Disclaimer: I own nothing, nope, LOTR. Seriously, even Clary wants to get
away from me.
Clary: You betta bo-leeeve it!
IR: I guess you won't get half the world when my Master Plan works.
Clary: Your 'Master Plan' involved a bunch of spoons, a fish, and an ostrich. It didn't even get you the LOTR copyright!
IR: You are so negative, you know that? Always focusing on my failures. I DON'T WANT TO HERE IT, CLARY!!!! Anyway, on with the story.
CHAPTER SIX "Legolas's Birds from Isengard"
"Where are we?" Asked Merry for the one hundred thousand millionth time. Since Frodo's sudden change from idiot to paranoid freak, Merry had to act for both of them.
Gandalf swallowed about five more Advil tablets, "I don't know, Hollin?"
"Oh, okie dokie," said Merry happily skipping ahead.
"Er, where's Hol-lin?" Aragorn asked Legolas.
"Dude!" Said Legolas, and almost hit him upside the head. "It's the place where the birds try and get us."
"Excuse me?"
"Didn't you read the book?"
"Uh, no."
"Well, then you're on your own, dude."
"WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME DUDE? I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SOME REBEL ELVEN PRINCE, YOU'RE TALKING TO THE HEIR OF THE THRONE OF GONDOR!!" Screamed Aragorn, everyone stopped and starred, then continued on.
"Did someone say Gondor?" Asked Boromir.
"Yes, your hopeless king," answered Legolas.
"King?"
"Aragorn,"
"Oh, when did we learn that?"
"We never did, we just assumed,"
"Oh, then how do we know he really is the king?"
"He's got this special sword, or something, I dunno."
"Oh! You mean the one that cut the thingy offa that guy's hand?" asked Boromir. "And then the dude that did that got that thing that Frodo's got?"
"Uh, right, you really got to learn your names, I mean at least learn to remember Sauron or THE RING for the Gods' sake," answered Legolas.
"Tell me about it, uh."
"Legolas, Boromir, Legolas,"
"Huh, yeah, Legolas, I'll remember that,"
"WELL HERE WE ARE!!" cried Aragorn, remember last time he did that?
"Remember what Elrond said about taking it down a notch?" asked Gandalf. "And anyway, we aren't anywhere, it's just a pile of rocks."
"Oh, well, sorry I just thought we could stop for some lunch maybe," said Aragorn to the ground.
"Ooooo, good idea Aragorn," Merry said as he lit a match.
"I THOUGHT I TOOK ALL OF THOSE AWAY FROM YOU!!" screamed Gandalf.
"Boromir gave me one," pouted Merry.
"BOROMIR!"
"Uh, yes?"
"Did you not see me shake Merry upside down so that he could not come in contact with any other fire producing objects?" asked Gandalf.
"Hm, yes I did, actually,"
"THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE MERRY A MATCH?!"
"Geez, Gandalf, maybe you should do as the Black Riders and go to some anger management classes," Aragorn suggested.
"Advil, please, Sam. MERRY GIVE ME THAT MATCH!"
Magical Narrator: Gandalf caught Merry just before he lit the ever-shaky form of Frodo on fire ("We don't need him afraid of anyone beside Sam."). Uh, does anyone see where this is going, because I'm really confused? Are they at Hollin, or was that just Gandalf's overdose on Advil at work? Well, I'm narrating so I say that they are, just to save a bit of time. So, the Fellowship has found themselves on a bit of rock in Hollin, where, as Legolas has informed everybody, a cloud of birds will attack them.
"So when are these birds of yours going to show up?" Asked Aragorn, sitting on a rock and eating a sausage.
"Yeah, what do your KEEN eyes see?" Gimli snickered.
"I do not appreciate this treatment, if I do see something, I won't tell you until you apologize," Legolas pouted.
"Uuuhhhh," groaned Aragorn, "Why is everyone going through all these mood swings?"
"That was not a mood swing, I'm a prince among elves and I deserve to be treated like one, even if you are the heir to the throne of Gondor," Legolas added when he saw Aragorn open his mouth.
