Confessions of an Ice Princess

Summary: Kathryn receives another blow from Sebastian but an unlikely person urges her not to give up.

Three Small Words

I hate waking up and not knowing where I am. That sudden jolt of momentary fear about not knowing your surroundings. It had happened to me on a couple of occasions, usually after a binge of some sort. However this time when I awoke I felt as if someone had just dropped an advil on my head and I couldn't seem to focus my eyes. Also there was the most annoying beeping sound pounding in my ears.

"Kathryn!" My mothers oddly concerned voice called out "ok Kathryn you're awake! Doctor she's awake!"

"What the hell...where am I?" I muttered as I tried to sit up but was promptly pushed back down.

"Don't move dear, you need to rest." Her motherly concern would have startled me had I not felt so out of it to begin with.

Before I could ask again what was going on a middle aged man in a white coat walked into the room. "You're mother is right. You took a nasty fall and you need to relax."

It was then my mind began to clear up a little bit and I realized the man in front of me was a doctor. "We're at the hospital?" When my mother nodded in response I asked "what happened?"

"Don't you remember? We were at your sisters party-"

"I don't have a sister" I grumbled.

My mother smiled slightly "well you certainly sound like your old self."

"Yeah I'm starting to remember." Sitting up in bed the best I could I recanted "there was a fight and I tried to break it up. Did I succeed?"

"Yes" she sighed "and you nearly got yourself killed in the process."

I rolled my eyes "don't be so melodramatic mother."

"Kathryn you took a very serious fall" the doctor chimed in. "You have a concussion and a nasty scrape."

Immediately I grabbed at my mothers purse and began rummaging through it looking for a compact. "Don't worry dear, you won't even need surgery."

"That's comforting" I quipped sarcastically as I ignored the pain in my head and examined my reflection in the tiny mirror. There was a very unflattering bandage wrapped partially around my head and a few cuts on my face. With a sigh I closed the mirror "so can we leave now?"

The doctor let out an annoying little chuckle "no I'm afraid not dear. We want to keep you here a few more days just to keep an eye on your injury."

"Mother" I sighed.

"It will be fine Kathryn. It's only for a few days and I'll have Mai Lei bring you some things from home."

Before I could protest further the doctors beeper went off "oh I have to get going. I'll check on you later Kathryn."

I smiled sweetly as he left but quickly dropped it when my mother closed the door behind him. "Can't you do something? Is it absolutely necessary that I stay here?"

"Yes Kathryn it is. I don't think you under stand the gravity of what happened, you could have been seriously hurt. I warned you about getting involved with both of those boys-"

"Oh mother do you think we can save the 'I told you so's' for after I'm out of the hospital?"

"Fine" she said for once biting her tongue. "But I think you should know they're both here and they want to see you."

Rolling my eyes I laid back in bed. At the moment I wasn't really keen on seeing either Nicholas or Sebastian. "I don't want any visitors."

"Well Nicholas has been quite adamant about seeing you as soon as you woke up. He's been hounding the nurses all night" she confided taking a seat beside me on the bed.

"Yeah that's a shocker. I don't want to have anything more to do with Nicholas Valmont so feel free to tell him to get lost."

My mother titled her head puzzled "what exactly happened between you two?"

"Let's just say some things became clear to me" I told her rubbing my cheek as I recalled him smacking me. Although I never really loved Nicholas I did feel for him more than I did for most of the guys I had slept with. I honestly believed he was different from all the rest and he proved me right. He was a much bigger asshole than all the others.

"And what about Sebastian?"

What about Sebastian indeed. Now him, as much as it pained me to admit it, I did care for. He was the one I thought I had figured out all along but in the end he surprised me. In the end I fell in love with him but sadly it wasn't reciprocal. Last night, after we had sex I thought maybe he didn't really care for Venessa after all but then I realized the truth when Nicholas interrupted us. Sebastian's first priority was her and it probably always would be.

With a heavy sigh I told her "tell him-"

"Tell him yourself" Sebastian said as he stepped into the room. He had several cuts and bumps on his face and was still wearing his tuxedo minus the jacket.

My mother and I both regarded him with surprise when he arrived unexpectedly. "Hello Sebastian" she greeted him politely. "Kathryn really isn't really up for visitors right now-"

"It's ok" I told her suddenly changing my mind. "Can you give up a minute?"

She nodded "ok I'm going to go make some phone calls." Getting up she turned to Sebastian and told him "don't upset her she needs her rest."

"I won't"

When she finally left I told him "you look like shit."

"So do you" he retorted with a smirk.

"Well who's to blame for that?"

Sebastian sighed "I'm sorry for what happened Kathryn, we went way to far. Neither of us wanted to see you get hurt."

