To Live Again

IAuthor/I: Phoenix

IDisclaimer/I: They're not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and yada yada.

ISummary/I: This is my alternate season 6. After 'Gift', Buffy did go to a hell dimension, and now she's back. But, she's not quite the same Buffy, and she has a hard time dealing. B/S, X/A, W/T

IFeedback/I: Reviews are Always Welcome

I*Author's Note/I: I know it's been kind of a slow start, but now there's going to be more action. (Yay!) Big thanks to my beta, Anna, of course. And now here's my fourth chapter. Oh, don't forget to leave a review. Oh, and- Note: this will not be just another 'Buffy becomes a vampire' story.

Chapter 4- Uncovering

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching Sunnydale. All passengers please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. All electronic devices must be turned off at this time, tray tables put back to the seat in front of you, and seat backs restored to an upright position as we prepare for landing. We should arrive in Sunnydale in approximately 20 minutes. Thank you." As the intercom made the clunking sound signaling it's being turned off, Giles sighed and pressed the metal button, leaning forward to let the seat rise to its original position. He looked thankfully out at the dark sky. It had been a long flight, and after the call from Willow, he was itching to get home.

~~~

The only sound in the room was Buffy's ragged breathing as she lied in bed. Buffy shook all over, her eyes were wet and red from crying. After their shocking discovery, she had ordered all out of the room and fell into bed, sobbing soundlessly. Suddenly her breathing stopped, and she held it. The small blonde lied, curled up under the covers, half-expecting to open her mouth and gasp for breath any second. But alas, that point did not come, and she remained for 10 minutes without taking a breath. This triggered tears anew, and she willed herself not to cry. But reality was a bitch, and Buffy felt it full-force.

A demon. She was a demon. She had dedicated more than 5 of her human years to killing these, and now she was one herself. She was truly the bvampire/b slayer.

~~~

A stony silence draped the small group gathered in the room. No one knew what to say or do, and so they all ended up standing and looking around at each other. Suddenly a thought occurred to Willow.

"Spike-!" She exclaimed, breaking the gloomy silence so abruptly that everyone jumped. Not in the least fazed by their reactions, Willow continued on, "Spike, when a person becomes a vampire, aren't they totally consumed by the demon?"

"Yes." Spike answered as he looked at the witch quizzically, not quite sure where this was going.

"Well." Willow paused to think a moment. "Then.why isn't she all with the bloodlust and evil-ness?" Everyone looked thoughtful a moment, then Spike's face turned to pure enlightenment. One by one, each of the other Scooby's faces followed.

"She has her soul." Willow whispered.

"D-Do you really think so?" Dawn asked. She wanted to believe it, but was afraid to get her hopes up.

"Don't see what else it could be. When a fledgling comes up, all they think about is the kill. The Slayer seems like her old self.well.sorta." Spike's face was unemotional, though his eyes held faint hints of something like joy.

"Should we tell her?" Xander asked. "She was really upset. Maybe if we told about her soul-liness it might make her feel better." Willow nodded slowly.

"Why don't you and I go tell her now?" Willow suggested, directing it towards Xander. With a quick nod from him, they headed upstairs.

~~~

Spike sat on the couch, shifting around agitatedly. It was agony thinking about the Whelp and Red upstairs talking to Buffy. He should be up there. He knew what it was like to be a vampire, and he knew just what to say. They would get nowhere with the Slayer, because right now, like it or not, what she needed was him. And, because of these thoughts, a certain amount of delight flooded through him upon seeing Willow and Xander's defeated faces as they came back down.

Dawn looked questioningly up at Willow, her question written clearly on her face. Willow sighed and looked down at her solemnly.

"She won't listen. Or, rather, she won't hear.She just needs more time." Willow, despite her last words, looked troubled to the extreme. Xander let out a distressed sound.

"Don't kid yourself, Will. Buffy won't hear us. She won't look at us. All she did was lay there under her covers and stare blankly at the window. She's ruined. We ruined her!" He spat bitterly, turning to pace up and down the room. Out of the blue, Spike stood and strode to the stairs.

As Xander heard the vampire's foot mount the first stair, he whipped around and asked belligerently, "Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?" With a furious expression he set off after Spike. As he passed Tara she stood up and put a hand on his chest, keeping him from passing her. Xander looked down at the witch, surprised. Tara removed her hand as if she had been burned, and turned bright red. However, after taking a deep breath, she stood up to the man that had slowly become like a friend.

"No. Le-Let him go." With that said she averted her eyes, tremendously embarrassed at her bold, yet short, speech. Xander look dubious, but with a heavy sigh and final, scorning look at the bleached vamp, turned away and stomped to the kitchen. Spike, who had remained on the stairway throughout the encounter, gave a tiny, grateful smile at Tara and continued upstairs.

