hS: many apologies to everyone! We have been having a lot of hardware
problems and difficulties trying to get from Windows 98 to Windows 2000--
R: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! BILL GATES IS A BIG DOOFUS!!
hS: errr--yeah. so anyway, we are sorry that it has taken so long for us to upload this half chapter. but we do appreciate your continuing readership. thanks to Kenta-san for both of your messages--best of luck in college. Hope that it has a good anime club. Based on Aerika-san and Meghanna-san's comments we will be returning to our regularly scheduled point of view after this half chapter.
Date posted: August 27,2002 -=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Eries' rooms were originally done in the rose, pink, and fuchsia scheme that still adorned Millerna's suite. Eries had hated it. Unlike her sisters, she especially despised the color pink. As soon as she was old enough for her opinion to count, she had had the rooms redone. The flowery, frilly fabrics and ornate gilt furnishings were replaced with simpler pieces of honey colored wood and upholstery of blue with dull gold trim. Not as ostentatious as the previous decor, but still elegant.
Much like Eries herself.
I was not unfamiliar to this room. Here, Eries had provided me with guidance and moral support in the tumultuous and awkward days following my ill-fated wedding. Between a skittish Millerna and an ailing and grumpy Aston, Eries had been a much-needed ally. The sitting room was immaculate as always. The only hint of disorder was at one corner where a large desk, piled with various reports and papers, stood. Still, it was the embodiment of tidiness compared to the tribute to entropy that was my library.
Purposely making myself at home, I strode over to a chair and eased myself down, stretching out and resting my feet onto the ottoman before it. Folding my arms behind my head, I looked over at Eries. She had an edgy look about her, as if I were a land dragon eyeing my next meal
"Tsk tsk." I waggled a finger at her. "Sniper, is that any way to greet an old friend?" I admonished, as if I was chiding a small child.
Eries opened her mouth as if to say something and stopped. Her eyes dropped to the floor, as she considered her next words. When she looked up, an apologetic expression was on her face. "No, you're right. That wasn't very civil of me."
She settled herself onto the seat across from me. For a while, she stared at her lap as she composed herself. Finally, she turned to me with a small smile, "Hello, Dryden. How are you? You look awful."
That's better. "Same to you, Eries."
She's right about me looking awful. But you'd look the same too if you lost the love of your life. I had heard more than once how unkempt and haggard I had become since last year. Once or twice I had managed to work myself as to become nearly unrecognizable to Mr. Rat, which is saying a lot. But things are gradually moving to a somewhat bearable state. When I left Asturia last winter, my heart was one huge gaping wound. Now it's more like one huge, aching sore. Though wounds do reopen from time to time...
But Eries... for the first time since I returned, I got a very good look at her. Eries has always been solid and dependable, and remarkably so. A tower of strength, if you will. One of the reasons behind her strength is that she consciously makes a point to take care of herself. Maybe not to the extent most nobles would , but enough so that she does not wind up overly consumed by her work.
But now, the face of the woman in front of me was careworn. She had grown thinner and there was a hollow look in her eyes.
It almost seemed as if she were a person haunted.
" Is she's feeling guilty? Because she's agreed to marry her sister's fiancee?" I wondered.
Swinging my feet back onto the floor, I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands. Trying not to sound too irritated, I spoke. "Eries, you know why we need to talk--one of the reasons at least. You know me well enough to know that I'd be against this engagement. And it should be mutually objectional to you as well. Which is why it completely boggles me that you would let yourself be pushed into such an agreement."
Eries scowled at me. "It's not as if I went in there with you in mind for consort. You have no idea--NONE-- how much mischief your father has been up to," she said defensively. "I tried. I DID try. Do you realize how hard it was for me to stand there? Against my father and the entire Council? I'm good, but I'm not invincible. I need help too sometimes. And it's not as if you were around to help either," she added accusingly.
She had a point there. "You're right," I said contritely. "I wasn't there. It was wrong for me to infer that this situation is due to a shortcoming on your part. I'm sorry."
I sighed. Removing my glasses, I rubbed my eyes. "Well, now that we've established that neither of us wants to go through with the nuptials, the question now is: what are we going to do about it?"
"Do about it?! What do you mean' do about it'!" Eries was aghast. "Your family's signed for you. It's been made royal record. Promulgated in Asturia and abroad. Dryden, there's no option BUT to go through with it. To back out now would be, would be--"
"A direct affront to the King?" I responded evenly, replacing my glasses on my nose. Eries blanched. This action, of course, would result in my entire estate annexed by the Crown. And me placed under house arrest or thrown into prison. Or maybe, if the king was in a particularly foul mood, being executed. However, I was only going to be caught if I let myself be caught.
