He does not listen to me. I try to guide him- mold him into a Jedi- but
does he listen? The answer is quite evident. He struts about like he has
no equal. I know that he has feelings for Lady Padmé, which he shouldn't,
and mustn't. No matter what I do, he seems to forget the rules of the
Force. He is strong-headed, and that is not to be obtained. I just wish I
could break him of his anger and all of his fears. I would do anything to
make my Padawan see the other side to everything.
Master Yoda sensed his feelings and explained them to us all. Something about this boy is uncertain, and I want to make it clear. When Qui-Gon died, I promised him that I would train the boy, and so I am. But am I really? Could Master Yoda or Master Windu do a better job than I have? I could kick myself for being so arrogant. It is not like me to defy the council- it was like Qui-Gon. Yes, that is where I have acquired my pride. I have never ceased to wonder what it would be like with another Master. Of course I am grateful for everything that he taught me, but I knew that there was always room for more.
Anakin is still very young, but he has the potential to be a Jedi, and I'm afraid he knows that too well. I keep on telling him to mind himself and to think clearly. But does he listen? No. It's always, "Yes Master. I try Master." He says it so mechanically. I yearn to make him understand. He thinks about his past far too much, now more than ever. I hear him yell at night... to no one. His nightmares torment even me, and sometimes I just lie in my room and listen to him suffer. He does not need to suffer, and sometimes I feel as though it is my fault that he does. He deserves a normal life; but now that he has affiliated with the Jedi, can he turn back? I ask myself if I would want to, and the answer is no.
"And what of my life?" I ask to no one. What shall I become in twenty years or so? I don't suppose Master Yoda could predict my future any better than Anakin's. Maybe Yoda really could and he just wasn't telling anyone. It was something to ponder, but not to dwell on. A Jedi must be detached, something I am afraid that my young Padawan cannot be. I swore my life to the Jedi years ago, and it seems that he still has not- cannot as it were. He feels far too much. It does indeed sound shallow, but a Jedi does not feel as any other person or creature.
We are the protectors of the universe; as glorifying as that sounds, it somehow is not. We risk ourselves day after day to save the galaxy, and we expect nothing in return but respect. And do we achieve that? Again, my answer is no. People take us for granted. I wonder just what will happen when all faith in the Jedi has gone. What dark power will loom over the planets then? Who will control them? Surely the times to come would be far more delightful. Still, as I think this, I have a lingering suspicion that not everything will be as right as the people of the galaxy think. There are hard times ahead... I sense them.
Sighing in the dark does no good at all. I should talk to him, console him, and try to make him listen. But his fate is in his hands, and I hope that they do not tremble.
_______________________
*A/N: Thank you for reading this, and please read Burning Thought of Anakin!
Master Yoda sensed his feelings and explained them to us all. Something about this boy is uncertain, and I want to make it clear. When Qui-Gon died, I promised him that I would train the boy, and so I am. But am I really? Could Master Yoda or Master Windu do a better job than I have? I could kick myself for being so arrogant. It is not like me to defy the council- it was like Qui-Gon. Yes, that is where I have acquired my pride. I have never ceased to wonder what it would be like with another Master. Of course I am grateful for everything that he taught me, but I knew that there was always room for more.
Anakin is still very young, but he has the potential to be a Jedi, and I'm afraid he knows that too well. I keep on telling him to mind himself and to think clearly. But does he listen? No. It's always, "Yes Master. I try Master." He says it so mechanically. I yearn to make him understand. He thinks about his past far too much, now more than ever. I hear him yell at night... to no one. His nightmares torment even me, and sometimes I just lie in my room and listen to him suffer. He does not need to suffer, and sometimes I feel as though it is my fault that he does. He deserves a normal life; but now that he has affiliated with the Jedi, can he turn back? I ask myself if I would want to, and the answer is no.
"And what of my life?" I ask to no one. What shall I become in twenty years or so? I don't suppose Master Yoda could predict my future any better than Anakin's. Maybe Yoda really could and he just wasn't telling anyone. It was something to ponder, but not to dwell on. A Jedi must be detached, something I am afraid that my young Padawan cannot be. I swore my life to the Jedi years ago, and it seems that he still has not- cannot as it were. He feels far too much. It does indeed sound shallow, but a Jedi does not feel as any other person or creature.
We are the protectors of the universe; as glorifying as that sounds, it somehow is not. We risk ourselves day after day to save the galaxy, and we expect nothing in return but respect. And do we achieve that? Again, my answer is no. People take us for granted. I wonder just what will happen when all faith in the Jedi has gone. What dark power will loom over the planets then? Who will control them? Surely the times to come would be far more delightful. Still, as I think this, I have a lingering suspicion that not everything will be as right as the people of the galaxy think. There are hard times ahead... I sense them.
Sighing in the dark does no good at all. I should talk to him, console him, and try to make him listen. But his fate is in his hands, and I hope that they do not tremble.
_______________________
*A/N: Thank you for reading this, and please read Burning Thought of Anakin!