I nodded "well I'll be fine but my reputation is now officially in threads thanks to you and your brothers little floor show."

"Hey I'm not the one who told everyone about us."

"No" I agreed "that was your brother and your girlfriend. Speaking of which where is she?"

"At home packing"

At this news I suddenly brightened. Was Venessa really leaving for good? God let it be true, then maybe things could go back to how they were before that little bitch graced us with her presence. Not wanting Sebastian to know just how much this news thrilled me I surpressed my smile "oh? Where is she going?"

"Back to London"

Yes! I couldn't help but smirk at this latest development "I guess she didn't take it well when she found-"

"And I'm going with her" he finished.

As quickly as my good mood appeared it vanished as I stared up at him in shock. "You're....you're going with her? Why?"

Taking a seat beside my bed in explained calmly "she got a job offer in London and after last night she's not to found of New York anymore. Anyway she asked me to go with her and I agreed. I'm going to get my GED then...I don't know."

Shaking my head I tried to process all this information as best I could. I really wanted to play it cool with him and act as if his little announcement didn't matter to me but I couldn't. "When did you decide all this?"

"A few hours ago"

"Oh" I said when what I really wanted to ask was, were you even going to see if I was ok before you skipped the country? I began to wonder if he ever cared for me at all. "She wants you to go with her even after..."

He nodded "she's willing to overlook what happened between us if I go with her."

"Wow she must really want that ring badly. I guess it looks like she'll get it after all" I told him not bothering to hide the nastiness in my voice.

"Shut up Kathryn you don't understand."

"Yeah I guess I don't" I sat up suddenly angry. "I don't understand how the guy I met a few months ago can turn into such a pussy whipped loser over some air headed bimbo!"

"She's not-"

"Oh yes she is. I've know a hundred different girls like her Sebastian.They're beautiful, charming, and will do anything to snare a rich husband."

He shook his head at me "it's not like that. We have a history Kathryn."

"Yes I'm aware as is Venessa. Husband number one fell through so she turns to you." Shrugging my shoulders I said "well I suppose one Valmont man is as good as the next."

"You would know all about that wouldn't you."

"Screw you" I sighed. "This isn't about me."

"Of course it is" he replied getting to his feet. "Things with Nicholas didn't work out, just like I warned you they wouldn't and now you're alone. Well guess what you have no one to blame for that but yourself so don't put your shit off on me."

As he turned away from me I called out "did what happened between us last night mean anything to you?"

Sebastian looked back at me in surprise "yes, of course it did. I care about you Kathryn and if there was no Venessa...but there is. I'm not going to stay in New York just so we can continue this...game between us. I can't do it anymore."

After everything we had been through together I couldn't believe he would reduce our relationship to a game. Then again maybe that's all it really was. Swallowing back my hurt and pride I muttered "fine then go."

I looked out the window willing Sebastian to go away but he stayed where he was staring at me. Finally he asked "can you think of a reason I should stay?"

I turned back to him "what?"

"Give me a reason to stay and I will. If not I'm leaving tomorrow with Venessa."

Right then I should have told him. Three small stupid words and he would stay but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Twice already I had been burned by him. That day when Annette told me Sebastian was in love and I went chasing after him only to find him in bed with Venessa. The second time being only a few minutes ago when he glossed over what happened between us as being just another game. He also hadn't mentioned that I all but confessed to being in love with him last night, drunk or not. It was his turn to tell me how he felt not the other way around. There was no way I was putting myself out on a limb once again.

Looking back at Sebastian expectant blue eyes I replied coldly "nothing comes to mind. Have a nice trip."

"I will" he nodded avoiding my gaze. "I hope you feel better" Then without saying good-bye he turned and walked out the door and my life.

* * * * * *

There was someone in my room. As my eyes began to flutter open and I stretched out as best I could in the cramp hospital bed I could hear the unmistakable sounds of footsteps behind me. Thinking it was the nurse I was about to spin around and order her to leave only it wasn't a nurse but some one much more annoying. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Annette turned around and smiled at me as she set down some pink roses housed in a glass vase. "Hey you're up"

"Yes that's very observant of you Annette" I grumbled sitting up. "Now once again what are you doing here?"

"I just came to see how you were doing and drop off some flowers" she replied brightly. "Are you feeling better?"

"I was until I got woken up by a little blond gnome"

Rolling her eyes she sat down in the chair beside me "I'll take that as a yes. You're mother asked me to stop by and tell you she'd come by this afternoon. There was some meeting she had to attend this morning."

"Of course there was" I sighed not in the least bit surprised. Fixing the straps on my midnight blue nightgown I looked over to find her still there. "Um you can feel free to go now."

