[Occurs after episode 415, where Chandler fakes moving to Yemen to get rid of Janice. Until episode 419, TOW All the Haste, Joey and Chandler have temporarily switched apartments with Monica and Rachel. Joey has Monica's former bedroom and Chandler has Rachel's.]
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"Kathy was perfect, you know?" Chandler said as he finished off a beer and opened another one. He and Joey were each sitting in their brown leather recliners, discussing Chandler's failed romances. It felt great to be back in New York, instead of stuck in Yemen.
"I mean," Chandler continued his monopoly on the conversation, "she was smart, and funny, and hot. Plus, she liked all the stuff I liked. It was uncanny. Sometimes I wasn't sure whether I should keep dating her, since she seemed like she was my lost twin or something." He laughed hysterically. "Maybe it was a good thing that we broke up."
Joey smiled, remembering when he had dated Kathy. "She could do you, too, man. Sometimes when we rehearsed lines, she'd imitate how you talk. It was so cool."
"You had her imitating me? Not in bed, I hope." He cracked up, feeling silly. "I mean, if you have the hots for me, why not just cut out the middle-man and jump me, you know?"
Joey blinked and suddenly stopped laughing with him.
Chandler realized that Joey might be offended by the joke. "I was--I was just kidding. I know you don't--"
Joey put down his beer and pulled Chandler close, planting a kiss right on his mouth. It wasn't even an innocent peck like at New Year's; Joey rammed his tongue down Chandler's throat and took his breath away.
Chandler was shocked, and didn't quite believe his senses. Then Joey moved from his leather recliner and onto Chandler's, still kissing him all the while.
Maybe Chandler just hadn't been kissed for so long, but this felt really good. His tongue eagerly responded to Joey's.
"Joe," he sighed when Joey let go of his mouth for a moment. "Oh, Joe."
They made out on the recliner for what seemed like hours, but was only several minutes. Chandler could feel a bulge developing in Joey's pants. To his amazement, Chandler realized that he too was becoming aroused.
"Chandler," Joey moaned, kissing Chandler's throat and unbuttoning his shirt.
"Joe," he swallowed. "M-maybe we should stop."
"Why?" Joey asked. He nibbled down Chandler's chest and sucked on his left nipple.
Chandler tried to focus on forming words. "'Cause I'm not a girl. Neither of us are girls."
"I know." Joey delved into Chandler's pants with one of his hands.
Chandler moaned and felt faint.
"Leather gets sticky," Joey spoke from experience. "Let's go to bed."
Chandler nodded and let Joey pull him to his bedroom. One part of his brain couldn't believe he was going along with this, while the other part of his brain said, "Shut up! You're gonna have sex!"
What kind of sex? Well, he'd soon find out, with the rate that Joey was stripping off their clothes.
"Chandler?" Joey asked as they now lay naked on the bed. "You're not too drunk, are you? I don't want you to just lie there."
"Wh-what should I do?" He hoped that Joey wasn't gonna ask him for a blowjob, or anything else he had no idea how to do.
"Well, well I guess we could jerk each other off."
That didn't sound too scary. "Okay."
So they did that, and made an impressive mess in Joey's sheets. Joey crawled on top of Chandler and kissed him. "You like me," he grinned.
Chandler blushed a little. "Yeah, um, I guess I do." He shrugged and chuckled nervously, "It's, uh, it's never that much fun when I'm by myself."
Joey kept smiling at him and watching his eyes wordlessly. Then he said, "Kiss me some more."
They made out until they were both aroused and ready to go again. Chandler wondered whether he ought to just give in and spread his legs for Joey, whose erection was already pressing hard against him. Was Chandler really that gay, that he'd let Joey do that to him? Or was he just this drunk?
Joey took things slowly, still kissing and caressing Chandler all over his body with surprising patience. Surely if Chandler was a girl, he'd never wait this long.
"God, Joey," he trembled. "Just do it."
"Do what?" Joey chewed on Chandler's nipple again.
Did he have to say it? "I know you want to. I can feel you..." He swallowed and didn't finish the sentence.
Joey looked up and stared at Chandler's face. "Are you really that drunk, Chandler?"
Either that, or gay. Or both.
Joey frowned and shook his head. "No, I don't think you really want to do it."
Chandler stammered, "Does, does it matter?"
"Of course it matters. What, do you think I just go jumping people without their permission?"
"You--you kissed me," he pointed out.
Joey shrugged. "Yeah, but kissing you is one thing. Fucking you--" He saw Chandler wince when he said that. Clearly, he was not comfortable with the words, let alone the idea. "Chandler, come on. You were giving me signs--ambiguous, but still signs--when I kissed you. Anyway, you kissed me back."
