Confessions of an Ice Princess
Summary: When Kathryn doesn't make a decision between Sebastian and Nicholas it leads to some unforeseen consequences.
The Time To Hesitate Is Over
I was waiting for him. Standing out on the sand, looking out at the waves I wrapped my arms around my bare shoulders and waited. Dressed in little more than a skimpy white sun dress I wondered why I hadn't grabbed a coat on my way out. Still I didn't turn and leave because I knew any minute now Sebastian would be there. Since the 'separate parts of the house' rule was still in effect I knew we couldn't really talk to one another there without drawing some sort of suspicion so I went to the beach. I knew it was only a matter of time before he followed me down and I wasn't disappointed. "You're cold" he whispered in my ear as he came up from behind.
"So I've been told"
Sebastian took his jacket off and slid it around my shoulders "so I was talking to my brother. He tells me you guys are going back to the city today. I take it you two made up?"
I pulled out a cigarette and gave him a careless shrug "yeah sort of. He apologized, I accepted." I looked over at Sebastian and could tell he wanted to ask me something but was afraid of the answer. I smiled "I didn't fuck him if that's what your wondering."
As nonchalant as possible he replied "well I have no hold on you but..."
"But?"
"He's an asshole Kathryn. I thought after I explained my history with him you would just drop the fucker but no you seem determined to hold on to him. The question is why?"
I was wondering the same thing myself seeing as I had long gotten over any romantic feelings I had for Nicholas. However I knew there was a certain safety in staying with him. If I wasn't with him then I could be free to be with Sebastian a prospect that made me both excited and nauseous. The residual lust I at first felt for him had grown into something more. I didn't know exactly what it was but the idea of exploring it further made me a little hesitant. So I stayed with Nicholas because I knew that way it prevented me from having to make a decision.
However I couldn't tell Sebastian all this so I simply said "he's good for me" and turned away.
"Good for you?" He repeated incredulously "what did you like how he treated you last night? Do you like being referred to as a whore and him grabbing you?"
I spun around suddenly angry "don't be so melodramatic Valmont. I can handle your brother just fine. If I were you I'd be worrying more about your relationship with my sweet sister. If you start acting up every time Nicholas and I have an argument she might start getting suspicious."
"It doesn't really matter anymore" he said.
"What do you mean"
"I've decided to end things with Annette" he told me as he stared out at the ocean.
Trying to conceal my happiness at this news I simply said "oh?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes "try not to look too disappointed princess."
I smiled "just wondering what brought on this turn of events."
"We both know I was only seeing Annette to drive you nuts which worked quite well actually. However I don't really see the need to drag out this charade any longer. Besides I was only with her to drive you nuts."
"Mission accomplished" I stepped closer to him and pulled him down for a kiss knowing we were safe from anyone seeing us. Sebastian slid his hands around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
When he pulled away he asked in a breathy whisper "what are you going to do about Nicholas?"
"Do?"
He let out an annoyed sigh "yes are you going to dump his ass or not?"
"Hmm...haven't really decided yet" I leaned in to kiss him but to my surprise he pushed me away. "What's wrong?"
Sebastian started walking back down the beach and I followed after him. "So what's the deal Kathryn? Are you going to see him and fuck me in your free time?"
"I haven't really thought that far ahead" I replied glibly even though I was feeling anything but. "Any way what happened to not having a hold on one another? I thought we were having fun." Grabbing him I turned him around "I thought you were my friend Sebastian."
He nodded "I am but I don't like getting screwed with Kathryn."
"That's not what I'm doing."
"Ok if that's the case then choose. Either you fuck him or you fuck me but you can't have us both. I'm not going through that again."
I sighed "is that what this is all about, sex?"
"Of course not but I can't be with you if you're with him. If you care about me even a little bit you'd drop him."
Turning away from him I simply said "I don't like ultimatums."
Sebastian let out a short humorless laugh and as I looked back at him I saw a flash of emotion cloud his usually aloof face. "Well I guess I have my answer then."
"Sebastian..."
Stepping closer he leaned down and kissed my cheek before turning to go. "Maybe I'll see you back in the city. Good bye Kathryn"
This time I didn't follow after him but stayed where I was. Looking back at the water I knew I had probably made a mistake but I also knew he would get over it. Soon Sebastian would dump Annette and I would once again have him all to myself, just as I wanted.
* * * * * *
"Put that in the back seat" I instructed. Standing at a distance I watched as the servants loaded our luggage into the town car. A few hours after my talk with Sebastian on the beach the car had arrived and Nicholas announced that we would be going. Actually he said he was going and that if I wanted to go with him I was more than welcomed. After the incident the previous night he was trying to be more accommodating towards me but at the same time I think it was starting to occur to him that I wasn't as interested in him as I led him to believe.