"I thought you might like some company" she responded sweetly however after I stared her down for a moment her smile finally fell. "Ok I told Tiffani I would sit with you for an hour to make sure you didn't try and leave."

"Well if I have to spend a whole hour with you I will"

Annette rolled her eyes "so have you had ANY visitors since you've been here or have people just been dropping off the flowers and running for dear life when they caught wind of your charming personality?"

Not at all amused I grumbled "go away."

"Not even Sebastian?"

At the sound of his name I flinched "yeah he came by last night."

She nodded "I thought he would. You know he was really freaked out last night when you got hurt."

Although this news sent a tiny sliver of joy through me I wasn't about to alert Annette to it. Instead I replied coldly "good he should be. He's the reason I'm in here to begin with."

"Not to mention Nicholas"

"Yes well I'm done with Nicholas for good now."

"Really?" She responded surprised "I guess this means you and Sebastian can-"

"He's going back to London with Venessa" I interrupted her. "What ever was going on between Sebastian and I is over with."

"He's going back to London with Venessa?" she repeated

"Yes, what is there an echo?"

"And you're just going to let him leave?"

I shrugged "why would he stay?"

Annette looked at me with a small smile "because he's in love with you."

Looking up at her sharply I demanded "what makes you think that?"

"I've seen the way he looks at you Kathryn and after last night it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how he feels about you."

"Well if that's true why is he leaving with her?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me."

Rolling my eyes I turned back to the magazine in front of me as I began to think about what Annette had said. Then for some reason, don't ask me why I confided to her "he asked my last night to give him a reason to stay."

"And you didn't right?" She asked in that annoying superior voice of hers.

"Well what was I suppose to say?" I nearly yelled.

"How about you love him! That would be a good start."

"Look you don't know what you're talking about. It's not that simple between us" I said softly.

Leaning forward in her chair she told me "yeah it is Kathryn. You love him and you want him but you have too much pride to tell him the truth." When I looked away from her she continued on "the bitchy and ruthless Kathryn Meteuil I know would never give up something she wanted without a fight." Getting up from her chair she headed for the door "I'm going to go get some coffee. Do you want anything?"

"No" I told her distractedly. Once she left I began to mull over what Annette told me. For once the annoying bitch was right. I did love Sebastian and normally I never gave up on anything with out a fight. I always got what or who I wanted so why should this be any different. Sebastian might care for Venessa but I knew he cared for me as well and I was going to be damned if I let that money grubbing witch have him.

Suddenly I got out of the hospital bed and quickly went to the closet to get the clothes my mother had brought for when I left. I wasn't suppose to leave the hospital for another couple of days but by then it would be too late. I had to get to Sebastian today.

Luckily my mother had picked one of my favorite little black dresses and some make up so I wasted little time getting ready. As I was hurriedly fixing my hair the door opened. "Hey I know you didn't want anything but I got you...what are you doing?"

I looked over briefly at Annette "I'm leaving."

"But, you can't not until Wednesday. Where are you going?"

Throwing some things in my purse I explained "to go talk with Sebastian."

"Well I could call him for you or tell him to come by. You can't leave Kathryn and doctor said-"

"Fuck the doctor" I replied annoyed.

"Well they're not just going to let you waltz out of here without signed permission from a legal guardian."

"Then handle it"

"I can't just handle it" she said exasperated.

"Look" I told her on my way out the door. "You're the one who's telling me to go after Sebastian and to follow my heart and all that other crap. Just handle the doctors ok?"

Without waiting for a response I made my way quickly out of the hospital and flagged down a cab. On the way to the Valmont's I felt this weird feeling course through me that I had never experienced before. When I realized what it was I was shocked.

I was nervous.

I'm never nervous or unsure of myself but all I could think about was what if he rejected me. What if he truly did love Venessa? It really would kill me then.

However I pushed the thought aside when I arrived and quickly made my way to the door. Much to my annoyance when I rang the doorbell I was greeted by Nicholas. "Kathryn" he replied stunned. "What are you doing here? Aren't you suppose to be in the hospital?"

"I left" I told him shortly.

"Yeah I see that, are you feeling better?"

I was seriously getting impatient "yes I'm fine, is Sebastian here?"

Immediately his face fell and he repeated "Sebastian?"

"Is he here?"

To my great astonishment Nicholas gave out a cold humorless chuckle "oh I'm sorry Kathryn but you just missed him." With a cruel smile he finished "he left with Venessa."

Unable to hide my immense disappointment I replied "oh."

"I'm sorry" he said with fake concern "but you had to know she was the one he was after all along."

"I suppose you're right"

He nodded "but hey if you're looking for a quick fuck I could be in the mood. What do you say?"