"Yeah, but," Chandler asked, "are we, are we just gonna jerk off all night?"
"Sure." Joey kissed him reassuringly. "Anything you want."
He remained skeptical and groaned. "Joey, just get it over with!"
Joey didn't like Chandler's attitude. "Hey, when I fuck you, Chandler, you are not gonna say 'get it over with', you are gonna beg for it to last all night!"
Chandler gulped, and looked afraid.
Regretting his hasty words, Joey kissed him and rubbed his arms to stop his trembling. "It's okay, it's okay, Chandler. I'm not gonna do it tonight. I'm never gonna do it when you don't want to, you know?"
Chandler blinked and stammered, "R-really?"
"Yes! I want you to be sober and to really want it. Come on, don't think it's just expected and that you have to go along."
Chandler absorbed that in silence and finally calmed down.
Joey smiled and hugged him close.
Chandler asked softly, "So, so what happens tonight?"
Joey shrugged and kissed him again. "Jerking off separately was good. How about together?" He reached and grabbed both of them in one hand, catching Chandler off guard, but clearly pleasing him too.
The guys kept experimenting that night until they exhausted themselves, and left many wet spots in the sheets. Then they lay back and slept close to one another in one of the few dry regions of the bed. It was warm and strangely peaceful. Joey never curled up much with his one-night stands, but Chandler was different, and Joey did not intend for this to last for only one night.
***
When Chandler woke up in the morning, he stared around the room and realized something. Yes, he had just slept with a guy, but something else too. He started to chuckle.
Joey woke up with a yawn and turned around.
Chandler couldn't stop laughing. "I'm--I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud."
Joey shrugged and pulled Chandler close for a kiss. "What's so funny?"
"It's just, um, this is Monica's old room, right?"
"Uh-uh."
"And remember, we won their mattresses in that other bet, right?"
"Yeah." He was still waiting for a punchline.
"So we're actually in Monica's bed! We did it in Monica's bed!"
Joey didn't see what was so funny. Sometimes Chandler's jokes just went over his head.
"It's just," Chandler tried to explain, "it's just, I've always wanted to wake up in Monica's bed, and now I have, but with you!"
Joey shrugged. "You should be glad it's me, 'cause Monica would never have let you ruin these sheets like this."
"Yeah, but with Monica, I wouldn't have to, because--"
"Chandler," Joey looked impatient.
"What?"
"Let's do it again." He kissed Chandler and pounced on him, replacing his laughter with passionate moans.
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"Kathy was perfect, you know?" Chandler said as he finished off a beer and opened another one. He and Joey were each sitting in their brown leather recliners, discussing Chandler's failed romances. It felt great to be back in New York, instead of stuck in Yemen.
"I mean," Chandler continued his monopoly on the conversation, "she was smart, and funny, and hot. Plus, she liked all the stuff I liked. It was uncanny. Sometimes I wasn't sure whether I should keep dating her, since she seemed like she was my lost twin or something." He laughed hysterically. "Maybe it was a good thing that we broke up."
Joey smiled, remembering when he had dated Kathy. "She could do you, too, man. Sometimes when we rehearsed lines, she'd imitate how you talk. It was so cool."
"You had her imitating me? Not in bed, I hope." He cracked up, feeling silly. "I mean, if you have the hots for me, why not just cut out the middle-man and jump me, you know?"
Joey blinked and suddenly stopped laughing with him.
Chandler realized that Joey might be offended by the joke. "I was--I was just kidding. I know you don't--"
Joey put down his beer and pulled Chandler close, planting a kiss right on his mouth. It wasn't even an innocent peck like at New Year's; Joey rammed his tongue down Chandler's throat and took his breath away.
Chandler was shocked, and didn't quite believe his senses. Then Joey moved from his leather recliner and onto Chandler's, still kissing him all the while.
Maybe Chandler just hadn't been kissed for so long, but this felt really good. His tongue eagerly responded to Joey's.
"Joe," he sighed when Joey let go of his mouth for a moment. "Oh, Joe."
They made out on the recliner for what seemed like hours, but was only several minutes. Chandler could feel a bulge developing in Joey's pants. To his amazement, Chandler realized that he too was becoming aroused.
"Chandler," Joey moaned, kissing Chandler's throat and unbuttoning his shirt.
"Joe," he swallowed. "M-maybe we should stop."
"Why?" Joey asked. He nibbled down Chandler's chest and sucked on his left nipple.
Chandler tried to focus on forming words. "'Cause I'm not a girl. Neither of us are girls."
"I know." Joey delved into Chandler's pants with one of his hands.
Chandler moaned and felt faint.
"Leather gets sticky," Joey spoke from experience. "Let's go to bed."