~~~

A soft knock came at the door, and Buffy heard it distantly. Next came the quiet sound of the door opening, and she turned her head just enough to see whom it was. Unaccounted for relief flowed through her at sight of the vampire coming in, and she had no idea why. She moved without knowing her movements, and found herself sitting up, back against the headboard (which was more than she had done for the previous two), and watched Spike.

And Spike watched right back. For minutes they sat, or stood, there. Watching. And finally Spike swallowed, and spoke quietly.

"I take it the Whelp and Red were just up here."

"Uh-huh." Even to Buffy, her words sounded void of emotion, and isolated. Spike wet his lips, not sure what to say.

"Did you listen to them?"

"Yes."

"Did you hear them?"

"What's the difference?" Buffy was still monotone, and Spike was at utter loss for how to start the conversation. Oh, hell, he might as well just come out with it.

"You've got a soul." He frowned at her lack of emotion.

Buffy looked up after a minute, interest fluttering through her hazel eyes. "How do you know?"

"Think about it, luv. Do you want to go drain all those people downstairs?"

"Of course not." Buffy still looked confused.

"Do you feel like going out and ending the world?"

"No." Was that irritation lurking behind those shrouded eyes? Spike decided that annoyance would be better than no emotion at all.

"Well? And why do you think that is?" All he got in reply was a shrug, so he continued. "You've got your soul, pet."

"What's your problem, Slayer? I know you're not happy about being.one of us," Spike looked away, looking frustrated, then looked back up. "But you need to get a grip. You've got your soul, nice 'an pretty, right inside you. It could be a lot worse, you know." Seeing that his heated tones were only making the Slayer shrink further, he softened, and came to sit on the bed. Buffy stared at the bed resolutely, tears threatening to show themselves.

"Look." Spike lifted her chin to look him in the eyes as his soft words went out to her. "I know what it's like. Knowing that I'd never, really, see the sun again. Or my reflection. And, until a year or so ago, I didn't much care. But, you've got it good. You're all here. All of Buffy is in here." As he said this he touched her chest lightly. Buffy flinched, and Spike pulled back.

"Can you feel it inside you?" He asked gently.

"No." Buffy finally showed emotion, just the wrong kind. Her words were icy and disturbed. "I don't feel at all. I'm a vampire. It will never, never be the same. And I'd rather be dead."

"You've got another chance; another chance at life. Another chance to raise Dawn, and be with your friends, and save the world. And you're saying no." Buffy only stared straight ahead. Spike sighed and put his head in his hands. Finally he turned his head, still down, towards her.

"Are you hungry? You must be hungry. Bugger, I shoulda thought 'o that sooner." He raised his head and looked at her, concern written on his face.

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat, luv. I know you're hungry. You need blood. Think I've got some downstairs." The older vampire started to rise, when a sultry voice called him back.

"No. I won't drink blood."

Spike looked down at the ground and muttered to himself, "Well I've gotta try." He left for the kitchen.

While he was gone, Buffy found herself thinking about her soul. Of course. Duh. It was quite obvious she had hers. She only wondered why she hadn't thought about it before. She knew just as much, if not more, about vampires than anyone else, except Spike. She should have been the first to realize her un-vampire-like feelings.

