CHAPTER 5
STERONN PLAINS
"(YAWN) Boy, what a night..." Ramza said as he woke up. "I dreamt cupcakes attacked me in my sleep."
"Oh, that was me," Orlandu said. "I'm afraid I was digging for truffles a ways from here and I kept flicking them backwards."
"Hmm..." Ovelia said as she stood up and stretched. "Sleeping outside was actually enjoyable."
"Get used to it," Ramza said. "We'll be doing it a lot."
"Mmmmbbbsssszzzzz..." Alma murmured.
"What's the matter with Alma?" Orlandu asked.
"Oh, she's always like this in the morning," Ramza said. "I know how to get her up."
"How?" Ovelia asked.
"Let's start a fire and cook some breakfast," Ramza chuckled. "I know exactly what to do. Worker No. 8, would you please go get some firewood?"
"Of course, master," Worker No.8 said as he stood up and walked back into the jungle. After about 5 minutes he returned with a big load of wood.
"Nice job," Orlandu said. "I'll begin cooking. What did you want to do to get Alma up, Ramza?"
"Cook this," Ramza said as he produced a big slab of bacon. "She's nuts about bacon."
"Got it," Orlandu said as he hunched down over the wood and quietly cast a Fire spell to start them burning. Then Worker No.8 held his hand over the fire and Orlandu put the bacon on it.
"We're traveling with a walking frying pan?" Ovelia asked. "Ramza, you have strange friends."
"Heh heh heh," Ramza chuckled.
"So, you're all awake."
"Oh," Ramza said as he turned around. Everhart was behind him. This was very strange, considering that no one had heard him coming.
"Did you have a pleasant rest?" Everhart asked.
"Yes, we did," Ovelia said. "Thank you."
"I see one of your friends is not awake yet," Everhart said as he looked over at the sleeping Alma.
"She will be in about six seconds," Ramza said. "Watch."
As soon as the bacon began to fizzle, Alma's eyes popped open and she stood straight up. "Are we having bacon?" she asked.
"Yes," Orlandu replied with a light laugh. "Well, Ramza, you were right. Your sister goes for bacon like Delita goes for women."
"Here you are, mistress Alma," Worker No.8 said as he opened his chest compartment and pulled out a small tray with his free hand. He plopped the bacon down on it and handed it to Alma.
"Thanks, guys!" Alma said, and promptly started devouring the meat.
"Hey, what about us?!" Ovelia asked.
"Forget it," Ramza said, shaking his head. "Alma has a monopoly on bacon. I've got waffle mix for the rest of us."
"Waffles are good," Orlandu said.
Just for the people who DON'T like waffles, here's the Eating Corporation of America's evening debate.
This night's topic: Do you like waffles?
Two men walked onto the stage and stood at their podiums.
"I like waffles," the man on the right said.
"I DON'T like waffles," the man on the left said. Each man ran towards the other and began pummeling him into pudding.
"What... was that?" Everhart asked.
"I don't know," Ramza said as he poured the waffles into the iron that Worker No.8 had produced. "It just happens once in a while."
"I love bacon," Alma said as she looked up at her friends for a split-second before turning back to her meal.
"Bacon's not the healthiest thing around," Ovelia objected. "Think of all the grease and cholesterol!"
"Well, you ought to know," Orlandu mused. "Haven't you told them about your little addiction to beef jerky?"
"Uncle! You promised you wouldn't tell!" Ovelia shouted angrily.
"Hey, hey, hey," Ramza said. "The first one to calm down gets a Scooby Snack."
"Are all your breakfasts this... odd?" Everhart asked.
"Sometimes it's worse," Ramza answered.
A lone Geomancer hacked away at the side of a mountain with his axe. He had been hard at work there all day. He was covered head to toe in a thick layer of sweat, and by his body odor he could tell that he needed a bath.
Fortunately, all his toil was about to pay off. He buried his axe blade in the mountainside one more time and heard a strange sound. Startled, he drew the axe back. Twelve brightly-colored stones tumbled out of the rock and landed at his feet. They all had symbols of various elements on them.
"Good Lord..." he gulped as he took his backpack and gathered the stones up. He ran down the hill to where Silas and Adela were waiting. "I've found the Chrono Zodiac Stones!" he exclaimed.
"Really?" Adela asked. "Show me, please."
The Geomancer gave his backpack to Adela, who opened it and looked down at the contents.
"Is he telling the truth?" Silas asked.
"Yes," Adela said as she dumped out the sack's contents.
"Law will be pleased," Silas said as he looked over the stones.
