Title: Being a teenager sucks

Pairings: *takes a deep breath* RL/SB, RW/HG, GW/DM, HP/OC, MM/SS (ack, I don't much like the last one, but ish chose the pairings, acos I couldn't decide. Ain't she helpful! ^.^) And possible Dean/Seamus.

Warnings: Some slash in later chapters, probably only mild slash, because I can't write it to save my life.

A/N: first hp fanfic, I didn't know how this would turn out, but it seems to be okay. Rest assured there is a plot. Eventually, there will be a plot… now, onto important matters.

1. You will heed the warnings. There will be mild slash in later chapters. Do NOT come crying to me because you don't like to see Sirius and Remus paired together. Don't flame me because you're homophobic, I have warned you, and I'll warn you again in the chapters that I decide to put slash in.

2. You will review, even if it is to flame me. If I get no reviews, or very little, I will think that nobody is reading this, and I will stop writing it.

3. Constructive criticism is most welcome. If you have ideas, or can point out mistakes, I will be eternally grateful.

4. If you flame me because of the slash (when I write it) I will hunt you down, and drink your blood. I will hang your lifeless body from the flagpole of my school, and we will all throw things at you. Then, we will see which type of acid will eat through your eyeballs the fastest, and have a race. If I lose (which I won't. I'm acing chem.) We will send your body to your family for a decent burial. If I win, (which is certain) we will cover you in melted wax, and stand you in the science lab so the little year sevens can throw things at you. And then possibly cover you in kerosene and set you on fire, those year sevens are pyros (and I am their teacher!)

5. Yes, I have been known to drink blood on occasion, I want fangs, I hate the sun, and my skin is so pale it's almost white. (Except at the moment, it just borders on extremely pale, acos it's summery where I live.) I'm obsessed with vampires. GET THE HELL OVER IT! Erm… thank you…

Harry rummaged through his potions kit.

"Damn! There's no more rosewood!" he had all the ingredients except one, and he had no way of getting more.

Harry looked up as he heard a knock on the door. But… nobody at the Dursley's bothered to knock…

"Who is it?" Harry heard the door being unlocked, and it opened a little.  

"It's Dudley…" Harry was confused.

"What do you want?" Dudley hesitantly stepped into the room, glancing around nervously, as if at any moment, something magical would jump out and eat him.

Satisfied that he wasn't about to be hexed, he walked over to the bed, where Harry sat.

"You have cake," he said simply. Harry looked at him strangely.

"What? So what if I do!" Dudley grinned.

"So, I won't tell mum if you share it with me."

"Now why would I want to do that?" Harry frowned, puzzled.

"Because…" said Dudley, as if he were speaking to a particularly dim-witted person, "you don't want mum to find out you have cake ant take it from you." Harry smiled.

"And you…" he replied, mimicking Dudley's tone "don't want my escaped murderer godfather to think I'm being starved."

Dudley paled at this, and then changed tactics.

"Please… I'm gonna die of starvation!" Harry smiled.

"Tell you what…" Dudley cheered up instantly. Harry continued. "I have a plate of rock-cakes I can bear to part with…" Dudley was drooling. "On one condition…" Dudley grinned.

"Anything!" then upon seeing Harry's smirk… "Almost anything" he corrected himself.

"Okay." Said Harry, "if I give you food, you have to…" he whispered something and Dudley's eyes bugged.

"What! No way! I can't do that!" Harry looked at him calmly.

"Well, I can't very well go and get it, I'm locked in here." Dudley paused; you could practically see the gears turning in his tiny brain.

"Okay," he said finally, "but only if I get the food first."

"No deal." Harry replied, "I have no reason to believe that you won't take the food, lock the door behind you, and not come back." Dudley looked mildly offended.

"And what if you cross me?" Harry only smiled.

"You know where to find me." Dudley thought for a moment, and reluctantly agreed,

"But… what if I can't find any?" Harry handed him a sketch.

"This is what it looks like. I don't care what you have to do to get it, but get it soon, okay?" Dudley scowled, his fat piggy face scrunching up, and making him look like an overgrown sultana.