The thought never occurred to her, that she had listened to Spike, but not Willow and Xander. She never even thought, at that moment, of why she had her soul. She already had too much on her plate to be asking the "who what when where why and how's".

~~~

7 minutes later Spike was walking back up the stairs, a warm mug of blood in his hands. He found Buffy exactly as he'd left her, and walked over to her with the mug in hand.

Buffy sniffed the air and looked up at him.

"I said no."

"Yeah, well, I said yes. Drink it, Slayer." He moved the mug to her lips, only for her to turn her head away. Curse her stubbornness. He thought to himself. Clenching his jaw, he tried again. Very adeptly, he moved the mug in front of her, and before she could move away again, he thrust the straw into her mouth. At first Buffy looked fully at loss, then, a single tear fell from her eye. Spike tenderly brushed it away with his thumb, and Buffy, instinctively, started to drink. As she did so, her vampire countenance emerged.

After the mug was empty, Spike stood.

"H-how do I make it go away?" Buffy asked quietly, her fingers rising to her bumpy forehead.

"Just concentrate real hard. Picture the human you." Spike cast his eyes away. He couldn't bear to look at her vampiric façade any longer. Buffy closed her eyes for several moments, and when she raised her fingers again, her forehead was smooth. Spike smiled down at her softly, and turned to leave.

He walked to the door silently, but stopped as he opened it, turning his head so he could just barely see Buffy out of the corner of his eye.

"Giles is on his way here. Should get here any moment."

And with that the older vampire exited the room, leaving Buffy to lie back down and agonize.

The tear that he had wiped from her satiny cheek would forever burn his skin.

~~~

The doorbell rang, accompanied by Dawn jumping up to get it. After opening the door, a small smile graced her face.

"Dawn. How are you?" Came the sophisticated British accent. Dawn hugged Giles impulsively, and he, though looking a bit surprised, hugged her back. Willow mauled him soon after Dawn let go, followed by Anya, and Giles found himself thoroughly overwhelmed by the both of them. He looked around for Buffy then. Willow had just talked to him briefly the night before, telling him that Buffy had returned.

"Where's Buffy?" He asked. Everyone looked at the ground, and Willow kicked herself mentally. Giles didn't know Buffy was a vampire! Anya brightened and steeped forward.

"Oh she's up in her room. She's all upset because she's a-" Xander, fortunately, rushed to her then, covering her mouth with his hand hurriedly, and murmuring several words in her ear. Anya scowled.

"What? Geez. He deserves to know." The ex-demon pouted her way to the back of the group clustered in the entry foyer.

Giles frowned confusedly and looked around, finally asking slowly, "Know what?"

"I.we have something to tell you." Willow said. She looked at the two suitcases Giles held, and added, "But first come in and put your bags down."

"Yeah, you might need to sit down for this one." Anya put in, earning a reproachful look from her fiancée. She gave him one of her 'what? I didn't do anything!' shrugs and turned to follow Giles and the other into the living room.

Soon all were sitting in the living room, with Giles looking expectantly around. To his great exasperation, all of his questions about Buffy had been evaded, and he was getting quite uneasy. He could tell by Willow's expression that something was very wrong.

"For Heaven's sake, what is it, Willow?" He finally asked. Willow swallowed hard.

"Buffy is a.vampire." The redhead whispered. Tara squeezed her hand, and Willow felt a little braver. She finally looked back up at Giles, and inwardly cringed at his deeply pained expression. Suddenly doubt clouded his eyes.

"Are you certain? How do you know?"

Willow told of the morning's events, helped occasionally by the others. Giles took of his glasses to clean them, then just laid him on his lap and squeezed between his eyes. "Well, are you certain she is indeed a vampire? I mean, she could be some other sort of.other demon, there are many who have the same characteristics of vampires, you know."

"No." Spike said firmly. Everyone turned to him. "I saw her vamp face. When I gave her blood. She's a vampire." A heavy silence descended upon the room.

Later, Willow and Xander decided that that was the closest they'd ever seen Giles come to crying, since the day Jenny Calendar died.