I had agreed to go because I had to get back to the city anyway of account of school obligations but there was also the fact that I wasn't too keen on the idea of staying here with Annette and Sebastian. Although I hadn't talked with either all afternoon I was sure Sebastian hadn't broken up with her yet and until he did I didn't see any reason to sit around and watch them play kissy face.
"Is there anything else ma'am?"
"No that will be all. Tony I'm just going to see what's keeping Nicholas" I told the driver before heading inside the house.
I was about to call out to him when something on the terrace caught my attention. Sitting out by the back pool was Sebastian and Annette. Since they were at a distance I couldn't hear what they were saying but I could read their body language and by the looks of it they were anything but broken up.
I was staring at the two of them so intently that when Nicholas came up behind me I didn't even notice. "Are you ready to go?"
"What?" I looked over my shoulder at him and replied "oh yes."
He nodded then looked out at his brother "they're staying for another couple of days so that should make you happy."
Forcing a smile I agreed "yes no Annette for a few days should be nice."
"You think we should go say good-bye?"
I looked back at the couple who were now embracing. Scowling I told him "no lets go."
Nicholas took my hand and we headed out to the car. For most of the ride there we said very little to one another. He was distracted by work while my mind remained on that image of Annette and Sebastian hugging. The whole way home one thought stayed with me: Had Sebastian decided to stay with her after all?
"That was Annette" Roger exclaimed a few days later as we were sitting down for dinner. "She's on her way home and she says she has some big news."
"Oh christ" I muttered under my breath as I took a seat at the table.
"What did you say Kathryn?" Roger asked completely clueless as usual.
Ignoring the daggers my mother was sending my way I smiled "oh that's good. I know I've missed her while she's been gone these past few days."
Yeah right I snickered to myself while I smiled sweetly. In actuality these past few days had been heaven without little miss sweetness and light lurking around every corner. But I knew eventually she would have to come back home. I had just hoped it would be later rather than sooner.
"Yes well she sounded very excited. She couldn't wait to tell all of us her big news."
"I wonder what it could be" my mother mused excitedly.
Whatever it was I had a feeling it wasn't good. If Sebastian had broken up with her like he said he was going to, I doubt Annette would classify that as good news. Although Roger would probably think so given his dislike for Sebastian. Still as I sat there pushing the veal around my plate I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it could be.
"Hello? Where is everyone?" Annette's chipper voice called out.
"We're in here dear!" Roger responded with a large smile.
When his back was turned I made a face and my mother caught it. "Behave Kathryn" she muttered under her breath.
"Don't I always?"
"Hi everyone!" Annette exclaimed as she came trotting into the room with a large smile. The smile of someone who most definitely had not been dumped. Unless of course she was drunk I mused with a smirk.
"Oh sweetheart it is so good to have you home" Roger greeted his daughter with a big hug.
"I missed you too daddy" she smiled "hello Tiffani."
"Welcome back dear. The Hamptons obviously agreed with you" my mother told her.
"It did" Annette looked over at me and smile hesitantly "hi Kathryn."
"Annette" I took a sip of the wine in front of me "so what's this about big news?"
She opened her mouth to respond when Roger came up behind her and said "oh we can here all about that later. Why don't you get something to eat first. You must be starving after that long drive."
"Yeah but I want to tell you my news first. It's sort of important."
"All right dear what is it?"
I studied my step sister as she took a deep breath and looked at the three of us sitting across from her anxiously. "Um ok...well the thing is...I...god why is this so hard?"
Rolling my eyes I had enough with the politeness and told her "enough already what is it?"
Annette looked at me and her eyes narrowed "ok here it is....I'm engaged."
Honest to god I don't know what blew me over more the word engaged or the seven carrot diamond ring on her finger. I just sat there gawking at her slack jawed and I wasn't alone in my astonishment. Roger and my mother were both gawking at her in surprise as they both struggled for words. Finally Roger stuttered "en-engaged. You're getting married?"
She nodded with a smile "yes I am."
As everyone struggled to find something to say all I could think about was Sebastian. Was he really that stupid to purpose to Annette? Was this all just to get back at me for not making a decision? If it was he had gone too fucking far. I was awakened from my thoughts when Roger started speaking. "Sweetheart as much as I want to be happy for you don't you think this is too soon? I mean you haven't even graduated from high school yet."
"Daddy I love him and it's right. Besides we've decided to have a long engagement. Don't worry we won't be making any plans until after I graduate."