"Fine, I'm sorry I made fun of you," mumbled Aragorn.
"Uh, yeah," said Gimli, after a rather long period of time.
"Did someone say Gondor?" Asked Boromir.
"NOT NOW!" Everyone answered.
"So what do you see?" Asked Aragorn excitedly.
"I see," Legolas started, "I see what could be a wisp of clouds," he looked around, enjoying the fact that everyone was hanging on every word, "but it really is a FLOCK OF CERBAIN FROM DUNLAND."
"Eek!" Screeched Aragorn, "I mean, Ahhh."
"Oh, that old coot Saruman?" Asked Gandalf lazily.
"But isn't he a bad guy?" Asked Legolas.
"Oh yes, as bad as your grandpa's grandpa," answered Gandalf.
"Hey! I like my Grandpa's grandpa," everyone looked at him. "What? I AM an ELF and we ARE IMMORTLE."
"Of course, maybe that wasn't the best example, but you get the idea right?" Asked Gandalf hopefully, then sighed when everyone nodded, except for Merry, who was trying to stand on his head. "ADVIL SAM, ADVIL!!"
"So we don't have to worry about the birds?" Asked Legolas.
"Nah,"
"Oh, sorry du-, I mean guys," Legolas apologized.
"For what?"
"For getting your hopes up, about the birds,"
"Oh, yeah, I was really excited about getting my eyes pecked out," said Aragorn.
Just then there was heard from above, "Darn, if he weren't so willing to be tortured."
"Yeah, that takes the fun out of it if he likes his eyes being pecked out."
There was a swooshing noise and the flock of birds flew away.
"Uh, I guess you were wrong about Saruman," said Aragorn, watching the birds fly away.
"I said Saruman was an old coot, I never said that his birds would be nice," Gandalf said as he lit his pipe, "well, I guess we'll have to go over the mountain now, Caradra- DaraC, oh forget it, you know the mountain pass."
"Why?" Asked Aragorn.
"Do you really want your eyes pecked out?"
"No,"
"Well then we better not go where they go," then added, "idiot."
Clary: You betta bo-leeeve it!
IR: I guess you won't get half the world when my Master Plan works.
Clary: Your 'Master Plan' involved a bunch of spoons, a fish, and an ostrich. It didn't even get you the LOTR copyright!
IR: You are so negative, you know that? Always focusing on my failures. I DON'T WANT TO HERE IT, CLARY!!!! Anyway, on with the story.
CHAPTER SIX "Legolas's Birds from Isengard"
"Where are we?" Asked Merry for the one hundred thousand millionth time. Since Frodo's sudden change from idiot to paranoid freak, Merry had to act for both of them.
Gandalf swallowed about five more Advil tablets, "I don't know, Hollin?"
"Oh, okie dokie," said Merry happily skipping ahead.
"Er, where's Hol-lin?" Aragorn asked Legolas.
"Dude!" Said Legolas, and almost hit him upside the head. "It's the place where the birds try and get us."
"Excuse me?"
"Didn't you read the book?"
"Uh, no."
"Well, then you're on your own, dude."
"WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME DUDE? I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SOME REBEL ELVEN PRINCE, YOU'RE TALKING TO THE HEIR OF THE THRONE OF GONDOR!!" Screamed Aragorn, everyone stopped and starred, then continued on.
"Did someone say Gondor?" Asked Boromir.
"Yes, your hopeless king," answered Legolas.
"King?"
"Aragorn,"
"Oh, when did we learn that?"
"We never did, we just assumed,"
"Oh, then how do we know he really is the king?"
"He's got this special sword, or something, I dunno."
"Oh! You mean the one that cut the thingy offa that guy's hand?" asked Boromir. "And then the dude that did that got that thing that Frodo's got?"
"Uh, right, you really got to learn your names, I mean at least learn to remember Sauron or THE RING for the Gods' sake," answered Legolas.
"Tell me about it, uh."
"Legolas, Boromir, Legolas,"
"Huh, yeah, Legolas, I'll remember that,"
"WELL HERE WE ARE!!" cried Aragorn, remember last time he did that?
