Nocturne
By Ryuuen

Warnings: Shounen-ai, suicide, dark themes, language.

NOTE: This is the prequel to "I, You, Yours, Mine." Please read that fic! Also, it's the sequel to "Oyasuminasai." Yeah.

A/N: My second WK ficcy, the prequel to my first, "I, You, Yours, Mine." Thank you for reading, and please enjoy.

~~"However many times I'm reborn, I'll see you again." -- And, Before the Darkness, by Midorikawa Hikaru, from Fushigi Yuugi Characters Vocal Memories Collection~~
NOCTURNE
~~~~~~~~~~
I'm retreating.

The darkness in my heart... how can I live with it anymore? I know I'm hurting you with my pain. I see the injuries inflicted on your heart whenever I'm crying, and I try to stop, because I can't stand to see you sad.

Why do you feel for me, I'm wondering as I lay in the bed at the hospital. I can see how they are rushing to try to save me.. why would they want to save me? Why should they care?

It was so easy.. pulling the knife against both wrists, watching the blood fall to the floor. I felt terrible when Aya found me, after I had fallen to the floor. It felt.. so awful, and yet so good. I was finally going to be free. But I felt bad that anyone had to see me. I felt bad that people would try to save me, when I know that it's too late.

I can feel the pull of Death on me, lying here. Their efforts will be wasted. Demo... I have to hold on. I just want to see you one more time, before I let Death take me to Hell.

It seems like hours have passed since I saw you last. Maybe it has been. My eyes won't focus enough to see the clock. I can't feel anything anymore, except the vague discomfort of the metal springs of the bed pressing into my back, the IV pressing through the skin on my right arm. I just want to see you. I think even the doctors know by now that it's hopeless.

"Ken.." I manage to say, but it's very soft. I just want them to let you in. I just want to see you again. I hope they understand. I hope...

Then I realize that you're there. You're standing above me, and you're crying. I think that this is the first time I've ever seen you cry.

"Omi.. hang on, Omi." You say, and your hand is on my arm, though you've collapsed into the seat next to the bed. I try to smile, but it hurts too much. Mentally and physically.

"Shh.." I whisper through broken lips. "Daijobu.. no matter what.. there will always be hope.. there will always be dreams.. no matter what.. so never give up."

I know that these will be my last words to you. I wanted to say something to let you know that I didn't want your beautiful spirit to die with me.

"Omi, don't talk like that, please." You're whispering hoarsely, through tears. "Don't talk like you're going to.. because you're not.. you're not.."

I reach up my left hand, even though it hurts a lot, and it takes a lot of effort. I wipe away your tears, and I smile a little for you. I wonder if it reaches my eyes this time. You always say my smiles never reach my eyes.

"Ken-kun..." I smile at you, letting my arm return to it's place by my side. "Get some sleep.. you need it. I'll be here when you wake up."

You lean down, kiss me gently on the forehead. I can hardly feel it. Then you do go to sleep. I'm grateful that the Gods didn't have to make you awake to see me die. Because, no matter what I have said.. I know that I won't be there when you wake up.

I'm sorry. Aishite'ru.

I'm sorry I won't be there when you wake up.
~owari~
~~"Hey, I finally understand the thing called love. Even though we live in different worlds, our lives are one. Your pain if my grief. Echoing even more than words, let's protect the universe." -- Loving You As If Praying, by Araki Kae, from the Fushigi Yuugi Characters Vocal Memories Collection~~