I have no name
There was a window in the wall, opposite the doorway to your room. If I sat on the ground, I could look up through it, and on clear nights, see the stars. The house, while comfortable and quite spacious, was not exactly what you'd call well designed. This window was in an odd situation to begin with, the only one on that wall, and straight opposite a doorway.
I suppose it could be used by one exiting the room, if the person was so inclined. Except for the fact the window was too far up to be of scenic value for anyone who did not reach an excess of six and a half foot. Something that none of us had managed as of yet.
But on nice nights, the stars can be seen. I had always liked looking at the stars, and was something I often did, both as a circus performer and a Gundam pilot. You told me once that you enjoyed watching them too, and that, now you had been to Earth, you thought the view on a crisp, clean night such as the one I now viewed was one of the most awe-inspiring things you've ever experienced.
We have something we want to protect
As soon as you'd found this common partiality held between us, you dragged me out into the night the first chance you got, gestured expansively to the heavens and said isn't it beautiful?'. That was all. Sometimes, actions are louder then words, and I think even you – who is so free with his words - have trouble trying to express these tricky things that go on inside our minds and hearts sometimes. It's a comfort to know there are some things that are beyond expression, comprehension.
Never forfeit hope until the finale
But since that first time we watched the stars together, I've enjoyed the nightscape all the more, knowing there was another out there who watched as I did, who was in awe of that unsaid and unknown which connected with me so deeply. And so now, the picture hung up in that window was very steadying, especially against the noises that sometimes came from within.
I still wonder if I were really the only one listening to them, and could almost see Wufei sitting on the roof above your actual in-room window, masking his actions from even himself and denying concern. Quatre, I think, would have been too tired out from his diurnal mother-henning to be up for ay nocturnal window-watching such as I did and as I stipulated Wufei might.
I admire your strength
I know that Heero spent many a night within the actual room, and I can imagine him by the window too, looking out. I was always gone before he though, arriving after and carefully keeping our silences.
In the light of morning, the noises didn't exist, the naïve façade is replaced and we all continue on like we're meant to. Little tin soldiers aren't meant to feel.
With each battle I've killed my own heart
So tomorrow, when you wake and leave behind his weakness, this portion of humanity, you'll be the immovable rock that you've always been. Provide the same determination, drive, and unique aspects of yourself that hold our group together like Heero's strength, Quatre's kindness and Wufei's faith. But I've always thought your brand of glue was the most important.
In a group of estranged teenage boys who had no childhood, no future, we needed you to keep us from going mad. I don't know how long I've been looking for sanity, and I think it makes a perverse kind of sense that I may have found it here, during a war of millions inside a small group of five.
I'm cold scared
Five who could have been the best of friends, gone to school together, talked about girls and cars, trying to find money to go to college to work, live, love in a normal' way. Fate wasn't so kind however, and we are caught in something we can't stop, only try to endure. Maybe one day it might be over, and we will be looking back and laughing so that we can try to pretend a new future. That would be nice. I hope you'd all be beside me if when that day comes - because I don't think I could make it on my own.
I am nameless again
It's not good to dwell on such thoughts though. It's too early to say, and every day each of us hang in the balance. Which makes what you offer us so important. Every word, action, look, feeling that you somehow drag from us (despite ourselves) makes us stronger, makes us more worthy and hopefully more likely to live another day. Perhaps on that one day' we'll find a way to repay this debt.
But for now, I'll sit here, at my post outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing.
We've got someplace to go home to.
~Owari~
Breathing is by Lifehouse
fantastic song, you should download it. ^_^ I dunno. The end half came out awful odd. But
I guess the whole series is like that. X_x
Disclaimer: Again with the no, sadly, not mine.'
