Left Behind
Chapter 4
John drove Monica down the streets of the nation's capital. Monica took a deep breath and was surprised that the word "home" popped into her head. She had called so many places home in her years after leaving Mexico. Utah was home now and yet somehow this was home too, maybe even more so.
Monica glanced at John. He had been rather silent since they had landed. He only briefly had spoken to some colleagues on his phone and they were now on their way to Mr. Watkin's house to see if they could gather any additional information on his disappearance that the CSU team had missed.
For once Monica couldn't pick up on John' s feelings, as she had been able to so many times in the past. Maybe her own feelings toward him were preventing her from guessing at what was really on his mind. She couldn't stand the silence, the awkwardness. They had been apart for only a few months, but now it was beginning to feel like it had been years, like it had been after Luke's death.
She couldn't stand the silence, not from him, and so she couldn't stop herself from saying something that had always bothered her and yet she wished she hadn't said anything immediately after the words had past her lips. "You miss her don't you?" She thought that maybe this was the reason he was so bent on getting the X-Files back.
John took his eyes off the road for a moment to give Monica a surprised, confused look. "What do you mean, Monica?" And then it dawned on him whom she meant-Dana. John shrugged, still not getting the deeper meaning that Monica's question implied. "Of course I miss her. She was my partner on the X-Files for a year."
"So was I," said Monica quietly as she turned to gaze out the window at the passing city buildings.
It was then that John got what Monica had been implying by her question. He guiltily stole a quick glance at her and for once was glad she was not looking at him. Like so many things between them, his past feelings for Dana were something they didn't discuss. Yes he had loved Dana as many men who took the time, or as in his case had been forced to take the time, to get to know her had fallen in love with her. And yet her heart had been given to one man so many years ago that it was impossible to coax it away now.
Not that John wanted to. It was safe loving Dana, knowing that she would never return his feelings for her. He hadn't allowed himself to be happy for such a very long time. He knew Monica had always had feelings for him. It had flattered him. Who wouldn't be? He had kept his feelings for Monica buried so deep within him, that he hadn't even realized how deeply he cared for her until she was nearly taken away in that near-fatal car crash. The truth was he was scared, scared to admit his feelings to Monica. That way happiness lay and John knew that once he uttered his feelings to her there would be no turning back. What if things went wrong as they had with Barbara? What if one day Monica woke up and realized that he wasn't the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? What if someday they grew apart? The thought of losing Monica, of losing her friendship, was unthinkable.
But John had lost the will to keep Monica at a distance. His intention had never been to hurt her or to make her feel like an outsider. He needed her just as much as she needed him.
They pulled up to Watkin's house. Before Monica could undo her seatbelt and get out of the car, John turned to her and said, "You're my partner, Monica" and then he exited the vehicle. It took Monica a second to catch her breath before she took got out of the car. All doubts about her place in John's heart were erased.
But like so many times in the past, this was neither the time nor the place for discussion about their relationship. There was a missing man out there, a missing man who needed their help.
End of Chapter 4
Chapter 4
John drove Monica down the streets of the nation's capital. Monica took a deep breath and was surprised that the word "home" popped into her head. She had called so many places home in her years after leaving Mexico. Utah was home now and yet somehow this was home too, maybe even more so.
Monica glanced at John. He had been rather silent since they had landed. He only briefly had spoken to some colleagues on his phone and they were now on their way to Mr. Watkin's house to see if they could gather any additional information on his disappearance that the CSU team had missed.
For once Monica couldn't pick up on John' s feelings, as she had been able to so many times in the past. Maybe her own feelings toward him were preventing her from guessing at what was really on his mind. She couldn't stand the silence, the awkwardness. They had been apart for only a few months, but now it was beginning to feel like it had been years, like it had been after Luke's death.
She couldn't stand the silence, not from him, and so she couldn't stop herself from saying something that had always bothered her and yet she wished she hadn't said anything immediately after the words had past her lips. "You miss her don't you?" She thought that maybe this was the reason he was so bent on getting the X-Files back.
John took his eyes off the road for a moment to give Monica a surprised, confused look. "What do you mean, Monica?" And then it dawned on him whom she meant-Dana. John shrugged, still not getting the deeper meaning that Monica's question implied. "Of course I miss her. She was my partner on the X-Files for a year."
"So was I," said Monica quietly as she turned to gaze out the window at the passing city buildings.
It was then that John got what Monica had been implying by her question. He guiltily stole a quick glance at her and for once was glad she was not looking at him. Like so many things between them, his past feelings for Dana were something they didn't discuss. Yes he had loved Dana as many men who took the time, or as in his case had been forced to take the time, to get to know her had fallen in love with her. And yet her heart had been given to one man so many years ago that it was impossible to coax it away now.
Not that John wanted to. It was safe loving Dana, knowing that she would never return his feelings for her. He hadn't allowed himself to be happy for such a very long time. He knew Monica had always had feelings for him. It had flattered him. Who wouldn't be? He had kept his feelings for Monica buried so deep within him, that he hadn't even realized how deeply he cared for her until she was nearly taken away in that near-fatal car crash. The truth was he was scared, scared to admit his feelings to Monica. That way happiness lay and John knew that once he uttered his feelings to her there would be no turning back. What if things went wrong as they had with Barbara? What if one day Monica woke up and realized that he wasn't the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? What if someday they grew apart? The thought of losing Monica, of losing her friendship, was unthinkable.
But John had lost the will to keep Monica at a distance. His intention had never been to hurt her or to make her feel like an outsider. He needed her just as much as she needed him.
They pulled up to Watkin's house. Before Monica could undo her seatbelt and get out of the car, John turned to her and said, "You're my partner, Monica" and then he exited the vehicle. It took Monica a second to catch her breath before she took got out of the car. All doubts about her place in John's heart were erased.
But like so many times in the past, this was neither the time nor the place for discussion about their relationship. There was a missing man out there, a missing man who needed their help.
End of Chapter 4
