Left Behind
Chapter 21

John could feel a hand gently caressing the back of his head. His face automatically broke out into a smile. It was a good dream. Or was it?

John slowly opened his eyes and was acutely aware of a crick in his neck. His body ached. His eyes, blurry, suddenly became focused. His head was lying on a bed, his body in a chair, and he was facing a wall? He wasn't at home. Suddenly everything from the past week came flooding back to John. Quickly, too quickly, he flipped his head over and took a look at the occupant of the bed.

Monica, her face bruised, her body battered, smiled weakly at him. Her fingers, which had been playing with his hair, now sought out and touched his cheek. "I thought you were a dream."

John could feel relieve wash over him like a gentle, warm summer rain. He tried to keep the mood light. He smiled. "A good dream I hope."

Monica chuckled lightly. "The best."

Concern for Monica then took priority. John sat up and took Monica's hand that had been lying on his cheek into his own two hands. Her hand was still cold. "Let me...let me call the doctor and she can...."

Monica shook her head. "Please, can you please give me a few moments...."

John understood. What Monica really wanted was a few moments alone with him. She wanted time to enjoy just being alive with him. Except for concern for her physical well being, John would have wanted it no other way.

There was silence for a few moments as both looked at one another, taking in the sight. Physically, they were a sorry looking pair. Monica was beaten and bruised, shaken from her abduction. As for John, worry, fear, and too many sleepless nights were etched all over his face.

Hesitant, John asked, "Do you...do you remember....?"

Monica shook her head. "I had asked Weasley to take me to where Colin had been abducted. I was sure there had to be a clue there. We separated...there was a bright light and then...nothing, darkness, pain, cold. I think I remember some people and shouting, but I...I don't know."

"It's okay. It doesn't matter. You're safe now." John gently relaxed his grip on Monica's hand that he had involuntarily been squeezing as she spoke.

"How long?" Monica whispered.

John smiled trying to dispel any fears. "Not long. A few days."

Monica nodded grateful it hadn't been longer although it already felt like it had been forever. Then tears began to well into her eyes and slowly one let go and coursed down her cheek. It was sorrow that caused the tears to come, but it wasn't sorrow over her abduction. "I'm so sorry...so sorry, about the things I said to you, John. I'm sorry I went out there without you. I was wrong to question your beliefs. I was wrong not to tell you where I was going. I'm you're partner and I let you down."

John was incredulous that Monica could be taking all this blame upon herself. He angrily shook his head. "Monica, I'm the one that should be aplogizin' to you. The things you said to me...you made some points that I can't dispute, that had some merit. It just shakes me that you read me too well sometimes. And just because we argued, I never expected...just please don't ever not tell me where you are goin' again okay? Don't you ever leave me behind again or go where I cannot follow."

"I promise," said Monica quietly. She meant it

"I should've backed you up in that meetin'," John said.

It was Monica's turn to shake her head. "Not if you really didn't believe Colin was abducted by aliens."

"I don't...I don't know what I believe, Monica. You, and Dana, and Mulder...you all have these ideas and...the truth is I could be a little more open."

"Well I could be a little more skeptical."

John chuckled. "We make quite a pair." John turned serious. "I was so afraid that those words were going to be the last you ever heard from me."

"Me too." Monica's thoughts then turned away from herself. Hesitantly she asked, "If I'm here is Colin here too?"

John took a deep breath. He had been planning on talking to Monica about Colin later, when she was feeling better. But he figured that since she had brought it up he might as well tell her. "I'm sorry, Monica."

Monica turned her head away from John to look out the window. The sunlight poured in, warming her face as she tried to take it all in. "And was he...?"

"Yes. There was too much damage to his body but there was enough of a match to show that in some way you were related to him."

"I never got a chance to know him," Monica said quietly.

"In some ways you will always know him."

Monica turned her head back to face John. "Why did he die and not me?"

John could see the sorrow in Monica's eyes and it pierced his soul to its very core. He was overjoyed that Monica was alive and yet he too felt for Colin's parents. He too knew all to well the pain of losing a child. "We might never know."

Monica nodded, aware that she had asked a question that he could not answer. "There were times...times when it was so dark...there was so much pain...that I knew I could let go and it would all be over. And yet I held on. I could feel you. I knew you were out there. And if I could just hold on long enough...."

John could feel tears welling in his own eyes that were threatening to release. "I felt so helpless. I wanted to save you but I didn't know how. I'm glad you held on." More than I can express to you right now, he thought.

Monica smiled with that radiant smile he had been dreaming of. The one that lit up her eyes and warmed him almost as much as the sunlight pouring into the hospital room was doing. "So am I."

John scooted in closer and pulled Monica into a hug that she gladly accepted. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he around her neck. He was gently so as not to hurt her injury any further. They both needed this affirmation. They both needed to feel whole again which they hadn't felt for many months, not since the X-Files had been taken away from them and they had been separated. They stayed that way for a long while until John gently broke the embrace giving Monica a heartfelt kiss on the forehead.

He needed to talk to her. There were things that needed to be discussed. It would determine how things would proceed for them, professional and personally. "I have some other news to tell you." John could see the hesitation in Monica's eyes as if she was prepping herself for more bad new. John was quick to reassure her. "It's good news I think. We got the X-Files back."

"What?" Monica was floored. Them getting the X-Files back after the mess that had been made was the last thing Monica would have every thought possible.

"I don't know how or why, but while you were gone, someone gave the X-Files back to us. Skinner's not even sure where this came from. I didn't know after everything...if you wanted to..."

John let his sentence trail off. Monica understood his hesitation. He was worried about her. The X-Files were dangerous and now after her ordeal... It would also mean that they would have to keep their professional side and personal side separate, at least for the time being. Mixing it may have worked for Mulder and Scully, but as their fight had proved they still had some way to go. But separating work and play didn't mean that they didn't care about each other...that they didn't love each other. This way they could both be back in the same town together doing something both of them loved and had meaning. "I need something to put my back up against right now. I need to know why this happened to Colin and I. I think some answers that I've been searching for my whole life may be in there. I think we know what drove Mulder and Scully into hiding now. We need to help them. We need to help everyone."

John nodded. "I feel the same way." He was in total agreement with her-heart and soul. "So it looks like you're stuck with me again-partner." John was grinning at this point.

Monica's face mirrored his own. "Looks like it."

Both were startled when they heard a quiet knock at the door. Looking in that direction they both saw Jimmy, Yves, and Skinner through the window, holding flowers. They were obviously relieved to see Monica alive but hesitant to intrude on any private moment John and Monica were sharing.

John and Monica waved them in. There would be plenty of time for John and Monica to say to each other what they already knew was in each other's hearts. Right now was time to celebrate life with all their present friends. And there was work to be done with which they would need all the help they could get.