Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any of the characters on CJ..I wish I did though....oh the FUN we could have...hee hee!

This chapter is right after "He's got that Guilty feelin'" The next day. Same rules apply.

I had NO idea what I was going to say to her. I had already done enough, said enough too much. I was planning on apologizing, I just didn't know how. Maybe I should tell her the truth that it was my fault. Or maybe I should ask her if she's ok first. Or maybe I...

"Excuse me Nigel, but Dr. Macy would like to see you in his office." Lily peeked into the doorway. I stood up to leave and on the way out she whispered "Good luck Nigel."

"Luck? I don't need luck Love...I'm past luck...I need a miracle now!" I winked at her as I walked past. I was nervous as all hell - I knew what he was going to say already. ("It's not your fault Nigel...it was all chance. You had no control over it.") I felt bad about laying all this stuff on Garret's mind - my stupid problems. I poked my head into the office and grinned nervously. "You wanted to see me Garret?" He glanced up from a file on his desk.

"Yes. Nigel, sit down for a minute."

I sat, and glanced around the room and at the floor. I saw Jordan's office - dark (When is she coming in?!?)

"Nigel, I need to talk to you about Jordan." I nodded. "Now, she's alright - so don't freak out. But the question is are you ok?"

I shrugged slightly and avoided his gaze. I stared at the floor. "I dunno...I guess so."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be all weird when Jordan gets here. She's been through enough stress already. She does NOT need you to put her on her with THIS. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

I sat in silence. I understood. I was shocked. Here Garret is telling me that I can't apologize. I was stunned. I HAD to argue. "But Garret - I"

"No Nigel. Just let it go. You have to." He was stern, and her seemed concerned for Jordan. I supposed he was right. "You understand?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I suppose so." I leaned back in his chair and sighed and shook my head in exasperation. "Remember, it's for HER good. "He raised an eyebrow at me. "You will NOT bring this up. Got it?"

"Yes...alright already mate...enough." I just wanted to get out of there. I stood up and walked out of the office and walked down the hall...past the crypt...towards the front desk. Lily was typing on her computer. I walked up to the desk and nodded at her.

"Hey Nigel. What's up?"

"Not much. I'm taking my lunch now ok?"

"Sure. Just sign out right here." She handed me the sign in board. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah. I just gotta think some things over."

"Ok, see ya later Nige!"

"Later Love." I walked out and hit the elevator button. I stood, but it didn't take long. I went down, and just started walking. The air was crisp and there were dark grey clouds overhead. (Oh great...snow...just what I needed today.) I walked along the sidewalk until I found my self standing outside the cemetery. Just where I had wanted to end up. Not. But anyways, I walked in and wandered the graves...reading the dates, the things written on the tombstones. I found myself wandering...not thinking. I found myself in front of a tombstone. I realized where I was, and I didn't want to be there. Not there. Anywhere but here. I walked out of the cemetery quickly, not looking back.