Post Party Blues Part 2
Rozi
All Hell broke loose. Or at least, that's what it felt like. Sirius awoke and groaned, he had never had a hangover so bad, his whole body was on fire. His head pounded like a troll was tap dancing on his brain; someone had replaced his eyeballs with curried marbles in the night and his tongue felt as if someone had spread Astroturf on it. He grunted and put his hands to his face, for some reason his left arm felt heavier than his right. He tried to think, he knew he was hung over (it was hard to ignore it), he knew that they had got really pissed last night… after Gryffindor had won the cup, he and the others had suggested that the older years (at least fifth year and above) have a party that involved a hell of a lot of drinking. He had sneaked in the bottles, but it was Arthur Weasley and Gregory Jenkins that had suggested the drinking game. James had won because he was able to stand (albeit swaying like a pole in a heavy breeze) after… God knows… three bottles? After that they had all got very drunk, the four of them had staggered out into the forbidden forest to… to… carry on drinking. The Gryffindor head of house had come in and ordered them all to go to bed, although a vast majority of the students had passed out anyway. They had sneaked out and decided to carry on the festivities out in the forest. After that? ... it was a blur to him, but he had a horrible feeling that it would come crashing down on him soon. He blinked and tried to see through the swim of sleep and post drinking stupor, he saw James, still slumped snoring like a warthog with catarrh against a tree and Peter a few feet away also snoring loudly.
A thought rang loudly in his ears; he remembered that they were all sleeping in the Forbidden Forest, drunk and vulnerable to attack at any moment. They had been lucky! They were all alive and in one piece… maybe the forest creatures feared Remus, he was a werewolf after all and-
Remus! Where the hell was he? What was going on? Why was he so cold? And what the bloody hell-
"- Is that weird taste in my mouth?" He said aloud, finally managing to return to recognizable English.
"Well," said a sly voice down by his side, "you should know Paddy."
Sirius' brain finally shut down. He looked to where the voice had come from and saw Remus lying on his side, his hair sprawled out messily and a seductively worrying smile plastered on his face.
What caught Sirius' attention was the fact that Remus was naked. Completely and utterly in the buff, stark nude, no clothes, bollock naked…. And checking himself he found that he was…
Also naked.
"Oh…. My….God…" He muttered.
"Yep, that's what I was thinking," said Remus, that grin spreading like sin across his face, "is your hangover bad?"
"It's just got a whole lot worse," moaned Sirius, his focus finally resting on his left arm, he suddenly realised why his left arm was so heavy.
"Moony?" He said, politeness straining under a rather urgent tone, "would you like to explain the handcuffs?"
"Oh yeah, well they were your idea Paddy," Remus replied "I distinctly remember you saying 'Moony, hey, how's about we make it really interesting' so you transfigured a silver sickle into a pair of handcuffs."
Sirius tried to take this in and failed "I did? How? I was never that good at transfiguration… apart from the whole animagus thing…"
"Oh I helped," said Remus happily.
"Oh… right… please undo them."
Remus looked rather dejected, but he reached for his wand and detransfigured the handcuffs back into a silver sickle. Sirius rubbed his wrist painfully and winced "So… we… did have…I mean we did…do…it," he finished lamely.
"Yep, we did Padfoot."
Sirius shuddered "Look…it's not that I have a problem with two men…doing…. You know…."
"It?"
"Right… it's just…. Well….I was very drunk and so were you! It's not like it really… meant anything- Not that I'm saying it didn't! I'm just saying… that… let's never talk about this ever, ever, again okay?"
Remus took a lot better than Sirius had thought he would, a little too well if he really thought about it, but even thinking was becoming painful so he just concentrated on getting his clothes back on before James and Peter woke up.
"You clear Moony? Subject closed, end of story, we are not to talk about it ever again!" Sirius repeated urgently.
"'Course Padfoot, won't say a word," Remus said breezily.
"Good."
"Good."
"Settled?"
"Yep."