"I'm not going anywhere near you freaks to get it."

"You don't have to," said Harry "you should be able to find it growing, you know, in nature? Do you remember nature, Dudley?" Dudley was silent, trying to figure out whether or not Harry had just insulted him. "Go!" Dudley grabbed the sketch and retreated to his own room.

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Dudley scowled at the offending sketch. He considered not getting this… this magical plant thing, because it seemed so important to Harry, but his growling stomach made up his mind for him. He needed food, so he'd have to go find it if he wanted to eat. It couldn't be too difficult; scar-head seemed to think it could be found nearby.

His stomach growled again. He'd better go.

He got up and stomped angrily down the stairs. Petunia looked worriedly at him.

"Duddiekins! What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He muttered darkly. "I'm going out."

"Okay Duddie, but be sure to be back in time for dinner, we're having lettuce, cucumber, and tofu!" Dudley smiled

"Okay mum!" then bounded out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry smiled as Dudley dragged himself into the room, bleeding and covered in hives.

"Oh, I probably should have mentioned that those plants that the rosewood grows in the center of are thorns and poison ivy…" Dudley growled at him and threw the rosewood in Harry's general direction.

"You've got your stupid weed, now, you promised me food." Harry muttered something unintelligible and distractedly threw some of Hagrid's rock cakes to him. Harry looked up.

"Are you still here? I may not be allowed to use my wand, but I still know how to poison people, now GET OUT!" Dudley scurried out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Harry rose slowly and walked over to his wardrobe, he looked at it, and then leant against it, pushing it in front of the door, so Dudley couldn't get in when he realized… ("SCAR HEAD!") …that the rock cakes were inedible.

The door rattled in its frame as Dudley beat it with his fists.

"Open this damn door!" Harry leaned against the wardrobe.

"No." he said calmly. Dudley screamed and stamped his fat little feet, making the floor shake.

"You cheated me! Let me in, or else!" Harry grinned.

"Or what? You'll tell Petunia you tried to break your diet?" Dudley growled. Harry just smiled, and walked over to his bed. He retrieved the cauldron from under it and started to set up. Eventually, the banging on his door subsided. Harry presumed that Dudley had gone to look at shiny things.

Harry prepared the ingredients: distilled water, shredded shadow root, knotgrass, the juice from three santrica berries, a drop of rosewater, two white honeysuckle flowers, ("borrowed" from aunt Petunia's garden) and the ingredient that Dudley had found, rosewood bark, and the shredded root of rosewood. (He kept the poisonous flowers, just in case.) He placed the ingredients into the cauldron, and stirred gently, waiting for it to boil.

When the potion boiled, he stopped stirring, and let it simmer for five minutes. He stirred it with one white owl feather, (graciously provided by Hedwig,) and poured the finished potion into a vial. He put a stopper in it, and then packed away his potions kit.

He looked at the potion in his hands, the light shimmering off the opaque, silvery liquid. Finally, he had an astral projection potion…

A/N: The ingredients used in the potion, well, most have a purpose. The santrica berry, grows on a tree much like a lemon, but a pale pink colour. It's magical properties include providing energy, and boosting the circulation of a soulless body, such as someone who has been Kissed, or their soul is not there for other magical reasons. Other properties are; it is a relaxant, and it focuses the mind, enhancing the powers of said mind. (My best friend made it up! Thanks ish!) The rosewood, it's um... like a shrub, little cream coloured flowers, that are poisonous when eaten. You use the bark and roots in a lot of homeopathic crap. It has the ability to let the soul loose from the body, so it'd be good for an astral projection potion. (Again, ish told me. She's being nice to me acos I'm writing Harry Potter fanfic, lol.) All the others have some unknown purpose, but you can work it out yourself =P I'm not sharing my potions secrets, so there! =P And Harry got this potion from a book he found on a trip to Diagon Alley, in a little shop dangerously close to Knockturn alley.

Please review, even if it is just to say that you've read it. I'm pathetic, and I need this.

In the next chapter: why the hell does Harry need an astral projection potion???