This is where the fun stuff starts. NERV is so screwed.

Flight

Chapter 5: Hostile Negotiations

The Navy SEAL operatives' boats came up next to the freighter. Guns from three destroyers were trained on the ship and most of the crew were below deck. The SEALs roped up and quickly boarded the freighter.

"This is Alpha leader. Secure the crew and cargo. Disable communications immediately."

The other team leaders acknowledged the order and moved out. Five SEALs ran up the steps and burst onto the bridge.

"Everyone, hands up!" one of the SEALs yelled in Russian.

The bridge crew backed away from the controls, captain included. However, a man remained at the communications console, trying to send a message. A SEAL grabbed him and tried to get him away but the man turned and punched him, knocking him back. Another SEAL hit him with the butt of his rifle, knocking him out. They then tied up the officer.

"Bridge secured," the team leader reported.

Two more teams went below deck to find anyone hiding. Two guards suddenly opened fire on them, dropping one of the SEALs. They ducked out of the way and returned fire. One hit the first guard in the head while the other guard ducked back into the room. When he tried to shoot again three bursts quickly took him down. They proceeded down.

Five SEALs quickly found the entrance to the cargo hold. They found two guards inside and dispatched them easily. Suddenly another guard appeared. He tried to raise his rifle but several bursts took him down.

"Target is secured," the team leader informed his superior, "We have Unit 14."

============================================================================

The UN chamber was in an uproar. Representatives from dozens of nations were shouting at each other, but the four caught in the middle of it was the American, Japanese, Russian, and NERV ambassadors. Finally the Secretary General, Karina Gunther, a German, got everyone to settle down.

"Now," she said, "We are here to discuss this apparent illegal operation the United States military carried out. What does the US ambassador have to say about this?"

"Secretary General," the US ambassador began, "The US military boarded a ship we believed was carrying contraband. When the Navy SEALs and Delta Force operatives boarded it, we found NERV personnel transporting an EVA unit. What is even more disturbing is that Russian military and NERV officers were on board the freighter, and it was escorted by a Russian fleet."

"And what exactly gave you the right to attack our fleet?" the Russian ambassador demanded, "That is an act of war!"

"Mr. Chekov," the French ambassador countered, "Need I remind you that with this evidence, it would be enough to charge Russia with disobeying a UN order, helping an organization that nearly started the Third Impact, and supplying them with an extremely powerful weapon of mass destruction? What does your nation have to say for itself?"

"My nation knew nothing of this matter," Chekov replied, "However, this still does not give the US the right to fire on our ships."

"Mr. Chekov, the US ships fired two warning shots, both of which did not do any damage or cause any injury, unless you want to correct me. Fine, you claim that your nation knew nothing about the EVA unit. However, US forces asked permission to inspect for contraband because they suspected that NERV was attempting to smuggle something into Japan. Well, the Russian commander refused and even stated that the cargo was under Russian protection and was legal. Am I to assume that the commander was misinformed?"

"You fire upon our ships," Chekov repeated, "Then you insult and mock my country! Russia will not accept this!"

"This is an extremely delicate situation," the Chinese ambassador said, "Mr. Chekov, the accusations the United States has brought forth are grave, and they are with proof. The EVA unit is at Okinawa and inspectors from dozens of nations have confirmed it. Now, do you claim that all of them lied? Perhaps your country did not know of this, but stop trying to dodge the question."

Chekov glared at Zhang. The two men exchanged cold looks.

"We must continue with this business," Karina suddenly interrupted, "What does the NERV and Japanese ambassadors have to say?"

"The government of Japan knew nothing of this attempt to smuggle an EVA into our nation," Hikowa said, "NERV must be taught a lesson for attempting such a violation of UN authority. We suggest that its rights be limited even further and be put under the control of a committee that reports to the UN and sees that it follows its orders."

"That would undermine NERV's command structure!" the NERV ambassador shouted, "Such a committee would slow down NERV's day-to-day operation and cost NERV even more of its funds!"

"I personally like such an idea," Karina said, "A committee would most likely be able to ensure NERV never tried something like this again."

"A committee might not be enough," the American said, "Inspectors should have military escorts and the entire base should be in lockdown when such an inspection takes place. Also, NERV should be given no notice whatsoever about inspections. They should be able to enter wherever they want, including Central Dogma."