Sirius found his clothes lying in a crumpled heap nearby, he hastily got dressed trying not to look at Remus' face. When he did, he saw Remus still had a huge grin spread across it. Sirius wondered how long it would be before the subject would be raised again, not long he suspected, much to his horror.
He and Remus were just hoping into their trousers when James stirred and awoke. Sirius hastily did up the front of his flies when James opened his eyes; he looked as bad as Sirius felt. James normally messy hair had seemed to redefine the very word messy. His eyes were red and blood shot, his glasses hung skew-whiff off the end of his nose and he uttered a barely audible grunt.
"Bad hang over?" Sirius asked.
"Oh…. God…" groaned James "Kill me…kill me please!"
James had drunken more than the rest of them and had managed to hold it, but now it was all coming back in a torrent. He had never felt so bad in his entire life!
"We'd better get back… 'fore the teachers catch us, we'll be for it if they find out we were boozing in the Forbidden Forest, especially Moo- Oh morning, Moony," James indicated Remus, "As I was saying; Dumbledore trusted us not to let you out here."
"It weren't full moon," said Remus, who was doing quiet well despite the hangover, "I was safe, so were you lot."
"Still, we ought to- ow- get a move on eh lads?" Said James getting up, trying to steady himself on the tree he had been sleeping on, "where's Wormtail?"
Remus indicated to a crumpled, snoring heap that was Peter Pettigrew. Sirius walked over to him and nudged him with his foot, he snorted and awoke.
"Wakey wakey Wormy," said Sirius "we have to get a move on."
After some false starts, several groans and protests they eventually got up and moved in a mass of hung-over vagueness through the forbidden forest and back to the castle, Sirius avoiding Remus' gaze.
Luckily no one saw them as they moved through the castle; James was cursing himself for not remembering his Invisibility Cloak, but luckily they were not seen.
They returned to find the Gryffindor common room in a state; it looked as if several hurricanes and an apocalypse had traipsed through. It was strewn with snoring Gryffindor students and even some hung-over ghosts, including Sir Nicholas, sleeping with his head hanging off his neck. They stepped carefully over them to their dorms, vowing to never, never touch a drop of alcohol ever again.
They were about to step into the door that led to the boy's dorm, when they stopped. A pretty, red headed girl with green eyes stood in front of the entrance. She wore the angriest scowl that they had ever seen.
James, fighting off his hangover, dropped his compatriots and tried to smile, "Morning Lily, wha-" he stopped when he saw her expression, "what's up?"
No one expected it, least of all James, and they all winced as Lily's hand swiped round with a whoosh and connected with James' cheek with a ringing slap. It left a raw looking red mark.
"What-" he begun.
"'Lily's got standards! Who would you rather go for? I'm a prize catch me!'" Lily's shouted impression of a drunken James echoed in their ears painfully "you egotistical, selfish, arrogant pig!"
"But… but…" James begun, recoiling from the overwhelming shock of being slapped whilst trying to keep his balance "I didn't-"
Lily grabbed the front of his robes and yelled "I hope your hangover really hurts James Potter! Because it's the least that you deserve! You think I'd even want to go near such a conceited…. swine?! You've got another think coming! I HATE YOU!"
With red hot tears of anger streaking her face she stamped past him, hair flying out behind her like sparks. James struggled to run after her, closely followed by the rest of the Marauders, through the portrait hole and out into the hall. James called out "Lily! I didn't mean it! I was drunk out of my mind! Lily! LILY!"
But she ignored him and carried on walking.
"How did she know what happened?" Whispered Peter, "she wasn't in the forest with us when we were all drunk was she?"
"No, she didn't follow us, we'd have known if she had," said Sirius gravely.
"Then who did?" Remus said urgently.
"Lily! Please listen to me-" James was calling.
He stopped when a smug face attached to the body of Serverus Snape; he stood directly between James and Lily.
James growled, "Out of the way!"
"Oh aren't we in trouble Potter?" Snape sneered, "Not so high and mighty now eh? Looks like I have got a chance in hell with Lily after all?"
