Disclaimer: Me no ownin LoK or LotR so don't sue me or I'll come after you

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A/N: In the last chapter, I had Sebastion as the vampire rolling the film and Sebastion talked normally but that was because I accidentally got his and Faustus' names confused, so the vampire in the last chapter was supposed to be Faustus, not Sebastion. Sorry about that, and Sebastion still talks with a voice box. Oh, and I couldn't really decide who would play as Gandolf, so I'll probably try different people till I finally decide

[The scene is still the theatre and the lieutenants were still waiting for Faustus, NOT Sebastion, to fix the projector]

Kain: This is boring.

Zephon: Hey, I know something we could do!

Melchiah: What?

Zephon Okay, first off, is anyone other than me hungry!?

Rahab: I am!

Zephon: Good! Then I can show you guys how to make banana pudding!

Raziel: You know how to make banana pudding?

Zephon: Yeah, of course!

(then Zephon pulled a package of pudding and a banana out of his invisible pocket)

Dumah: Okay, now how the hell did he fit pudding and a banana in a pocket?

Zephon: The ingredients for banana pudding are a package of normal pudding, a banana, and a stove.

(so Zephon somehow pulls a stove out of his invisible pocket)

Rahab: Now how the heck did he do that?

Zephon: Oh yeah, and an eggbeater!

(so he pulled an eggbeater out of his invisible pocket as well)

Zephon: Okay, so now you insert the banana into the pudding and egg beat the banana until it is squished inside the pudding container.

(so Zephon did that and banana got everywhere, but a few inches of banana actually made it into the pudding)

Zephon: Now you cook it!

Raziel: You don't have anything to plug it into.

Zephon: Oh yeah!

(so Zephon took a socket out of his invisible pocket and hooked it into the wall and

started cook the banana pudding)

Zephon: This may take an hour.

Faustus: Hey guys, wanna see more previews while you wait?

Kain: Sure.
(so a commercial starts)

Commercial 1: Coming soon to a theatre near you. Bruce Willis is Bruce Willis in "Kill A Bunch of Stuff for No Reason." In this movie Bruce Willis does the only thing he does in almost all his movies. He single-handedly kills a bunch of stuff that not even an army could kill. Coming soon.

(commercial 1 ends)

Kain: Lame.

(commercial 2 begins)

Commercial 2: Coming Saint Kain's Day, Bruce Willis is Bruce Willis in "Still Killing a Bunch of Stuff Cause This Guy's Got No Talent." In this movie, Bruce Willis kills stuff.

(commercial 2 ends)

Dumah: Hey, I can kill a bunch of stuff too!

(commercial 3 begins)

Commercial 3: Coming this Turkey, Bruce Willis is a dead guy. But now this dead guy

gets to do a lot of killing! Bruce Willis is Bruce Willis in "The Sixth Sense 2: Dead Dude Killing Stuff."

(commercial 3 ends)

Rahab: Is killing stuff all he knows how to do?

Faustus: Okay, the projector is fixed!

Kain: (sarcastically) Oh really?

Zephon: (not noticing the sarcasm) Well yeah, I mean we just saw previews from the projector!

Rahab: How come no one had last names in the movie?

Raziel: Because for some strange reason no one in Nosgoth has last names.
[so now the filming starts]
The Lord of the Reavers: The Fellowship of the Reaver
[The scene is Meridian: 60 years later. Raziel as 'Frodo' is reading "Living in Holes in the Ground for Dummies" when Magnus as 'Gandolf' rode up in a shopping cart being steered by horsi (in other words horses)]

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): (seeing Magnus) Well, it's about frickin' time you've got here. Where have you been?

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): A GANDOLF IS NEVER LATE-

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Well then why are you so late?

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): SHUT UP SHORTY VAMPIRE, LET GANDOLF FINISH! AHEM, A GANDOLF IS NEVER LATE, FRODO NO-LAST-NAME, NOR IS HE EARLY. HE GANDOLF ARRIVES WHEN A GANDOLF WANTS TO!

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): (hopping into the shopping cart with him) it's almost wonderful to see you Gandolf.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): DID FRODO THINK A GANDOLF WITH MISS AN UNLCE BILBO NO-LAST-NAME'S VAMPIRE-DAY PARTY?