"There is nothing in Central Dogma," the NERV ambassador insisted, "Any particular reason you want to waste the UN's money looking down there?"

"Say what you will, but we know more than you think. I propose that a new committee be made, reporting to the Security Council and the Secretary General, to inspect and ensure that NERV complies with UN orders."

"I second," the German ambassador said.

"We will return to that topic later," Karina said, "Right now, there is another issue to settle. NERV has demanded the return of Shinji Ikari from the US. What is the US' response?"

"Ms Secretary, members of the United Nations, let me tell you a little story. Shinji Ikari, abandoned when he was just a child, never had a mother or father. All of a sudden, at the age of fourteen, he gets called to pilot an Evangelion. He nearly gets killed trying to keep all of us alive, and in the end he is the one that stopped the Third Impact. For four years he continued to work at NERV, acting as the second-in-command when he became sixteen. Once he turned eighteen, he was sent to kill three members of Seele, which I'm sure all of you know about. He made an agreement with NERV before going off on this mission. Once he had succeeded, he was a free man and NERV could never touch him. He succeeded, and asked for asylum in the US. We accepted, and he enrolled in our military, quickly joining up with Delta Force. He is now a father, having adopted a ten-year-old girl that also had no family. Today, he is the general in charge of ensuring NERV doesn't get out of control, and so far he's done a good job. He is the one responsible for taking the EVA unit NERV tried to smuggle in. NERV has no right to demand he return to them, and he doesn't want to. He is an American citizen, and the United States of America protects its citizens and servicemen, unlike some other organizations."

That last part was aimed at NERV, and everyone knew it. The NERV ambassador kept a cool face on, but anger was right under it.

"I think that issue has been settled," Zhang said, "I personally believe that Shinji Ikari is happy where he is, and China will also oppose any attempt by NERV to get him back unwillingly. That is no different to kidnapping and such an act has no place in our world. Now, shall we get on with planning this committee?"

============================================================================

"General Richards. You caused quite a stir in Washington and New York."

"Thank you Mr. President."

"There is another matter. I mean no offense, but at first I had my doubts about putting you in charge, though three of the generals on the Joint Chiefs of Staff insisted that you would do well. Well, I can certainly see that now. You have paralyzed NERV quite effectively for some time to come, Major General Richards."

Major General. A two-star. That meant Shinji's shoulders would be getting heavier.

"Thank you Mr. President. I will continue to do my best."

"I'm sure you will, General Richards." The president signed off.

Shinji leaned back into his chair. It was not everyday that the president called personally just to congratulate and give you a promotion. Obviously, Shinji's little operation had helped improve the US' international image. The political repercussions with Russia might be troublesome, but the Russians would want to downplay this incident because of their involvement in building an EVA for NERV illegally.

"Sarah."

Sarah stopped and stuck a head into Shinji's office.

"Yes sir?"

"How did the dinner go?"

"Ms Ayanami left suddenly, a few minutes after you did."

"Hmm. I guess she heard."

"Almost everyone's heard," Sarah replied, "You're becoming something of a legend here. You're the first general here that's been so tough on NERV, and the troops are starting to believe in you."

"Good. How's Jessica?"

"Taking her lessons grudgingly. She really doesn't like them."

"Well, too bad," said Shinji, "I do have the duties of a father to fulfill."

"That's a good thing. Hang onto whatever keeps your humanity intact."

Shinji cracked a smile and dismissed Sarah. Although it was strictly unethical, he had dated Sarah a few times. Both loved Jessica as if they were her real parents, but the two were so swamped with work that they never got past the dating part and even had to stop that because of work. However, that didn't mean they couldn't kiss when no one was around. Asuka was not going to like this. Shinji winced slightly, considering what the redhead might try to do once she found out. He swerved his chair to face his computer. After turning it on, a keyboard appeared on his desk. It was actually just an outline of lasers forming a keyboard. The lasers detected where pressure was applied and where its beams were interfered with to determine which letter was typed, and it worked very well. So far, Shinji had had no problems with it. He quickly typed up a new order for the forces surrounding NERV. NERV was caught in a tight spot and now was the time to push it as far as it was willing to go. Shinji was prepared to start inspections once the UN approved it. The NERV ambassador could do almost nothing to stop it. NERV had many enemies in the UN, primarily countries in Africa and Asia that had to watch its citizens starve just because NERV needed more money to maintain its operations. Now that the Angels were gone, many of these nations had been fighting to disband NERV. Shinji intended to destroy it.