"We'll report this to your higher-up," Adela said to the Geomancers. "Thanks. Good job."
"I... Thank you, ma'am!" the Geomancer said as he saluted.
As the Geomancer walked back to the camp where some other Ivalice soldiers were hanging around, Silas turned to his companion. "What do you think Law's intentions are?" he asked. "Why do you suppose he joined Cardinal Gideon in the first place?"
"We shouldn't question the boss's intentions," Adela said. "I'm sure he's got a plan."
Silas nodded. He really respected Adela; she talked like a high school girl, but in reality she was as noble and solemn as the most stone-faced warriors. She buried most of her thoughts deep inside of her and thought only of obeying Law's orders. Silas suspected that she talked like she did because if she didn't she'd lose what was left of her personality that she abandoned when she became a samurai and later a hired assassin.
"We must take these stones back to Law and King Delita," Adela said, effectively breaking the silence.
"Of course," Silas said. Adela held up the Rooster Stone and the entire Ivalice army vanished.
"Your Majesty, Silas and Adela have found the Chrono Zodiac Stones," Gideon said as he opened the door to Delita's room with his eyes shut.
"What've you got your eyes closed for?"
Gideon opened his eyes. Delita was standing in a corner of the room and looking over a map of the world. "What is it, Cardinal?" he asked without looking at the Heretic Hunter.
"As I just said, sire," Gideon said. "We have found the stones."
"Excellent," Delita said as he turned around. "Take one of each and give them to Ramza's friends... That should solidify their loyalty."
"Of course, my leige," Gideon said. "Who shall I imbue first?"
"Rafa, my dear..." Delita called. Delita's bedsheets ruffled around and Rafa got out (it was a good thing she still had her clothes on). "Test it on her," Delita said.
"As you wish, my leige," Gideon said. He pulled out a pink-tinted stone with a white outline of a heart carved into it. "This must be the Love Stone," he said.
"How ironic that we give that particular stone to the girl that will destroy Ramza," Delita chuckled darkly. "Proceed."
"Where are we going, Everhart?" Ramza asked. It was about five in the afternoon and the party was trekking across the barren plains of Steronn. All around nothing could be seen but grass and prairie dog holes. Ahead of them loomed giant mountains, but they never seemed to get any closer.
"The first thing we must do is get off this continent," Everhart said without turning to face the others. "I know of a way to do so."
"This doesn't involve swimming, does it?" Alma asked.
"Why?" Ramza asked.
"I can't swim," Alma admitted as she went red and stared at the ground.
"Don't worry about it," Ovelia said. "I can't either."
"I would rust if I were to come in contact with compound H2O," Worker No.8 said as he stomped along.
"I couldn't swim very far," Orlandu said. "My old bones would give out on me."
"My plan does not involve swimming," Everhart said. A group sigh of relief was heard. "But we must keep moving. The longer we delay here, the longer Delita has to conquer the rest of the world."
"Delita's out for world domination?!" Ramza gulped.
Everhart paused for a moment to look Ramza straight in the eye. "He is," he answered. He then turned and kept walking.
"Oh, dear..." Alma said.
"Delita..." Ovelia sighed. "What happened to that gentle, kind, caring man I fell in love with?"
"There never was such a Delita," Orlandu growled. "He was on a serious power trip."
"No..." Ramza said. "He used to be like that... before his sister was killed."
"Only Ramza and I knew that Delita," Alma said. "Hmmm..."
"Is that why you hate him so much?" Ovelia asked Ramza.
"Hate?" Ramza asked. "I don't hate Delita. I just hate what he's become."
"Oh..." Ovelia said. "I guess that's how I feel, too."
"Do you still love him?" Everhart asked without turning around.
"How would you know about that?" Ovelia asked, getting a bit flustered.
"I know many things," Everhart responded.
"...No, I don't," Ovelia said. "Trying to kill Uncle Orlandu, beating up my cousin Olan and then killing me (sounds funny, doesn't it?)... It's unforgivable."
"That is good news," Everhart said. "You would be a fool to still love him."
"Can we talk about something else?" Ramza asked.
"...Delita has the Chinese Zodiac Stones," Everhart said.
"Well, we already knew that," Orlandu said. "The problem is, we have them, too."
"Well, most of 'em," Alma said. "We gave Cloud the Rooster Stone, remember?"
"Delita is being aided by church sympathizers from the future," Everhart answered. "They stole the Chinese Zodiac Stones and came back here to destroy you."
"Destroy?" Alma gulped. "Oh, I hate the 'd' word..."
"It is best if we don't dwell on such things..." Everhart said. "It'll be getting dark soon. We should set up camp."
