Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any characters you might recognize for this story. If you think that, I say you're a loon.

Harry and Ron hurried down to the Great Hall, their stomachs rumbling hungrily. Although they had snuck to the kitchens five times in the middle of the night to get snacks, they were still ravenous. Sliding onto the benches, Harry and Ron started to stuff their faces on toast, porridge so thick that you could stand a spoon up in it, and spam. When they had filled their stomachs to the point of nearly bursting, they got up, with some effort, and started to their first classes. Hermione reviewed her schedule.

"Let's see.first is Charms with the Slytherins, then Transfiguration with the Slytherins, and after that Defense Against the Dark Arts with the Slytherins, and then lunch," she informed Harry and Ron, who were not listening. They walked into the Charms classroom where Professor Nitwit was already starting a review on Cheering Charms, since they had had so little practice over the summer.

"Good morning class! Am I a midget or what?" Nitwit said. No one stirred. He cleared his throat. "Ahem. Am I a midget or what?" He waited for laughter. No one laughed. He sighed. "Well anyway, today we will be reviewing Cheering Charms, since you've had so little practice over the summer! I will pair you up and you will perform the Cheering Charm on your partner. Now remember kids, don't try this at home!" Nitwit immediately paired Harry with Draco Malformed, Ron with Goyle and Hermione with Millicent Bulturd.

"Prepare to die, Snotter," Malformed spat (literally).

"It's just a Cheering Charm you son of a.. muffin," Harry, who flatly refused to curse, spat back.

They got to work. Harry started by casting a strong Cheering Charm on Malformed, who burst into hysterical laughter. Amidst bursts of uncontrollable, snorting guffaws, Malformed gathered up some strength to throw a stronger Cheering Charm back at Harry, who rolled on the floor laughing, emitting peals of shrill laughter. Nitwit, being a teacher, did nothing to stop this. So after a very cheerful but generally uneventful Charms lesson, the trio headed off to Transfiguration.

"Today, class, we will be learning how to transfigure seaweed into seagulls," Professor McGonagall informed the class. She handed everyone a clump of damp, slimy seaweed, and because the author was too lazy to think of a genuine Latin word to serve as a spell, she telepathically transmitted the spell into their brains. Blobs of seaweed later, perfect Hermione was the only one to have successfully transfigured her seaweed into a real seagull. Everyone else's seagulls still had floppy seaweed legs or beaks or were tinted green.

"Very good, Hermione! Look at how white her seagull is!" McGonagall exclaimed. Hermione beamed as the professor continued to shower her with compliments. "Oh really, Professor, it was nothing. It was quite easy, actually, I learned from the best!" Hermione sucked up, much to the annoyance of everyone in the class. A sudden commotion at Neville's table interrupted her, though.

"AHHH!" Neville screamed piercingly. "My seagull's rabid!" And indeed it was. The seagull was foaming at the mouth and dive -bombing toward Neville's head. There was an uproar as students shrieked and scrambled to get to the door. The seagull flew around crazily, bloodying people by pecking them on the head. It was a horrible sight to see; students were going down like flies, clutching their heads, wailing for their mothers like little children. Suddenly Ron tripped with a horrified look on his face. "Go on without me!" He shouted to Hermione and Harry.

"No! A good man doesn't leave a soldier behind!" Harry yelled and tugged on Ron's hand. They finally reached the door and burst out of the classroom, leaving their classmates to deal with the psychotic gull. Good riddance to them.