============================================================================

Rei hurried down the hallway to the conference room. Misato, Asuka, Toji, Hikari, Maya, and Hakoto were all present. All of them had worried looks on their faces. Shigeru had been on the freighter transporting Unit 14 and they still did not know what had happened to him. Also, there was the issue of a possible security leak. The US had known exactly where and when to strike. A leak that severe within NERV would be devastating. Rei took her seat at the table.

"We need to figure out a way to deal with this new crisis," Misato began, "The US have control of an EVA unit, and that is not acceptable. We have to get it back."

"Good luck," said Toji, "Shinji'll blow it up before he lets us lay a finger on it."

"I am well aware of that. There has to be a way though. Shinji may be careful, but everyone makes a mistake."

"Is the project compromised?" Makoto asked.

"We don't think so," Misato replied, "The dummy plugs are also on schedule."

Misato looked over at Hikari, who nodded. Asuka was staring blankly at the table in front of her. Rei wasn't sure she wanted to know what the redhead was thinking. She had delivered the letter, but whatever was in it didn't seem to help the situation with Asuka.

"The compound is secure," said Rei, "but we cannot stop the US forces if they decide to invade or go for an inspection. The primary problem is that with the soldiers already stationed inside NERV, it would be difficult to hide anything."

"We should move Adam," said Misato, "Cover it up somehow. The work on it must continue, but if the US forces come for an inspection, they must not find it."

"What about the dummy plug?" Hikari asked.

"That also must be hidden," said Misato, "Asuka, what steps as your division taken? Asuka?"

Asuka was still staring dumbly at the table. Hikari nudged her friend to no effect. All of them looked at her worriedly.

"He left me."

"Asuka, we don't have time for this-" Misato started.

"Shut up!" Asuka screamed, "You don't care about us, Misato. You've been using us for so long. I know why you didn't give me Shinji's letter. You were afraid that I would run away too. And you know what? I should have. Now I'm in this fucking mess because of you! I've had it!"

"Asuka, I suggest you remember protocol when you speak to your superior officer," Misato said coldly.

"Screw protocol. Want to know why I'm acting like this?"

Asuka slammed a wrinkled envelope onto the table. She then stood and stormed out of the conference room. Misato hit the intercom next to her chair.

"Detain the Second Child," she ordered, "Place her in the brig."

Toji's hand moved to pick it up but Misato quickly grabbed it.

"This has no place here," she said, "It'll be destroyed."

"Commander, I really think we need to see that letter," said Toji, "Asuka is a wreck because of it."

"That's my point," said Misato, "If the letter did that to Asuka, it's too dangerous."

"Kensuke, Maya, Hikari, Rei, do you agree we should override her?"

Misato's eyes narrowed dangerously. The ability to override her orders was something new that the UN had put in place. The Command Staff could override her orders if they all agreed to. This time, it looked like they would do so. Everyone else around the table was nodding their head. Toji took the letter and there was nothing Misato could to do stop him. Any attempt would get her detained and stripped of her rank and power.

" 'Dear Asuka,' " Toji read, " 'I know you did not receive the letter I sent before, and that is because Section 2 intercepted it and Misato decided to keep it from you. She was rather wise to do so, for in my letter I had given you a way of leaving NERV forever, like I have done. However, if you wish to leave now, just call US forces and ask for asylum and it will be granted. However, onto other matters. I am sure you are aware of my daughter, Jessica Richards. I promised I would always protect you, and I will not break that promise. I also said I would never leave you. I tried very hard not to, but now I am at an impasse. I am a man that loves two women, and I must choose one or risk hurting both. I'm sorry Asuka, but this is how it has turned out. I am still trying to make a decision, but it will be made before NERV's destruction, which will be very soon.' "

Toji dropped the letter onto the table and the others looked at it nervously. It was as if they were afraid it had some kind of hidden power that could affect them.

"So that's the truth," said Toji, "He's going to destroy NERV. Once the inspections start, it won't be long."

"We can hide the evidence," said Misato, "The MAGI are being purged as we speak and Shinji will not find the other project. He is taking things too far. The fate of humanity depends on Project E."