It took a while with James brain only working on second gear, but the penny dropped. "You followed us! You slimy, sneaking bastard!" James spat, his nose an inch or so away from Snape's.
"Language Potter," said Snape, "don't you think you're in enough trouble already?"
James dug in his pockets for his wand, glaring with flashing anger.
"How about we settle this eh? Mano et mano? Or you too much of a coward to face me?" James snarled.
"James!" Sirius hissed "leave it alone! We are in too much trouble already! What about Remus?!"
James wasn't listening, he pointed his wand at Snape and cried out a spell that sent Snape shooting backwards before he even had a chance to reach for his own wand. The dazed Serverus sat up no sporting a pair of not-too-fetching bull horns poking out of his jet black hair. A crowd had gathered to see the potential fight breaking out, the Gryffindor students were laughing like crazy, the Slytherin students were yelling at Snape to get James back. They were still feeling really bitter toward Gryffindor for beating them yesterday in the Quidditch cup, now was a chance for some payback. Snape struggled to his feet quicker than James could utter another spell and pointed his wand back at James yelling "Lapanerus!"
James flew back also, a pair of white bunny ears poked from his messy black hair and he even had a fluffy bunny tail poking out of the seat of his trousers. Now it was the Slytherins turn to laugh, pointing and cooing. James retaliated with a quick jelly leg charm, which had Snape swaying and wobbling until he countered with spell that had leeks growing out of James' ears. James' next spell turned Snape's wobbling jelly legs into chicken legs, which paralysed the Gryffindors with laughter. Snape growled angrily and yelled "Delgarminus!"
James flew backwards painfully into a nearby wall. He got up again; he didn't feel anything grow out his ears or his nose… the curse hadn't worked!
"Ha!" He cried standing up, "What was that supposed to - hey! What's so funny?"
All the Slytherins were on the floor, unable to breathe with laughter, he noticed the girls were going red with giggles, even the Gryffindors.
Remus and Sirius indicated down and James looked down.
His eyes widened and placing his hands down there so as to gather what little dignity he had left.
"Son of a bitch!" He cried as the students gathered around exploded with laughter.
"Cold in here eh Potter?" Said Snape smugly.
James threw his wand aside and leapt on Snape with a cry of primal fury, knocking Snape's wand out his hand and flinging punches into his sneering face. Snape, caught slightly off guard, clamped his hands firmly around James throat and the two of them rolled over and over, swearing and yelling.
Before long James and Snape both had black eyes, Snape had knocked James' glasses flying into a wall where they smashed and James had punched Snape in the face. Snape now had a bloody nose and, taking advantage of James' lack of robes, he retaliated by giving him the most painful nipple-cripple that he had ever received in his life (do they have nipple cripples in America? It's when you clamp your two first fingers over their nipple and crank it round. It does hurt apparently.) James let out a yelp of pain and brought his leg up between Snape's legs. Serverus promptly let out a high pitched scream and head butted James.
There were shouts of encouragement from both sides; some of the Gryffindors were taking bets, even the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were cheering on the two combatants. The fight had long ago lost any form of gentlemanly elegance, both Snape and James were bloody and messy, covered in cuts and bruises.
It only stopped when an angry group of teachers stomped down the corridor yelling for the two of them to break up the fight. Professor Montague, transfiguration teacher and head of Gryffindor house (at the time, if I've got it wrong please tell me!), eventually came down and pulled the pair of them apart. With a flick of his wand, he held them there as they yelled further insults and tried to get at each other again.
"Boys! Stop! NOW!" Montague cried.
They settled down, still grunting and growling like a pair of wild animals. Montague stepped smartly between them and fumed angrily "How dare you two! Fighting like… like… trolls in the middle of the corridor! Are we not civilised human beings here?! And for pity's sake Potter PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"
The crowd dispersed, still sniggering at James, quickly and quietly.
The two boys, looking rather foolish, were escorted, Snape walking in rooster step thanks to his new chicken legs, to Professor Dumbledore's office. Both of them throwing evil glances at each other whenever they thought that Professor Montague wasn't looking.