"Remember what Elrond said about taking it down a notch?" asked Gandalf. "And anyway, we aren't anywhere, it's just a pile of rocks."
"Oh, well, sorry I just thought we could stop for some lunch maybe," said Aragorn to the ground.
"Ooooo, good idea Aragorn," Merry said as he lit a match.
"I THOUGHT I TOOK ALL OF THOSE AWAY FROM YOU!!" screamed Gandalf.
"Boromir gave me one," pouted Merry.
"BOROMIR!"
"Uh, yes?"
"Did you not see me shake Merry upside down so that he could not come in contact with any other fire producing objects?" asked Gandalf.
"Hm, yes I did, actually,"
"THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE MERRY A MATCH?!"
"Geez, Gandalf, maybe you should do as the Black Riders and go to some anger management classes," Aragorn suggested.
"Advil, please, Sam. MERRY GIVE ME THAT MATCH!"
Magical Narrator: Gandalf caught Merry just before he lit the ever-shaky form of Frodo on fire ("We don't need him afraid of anyone beside Sam."). Uh, does anyone see where this is going, because I'm really confused? Are they at Hollin, or was that just Gandalf's overdose on Advil at work? Well, I'm narrating so I say that they are, just to save a bit of time. So, the Fellowship has found themselves on a bit of rock in Hollin, where, as Legolas has informed everybody, a cloud of birds will attack them.
"So when are these birds of yours going to show up?" Asked Aragorn, sitting on a rock and eating a sausage.
"Yeah, what do your KEEN eyes see?" Gimli snickered.
"I do not appreciate this treatment, if I do see something, I won't tell you until you apologize," Legolas pouted.
"Uuuhhhh," groaned Aragorn, "Why is everyone going through all these mood swings?"
"That was not a mood swing, I'm a prince among elves and I deserve to be treated like one, even if you are the heir to the throne of Gondor," Legolas added when he saw Aragorn open his mouth.
"Fine, I'm sorry I made fun of you," mumbled Aragorn.
"Uh, yeah," said Gimli, after a rather long period of time.
"Did someone say Gondor?" Asked Boromir.
"NOT NOW!" Everyone answered.
"So what do you see?" Asked Aragorn excitedly.
"I see," Legolas started, "I see what could be a wisp of clouds," he looked around, enjoying the fact that everyone was hanging on every word, "but it really is a FLOCK OF CERBAIN FROM DUNLAND."
"Eek!" Screeched Aragorn, "I mean, Ahhh."
"Oh, that old coot Saruman?" Asked Gandalf lazily.
"But isn't he a bad guy?" Asked Legolas.
"Oh yes, as bad as your grandpa's grandpa," answered Gandalf.
"Hey! I like my Grandpa's grandpa," everyone looked at him. "What? I AM an ELF and we ARE IMMORTLE."
"Of course, maybe that wasn't the best example, but you get the idea right?" Asked Gandalf hopefully, then sighed when everyone nodded, except for Merry, who was trying to stand on his head. "ADVIL SAM, ADVIL!!"
"So we don't have to worry about the birds?" Asked Legolas.
"Nah,"
"Oh, sorry du-, I mean guys," Legolas apologized.
"For what?"
"For getting your hopes up, about the birds,"
"Oh, yeah, I was really excited about getting my eyes pecked out," said Aragorn.
Just then there was heard from above, "Darn, if he weren't so willing to be tortured."
"Yeah, that takes the fun out of it if he likes his eyes being pecked out."
There was a swooshing noise and the flock of birds flew away.
"Uh, I guess you were wrong about Saruman," said Aragorn, watching the birds fly away.
"I said Saruman was an old coot, I never said that his birds would be nice," Gandalf said as he lit his pipe, "well, I guess we'll have to go over the mountain now, Caradra- DaraC, oh forget it, you know the mountain pass."
"Why?" Asked Aragorn.
"Do you really want your eyes pecked out?"
"No,"
"Well then we better not go where they go," then added, "idiot."