"Try telling him that," said Toji, "He will not listen to any of us anymore. His goal is set and he will stop at nothing to accomplish it."

"Can't we reason with him?" Hikari suggested, "He can't have changed so much as to be willing to abandon all of us."

"He has changed enough," said Rei, "He will do what he believes is right and he won't hesitate to do what he thinks is necessary."

"The Shinji Ikari we knew is dead," said Toji, "We're dealing with Sam Richards, and it's a whole new hand that's been dealt."

============================================================================

"Secretary General Karina, NERV does not need to be put under any more restraints," the NERV ambassador protested desperately, "With so many more regulations, and these inspections, NERV will not be able to function properly."

"Without these restrictions, NERV has managed to build another EVA," said Zhang, "I for one feel that these restrictions will help keep NERV under control and not let something like this happen again."

The NERV ambassador was desperately looking for a way out. He had managed to keep the UN from shutting down NERV for the past several years, and now it looked like all his efforts would go to waste just because of the former pilot of Unit 01. What he couldn't understand was how a NERV officer could do this to the organization.

"I agree," said Jacob, the US ambassador, "Now, what powers should the inspectors have?"

"Full and complete access to all parts of NERV," said Zhang, "It would be interesting to see what else NERV is hiding."

"What of Russia," the British ambassador said, "How do we deal with their assistance with NERV's infringement of UN orders."

"Russia is to be reprimanded," said Karina, "They will lose the right to host a NERV base on their soil and it will be moved and merged with the base in China. I am sure the People's Republic can keep a tighter watch on NERV."

Zhang nodded while Chekov fumed. However, it was better than Russian losing its seat on the Security Council, which was something the French had suggested. The situation was severe and delicate. Russia had lost a lot of prestige with this incident, and Moscow was still trying to figure out a way to get around it. It would take time, but it would happen.

"Now we should move back to the NERV inspections," said Karina, "The United States already has forces based in Japan, and the Japanese government is willing to lend troops to the inspection as well."

"NERV will not allow Japanese troops into our facilities!" the NERV ambassador roared, "They mercilessly massacred NERV officers that were not involved in the attempted Third Impact, and tried to kill the pilots as well! They did not care that they were merely children, they had orders to find and terminate them. Commander Katsuragi was barely able to keep three Japanese soldiers from shooting Shinji Ikari."

"I am inclined to agree," said the British ambassador, "I mean no offense to the Japanese people, but the brutal behavior of their soldiers, even their Special Forces, is beyond redemption. Another massacre must not be allowed, and allowing troops that caused the first one should not be allowed into NERV."

"Mr. Ambassador, that is an insult to the honor of my nation," said Ambassador Hikowa, "You have no right to make such a judgment."

"That is more than my judgment," said Blair, "That is the judgment of Her Majesty's government. The American forces rarely if ever launch a massacre of unarmed people. If the reports are correct, you burned alive your own citizens that worked at NERV. I'm quite sure the Americans have everything in hand or else the EVA would have gotten past them and your government, Ms Hikowa."

"Thank you Mr. Blair," said the American ambassador, "I personally feel that such inspections should involve international support, and I invite the British, German, French, and China to join us in these inspections."

That got the attention of the respective ambassadors.

"That's an extremely generous offer," said Jacques, "Any reason you would want to let us do such a thing?"

"NERV is a UN organization," Larson answered, "Therefore, it should be the UN, not just the United States, that ensures that it is not disobeying orders. Of course, we will provide military escort, and if you feel the need, other troops may be brought in to protect the inspectors and ensure they have access to every part of NERV."

This was an utter nightmare for the NERV ambassador. The UN Council was ignoring him on most issues, and so far the only thing he had been able to prevent was Japanese troops moving into NERV. However, everything else that could go wrong was.

"That is a very interesting proposal," said Karina, "I personally approve. I also believe that a sixth party should be included, another nation to accompany the inspectors. Of course, the nation that does will be rotated and changed every inspection."

"I agree," said Larson. He let a smile show. Phase 1 was complete. Now it was up to the inspectors.

============================================================================

"I understand. You did the best you could, and none of us blame you. All right."

Misato hanged up the phone and looked at the staff.

"That was our ambassador," she said to them, "The inspections will start in two weeks. The inspectors will include China, the US, Britain, France, Germany, and Canada."

"Will that be enough time to hide everything?" Hikari asked, "We can't let them get access to the projects."

