it, but I couldn't say anything nice to you then, I couldn't. "You were just a mere substitute of her!" Your hand had shot up and slapped me across the face. I don't blame you, I deserved it. You weren't that strong, and your slap didn't hurt me that much, but … it wasn't the slap that hurt me, it was the words that you said. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" You got up and you left, I regret for not grabbing your hand and made you stay. I regret for being cold to you. As you were walking away, I turned to look at you, if only you had turned around and saw my feelings written across my face. But I guess all of that is too late, ne? What I didn't get to say to you was the biggest regret of my life! I couldn't say what I felt for you Kari. It was forbidden at the time. T.K, the little brother that I couldn't do anything for, loved you also. Before I became close to you, T.K had always told me how much he loved you and how much he wanted to touch your heart. Could I betray my little brother who looked up to me? No I couldn't, I didn't have the power to do so. After spending a lot of time with you, my feelings for Sora lessened and my feelings for you grew. When I told Sora that I loved her, I was actually looking for a substitute of you. But I never succeeded. I was so stupid; I had the original but wanted a copy. When T.K was going on about how much he wanted you, I couldn't imagine why he would want to date Tai's little sister, when Tai himself was a hotheaded person. But now I know why, now I know why Davis wanted you as well, now I know why boys in your school vie to get your attention. I had it Kari, I had all of your attention, but I rejected them, just because I couldn't face reality, just because I couldn't believe that I had fallen for my best friend's little sister, my little brother's crush. We both avoided each other for a while after our trip to the beach, ne Kari? But when I decided to end my life, I had to see you, I had to see you one more time. It was worth coming over your place, it was worth to talk to you for one last time, it was worth everything. Why do I get the feeling that you and T.K will be together? I know you love him too Kari, I know you care a lot for him. Please take care of him, take good care of him. You have no idea how much he did just so he could spend time with you, forget about me and start loving him the way you had loved me. Give him all you got; give him all of the compassion you've got. He might be younger than you, and you might be more mature than him, but love him, love him as much as possible. He needs you more than anything now that I'm gone. The tape I have given you is a video of you. Remember how I always take the video camera around with me? Remember how I always record you when you're quiet, when you're laughing, when you're smiling, when you're talking to me, when you're running, when you're doing your work? The tape is the result of it. Watch it alone. Don't show it to anyone else. I love you Yagami Hikari, I enjoyed spending time with you, and I hope you know my love for you is infinite.

Love always,
Yamato
Blob. Another tear drop fell onto the paper, another one followed straight after.

Baka, Yamato…Baka. Kari was saying in her thoughts. I had turned around, I had looked back, but all I could see was the back of your hair and the back of your body.

Kari's hands were shaking, in fact her whole body was. She picked up the tape that lay still on her lap. Just For Hikari.

Why didn't you just live, Matt? If you told me this earlier, I would have sacrificed my feeling for you and learn to love T.K one hundred times more than I already am. I would if you had asked me too. You could have just lived, even though I won't be with you, at least I still could see you.

"Matt left Kari for me," T.K said, suddenly, his voice quivering. "He did it for my sake, he told me to take good care of her and that if I ever hurt Hikari-chan, he would get all of his spirit friends to haunt me. I have disappointed him; Hikari-chan went to hospital when she was in my care."

"Takeru-chan…" Kari said softly.

With his left hand holding his letter, he wiped his tears with his right hand.

"Gomen, Kari, I'm sorry I had to be the forbidden gate between you and Matt, but I swear, I will make you the happiest girl in the world, you won't have to face sadness alone anymore, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, my brother had said the same thing I know, but I am Takaishi Takeru and not Ishida Yamato, I will keep my promise. I'm sure Onni-chan intended to keep the promise too…"

"I know T.K, I know," Kari said.

T.K didn't say anything else; he just stared at the letter that he was holding in his hand, his body trembling.

"T.K?" Kari called out softly.

"Argh!" T.K snapped to no one. "Why Matt? Why did you just leave her for me? If you loved her, why didn't you fight for her? It would have been better, at least I would have been satisfied, even if I lose, I wouldn't be mad at you for the rest of my life, for a long time maybe, but not for all of my life. Now I feel bad, real bad. I feel that I took away your most precious possession."

"T.K," Kari said again. "You know why he left me for you? Because he knew deep down I love you more."

T.K's eyes locked with Kari's.

"I really hope so Kari, I really do…"

Kari knew that she was lying, but now that she knew the full truth, she could learn to love T.K the way that she had loved Matt. Though from the beginning she had loved T.K, she never could love him properly when she was still chained to the past. Now Matt had unlocked the keys that had bind her and she was free!

Kari's eyelids grew heavy, and bit by bit, her eyes closed. She was tired, so tired. She needed sleep. Kari welcomed the darkness and slept, her hands clutched tightly to the tape and the letter.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A melodious piano music filled the Yagami's living room. Kari had been released from the hospital a week ago, and now she was alone in her apartment. Tai and Sora were out looking for a place that they could live in. Kari started to sing with deep emotion, her fingers still pressing the piano keys.

Nee honto ha eien nante nai koto : Eternity really doesn't exist.

Watashi ha itsu kara ki tsuite ita n darou : I wonder when I first realized that.

Nee sore demo futari de sugoshita hibi ha : But I'm prouder than anyone else that

Uso ja nakatta koto dare yori hokoreru : The days we spent together weren't lies.

Ikite kita jikan no nagasa ha sukoshi dake chigau keredo mo : I've lived up to now, although the length of time is a little different.