"Eries, I did not return to Asturia to answer the King's summons. First, I came back to see you. To see if there was any way of annulling this engagement. Since the answer to that apparently is no, that makes the second reason for my return that much more crucial. I'm making arrangements to leave Palas tomorrow. And it's going to be for good." I tried to ignore Eries' face, which had now gone completely white.
"But, Dryden--exile-- do you realize what the consequences --!? Once you go in that direction, there's no turning back"
While exile is not particularly pleasant, it is highly preferable to being fettered, either literally (in jail) or figuratively (in an unwanted marriage). Granted, I'd lose nearly all my goods, more than half my connections, and be denied port at certain Asturian allied countries. But, they are mere setbacks to someone as resourceful as myself.
"That's quite all right, Sniper. I've been considering a change in vocation anyway. How does Daedelus scrap handler sound? Or Nasshafan toga dealer?" I said with a laugh.
"Stop it! This isn't a joke!"
"You don't need to tell me that," I said soberly. "I know what kind of royal backlash I'll get. More importantly, I know what sort of paternal wrath this will cause. At least your father will probably feel somewhat indebted to me for my past service to Asturia and spare me my hide. I won't score such luck with my father. Even if you grant me pardon when you become queen, the damage this does to my father's pride and business would prevent me from returning. I've seen my father's bad side, and I don't want to be on the receiving end of it. He has enough connections and influences inside and out of our family AND this kingdom to make things very, VERY bad for me. Even so, my decision stands."
"Dryden, be reasonable. Can't you reconsider--"
"Eries, no! I've said no once and that's my final answer. Given the choice of this engagement and exile, I'm taking exile!"
Eries shot up from her seat. Her face was dark with anger. "What is it with you men?" she spat. "Why is it that every time things get hard, you run away?" With that, she turned and stalked off to the other end of the room.
The venom in her voice left me momentarily stunned. I had not expected THAT.
But. something else also unnerved me. She had been looking into my face, and her voice had been directed at me. But--somehow, I had the feeling that her words were not truly meant for me.
At any rate, I absolutely could not leave without making amends. Perhaps that sounds odd coming from someone who's derived a great deal of immature satisfaction at getting Eries'dander up over the years. But I have always valued her friendship, and she's helped me out several times in the past. I could not leave with her angry at me.
I went over to where she stood facing out the windows with her back to me. She was visibly shaking.
O boy, I'm in for it now.
Bracing myself for another explosion, I began meekly, "Eries..." Receiving no response, I placed my hand on her shoulder and craned my neck around to try and face her.
I gasped in surprise.
She wasn't shaking from anger.
She was shaking because-because she was crying.
Tears streaked silently down her face. Her arms were crossed tightly before her and her chest heaved with muted sobs. Without looking up at me, she whispered, almost inaudibly, "Am I that unlovable?"
Am I that-what?!!
Eries?
What in blazes?
First of all Eries has never let her emotions get the best of her when it comes to discussions of her marriage. She ascribes to the school of cooler heads prevail where state matters are concerned . And I know for a fact that she considers her marriage a matter of state. Even so , it's a rare thing for her to lose control of her emotions-period.
Second of all, she has never taken any of her failed engagements personally. Ever.
I was perplexed. This made no sense whatsoever.
Unless.
Something had changed Eries. Or maybe.
Someone???
Suddenly all the pieces fell into place.'Nette's cryptic warning, Eries' uncharacteristic behaviour, that haunted look in her eyes, that strange feeling I had had earlier.The situation became, if not crystal clear, more understandable.
[Soundtrack 2, Track 17, If You]
I slumped against the window frame. Not wanting to embarrass her further by my staring, I faced into the room, while she remained looking steadfastly out the window. I have never been good at comforting people, especially girls. Angry females I can handle, but crying ones.I glanced over at Eries tear streaked face and felt the old awkwardness again.
But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Here goes.
"Eries," I said gently, "The reason I can't marry you is because it's not fair. To either of us."
"Marriage-marriage is not just a contract of state or convenience. I might have been able to accept that view before. Not now. Marriage is the giving of mind , body, and heart. And I can't marry you, or anyone else for that matter because my heart isn't free to give."
"Millerna-" My voice wavered and faltered.Ever since her passing, it has been difficult for me to speak about Millerna without being overwhelmed by grief. I could feel my chest tightening and my throat closing. Tears stung at my eyes.
As I struggled to regain control over myself, my eyes fell upon a portrait of Millerna hanging in the room. Oddly, instead of making things worse, it calmed me. I realized that what I was doing was not only for the sake of my friendship with Eries. It was for Millerna's sake as well.