That question was directed towards Toji, but he wasn't sure how to answer.

"I don't know," he admitted, "It's a lot of data to hide and encrypt. Besides, we have to physically move the stuff. Two weeks? I'd be more comfortable with one month, but I'll do what we can."

"Hurry," said Misato, "We can't let the inspectors find the projects."

"What about Asuka?" Rei asked.

"She'll be released once she calms down," Misato replied.

============================================================================

"Major General Sam Richards," the French inspector said, "A pleasure to finally meet you in person."

The two men shook hands. The French had sent two men to make up their contingent. The Germans had sent a squad of their GSG-9 Special Forces and three inspectors. The British also had two inspectors, accompanied by a squad of the SAS. China sent two inspectors but like the French hadn't sent any escorts. The Canadians did the same. Shinji and two computer specialists were the inspectors the US were providing, and the Ranger, Delta, SEAL, and Marine forces in NERV would provide the military presence needed. It seemed a bit overkill, but you had to be careful when dealing with NERV.

"Welcome to Japan," Shinji said to all of them, "All of you have been given two days to rest, and I hope you used it well. NERV thinks we're going to inspect them in a week. Well, it's time to test our authority. We're going today."

None of the inspectors seemed too surprised. Most had already gotten their equipment ready.

"I have a briefing for all of you to read while we drive there," Shinji said and a captain approached and handed out folders. "There is also a list of captured NERV personnel that the US currently has. If you wish, you may speak to them after we return. Any questions?"

The chief British inspector raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Do you think NERV will actually let us in?"

"I have full authorization to use force if necessary," Shinji replied.

That was the only answer they needed. Two hours later, six Humvees were escorting the large jeeps the inspectors were driving and using to transport their equipment. Several Comanche assault copters were flying overhead, providing aerial support. Unknown to the inspectors, all of the US forces were also preparing to assault NERV if they tried to take the inspectors hostage. American troops within NERV were notified and soon took up positions all over NERV, putting the base into lockdown.

============================================================================

"What is the meaning of this?" Misato demanded.

"Just following orders," the Ranger replied, "I'm supposed to put this place into lockdown if an inspection's supposed to take place."

"The inspection is a week away," said Misato, "It is a bit early to put the base into lockdown."

"Not anymore," said the Ranger, "General Richards and the inspectors will be here in an hour."

The blood drained from Misato's face. She ran down the corridor to the main office. Shinji had made another move that she couldn't counter. She had to change that.

============================================================================

The lead Humvee stopped in front of the NERV gate and a Ranger walked up. He checked their IDs and waved them through. They finally stopped in the driveway and the inspectors got out. Over a dozen SAS, GSG-9, and Delta Force operatives were providing the escort.

"First thing's first," said Shinji, "Let's get to the main office. We need access to the MAGI."

The inspectors followed him. On the main office the Command Staff had been assembled and NERV guards stayed around them, as if trying to protect them.

Hikari hadn't really believed that Shinji could change so much, but now she had no doubts. The man standing below them was not Shinji Ikari. There was a formidable presence within him now, and it wasn't a good thing. And the sunglasses he wore only served to scare her completely.

Misato couldn't help but gasp when she saw Shinji. He was the mirror image of his father with the glasses, except that he didn't have a beard. She was really scared now. There didn't see to be any reason why Shinji would do something like this. She felt like running away, but knew she couldn't.

Rei didn't know whether to cry or scream. Shinji looked like the man that had used her and been willing to throw her away. She couldn't keep the pain inside her very well. A few tears rolled down her cheeks, and Hikari handed her a handkerchief. Everything was wrong.

Asuka couldn't fight down the bitterness she felt. Shinji had promised to stay with her, and he had broke that promise. Now she felt as if she could trust no one. Shinji had to pay for what he made her go through, and yet she kept yearning for him to hold her. Pain stabbed her heart relentlessly.

Kensuke and Toji were both impassive. They both sensed the strength and danger that permeated from Shinji, and both were worried about it. However, there wasn't much they could do so they merely waited. They had done the best they could, and hopefully they would get lucky.

"Commander Katsuragi," Shinji said, "I hope this isn't a bad time."

"Actually, it is," Misato replied.

"Ah. Pity. Well, open up the MAGI."

Misato looked at him curiously.