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Well, yeah, because you're always out prancing around like a wizard who needs Ritalin. Anyway tell me all about the outside world. Tell me everything.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): WHEW, FRODO MUST BE SOME SAD, SORRY SAP TO STAY IN THIS PLACE FOREVER. EVERYTHING? FRODO IS STUPIDLY CURIOUS FOR A VAMPIRE. ANYWAY, I CAN'T TELL YOU EVERYTHING BECAUSE GANDOLF CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HE ATE FOR BREAKFAST TODAY. MOST UNNATURAL.

(as they rode on the shopping cart they were riding on was careening down a hill leading to the home of the vampires because the horsi decided they didn't want to stay attached to the shopping cart anymore)

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): WELL, WHAT THE HECK IS A GANDOLF SUPPOSED TO TELL A FRODO? LIFE IN WIDE WORLD IS JUST AS BORING AND OVERALL STUPID THAN LIFE HERE.

(so they rode on and eventually got to some of Meridian's landscapes. He saw a bunch of vampires galloping about drinking blood and giving piggy-back rides because they couldn't afford normal transportation)

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): AH, THE LONG EXPECTED PARTY.

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): How could you tell?

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): THE BLOOD FLAVORED CHEESE CAKES. ANYWAY, WHAT HAS THE RASCAL UP TO? A GANDOLF HEARS THIS WILL BE A PARTY OF SPECIAL IGNORANCE.

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Hehehe, rascal? What a sissy term. Well, you know Bilbo-he's-

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): BUT GANDOLF IS NOT BILBO NO-LAST-NAME!

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Idiot. I meant that Bilbo's got this whole place in an uproar.

Random Vampire: RRRRRRRROOOOOAAARRRRR!!!!

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): See, he roared.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): Well, that should please Bilbo, to know that he's freaking everyone out.

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Half of Meridian has been invited.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): WHY NOT THE OTHER HALF?

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): They will all be busing watching Simon and Simon. He's up to

something.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): OH, GANDOLF KNOWS WHAT IT IS! GANDOLF KNOWS WHAT IT IS!!

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): What!?

Magnus: (as 'Gondolf'): PISH, GANDOLF ISN'T TELLING YOU!

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Bunghole. Anyway, before you came along us No-last- names were quite respected. But then you came along and screwed everything up!

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): WHAT CAN GANDOLF SAY? Y'ALL WERE ALL SO BORING! OH, AND IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE INCIDENT WITH BILBO AND HASH'AK'GIK AND THE CIRLE OF NINE, GANDOLF WAS BARELY INVOVLED. ALL GANDOLF DID WAS GIVE BILBO A KICK IN THE BUTT OUT THE DOOR.

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Well, whatever the heck it was that you did, you've now been labeled a disturber of peace.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): BUT GANDOLF DOESN'T DESTERB PEACE!

Moebius (as 'Proudhand'): Hey, you need to stop yelling! I was peacefully sleeping till you disturbed me!

(then some child vampires ran up behind the shopping cart)

Child Vampire: Fireworks! Fireworks! Fireworks!

(then Magnus as 'Gandolf' fired off some fireworks. When the fireworks shot off, the fireworks looked like Moebius and the children boo'ed but when the fireworks exploded, making it look like Moebius was exploding into millions of bits, the children cried with joy. Come on, Moebius exploding into many bits would make anyone happy)

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): Gandalf, I'm glad you're back-

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW!

Raziel (as 'Frodo'): No, you didn't let me finish. Gandalf, I'm glad you're back to that you can pay be back those $50 you owe me.

(so Magnus pushed Raziel off the shopping cart and the shopping cart arrived at Baggage End and Magnus hopped out and looked at a gopher hole. The gopher hole had a door on it. Magnus knocked)

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): No thank you. Get the heck away, I don't want anymore lawyers, tax collectors, or mimes. I only want caterers!

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): How about really old friends?

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Nope, hate them too!

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): HOW ABOUT SOMEONE WHO ALWAYS WEARS HIS PAJAMAS AND POINTY HAT?