She would want me to do this for her sister. Help her where she could no longer.
In my mind, I could almost hear her insisting that I do something about the current situation immediately.
* Anything for you, beloved *
Hastily wiping my tears away with my sleeve, I managed on. "Millerna-even in death-- she still holds my heart. Even with time, I don't think it will ever be free to give."
"But . to tell the truth, I don't believe that your heart is available either."
A sharp intake of breath told me that I was right. I turned my head to see Eries drawing back, suspicion plain in her frosty gaze. "What did Annette tell you?"she asked sharply.
"'Nette? I believe her exact words were: 'Whatever you think of this engagement, it's actually much worse.' 'Nette didn't have to say anything to give it away. You did a good enough job of it on your own." The accusation in her expression softened to its earlier resigned sadness. Unable to continue holding my gaze, she began staring at the edge of her carpet as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.
"I can't say I know what the particulars are, but I've known you long enough to KNOW you, Eries. And know when something is amiss with you. And, I know things are horribly wrong here."
"I don't' know why you think I might be the solution to your problem. I'm not. Definitely not. Though you might not see it this way now, by leaving Asturia, I'm keeping you from making a huge mistake. And I hope I'm also giving you another chance. At what or whom, I haven't the foggiest. You don't have to tell me. I don't need to hear that. But think about it before you make your next move. HARD. I'd hate for you to waste it."
"I truly wish I could do more to help you, but I can't. I leave tomorrow morning. I trust you will not alert anyone to my get-away. I doubt you will ever hear from me again. But chances are that I'll hear about you. And what I hopeto hear about is-your happiness."
I paused. Eries had not said a word nor reacted to any of my words.
A minute passed. "Eries?" I prompted. "Eries?"
"Dryden Fassa," she said shakily,"You're the most troublesome, arrogant, conceited, pompous, overbearing, opinionated-"
Good , she's insulting me. A definite improvement over tears. "- overconfident, opportunistic, prideful, loud-mouthed person I've ever met. And-and-" Looking up at me earnestly, Eries reached out and clasped my hands tightly in her own.
"-and I'll miss you terribly, my friend."
Pulling her closer, I kissed her gently on the forehead. "I know. Farewell, Eries."
=-=-=-=-=-=
Barring any more computer issues, ch 13 will be up in two weeks! Please be so kind as to send us a review : )
R: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! BILL GATES IS A BIG DOOFUS!!
hS: errr--yeah. so anyway, we are sorry that it has taken so long for us to upload this half chapter. but we do appreciate your continuing readership. thanks to Kenta-san for both of your messages--best of luck in college. Hope that it has a good anime club. Based on Aerika-san and Meghanna-san's comments we will be returning to our regularly scheduled point of view after this half chapter.
Date posted: August 27,2002 -=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Eries' rooms were originally done in the rose, pink, and fuchsia scheme that still adorned Millerna's suite. Eries had hated it. Unlike her sisters, she especially despised the color pink. As soon as she was old enough for her opinion to count, she had had the rooms redone. The flowery, frilly fabrics and ornate gilt furnishings were replaced with simpler pieces of honey colored wood and upholstery of blue with dull gold trim. Not as ostentatious as the previous decor, but still elegant.
Much like Eries herself.
I was not unfamiliar to this room. Here, Eries had provided me with guidance and moral support in the tumultuous and awkward days following my ill-fated wedding. Between a skittish Millerna and an ailing and grumpy Aston, Eries had been a much-needed ally. The sitting room was immaculate as always. The only hint of disorder was at one corner where a large desk, piled with various reports and papers, stood. Still, it was the embodiment of tidiness compared to the tribute to entropy that was my library.
Purposely making myself at home, I strode over to a chair and eased myself down, stretching out and resting my feet onto the ottoman before it. Folding my arms behind my head, I looked over at Eries. She had an edgy look about her, as if I were a land dragon eyeing my next meal
"Tsk tsk." I waggled a finger at her. "Sniper, is that any way to greet an old friend?" I admonished, as if I was chiding a small child.
Eries opened her mouth as if to say something and stopped. Her eyes dropped to the floor, as she considered her next words. When she looked up, an apologetic expression was on her face. "No, you're right. That wasn't very civil of me."
She settled herself onto the seat across from me. For a while, she stared at her lap as she composed herself. Finally, she turned to me with a small smile, "Hello, Dryden. How are you? You look awful."
That's better. "Same to you, Eries."