"This is an inspection," Shinji suddenly shouted, "If you have something to hide, then it's a bit too late. Open up the MAGI. We intend to pull your databanks and make sure you aren't doing anything else illegal."

Misato nodded to Maya and she walked down to the MAGI. Maya eyed the soldiers and their weapons nervously. She opened up all three of the MAGIs but Shinji concentrated on Casper.

"Lieutenant," he said.

One of the Americans walked up and crawled into the MAGI. His head popped back out a few seconds later.

"It's still here, general."

Shinji smiled and looked up at Misato. Her blood went cold under his gaze.

"Commander, I'm surprised. Did you forget about that little hacking job you had Makoto do? Well, no matter. Whatever encryption and hiding you've attempted, it will do you no good."

Misato froze completely. Her brain simply stopped functioning. She had completely forgotten and now Shinji had complete access to all of NERV's files, including the ones on Adam. With that, Shinji could destroy NERV without the UN's approval.

"Let's go down to Central Dogma," said Shinji, "James, help Mark and guide us through whatever they have down there."

"Yes sir."

"Lieutenant O'Reilly, stay here and make sure no NERV technicians approach a console."

"Yes sir."

Shinji and the other inspectors walked down and took the elevator with a few of the guards. They waited at the bottom for the rest of the guards and they appeared quickly. Shinji then put on a headset.

"Talk to me," he said.

"I think we've found what you're looking for," said Mark, "There's another chamber within Central Dogma that they used to store Adam. It's pretty big. I think Commander Ikari was trying to grow it as well."

"Understood. Lead us to it."

Mark gave Shinji a few directions and he easily found his way through. He walked into the room where Lilith was originally stored and continued down the docks. The massive red cross was still present and hadn't been removed.

============================================================================

Back at the main office Misato and the Command Staff had pulled away from the inspectors and soldiers, trying to get some privacy.

"Shinji has access to the files," said Misato, "I don't know how he found out about the hole in the mainframe but they've just bypassed all of our defenses."

"What can they do?" asked Hikari, "I mean, even one of the projects is enough evidence for Shinji to use to destroy NERV."

"What the hell is so sensitive that can do so much damage?" Toji demanded, "This makes no sense. I know that Shinji can seriously damage NERV because of the dummy plug project and Unit 14, but what else is there?"

The other scientists remained silent, though Rei herself knew of only Unit 14 and the dummy plugs. Asuka, Hikari, and Misato were keeping many things from them, and she didn't like it one bit. There was more than meets the eye, and the worst thing they could do was keep secrets from each other.

"What else is there?" Rei said coldly, "that you have not told us about?"

"We have Adam."

"Asuka!" Misato snapped, "That's classified!"

"Commander, I'm afraid that this is not the time for secrets," said Maya, "Sempai's right. We have possession of Adam, the first Angel."

A scowl appeared on Toji's face. He did not like getting surprised in this kind of way. Right now he felt as if he wanted to throttle Misato's throat, but he couldn't. Rei's face was still impassive but inside was a mix of shock and anger. Anger at having something like this concealed from her. When she was sixteen, Rei had become very sick and kept throwing up. She kept sensing something out there, calling her and asking for her help. Whatever it was also caused her to become violently sick. Shinji and Asuka had stayed by her side whenever they could and watched over her. She had thought she also sensed an AT Field, but Misato had dismissed it. Now she knew that it was Adam calling out to her because she was also Lilith, the second Angel. It was a well kept secret, but one that Shinji, Misato, and Asuka knew. Apparently she wasn't the only Angel to have survived. But if Misato had control of Adam, that could only mean one thing. Rei quickly calculated on how to contact Shinji and arrange a defection. That would be the best way for her to get out of this mess.

============================================================================

"General, you're not going to believe what's behind the door," said Mark, "We're going to open the hanger doors. I suggest you get back."

Shinji motioned for the party to back away with him. Slowly a seam appeared in the massive red cross and the walls slide apart. A bright light brightened Central Dogma and the inspectors all gasped.

End of Chapter 5

I'm testing breakers but I don't know if they'll work or not. Hopefully they will. Oh, and I know many EVA fans of the ff.net community disliked Humanity's Faith. Well, I'm preparing to redraft it and make it a bit more acceptable. When I reread it myself, I realized that it moved too fast and didn't give it any time to properly develop.

Z98