*****SHRAPNEL OF LOVE*****

Chapter 03

"Bonnie…" he said, all smoothly and lazily, like he were testing my name on his tongue for the first time, "…where's Clyde?" and he shot me a cheesy grin, took my chart and lowered his head to read my record, his jet black hair falling into his eyes. "How you feeling?"

I folded my arms over my chest, feeling a little testy at his comment. And a little amused. "Good," I said simply. "But I bet Clyde's feeling better."

Hawkeye raised his eyes from the chart and his lips widened into a wide smile. "Oh, so there is a Mr. Clyde—"

"— Which wouldn't stop you, Captain, would it?" one of the nurses finished off. The one that had gone off to get me water— tall, blonde and very pretty, and she bent over to Doctor Pierce and whispered, "In the supply tent, after dinner," then leaned back again, straightened and gave him an important look.

I felt this weird, aggravating feeling in my lower belly. What the hell was wrong with me? I tore my eyes off of the two of them and looked sideways, scanning the ward for a familiar face. I found none.

The pretty nurse got my attention when she rested a full glass of water on the bedside table and then started off, while Hawkeye watched her go.

Then he lowered his eyes into my chart again, scratched in something about my treatment or medicine or maybe he just signed in his name and finally he hooked it onto the metal railing at the foot of my bed.

I observed him with a raised eyebrow.

He took a breath then sat down next to me and locked his eyes on mine. "So…" he began, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "…what're you doing here, Bonnie?" Smiling a doctor smile.

I bit down on my lip and looked away. "They threw a grenade on the truck I was travelling with," I started, reciting the speech that I'd prepared for Colonel Potter. "The truck ended up in a ditch. And we—"

Hawkeye shook his head and gestured with his hand for me to stop. "Look," he said. "I know all that. They told us when they brought in the wounded. I want to know what exactly are you doing here."

"I got transferred to the 4077th," I said, not understanding. Was he questioning me, dammit? "They—"

"No, no, no," he said, cutting me off, smiling knowingly. "I want to know what you're doing in Korea. You're not a nurse."

"Well, no…"

"Not a doctor."

"No…"

"Then…?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Hawkeye exhaled, then rubbed his chin. "You're gonna have to tell the Colonel anyway, kid."

Kid? Ha, now that was funny. I was a kid to him? How old had that blonde nurse been, huh? The one meeting up with him in the supply tent? My age. Okay, so maybe a little older but I didn't need anyone addressing me kid. Especially not a self-conceited, narcissistic egoist.

"I'm Bonnie," I said, coldly.

He grinned, amused that he got to me. "How old are you?"

I glared at him. "It's in my chart." Read it if you can.

Captain Pierce licked his lips, chuckling. "Okay, okay… One advantage of med-school is that they teach you to read. But still you're gonna have to tell Colonel Potter what you're doing here."

"I will." And it's none of your business.

He gave me that naughty smile of his, the one that reached his eyes and melted the nurses— and almost made me talk, too.

"You don't want to share it with your local doctor, Bonnie?"

He wouldn't have understood my reasons, I felt it. "No."

"Okay then," he said, patting my thigh over the blanket in a doctor-patient manner— making my leg burn where his hand had been in an absolutely un-patiently way. "If you change your mind I'll be here all week for the pleasure of Korea." And he stood up, stretching. "I'll be in the back." He started off but turned around after the first step. "—Practicing my reading," he added. Then took off again.

My hands went into my hair, my heart pounding. God, I was a nervous heap. I dragged my ass over the mattress, until my back was resting against the wall and I was sitting up, having a good view of the whole ward, hugging my knees to my chest. I saw the pretty nurse- Doctor Pierce's date- help one of the soldiers into bed… and the other nurse that was serving the shift with her was measuring blood pressure of a small Korean boy. Goddamn war…

Hawkeye was heading out.

Jesus, I didn't know what to make of him. Why did he want to know? And why did he have to keep touching me, for Christ's sake? I knew he was a doctor and I was hurt… but… but… I couldn't get a coherent thing out of my mouth when he kept looking at me like that. Like… like I was the strangest thing he'd ever laid eyes on.

"Doctor?" I didn't want to let him leave- thinking I was a total brat. I was grumpy all morning but I didn't have to be grumpy at the one person that put my guts back together.

He turned around just before passing through the door. "Yeah?" Smiled.

Maybe he wasn't that pissed off at me for snapping at him.

"It's… it's just too complicated… I'm sorry, Doctor."

"I love complicated." He took a few steps back into the ward and pressed his hands into the metal rail at the foot of my bed. "And I'm Hawkeye, remember?"

I smiled. Perhaps he didn't hate me that much. Well, so far. I knew he'd definitely hate me for joining the Army, though. He wouldn't understand and I just couldn't tell him why. My reasons were crazy and I was just a second away from going crazy myself.

"Hey," he said softly, startling me, and I noticed he was curiously watching me fight my inner battle, "you don't have to tell me, Bonnie. I poke around in people's guts… I don't need to poke around with their heads, too."

I swallowed. Wanted to thank him but couldn't get the words out.

"But if you change your mind…" He left the sentence hanging in the air.

I laughed. "Okay."

He grinned. "If you need something, just ask for me." His eyes were glazed, tired, but sharp and observant. He could have been a good psychiatrist, or an agony aunt.

And he definitely had to be a great lover.

***

"Am I talking to… uh… Miss Bonnie Clarks? Sister of James P. Clarks?"

"Yes…? What's going on? Who is that?"

"This is Army Sergeant Timothy Pellam, stationed in Seoul, Ma'am. I am sorry to report that your brother, Lieutenant Clarks, has gone missing on March 2nd."

"WHAT?! Where?! What are you—"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. Lt. James P. Clarks…Jamie…His 3rd Army Battalion was overrun by Chinese Troops near the town of Kujang in North Korea on the morning of March 2nd, forcing the unit to withdraw to the sou—"

"Wait… WAIT! What are you talking about…? What… what does all that mean?"

"When the unit regrouped the following day, more than 60 men were reported missing. Including Lt. Clarks. I'm real' sorry, Ma'am."

"M-missing…? What-what do you mean by 'missing'? What do you mean by 'MISSING'?"

"His remains were not found, Miss Clarks. There's nothing we can do."

"What? You're not doing anything?! God, you can't be serious! My brother's gone missing and you're not do—"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but it's a war out there."

"I fucking know it's a war out there! Can't you search for him?! Get a search party or—"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry!! I want my brother back, you hear? I WANT MY BROTHER BACK!!"

"I can give you a phone number for the COMSK here in Seoul—"

"What the hell is COMSK?"

"Central Office for Missing Soldiers here in Korea, Ma'am. It takes care of matters like these and you can contact them and ask if they've got more—"

"Can you give me the address?"

"Oh, the address? Hang on a— okay, got it. Got a pen? It's #206 YANGJAE-DONG, SEOCHO-GU, SEOUL. Want me to repeat that?"

"…………."

"Ma'am…? Miss Clarks…? Hello?"

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