"Don't worry" he boomed getting upset. "Annette you barely know Sebastian! You've only been together a month."
"Try three weeks" I hissed glaring at her. "You can't marry him it's insane!"
Annette's eyes locked on mine as she replied as cool as could be "well I'm not."
My mother inquired "then who are you marrying dear?"
Before she could answer Oliver came in wearing a sheepish smile and for the second time that night I was shocked. "That would be me ma'am."
Wrapping an arm around him Annette beamed "he asked me last night and I accepted."
"But I thought you were seeing Sebastian" Roger asked completely perplexed.
She nodded "I was and we had a great time together but I love Ollie. Sebastian helped me to realize that."
"Sir I know this all comes as a bit of a shock but I do love your daughter and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. With your permission of course."
We all glanced at Roger expectantly as he seemed to think it over. A smile spread across his face as he said "well if this is what you want Annette who am I to stand in your way."
The three of them hugged and shook hands while my mother remained seated glancing at me with a mixture of pity and concern. My head was spinning from all of this so I reached for my wine glass and began to gulp it down as I stared at the happy family before me.
"Well" my mother said with a forced smile "how did this all come to be?"
As Annette rattled on about how she met up with Oliver a couple of days ago and her fiancé looked around at everything but me I realized the wine wasn't cutting it. I definitely needed something stronger. I excused myself from the table and made a bee line for the bar in the den. As I poured myself a shot I realized that as annoyed as I was at the prospect of my ex marrying Annette I was more relieved than anything. Sebastian wasn't getting married, he wasn't with Annette.
I kept this thought as I took another sip of my vodka. "Is that helping any?"
I turned around to find Annette of all people standing in the doorway. "What do you want?" I muttered "shouldn't you be celebrating?"
"My dad wants to wait until everyone is there. Are you coming back to dinner?"
The fact that Annette's voice was laced with concern was making my stomach turn. "No I don't think so" I told her harshly "see the prospect of toasting my ex boyfriends engagement to my step sister isn't exactly appealing at the moment."
"I understand" she replied softly "look Kathryn I didn't do any of this to hurt you or get back at you for-"
"Save it" I hissed "I don't really care why you're marrying Oliver. If you're here to make sure I don't do anything to mess up your soon to be marriage you have nothing to worry about."
She stepped closer to me "I'm not here for that. I just wanted to make sure you're ok. Look you can be as hard as you want to Kathryn but I know you had feelings for Oilver and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me now more than ever."
"Well that's a relief" I replied sarcastically. "Now if your done I'd like to be alone."
I started to walk out of the room when she called out to me "don't you want to know about Sebastian?"
I froze at her words before turning around "what about him?"
"He's the one who made he realize I had never gotten over Oliver and he even helped me find him."
"How helpful of him"
Annette nodded "yeah well not entirely. Sebastian wasn't in love with me either in fact I think there was someone else all along. He told me himself he was in love with a girl but he didn't think it could ever happen."
"Really?" I asked somewhat dubiously.
"Yes, I think he was scared to go after what he really wanted but I told him to have faith. Anyway he came back to the city a couple of days ago" she smiled slightly "just in case you were wondering."
I knew then that Annette was on some level aware of my relationship with Sebastian. I didn't know when she figured it out but obviously she knew there was something going on between us. However at the moment I didn't pay any mind to that. Instead all I could think about was did Sebastian really love someone and was that someone me? I began to wonder if that scene on the beach wasn't just about his jealousy over my staying with Nicholas. Had he wanted me to choose him because he actually cared for me?
My mind ran a mile a minute as I took in all this information. I wasn't really sure of anything but I knew I had to make a decision and I had to make one quick. Either I could ignore what Annette just told me or I could go find Sebastian and find out if it was true. Maybe it was the alcohol that was working through my system or perhaps it was the engagement but just the idea that Sebastian was in love with me gave me a rush like I had never felt before.
Looking up at Annette I asked her somewhat cautiously "why are you telling me this?"
She shrugged "I guess I just thought you might be interested."
I nodded "thanks. Can you tell my mother I went out for a little while?"
"Sure"
Before I even heard her answer I quickly made my way out of the house and instructed the driver to take me to the Valmont home. As we were making our way down fifth avenue my mind whirled with what I would say to him when I saw him. The obvious question was do you love me? Knowing Sebastian he would answer a question with a question and ask me the same thing. But what would I say? It frightened me a little when I realized the first response that popped in my head was a yes.