She's right about me looking awful. But you'd look the same too if you lost the love of your life. I had heard more than once how unkempt and haggard I had become since last year. Once or twice I had managed to work myself as to become nearly unrecognizable to Mr. Rat, which is saying a lot. But things are gradually moving to a somewhat bearable state. When I left Asturia last winter, my heart was one huge gaping wound. Now it's more like one huge, aching sore. Though wounds do reopen from time to time...
But Eries... for the first time since I returned, I got a very good look at her. Eries has always been solid and dependable, and remarkably so. A tower of strength, if you will. One of the reasons behind her strength is that she consciously makes a point to take care of herself. Maybe not to the extent most nobles would , but enough so that she does not wind up overly consumed by her work.
But now, the face of the woman in front of me was careworn. She had grown thinner and there was a hollow look in her eyes.
It almost seemed as if she were a person haunted.
" Is she's feeling guilty? Because she's agreed to marry her sister's fiancee?" I wondered.
Swinging my feet back onto the floor, I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands. Trying not to sound too irritated, I spoke. "Eries, you know why we need to talk--one of the reasons at least. You know me well enough to know that I'd be against this engagement. And it should be mutually objectional to you as well. Which is why it completely boggles me that you would let yourself be pushed into such an agreement."
Eries scowled at me. "It's not as if I went in there with you in mind for consort. You have no idea--NONE-- how much mischief your father has been up to," she said defensively. "I tried. I DID try. Do you realize how hard it was for me to stand there? Against my father and the entire Council? I'm good, but I'm not invincible. I need help too sometimes. And it's not as if you were around to help either," she added accusingly.
She had a point there. "You're right," I said contritely. "I wasn't there. It was wrong for me to infer that this situation is due to a shortcoming on your part. I'm sorry."
I sighed. Removing my glasses, I rubbed my eyes. "Well, now that we've established that neither of us wants to go through with the nuptials, the question now is: what are we going to do about it?"
"Do about it?! What do you mean' do about it'!" Eries was aghast. "Your family's signed for you. It's been made royal record. Promulgated in Asturia and abroad. Dryden, there's no option BUT to go through with it. To back out now would be, would be--"
"A direct affront to the King?" I responded evenly, replacing my glasses on my nose. Eries blanched. This action, of course, would result in my entire estate annexed by the Crown. And me placed under house arrest or thrown into prison. Or maybe, if the king was in a particularly foul mood, being executed. However, I was only going to be caught if I let myself be caught.
"Eries, I did not return to Asturia to answer the King's summons. First, I came back to see you. To see if there was any way of annulling this engagement. Since the answer to that apparently is no, that makes the second reason for my return that much more crucial. I'm making arrangements to leave Palas tomorrow. And it's going to be for good." I tried to ignore Eries' face, which had now gone completely white.
"But, Dryden--exile-- do you realize what the consequences --!? Once you go in that direction, there's no turning back"
While exile is not particularly pleasant, it is highly preferable to being fettered, either literally (in jail) or figuratively (in an unwanted marriage). Granted, I'd lose nearly all my goods, more than half my connections, and be denied port at certain Asturian allied countries. But, they are mere setbacks to someone as resourceful as myself.
"That's quite all right, Sniper. I've been considering a change in vocation anyway. How does Daedelus scrap handler sound? Or Nasshafan toga dealer?" I said with a laugh.
"Stop it! This isn't a joke!"
"You don't need to tell me that," I said soberly. "I know what kind of royal backlash I'll get. More importantly, I know what sort of paternal wrath this will cause. At least your father will probably feel somewhat indebted to me for my past service to Asturia and spare me my hide. I won't score such luck with my father. Even if you grant me pardon when you become queen, the damage this does to my father's pride and business would prevent me from returning. I've seen my father's bad side, and I don't want to be on the receiving end of it. He has enough connections and influences inside and out of our family AND this kingdom to make things very, VERY bad for me. Even so, my decision stands."
"Dryden, be reasonable. Can't you reconsider--"
"Eries, no! I've said no once and that's my final answer. Given the choice of this engagement and exile, I'm taking exile!"
Eries shot up from her seat. Her face was dark with anger. "What is it with you men?" she spat. "Why is it that every time things get hard, you run away?" With that, she turned and stalked off to the other end of the room.
The venom in her voice left me momentarily stunned. I had not expected THAT.
But. something else also unnerved me. She had been looking into my face, and her voice had been directed at me. But--somehow, I had the feeling that her words were not truly meant for me.
At any rate, I absolutely could not leave without making amends. Perhaps that sounds odd coming from someone who's derived a great deal of immature satisfaction at getting Eries'dander up over the years. But I have always valued her friendship, and she's helped me out several times in the past. I could not leave with her angry at me.