Chandler nodded and let Joey pull him to his bedroom. One part of his brain couldn't believe he was going along with this, while the other part of his brain said, "Shut up! You're gonna have sex!"
What kind of sex? Well, he'd soon find out, with the rate that Joey was stripping off their clothes.
"Chandler?" Joey asked as they now lay naked on the bed. "You're not too drunk, are you? I don't want you to just lie there."
"Wh-what should I do?" He hoped that Joey wasn't gonna ask him for a blowjob, or anything else he had no idea how to do.
"Well, well I guess we could jerk each other off."
That didn't sound too scary. "Okay."
So they did that, and made an impressive mess in Joey's sheets. Joey crawled on top of Chandler and kissed him. "You like me," he grinned.
Chandler blushed a little. "Yeah, um, I guess I do." He shrugged and chuckled nervously, "It's, uh, it's never that much fun when I'm by myself."
Joey kept smiling at him and watching his eyes wordlessly. Then he said, "Kiss me some more."
They made out until they were both aroused and ready to go again. Chandler wondered whether he ought to just give in and spread his legs for Joey, whose erection was already pressing hard against him. Was Chandler really that gay, that he'd let Joey do that to him? Or was he just this drunk?
Joey took things slowly, still kissing and caressing Chandler all over his body with surprising patience. Surely if Chandler was a girl, he'd never wait this long.
"God, Joey," he trembled. "Just do it."
"Do what?" Joey chewed on Chandler's nipple again.
Did he have to say it? "I know you want to. I can feel you..." He swallowed and didn't finish the sentence.
Joey looked up and stared at Chandler's face. "Are you really that drunk, Chandler?"
Either that, or gay. Or both.
Joey frowned and shook his head. "No, I don't think you really want to do it."
Chandler stammered, "Does, does it matter?"
"Of course it matters. What, do you think I just go jumping people without their permission?"
"You--you kissed me," he pointed out.
Joey shrugged. "Yeah, but kissing you is one thing. Fucking you--" He saw Chandler wince when he said that. Clearly, he was not comfortable with the words, let alone the idea. "Chandler, come on. You were giving me signs--ambiguous, but still signs--when I kissed you. Anyway, you kissed me back."
"Yeah, but," Chandler asked, "are we, are we just gonna jerk off all night?"
"Sure." Joey kissed him reassuringly. "Anything you want."
He remained skeptical and groaned. "Joey, just get it over with!"
Joey didn't like Chandler's attitude. "Hey, when I fuck you, Chandler, you are not gonna say 'get it over with', you are gonna beg for it to last all night!"
Chandler gulped, and looked afraid.
Regretting his hasty words, Joey kissed him and rubbed his arms to stop his trembling. "It's okay, it's okay, Chandler. I'm not gonna do it tonight. I'm never gonna do it when you don't want to, you know?"
Chandler blinked and stammered, "R-really?"
"Yes! I want you to be sober and to really want it. Come on, don't think it's just expected and that you have to go along."
Chandler absorbed that in silence and finally calmed down.
Joey smiled and hugged him close.
Chandler asked softly, "So, so what happens tonight?"
Joey shrugged and kissed him again. "Jerking off separately was good. How about together?" He reached and grabbed both of them in one hand, catching Chandler off guard, but clearly pleasing him too.
The guys kept experimenting that night until they exhausted themselves, and left many wet spots in the sheets. Then they lay back and slept close to one another in one of the few dry regions of the bed. It was warm and strangely peaceful. Joey never curled up much with his one-night stands, but Chandler was different, and Joey did not intend for this to last for only one night.
***
When Chandler woke up in the morning, he stared around the room and realized something. Yes, he had just slept with a guy, but something else too. He started to chuckle.
Joey woke up with a yawn and turned around.
Chandler couldn't stop laughing. "I'm--I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud."
Joey shrugged and pulled Chandler close for a kiss. "What's so funny?"
"It's just, um, this is Monica's old room, right?"
"Uh-uh."
"And remember, we won their mattresses in that other bet, right?"
"Yeah." He was still waiting for a punchline.
"So we're actually in Monica's bed! We did it in Monica's bed!"
Joey didn't see what was so funny. Sometimes Chandler's jokes just went over his head.
"It's just," Chandler tried to explain, "it's just, I've always wanted to wake up in Monica's bed, and now I have, but with you!"
Joey shrugged. "You should be glad it's me, 'cause Monica would never have let you ruin these sheets like this."
"Yeah, but with Monica, I wouldn't have to, because--"
"Chandler," Joey looked impatient.
"What?"
"Let's do it again." He kissed Chandler and pounced on him, replacing his laughter with passionate moans.