Finally we arrived at our destination and I approached the door a little hesitant at first. For some reason I was expecting Sebastian to answer but instead I got the maid. Saying a small prayer of thanks it wasn't Nicholas I asked where he was. "Oh I believe Mr. Valmont is in his room"
I nodded and without waiting for an invite pushed past the small chubby women and made my way to his room. This time I didn't hesitate, I didn't even knock before opening the door. Looking back I sort of wished I had because Sebastian was most definitely there but he wasn't alone.
"Sebastian I..." My voice trailed off as I stepped inside. Sebastian was standing by the bed in only his boxers and sprawled out across his sheets was a women I didn't recognize. She was beautiful with long light brown hair, blue eyes and a body most women would pay a small fortune for. Dressed in only a sexy black bra and matching panties she looked up in surprise as I entered but she was not nearly as surprised as Sebastian. "Kathryn what are you doing here?"
"I-I'm sorry I should have knocked. I didn't realize you had company."
I expected him to throw the tramp out like he normally would but instead he said almost coldly "what do you want?"
"I need to talk to you" I looked over at the women who I could tell was sizing me up. "Alone."
He sighed "ok." Then I watched as he turned around and kissed the women on the forehead. It wasn't passionate but comforting and intimate. Sebastian had kissed me like that before and watching him to do it to this women made me sick. "I'll just be a minute Venessa."
I turned to leave when I heard that familiar name. Venessa. The supposed love of his life, that Venessa? I turned back and looked at her once more before going out into the hallway. Sebastian followed me out still dressed in his boxers. Crossing his arms across his chest he asked in his typical bored tone "yes?"
"So that's Venessa?"
He nodded "yeah that's her."
"Are you back with her?"
"Yes"
I flinched "how could you after everything she's done to you?"
"Well Kathryn you said it yourself it would be a tad hypocritical of me to get angry at her for something I've done myself."
"Yeah but Sebastian-"
"Look Kathryn what do you want?"
I stiffened in response to how cold he was being. He was treating me like an annoyance rather than someone he cared for. It was starting to dawn on me maybe he never cared at all. Instead of pressing the Venessa matter I said "Annette's engaged did you know that?"
"No" he shrugged "good for her. Olivers a lucky guy."
"You would think so wouldn't you" I replied bitterly. "Annette told me you helped her realize she still loved him. Was that part of your grad plan to break up with her and get back at me for not dumping Nicholas? Pawn her off on my ex?"
Sebastian shook his head at me "I know it might shock you to realize this Kathryn but the world doesn't revolve around you. Yes I broke up with Annette by suggesting to her that she still had feelings for Oliver but I didn't do it to get back at you for anything. I did it to avoid hurting her." He sighed "now is that why you came here, to whine about that?"
"No Annette told me something else. She told me she thought you were in love with someone. I guess I came to find out if it was true."
"Why?" Sebastian studied me a moment while I remained quiet. "Oh you thought that person was you?"
"No" I said trying to salvage a little of my dignity that was slipping away second by second. I should have gotten the hell out of there the minute I saw him and Venessa together but like some sort of masochist I couldn't seem to turn and walk away.
He nodded "well she was right there was someone I loved and I have for awhile. I didn't even realize it until Venessa showed up here yesterday. These past few months I felt like I was missing something. I now know it was her all along."
"That's nice" I replied not bothering to hide the nastiness in my voice.
Sebastian stepped closer to me "you did think it was you didn't you?"
"No" I hissed.
"Liar. Well I'm sorry Kathryn but I love her. I won't lie I did feel something for you and I thought it might be something more than it was but the other day out on the beach I realized I was mistaken."
"Because of Nicholas?" I asked looked down at the ground.
"No because of you. See when I asked you to make a decision you hesitated. If I ever meant anything to you wouldn't even have to think about it." Stepping back against the wall he remarked "I'm sick of the constant mind games Kathryn and I'm sick of always getting jerked around by you. I'm with Venessa now and whatever was going on between us, if there was in fact anything there besides sex...it's over with."
"Fine then I guess there's nothing more to say"
"Guess not"
We said nothing only stared at one another for a long moment before I turned around and left. I held my head up the whole time making sure to stay in my ice queen mode until the door was safely behind me. Once outside I slowly walked down to the car and got inside. "Where to ma'am?"
I looked up at the driver "I-I don't know. Just...away from here."
As the car took off I remained completely still hoping to just drive out all thoughts and feelings I had towards Sebastian. I would forget him I had to or else it would kill me. If I sat there and thought about him with Venessa and the way he talked to me, the coldness in his voice it would break me and I couldn't allow that. Instead I looked out the window as a single tear ran down my face.
- to be continued (Please Review)