Tada deaeta koto ni tada ai shita koto ni omoiaenakute mo la la la la... wasurenai : Just having met you, just having loved you, even if we can't share our thoughts, La La La, I won't forget you.

nee doushite konna ni mo kurushii no ni, anata ja nakya dame de soba ni itai n darou
nee sore demo hon no sasayaka na koto wo, shiawase ni omoeru jibun ni nareta : Why even though it hurts so much, can't I think of anyone but you and I want to be with you, but I'm used to how I think of even small things as happy memories.

Arifureta kotoba demo futari de kawasu nara imi wo motsu kara, tada deaeta koto de tada ai shita koto de, omoiaeta koto de kore kara mo... : Even clichés and meaningless words, if they're said between us, have meaning, just having met you, just having loved you, just having shared our thoughts…from now until forever…

Shinjitsu to genjitsu no subete kara me wo sorasazu ni ikite iku akashi ni sureba ii : I should think of you as a proof that I live without taking my eyes off of truth and reality.

Tada deaeta koto wo tada ai shita koto wo, nido to aenakute mo la la la la... wasurenai: Just having met you, just having loved you, even if I can never see you again, La La La La, I won't forget.

Kari lifted her fingers from the piano. She loved that song, Matt had thought her how to play it on the piano. As she sat there Kari remembered the video that Matt had made for her. She watched it as soon as she was released from the hospital. Kari got up from the piano and walked to her room.

She closed the door behind her, opened her wardrobe, rummaged through her clothes and found the secret chest that she had hidden. Around her neck was a silver key with little amethyst diamonds circling the top half of the key. Kari took it off her neck and inserted it to her chest. When it opened, a soft music filled the room. Kari picked up the tape that was inside and closed the chest and put it back where she had taken it from.
Kari walked out of her room and inserted the video to the VCR. Her image appeared on the TV. She was on Matt's balcony, leaning on the railings. The wind was blowing her brown hair. And Matt's voice came in the background.

"From the moment I saw you, from the moment I look into your eyes, there was something about you I knew, I knew…that you were once a lifetime, a treasure near impossible to find, and I know how lucky I am to have you…"

The Kari in the video turned to look at the camera and smiled. A smiled that Kari had once forgotten how to trigger.

"I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away, the beauty of the setting sun on any given day, and when it becomes to shooting stars I have seen a few, but I've never seen anything as beautiful as you…"

Then the scenery changed. They were in the beach, the same beach that Kari had slapped Matt in. The sun was high in the sky, and the waves were crushing against the ocean. The camera staggered a little then stood still. Matt had adjusted the camera so that he could be in the video too. Kari then appeared, running to the wet sand. Matt ran right after her and grabbed her from behind, and they both laughed happily.

"I can't believe that I have you, I can't believe that you're here in my arms, I've been waiting a lifetime for you, for you…I've dreamed about you, pictured in my mind who I would see, but I'd never imagined just how beautiful you'd be…"

They both started splashing water at each other, and then they both tripped and fell down to the water. All soaked wet, they laughed again.

"I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away, the beauty of the setting sun on any given day, and when it becomes to shooting stars I have seen a few, but I've never seen anything as beautiful as you…"

Then again, the place changed. Kari was sitting down at an edge of a rock, not saying a word. She was in deep concentration and Matt didn't want to miss the chance and recorded her.

"Wohhh! I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away, the beauty of the setting sun on any given day, and when it becomes to shooting stars I have seen a few, but I've never seen anything as beautiful as you…"

Kari turned to look at the camera covered it with her hands and she said, "Stop it, it's getting annoying…"

Matt just laughed his reply and switched it off.
The television screen went blank and Kari sighed. He recorded so many scenes! And he just put three on, how lame. Kari said in her mind as she took the tape out.
She walked back to her room and placed the tape back into the chest. While doing so, she grabbed one of her black jackets off the coat hanger, and wore it. She walked out of the room and out of the apartment.
Kari walked quickly, paying attention to no one. She bought a few flowers while she was walking. Before she knew it she was in front of the cemetery. Kari opened the gate and walked in and made her way to Matt's grave.

For a few seconds, she just stood there, staring at the stone that engraved his name.

"It's ok Matt," Kari said quietly. "I'm taking good care of T.K, I just realized how much he really needs me and how much he means to me…I love him, just the way you wanted it to turn out, but don't think I'm forcing myself to, I love him because I grew to love him and now he is the most important person in my life."

Kari, of course didn't receive a reply, but instead a soothing breeze swept past her. Kari smiled.

"I'm happy now Matt, you don't need to worry…"
Again, another breeze swept past her.

Kari stepped forward and placed the flowers that she had bought on top of Matt's grave. They were bright yellow, hope's colour. Kari bowed down her head and said a little prayer. When she was finished she looked at the stone one last time and walked out of the cemetery. As she was walking out, she felt another person's presence beside her. She knew whose aura it was.
As soon as she was out of the cemetery, the aura disappeared. Kari turned to look at the cemetery before she left the location.

"I haven't lost you, I guess, and I'm happy…" Kari said and walked away.
When she arrived back at her apartment, T.K was there, waiting for her outside the apartment.

"I just arrived," T.K said.

Kari hugged her blonde hair hunk and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love you, Kari," T.K said.

"I love you too, T.K…" Kari replied.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
=-My Special Thanks-=

Lauragrace - Kali
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Little Birdie

Thankyou for putting this story into your favourites !! I really appreciate it!!

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