I went over to where she stood facing out the windows with her back to me. She was visibly shaking.
O boy, I'm in for it now.
Bracing myself for another explosion, I began meekly, "Eries..." Receiving no response, I placed my hand on her shoulder and craned my neck around to try and face her.
I gasped in surprise.
She wasn't shaking from anger.
She was shaking because-because she was crying.
Tears streaked silently down her face. Her arms were crossed tightly before her and her chest heaved with muted sobs. Without looking up at me, she whispered, almost inaudibly, "Am I that unlovable?"
Am I that-what?!!
Eries?
What in blazes?
First of all Eries has never let her emotions get the best of her when it comes to discussions of her marriage. She ascribes to the school of cooler heads prevail where state matters are concerned . And I know for a fact that she considers her marriage a matter of state. Even so , it's a rare thing for her to lose control of her emotions-period.
Second of all, she has never taken any of her failed engagements personally. Ever.
I was perplexed. This made no sense whatsoever.
Unless.
Something had changed Eries. Or maybe.
Someone???
Suddenly all the pieces fell into place.'Nette's cryptic warning, Eries' uncharacteristic behaviour, that haunted look in her eyes, that strange feeling I had had earlier.The situation became, if not crystal clear, more understandable.
[Soundtrack 2, Track 17, If You]
I slumped against the window frame. Not wanting to embarrass her further by my staring, I faced into the room, while she remained looking steadfastly out the window. I have never been good at comforting people, especially girls. Angry females I can handle, but crying ones.I glanced over at Eries tear streaked face and felt the old awkwardness again.
But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Here goes.
"Eries," I said gently, "The reason I can't marry you is because it's not fair. To either of us."
"Marriage-marriage is not just a contract of state or convenience. I might have been able to accept that view before. Not now. Marriage is the giving of mind , body, and heart. And I can't marry you, or anyone else for that matter because my heart isn't free to give."
"Millerna-" My voice wavered and faltered.Ever since her passing, it has been difficult for me to speak about Millerna without being overwhelmed by grief. I could feel my chest tightening and my throat closing. Tears stung at my eyes.
As I struggled to regain control over myself, my eyes fell upon a portrait of Millerna hanging in the room. Oddly, instead of making things worse, it calmed me. I realized that what I was doing was not only for the sake of my friendship with Eries. It was for Millerna's sake as well.
She would want me to do this for her sister. Help her where she could no longer.
In my mind, I could almost hear her insisting that I do something about the current situation immediately.
* Anything for you, beloved *
Hastily wiping my tears away with my sleeve, I managed on. "Millerna-even in death-- she still holds my heart. Even with time, I don't think it will ever be free to give."
"But . to tell the truth, I don't believe that your heart is available either."
A sharp intake of breath told me that I was right. I turned my head to see Eries drawing back, suspicion plain in her frosty gaze. "What did Annette tell you?"she asked sharply.
"'Nette? I believe her exact words were: 'Whatever you think of this engagement, it's actually much worse.' 'Nette didn't have to say anything to give it away. You did a good enough job of it on your own." The accusation in her expression softened to its earlier resigned sadness. Unable to continue holding my gaze, she began staring at the edge of her carpet as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.
"I can't say I know what the particulars are, but I've known you long enough to KNOW you, Eries. And know when something is amiss with you. And, I know things are horribly wrong here."
"I don't' know why you think I might be the solution to your problem. I'm not. Definitely not. Though you might not see it this way now, by leaving Asturia, I'm keeping you from making a huge mistake. And I hope I'm also giving you another chance. At what or whom, I haven't the foggiest. You don't have to tell me. I don't need to hear that. But think about it before you make your next move. HARD. I'd hate for you to waste it."
"I truly wish I could do more to help you, but I can't. I leave tomorrow morning. I trust you will not alert anyone to my get-away. I doubt you will ever hear from me again. But chances are that I'll hear about you. And what I hopeto hear about is-your happiness."
I paused. Eries had not said a word nor reacted to any of my words.
A minute passed. "Eries?" I prompted. "Eries?"
"Dryden Fassa," she said shakily,"You're the most troublesome, arrogant, conceited, pompous, overbearing, opinionated-"
Good , she's insulting me. A definite improvement over tears. "- overconfident, opportunistic, prideful, loud-mouthed person I've ever met. And-and-" Looking up at me earnestly, Eries reached out and clasped my hands tightly in her own.
"-and I'll miss you terribly, my friend."
Pulling her closer, I kissed her gently on the forehead. "I know. Farewell, Eries."
=-=-=-=-=-=
Barring any more computer issues, ch 13 will be up in two weeks! Please be so kind as to send us a review : )
