Disclaimer: Yada-yada-yada, I don't own LotR, just trusty orangey and my ketchup.
Whooooohaaaaaaa!! I know I said this chapter would be long, but I cut it down cuz it was getting too long. Sorry if I kept you waiting. DON'T SPILL YOUR COFFEE!!!
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Magical Narrator: So, they followed Gandalf and found the great Dwarf city of Dwarrow-delf-thingy majigger. Gandalf lit his staff and said the whole risking light thing, aaannnnndddddd…. THE PONIES ARE BACK. They're doing the waltz all through the hall. Aren't they cute?
"Ahem," said Gandalf gruffly.
And *poof* the ponies were gone.
"Ooooo, do that again," Merry said in complete awe.
"Do what?"
"The ponies,"
"What ponies?" Gandalf raised an eyebrow at the rest of the Fellowship, who just shrugged.
As they made their way through Dwarrow thingy, Legolas was complaining to Gimli that I, the Magical Narrator, did not include what was rightfully his, a mob of screaming fangirls.
"Dude, I just don't think it's, like, fair," Legolas explained, "I read the book and, dude, even saw the movie. I know how good I, like, look, and I heard those girls in the theater. They're all, like, oh my god Legolas is sooo hot…"
He went on like this for sometime until Gimli lost all patience with him and ran off. (He was also kinda upset that Legolas went on and on about his legions of fangirls while, for all he knew, he did not have one.)
"I can't take it anymore!!" he roared and trundled into a side room.
"Gimli no," said Gandalf offhandedly.
Then a loud NO was heard coming from that room off to the side and very gruff sobs.
"Awww, did Gimli fall?" asked Merry, trying to rub two rocks together and create fire.
"Probably," Gandalf followed the rest of the Fellowship, rather reluctantly, into the side room.
Gimli kneeled before a stone gravey thingy bawling his eyes out. Gandalf went and read what was on the stone gravey thingy.
"Here lies Josie, daughter of Amy, the only known Gimli fangirl who died trying to find her love."
Everyone tried to look sad, but there was a definite shiver that went through the bunch. A dwarf fangirl? Creepy.
"Okay, I think you've done enough narrating for right now, can we, like, get on to the battle scene?" asked Legolas angrily.
Heehee, he doesn't know what I have in store for them, oh no ::rubs hands together in an evil way and smiles in an even more evil way::
"Legolas, are you talking to mystically Magical Narrators again?" Aragorn asked as one who was asking their child if he had been in the cookie jar again.
"Yes," Legolas replied, looking to the ground.
Anyway, all of a sudden they heard a crash and a yell.
"Merry I told you not to throw meeeeeeeeeee," Frodo's voice came from a well that was conveniently placed right in that side room.
"Merry, did you throw Frodo down the well?" asked Sam.
"Yup,"
"I'm comin' for you Mr. Frodo!" Sam jumped after Frodo, funny I thought Sam hated Frodo. Whatever.
"Ooooo, he's gonna bounce," Merry clapped his hands eagerly.
This immediately restored their memories and they all fell to the ground in agony because they had strange pictures of Sam floating around in there.
Sam bounced back up with Frodo in his arms (NO DON"T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, although I know saying this will make you all think of it, :: evil cackle::) and was about to say he was glad that he had gotten that "procedure" done to him when there was a sound.
"What was that?" asked Aragorn turning around wildly in every direction about five times until he fell over.
"It sounds like," Legolas used the same fine elven hearing that he uses to hear me, "dude, it sounds like clapping."
Then another sound could be heard faintly, a chanting almost.
"Gimme an O, Gimme an R, Gimme a C, what does that spell? ORCS, GO FIGHT, ORCS!!!"
"Oh my, that's not what I think it is, is it?" asked Frodo frightfully, clinging to Sam, then realizing who it was screamed and switched to Pippin (who we haven't heard a lot from, so let's give him a part)
"It's can't be," gasped Pippin (see, YAY!!)
"I think it is," Aragorn groaned as he got off the ground.
"I KNOW it is," said Legolas drawing his bow.
"WHAT IS IT ALREADY!!" screamed Gandalf, who had been left in the dark.
"A foul race," Boromir began (hey we got him in too, YAY!!), "they are a conceited group and a ruined form of life. They are, the cheerleaders!" (I have nothing against the above, I POKE FUN AT EVERYTHING!! ::pokes at a cheerleader:: heehee, you look funny)
"Wow, you remembered that?" asked Legolas.
"No, the teleprompter," Boromir pointed to the screen, which quickly disappeared because we all know that there is no such thing as a teleprompter in Middle-earth ::wink-wink, nudge-nudge::
"We're reeeedd hooottt, you're fellowship is deeeaaaadd shot, let's show'em what we got," came from just outside the door of the side room. A volley of deadly pom-poms came hurtling towards them. They had just enough time to close and bar the door.
"Wow, did you see those things?" asked Aragorn, breathless.
"Yeah they must have had, like, a pound of make-up on their face," relied Legolas.
"You need it though, when you're that ugly underneath," said Boromir.
"THAT WASN'T VERY NICE!!!" yelled a shrill voice. "BUT WE'LL FORGIVE YOU IF YOU GIVE US FRODO!!!!!!"
Then, "Frodo, we love you, we think you're outta sight, Frodo, we love you, ooooo, gimme some to-nite!!" came through the door.
"Fine, we'll meet your demands," said Aragorn, there was an earth-shattering screech after that.
"We can't give him to the Orcs, you idiot, we still need him to be the Ring-bearer," Gandalf whacked Aragorn upside the head.
"Ow! Sorry, geez,"
"If you won't give us Frodo, then I guess we'll just have to come in there and get him ourselves!" said the shrill voice again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I thought it was time for a cliffhanger, what do you think? Don't worry chapter twelve will be up in a jiff. I also know that my cheers suck, hey, if I as a cheerleader, my Orcs wouldn't be cheerleaders.