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Gandalf, is that you?

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): YEP.

(then Kain popped his head out of the gopher hole)

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Gandalf?

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): BILBO NO-LAST-NAME?

Kain: (as 'Bilbo'): It's so great to see you Gandalf! Come on in!

(so Kain and Magnus crawl inside the gopher hole, which is very small)

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): GOOD TO SEE YOU! ONE HUNDREDTY-LEVEN YEARS OLD, GANDALF WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU HAV-

(then Kain as 'Bilbo' turns to face him)

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): EWWW, YOU'VE AGES TERRIBLY! ALL OLD AND HAGGARD!! Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention that.

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Eh, it's alright. You want some tea? Or something stronger? I've got a few pints of old Winyard's blood left. My daddy gave it to me.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): REALLY?

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Yep. He was a fellow No-last-name.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): Just tea.

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Yea, yea, yea. I was expecting you last week...

(then he just started mumbling and talking about stuff and Magnus as 'Gandalf' stopped listening cause he didn't really care while Kain as 'Bilbo' fixed some tea. Then Kain came back in and was still grumbling about various stuff)

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): ...and that's why sheep don't squeeze well.

(then someone knocked on the gopher hole's door)

Female Vampire (as 'Lobelia'): Bilbo, Biblo No-last-name!

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): I'm not home!

Female Vampire (as 'Lobelia'): Okay. Wait a second, then who answered?

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): I've got to get away from the freakin' relatives before I kill them! I want to see the mountains so I can finish making my video game that I'm going to call "Blood Omen 1: Legacy of Kain."

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): SO, BILBO'S GONNA CONTINUE BILBO'S PLAN? FRODO SUSPECTS SOMETHING!

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Well of course he does, he's a No-last-name, not some blockhead Charlie Brown from Bottleneck!

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): You will tell him right?

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Yea, sure.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): FRODO'S VERY FOND OF YOU!

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Yes, I know, stop with the guilt trips. He'd come with me if I asked, but he's still in love with Meridian.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): DON'T KNOW WHY, THIS PLACE IS HORRIBLE.

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Shut up. I'm old Gandalf, I don't look it-and if you say anything, I'll beat you up-but I'm beginning to feel it. I feel stretched and I'm going on holiday. I'm not coming back.

Magnus (as 'Gandolf'): OOH, A HOLIDAY! CAN GANDOLF COME TOO?

(Kain just looked at him like he was an idiot. Later that night, Kain and Magnus were sitting outside of Baggage End)

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Old Faithful, the finest weed in the Southfarthing.

(Dumah could be heard sniggering off-screen till someone beat him up)

Kain (as 'Bilbo'): Gandalf my friend, this shall be a night to remember.
[Then the filming stopped. Faustus had stopped it]

Kain: Hey, why did you stop?

Faustus: I'm going on a preening break.

Kain: Stupid gimp.

Rahab: Still hungry.

(then, for some reason, the theatre's sprinkler system went off)

All vampires except Razzyboy and Rahab: AHHH!! IT BURNS!!

Dumah: WHY??

Zephon: WHY BANANA PUDDING!

(so Dumah put out the fire and Zephon grabbed the burnt-to-the-crisp banana pudding)

Zephon: Waaaahhhh!!!

Raziel: Well, I've got a cookie. (then Raziel pulled out a Kain cookie that an author had given me) My agent gave it to me.

Kain: Hey, I'm on the cookie.

Raziel: Yes. And watch this! (then Raziel drew fake wings onto the Kain in the cookie)

Kain: What are you doing?

(then Raziel bit into the cookie where the wings were draw. The bit the drawn wings off of the cookie)

Raziel: (evil voice) Hahahahahahahahahahha, now I bit YOUR wings off! Now YOU'RE wingless! Hahahahahahahaa, how does it feel!?

Kain: Idiot.

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Well, I've finally got this chapter up, and I hope you like it. I kept alternating between Gandolf and Gandalf because I wasn't sure which way it was spelled. Well, don't forget to review! Oh, and I may just let Magnus be Gandolf, I don't know, but I like him being Gandalf. Hope you liked this!