Inside of the hotel room a sense of freedom and excitement ran through me. I ran quickly to the show to cool down from the morning's activities. I stepped into the shower and allowed the memories of the previous night fill me with a sense of curiosity.

After finishing my lengthy shower I relaxed on the bed directly in front of the tv. I pondered what I could watch on the fancy cable tv, and how long it would take before I fell asleep. After flipping through several channels a soft knock came to the door. Swiftly I wrapped my robe tightly around my body. I stood on my toes to see through the peep hole. Spike paced outside, I laughed quietly to myself. I smirked as I casually opened the door. The sun was shining, but we were still sheltered from it's blazing rays. Spike halted his pacing abruptly and looked me directly in the eyes. I was startled at the abrupt eye contact. I smiled shyly at the nervous blonde.

"Want to come in?" I invited casually, moving out of the way. He nodded almost solemnly as he walked inside. I notice he seemed weary, as if he hadn't slept in days, or possibly even longer. His eyes had taken on a deep dull cast, he was more than tired, he was worn. "Spike?" I questioned tenderly, wanting to understand the pain he felt, to make it all go away, even though I didn't know him well, something deep inside of me called to him, called to soothe and calm. I didn't want to help Spike, I needed to. He sat on the edge of the bed, allowing his body to hang limply under the weight of his burden. We sat in a deafening silence, but only momentarily.

"I'm sorry." He said, fresh and deep pain gleaming in his eyes. He seemed once again to be talking to his hands. I ached to take them, to hold them, and to tell him that it wasn't supposed to be this way, that whatever was hurting him, wasn't supposed to cause this kind of emotional torture.

I laughed softly at his apology. I wasn't mocking the attempt for redemption, but simply knew there was no need for it. I let my head rest of his shoulder. "For what?" I reached out my hand bravely, and clasped his inside it tightly, as if the connection there in could ease the pain, could transfer some of the burden to me, so that I might carry it in his stead.

"For this morning. I shouldn't have . . ." He paused. His blue eyes met mine for a moment. In them I knew it all, his pain and heartache, the passion and the fire, the torment of it all; it weighed me down. I couldn't move, it was as if the knowledge of it all, the simple glance that told me the story of his life, had paralyzed me. Slowly I let my hand brush across his face, wiping gently the tear that had fallen there.

"I wanted to." I had to look away, before I was exposed to him for what I truly was. I didn't want him to know, to see inside of me the way I saw inside of him. I played with the coffee maker for a minute, distracting myself in anyway possible. "Do you want some coffee? I'm not very good at making it, but I guess it's good enough, I mean Manny and Beth drink it, just because ....." I felt Spike slip his arms around my waist, gently, not demanding any sort of return. My heart fluttered as I turned to look at his sharp features.

"Why?" Spike asked, with all the simplicity of a child. He seemed genuine in his query, but I was confused at the meaning of the question. "Why do you trust me?" I let my hand rest gently on his shoulder. I couldn't think of only one reason I trusted him. He seemed so different, so special, captivating in a way, I knew that he wasn't going to hurt me from the beginning. Maybe his ability to become like a child, to see the world as a child would is why-- I didn't know, but my soul sang from the moment I saw him.

"Because I feel your pain. I see it in your eyes. . . " I paused running the back of my hand down his cheek. "Why shouldn't I trust you?" I gazed, wanting to read him, knowing that the words might never really be the truth, but knowing as well that I could see it in his eyes. There was a sharp flash of pain.

"I'm a monster. You don't see who I am?" He turned away, severing all contact we had. I felt cold and alone when I lacked his touch. I would do anything to regain it. He began to walk to the door. I spoke quickly to hopefully make him stay.

"No. I see a man " Spike stopped, and stood. "I see a man in pain, no even more than that Spike, I see a man in some sort of eternal torment." I stepped towards him, afraid and apprehensive. The thought crossed my racing mind that he might be going, that he might never see me again. "I see a man that felt my pain." I paused, only in a moments hesitation. "Please don't go." Spike fell to his knees. I rushed to him and immediately filled my arms with his body.

"Eliza. . . " Spike's voice broke, and I cradled him in my arms.

Over the next few hours, he told me his story; all of it. He seemed to die at the end, as if all of the good times could never overshadow the one mistake he had made. "I had to leave. Buffy. . . I couldn't look her in the eyes, not after. . . not after that." I soothed Spike as he told his tale, as he admitted that he loved Buffy more than anything, and how he didn't mean to hurt her. "I know it sounds like an excuse," Tears pooled in his eyes, "but I was addicted to her, the way she moved, the way she said my name. I needed to hear her scream it, needed to be inside of her." When he spoke of his actions, it was as if he was disgusted with himself, but it was another person. As if his attempt to rape her was a being in itself. Spike broke into sobs, rocking back and forth repeating, "I needed her."

I don't know how long we sat there, but we fell asleep after a while. It was comforting there, inside one another's embrace. It was something more than just some sort of fling, for both of us. We honestly cared about one another. I don't even know how long he'd been living in LA, in this hotel, but I knew so much more. What we had went deeper than words or bonds or embraces, we knew each others soul.

Manny nudged me impatiently. I became annoyed quickly with her behavior. "Leave me the Hell alone." I muttered.

"Wake up Sleeping Beauty!" Beth yelled in my ear, while poking my side. I stirred.

"What is it Bethany? Because if you dont' have a good reason to wake me up, I'd suggest you run for cover." I yawned and stretched and became aware I was missing one napping friend. I looked around frantically for Spike. I felt oddly alone, and extremely cold.

"Time to go clubbing!" Manny said enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes. I didn't think getting drunk and felt up was going to raise my spirits much, if at all.

"Oh. . . Right." I searched the table and counter for a note, anything that may have told me where Spike had gone, especially so suddenly. I grabbed my black dress, and proceeded to get ready for a night on the town with my two friends, and no soul mate.