Disclaimer: Hey guess what? CHICKEN-BUTT!! Oh, and I don't own LotR. ::holds up ketchup bottle::
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CHAPTER TWELVE
Everyone cowered back against the wall. "Nnnnnoooooooo!" they screamed as they heard pom-poms smashing against the door.
"We're all gonna die!!" cried Aragorn.
"Oh, you big baby, they're cheerleaders, what can they do to us?" asked Gandalf.
"Now I know what the Magical Narrator meant when she said that we didn't know what she had in for us," said Legolas fumbling with his bow and arrows. "It's kinda ironic."
How is it ironic, I never meant for anything to be ironic? It's just how the story goes my stupid elven friend.
"Hey! I never said I was your friend!" screamed Legolas to the ceiling completely oblivious to the fact that I called him stupid.
It's your loss, I guess I'm just gonna hafta kill you off then, oooooooorrrrrr maybe make you get a haircut.
"NO!! No, I'll be your friend, anything, just not my HAIR!!!" Legolas dropped his bow and cowered on the ground, covering his hair.
"I would appreciate it, Magical Narrator, if you would leave him alone for now and get on with the story," Gandalf said irritably.
Heh, yeah, so where was I? Oh yeah! Finally the great volleys of pom-poms became too much for the poor, little, wooden door and it shattered right before the fellowship. The cheerleaders entered. They did back flips. They did flip-flops. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!
Boromir fell to the ground, covering his eye, "My eyes, my beautiful eyes!"
The bright pink of the Orcs' uniforms was, uh…bright. It blinded all of those who looked upon it, if their eyes were adjusted to the darkness and they hadn't seen light in a very long time. The again, they were in that tomby place were there was light, so pretty much everyone got off okay except Boromir, for some reason :: evil grin ::
"Give us Frodo, give him now!" they chanted, very fierce and terrifying bubble-gum voice, it chilled the bones.
"For the SHIRE!!!" screeched Merry. (Perhaps the first coherent words that he had said in a LONG time. The beginning of an enlightened Merry? Nah!) He dived on top of an oncoming pyramid of cheerleaders. Needless to say he fought heroically, or as heroically as a complete and utter idiot without an ounce of psychotic stability can, but it seemed to work.
"OOOOoooooo, this one it cuddly and small, just like Frodo!!"
Or not.
"They have Merry!" bellowed Aragorn and he rushed to Merry's aid. Everyone else seemed quite content with the fact that Merry was going to endure a lifetime of ceaseless torture by a pack of Hobbit-hungry cheerleader Orcs.
Now, you may ask, "What is the rest of the Fellowship doing? They aren't just sitting around watching this happen?" The truth is, friend, they are. Boromir is rinsing out his eyes with his travel size bottle of contact solution. Legolas is trying hopelessly to fire a straight arrow at one of the cheerleaders. Pippin is thoroughly engrossed in his new book "Hobbit Hair Removal-To Snip or Not to Snip." Gandalf is trying to keep Frodo from crawling up and hiding in his hat. Finally, Sam is rubbing his, uh, tush, he did jump down a well!!!!
Well, now that we got that cleared up. I can continue. Aragorn rushed at the pack of rabid Orcs tried to, you know, cut them up. Class, if you can refer to chapter one…"Darn, I can never get it near the throat." From this what can we conclude? Blank stares. Me may conclude that Aragorn wasn't fairing too well.
"I'm coming Merry!" he cried as he unsuccessfully tried to behead a cheerleader.
However, Merry seemed to be enjoying himself. He was now surrounded by a bunch of girls with IQs only a few points higher then his, who were tickling him, and exclaiming in their high pitched voices how cute he was. Needless to say, he didn't want some stupid Ranger to come and "rescue" him.
Too late. Aragorn had resorted scaring away the cheerleaders with Boromir's yearbook pictures. Needless to say, (I've got to stop saying that, huh?) they all ran away because they were terribly and truly hideous. When they went to comfort the poor man they screamed even louder because his eyes were all runny and red with contact solution and his, uh, blindness.
"Oh, now look what you did," said Merry (another coherent phrase!) as he watched the cheerleaders flee into the bigger hall of Dwarow-delfy-thingy.
Gandalf stood up, a bit unsteadily since Frodo had succeeded in taking refuge in his hat, "Well, now that we got Merry back," he didn't sound the least bit pleased, "we must fly to the Bridge of Cavity-Doom!"
"I think it's Khazad-dum," whispered Frodo from under his hat.
"Whatever, just let's go."
