"I
have a direct ticket to Hell"
Spike, In the End
After
the world ended, I had nothing. Nothing left but memories to
torture
me for an eternity. Memories of Buffy, of her friends, of my
undead
life. After they were gone, I had nothing to keep me here,
on
Earth, alive. But I stayed alive anyway, waiting, for a glimmer
of
hope. A sign of life somewhere, or even a sign of unlife.
All
the vampires in Sunnydale were gone. Thanks to me. They
were
celebrating the end, and I took them all out, without a
second thought.
I did it for Buffy.
After I rid Sunnydale
of the vampires, I made a grave for all of them.
Buffy, Willow,
Xander, Anya, Dawn, Tara. I stole the coffins, the man
was dead
anyway, and provided them with a burial they deserved. With
only
me as their witness. I was the last witness to all the good each
and every one of them had done.
Then I had nothing left to do. All
night I would get drunk off of
stolen liquor, and somehow make it
back to my crypt in the morning.
I don't know why I still stay
there, I have my choice of all the houses
in the world to live in.
But I remain in my crypt. I even tried
writing poetry, but there
is absolutely nothing to write about. Do
you know how hard it is
to write something about nothing? That's what
the world is,
nothing.
I tried to find Drusilla for a while, without
success. I gave up, and
assumed she was another one of the
vampires that killed herself after
the world ended, when she
realized there was nothing left. Or maybe
she died before this
happened; I'm not really sure.
I was running out of things to
do. I remember I once told the Slayer
that I liked this world, and
I was going to help her save it. Take
a look around, and look at
what I saved.
So I went to Buffy's house- I hadn't been there
since I first retrieved
her and Dawn's bodies for burial.
Insanely, I decided to pack up their
clothes, as if they were
moving away. Perhaps I thought I could mail
it up to heaven, I
don't know, but I started packing their clothes.
Then the scariest thing in the world happened.
The phone rang.
No
human life left on earth, and the phone rang. Hesitantly, I move
to
the telephone, the ringing hurting my ears. I pick it up, and
answer, "Hello?" I didn't even recognize the sound of
my voice, it's
been so long since I've used it.
"Spike?"
The caller sounded surprised, as if he didn't expect anyone
to
answer.
"Angel? Why are you calling here?" I ask,
relieved that it was Angel
and not- some unknown monster or
something.
"It's something I do- why are you there?"
"Packing up the clothes," I reply,
thoroughly amazed at our conversation.
I don't know how long it's
been since I've talked to someone- I had lost
track of time.
"Oh." We remain silent, but neither one of us dares
to hang up.
We would never destroy our first and possibly last
chance of contact
with somebody.
Finally, I break the
silence. The two of us have been living in
silence for so long,
and this was my first chance to talk to somebody.
I've been so
lonely, and even if I've never gotten along with the poof,
somebody
is better than nobody. "How long have you been calling
Buffy?"
Her name sounds foreign to my ears as I envision her in my
mind.
She's smiling, and the mere vision is enough to make me smile
as
well.
"Everyday since everyone died." His voice
breaks, and I can tell that
he's suffering. We both are- we're the
two left that mourn the loss
of people. Not for their blood, but
for the mere sake of them being
around. Again, the two of us fall
into a familiar silence, and I
wonder what he's done with his
life. Nobody left to save, what was
his purpose here? Did he have
one? Did I? Was this some part of the
Power's master plan- kill
everybody, and leave the two of us to clean
up the mess? I may
have never liked Angel, but I now felt a connection
with him. A
connection past the vampire lore, it was a humanity
connection.
"Why are we still here?" I ask
softly, reminded of the time, before
Drusilla, Darla, and Angelus,
when I asked my mother why my uncle
died. I was so confused,
unsure, and scared of death, after all, I
was only six. But she
didn't have the right answer, because there
wasn't one. Sometimes,
people die. Sometimes, the world ends. Sometimes,
you're the last man left standing.
"I don't know," Angel
replied, and how could he? He was just only a
warrior, like Buffy
was, putting his arse on the line for the Powers,
and getting shit
in return. "Spike, I don't want to wake up anymore."
He
sounded so broken, so sad with those words. Words that I myself
have
been thinking, but not daring to act upon them. "There's
nothing.
Nothing at all. No shanshu, no redemption, no friends, no
enemies,
nothing. Nothing but time, and there's all too much of
that. I can't keep
waking up, day after day, knowing what I'll have to face."
"I
know mate," I replied. And I did. I knew all too well. We
were
very different vampires forced into the same
situation.
Angel took a deep breath, that I could hear from
the phone lines that
strangely still work. "Tomorrow morning,
I'm going to watch the sun
rise," he announced his executive
decision. Maybe talking to me gave
him the courage to finally do what he's been wanting to do for so long.
I know I felt the same way about talking with him. I knew I had no
choice but to go along with it. Well, I did have a choice. I could always
return
to my life, packing away clothes, providing burials, but really,
what
was the point?
"I'm coming too." He didn't
argue, and I didn't expect him to. "I'll
meet you in L.A."
Rather than hanging up the phone, I just set it
down, for some
perverse reason. Maybe I just want the last conversation
on the
Summers' line to be between me and Angel, the two vampires in
Buffy's
life.
I look around the house that I'll never see again. I
look at the
picture of Joyce, Buffy, and Dawn, and my unbeating
heart aches for
them. I wish I could see them in the afterlife,
but they were
wonderful people, and I'm but a demon. One who
wasn't able to reach
his redemption, much like Angel. I didn't
even try, I only helped
for money and Buffy. The future doesn't
look so bright, but neither
does eternity on this Earth.
Soon,
I'll see Angel. Along with him, we'll both watch the sunrise,
and
soon all will go to darkness.