Glaring at him I hissed "I say go fuck yourself dickwad."

"Fine have it your way" he told me before slamming the door in my face. For a moment I just stood there contemplating whether to knock on the door and ask which airport they had gone to but that seemed far too pathetic. I had to accept the fact that it was over, Sebastian was gone.

Somehow I forced myself to turn back around and get back in the cab. All the way home I kept thinking about the past few months with Sebastian. All our fights, our makeup's, the sex, the arguments and the first day I had spotted him in the park. It was then I started to cry. I tried to stop it but I couldn't stop myself. So there I sat riding in the back of a taxi, crying my eyes out over a guy. This was what rock bottom must look like.

When I arrived home I did my best to wipe my tears away and appear completely in control as I always did when I passed the doorman but I could barely hold my head up. I decided to just go to my room and get drunk. She pretend the past few days had never happened and I had never met Sebastian Valmont.

Wiping my face dry I headed to my room but something stopped me dead in my tracks. Standing there in utter shock I gasped "Sebastian."

He was sitting on the lounger with a scotch in his hand as I walked in. "I called the hospital and Annette said you left. Is everything ok?"

"I...yeah" I stumbled on my words as I struggled for a clear thought. "What are you doing here? I went to your house and your brother told me you left."

"You talked with Nick?" Sebastian asked sounding more than a little jealous

I shrugged "sort of. Why aren't you on a plane to London with Venessa?"

"There was a change of plans"

"Oh?"

He gave me that familiar smile before continuing "well I was at the airport, waiting for Venessa and all I could think about was you. In the hospital I asked you to give me a reason to stay when in reality I knew the reason all along."

Walking towards the couch I smiled "what was the reason?"

Sebastian leaned forward on the couch "the reason I stayed was because-"

"What the hell is going on?"

The two of us whipped around when Venessa came stalking into the room. Hands firmly on her hips she glared at us with absolute venom. "Venessa, what are you doing here?"

"Funny I was about to ask you the same thing? We were suppose to meet at the airport but the driver told me you took off. I looked every where for you when it suddenly dawned on me where you would be." Staring daggers at me she hissed "with her."

Looking away from her I asked him "you didn't tell her you changed your mind?"

Sebastian gave a careless shrug "well I meant to. I figured I would just give her a call later on."

"Changed your mind about what? We are suppose to be in London Sebastian but instead you're off doing god knows what with this slut!"

"Fuck you, you gold digging whore!" I spat back

Her mouth fell open as she looked over at Sebastian expectantly "Sebastian you're going to let her talk like that to me? You're still going with me aren't you?"

"Well actually-"

"There you are!"

I looked past Venessa to see my mother come charging in looking pissed off. "Hello mother" I sighed.

"Don't hello mother me, I just got off the phone with the doctors and they said you checked yourself out of the hospital! Kathryn what are you thinking? You have a concussion and..." She trailed off when she noticed we weren't alone. Smiling somewhat perplexed she said "oh hello Sebastian, Ms. Van Ryan."

"Hi Tiffani, actually Kathryn leaving is sort of my fault-"

"And mine" Annette said as she too appeared. "I'm sorry but I sort of encouraged her to leave and go talk with Sebastian."

"Oh so this is your fault" Venessa snarled as she looked over at Annette. "Why don't you mind your own business and go back to the trailer park where you came from sweetie."

"Hey don't talk to her like that!" Ok I honestly don't know what possessed me to stick up for Annette but to my utter amazement and those around me I did. Call it a moment of temporary insanity.

Everyone looked over at me stunned and finally Venessa replied "or you'll what?"

It was right then and there my mother, Venessa and Annette started to bicker and scream at one another until they were almost inaudible. Soon Roger and two of the maids came in to see what all the noise was about but they only managed to add to all the confusion. Looking away from them I noticed Sebastian was staring at me. Suddenly he got to his feet, walked over to me, took my hand and led me out onto the balcony.

He closed the doors behind us before turning back to me. Taking a deep breath he said "ok back to our conversation."

"You were going to tell me why you stayed."

"Yeah well the thing is Kathryn you and I have never been terribly good at talking about our feelings and...I..."

I smiled somewhat amused by how nervous he seemed "yes?"

Sebastian opened his mouth to say something but instead he grabbed me from around the waist and pulled me into a kiss. I eagerly kissed him back as I let my body go limp in his arms. As we pulled away both somewhat breathless I asked "is that your reason?"

"That and" he leaned down and whispered in my ear while holding me close to him "I love you princess." It was then, as I smiled against his neck I realized that for the first time in eighteen years I was happy.

- to be continued (Please Review)