"All right," Orlandu said. "Worker No.8, help me set some stuff up. Ramza, would you-"
Ramza was staring hard at a rock nearby. "...Ramza?" Orlandu asked.
"That rock just flashed with light," Ramza said. "I saw it..."
"You've been out in the sun too long, big brother," Alma said.
"No, really," Ramza said. "Look."
Alma joined Ramza in staring at the rock. In another thirty seconds it flashed again. "What the?!" Alma exclaimed.
"What's wrong, guys?" Orlandu asked.
"...!" Everhart said.
Suddenly a huge burst of energy flashed in front of the group. A purple portal opened above the rock and Cloud and Tifa came crashing down in front of Ramza.
"Ohhhh..." Tifa groaned as she rubbed her bottom. "That's gonna leave a mark..."
"Cloud?!" Ramza asked.
"Ungh..." Cloud muttered as he stood up and brushed himself off. "Ramza! Boy, am I glad to see you!" he said as he grabbed Ramza's hand and shook it vigorously.
"What's going on, Cloud?" Ramza asked. "Why're you back here?"
"History is being rewritten in my time," Cloud said. "Bad things are happening. I came back to help you beat Delita!"
"And I came too!" Tifa said.
"Who're you?" Alma asked.
"Oh, sorry," Tifa said. "My name's Tifa Lockheart. I'm Cloud's..."
"Oh, so YOU'RE the one he was always talking about," Orlandu chuckled. "Nice to meet you."
"Who're you guys, anyway?" Tifa asked.
The whole meet-and-greet was broken up by Everhart. "You obviously are naive," he said. "Delita has been causing temporal distortions all around this time. Your coming here could open a rift to another dimension and release something unpleasant."
"Like what?" Cloud asked.
Suddenly a loud screech was heard. Everyone whipped around to see a wiry, long, dragon-winged beast fly out of the portal Cloud and Tifa had emerged from. The portal sealed up afterwards. The beast hissed menacingly at the group.
"What's THAT?!" Ovelia shrieked.
"That is Gust, the Wind Demon," Everhart explained as he readied his spear. "It has full control over the wind. We must kill it before it turns all of this world into a windswept ruin."
"No one's blowing down MY house!" Ramza said as he drew his Chaos Blade and stood beside Everhart.
"I've gotta make up for this," Cloud said as he readied his Materia Blade.
"Sorry about this. I'll help too!" Tifa chimed in.
"Ummm... Me too?" Ovelia asked as she nervously took a position between Ramza and Everhart.
"Can you fight?" Everhart asked.
"Not really," Ovelia said. "But I can still help you guys!"
"TORNADO!!!" Gust screeched as it blew a huge cyclone out of its mouth. The wind swept over the party and blew them backwards. Alma, Orlandu and Worker No.8 were blown pretty far back.
"Let's let him have it!" Cloud said. "BRAVER!!!"
Cloud ran up and sliced Gust down the middle. The horrible beast was damaged a bit, but not fatally.
"Layer upon layer, make your mark now. Haste," Everhart chanted. Everyone felt themselves getting faster.
"Yeah! I'm full of energy!" Tifa cheered as she ran up to Gust. "BEAT RUSH!!!" she yelled as she sank her fist into its face.
"Take that!" Ovelia said as she knocked Gust in the back with her Gold Staff. Gust turned on Ovelia in a rage.
"STORM TORNADO!!!" it shrieked as it fired a stronger blast of wind than before. Ovelia was blown up into the air.
"Ovelia!!!" Ramza cried.
"Man, does she WANT to die again?!" Cloud asked as he ran under the falling ex-Queen and caught her.
"Whew... Thanks, Cloud," Ovelia said.
"SOMERSAULT!!!" Tifa yelled as she backflipped and kicked Gust square in the jaw. Everhart leaped upwards and flew down upon Gust, driving his spear through the demon like a knife cutting through hot butter.
"Let's wrap this up!" Ramza said as he charged and split Gust in two with one mighty swipe. Both pieces fell over and disintegrated.
"Whew..." Tifa panted. "Is it over?..."
"Yes," Everhart said. "It's over."
"Sorry," Cloud said.
"It's OK," Ovelia said as she got out of Cloud's arms. "You didn't know."
"Well, a good thing about all this is that we have two more allies in our battle against Delita," Orlandu said as Alma, Worker No.8 and he walked back and rejoined the group.
"Delita?" Tifa asked. "I'm afraid you'll have to fill me in."
"I think we all could use some 'filling in,'" Alma said as she looked around at her friends and then off towards the mountains.
