* * * *
Remus swallowed hard and stared up through the tiny window far above him. The sky was dark, stars glistening against the stark blackness that the desert afforded the sky. The moon was nearly above him, taunting him cruelly. He felt the wolf raise it's head inside of him, longing to howl at the moon, to run through the woods with the wind in his fur. He hadn't been free in so long, free to do whatever he pleased, even though he would have to confine himself every month. Even then it had been different, he had been a prisoner by his own choice not by someone else's hand.
Now it was torture in its purest form, a mind numbing terror every month of what his body would go through during the change. He never remembered what happened during the night, just the aching muscles and bleeding wounds the next morning. The wolf within him was beginning to go mad, tearing at his insides with invisible claws. Remus hated it and loved it at the same time. It was torment, but it was a release from his constant prison. The pain made him look past the bars and stone walls, it gave him something else to think about.
"Cass," he moaned softly, pressing his fists into his eyes. She was dead, there was no getting around that fact. Lucius Malfoy had killed her and now he was stuck in a hole with James Potter tormenting him at every turn. A man he had once loved like a brother, a man who was supposed to be dead, was whispering sounds of death into his room.
Everything had fallen down around him in the past months, everything he had thought he knew had been torn away and now Remus Lupin didn't care if he lived or died. All he had lived for was gone and slowly, his mind was slipping away with everything else that had escaped him. He no longer wanted to be saved, he just wanted to die. He wanted everything to end for once and for all so that he no longer had to feel the pain.
Remus Lupin slumped against the wall of his cell with the moon shining down on him. He was broken, a shattered remnant of what he had once been and now all there was left for him to do was die.
* * * *
The morning dawned hot and bright and by nine o'clock Snape was thoroughly annoyed. Not only was he sweating, sweating for Merlin's sake, but he was more sure than ever than Cassandra had absolutely no idea where she was leading them. She would walk a few paces before stopping and staring deep into the desert, as if there would be a road sign popping up any second to tell them that they were on the right track. Wasn't she just supposed to know without thinking about it? Wasn't a bloody vision supposed to pop into her head for them to follow like a road map?
Snape paused for a moment, reaching into his pack for his bottle of water and pondering the idea of a road map coming to Cassandra in a vision. Maybe if he pressured her hard enough she'd snap and something more or less like a road map might appear in that head of hers.
"Are we lost yet?" he called dryly, pushing the water back into his pack. "Or do you two just like the desert so much you thought we'd stay here for a few weeks longer than necessary?"
Sirius cast Snape a withering glare over his shoulder before he murmured something to Cassandra.
"What?" Snape called.
"We were just discussing how easy it would be to lose you in the desert," Sirius growled fiercely.
"We were not," Cassandra said.
"Really?" Snape drawled.
"We weren't," she insisted, turning around to look at Snape. "Why do you two have to fight at every single turn of this trip? Why can't you both just shut up and get along?"
Snape blinked at her a few times before advancing. "It isn't Black that I have a problem with here. It's you."
"Me?" she asked, staring at him.
He nodded. "Mhmm."
"What did I do?"
Snape gestured vaguely to the desert surrounding them. "You, Cassandra Harvey, are the one who dragged us into this mess."
Cassandra frowned and stared at him for a long moment before shaking her head and turning away.
"No scathing replies?" Snape asked. "I was sure I could count on some ridiculous speech about saving Lupin and how much it means to the world. I was positive that you would deliver a heroic tirade on his behalf and now I'm to be disappointed?"
"Don't do this right now, Severus," she murmured warningly.
"Should I wait for a better time?" he asked sarcastically. "Until we're dying of hunger and dehydration perhaps? Maybe I should wait until Voldemort kills us all and then I can ask you if that was part of the great plan."
"Why are you attacking me?" she cried desperately. "I'm as lost as you are."
"So we are lost," Snape said.
"Stop it," Sirius growled in a warning tone.
"Why?" Snape asked. "I never wanted to be part of this but Albus insisted. Now I'm lost in the middle of Africa and I'm probably about to die. If I don't starve to death Voldemort will make sure my death is painful and most likely prolonged. I don't want to be here. I would rather be back at Hogwarts where I'm safe and will stay alive."
"Then go," Sirius said, pointing in the direction they'd come. "Walk back home and take the damned plane by yourself. See if I care. We don't need you, just stop attacking Cassandra."
"Or what?" Snape asked. "You'll hurt me?"
Sirius' fingers flexed on his wand. "Don't tempt me."
Snape took out his own wand. "Why don't do indulge our fantasies, Black? Why don't we do what we've been dying to do for years?"
"I'm warning you, Snape."
"What? What would the big bad Sirius Black do to me? Kill me?"
Sirius' nostrils flared angrily and he advanced on Snape, but said nothing.
Snape's black eyes narrowed slightly. "Go ahead, Black. Do it. Do what you've always wanted."
The two men stared at each other, their eyes glittering with malice and years of pent of hatred. Silence fell over the group, the only sound was the wind whispering over the sand before it curled around them.
Sirius raised his wand and Snape smiled bitterly before doing the same. His eyes slid over to Cassandra momentarily before returning to Sirius. She looked worried, which was exactly what he wanted. She had to do something and if he had to force her to do it, then he would.
"On three?" Cassandra asked dryly.
Snape frowned and turned to look at her. She was staring at them both with her hands on her hips and an annoyed expression on her face. She reminded Snape of the Potions Mistress who had taught him when he was at Hogwarts and her wrath had been one of the worst he'd ever experienced.
"You two amaze me," she said simply, dropping her pack to the sand and reaching for her wand. "Sirius, I love you, but you're a bleeding idiot. Put your wand away." She glared at him hard when he didn't obey her immediately and added, "Now!"
Sirius mumbled something under his breath, but tucked his wand away reluctantly.
Cassandra turned on Snape and as he studied her, he decided he didn't like what he saw in her eyes.
"You," she said, walking over to him with her wand held out in front of her. "I don't like you very much and I don't want to like you, but I was forced to work with you just like you were forced to work with me." The tip of her wand pressed into his chest as she stepped closer, still glaring at him.
"This isn't easy for me," she said in a low growl. "Don't think for ever a second that I like being here. Do you really want some 'heroic tirade', as you called it? I can deliver one. Yes, I am here for Remus more than anything, but honestly, that's not all that heroic. You see, Severus, there's this thing that happened to me when I met him. I guess most people would call it love . . . you, on the other hand, might think of it as something dirty. Simpering loyalty . . . a weakness, perhaps?"
Snape snorted angrily, but said nothing.
"Whatever you think about it doesn't matter. My heroic tirade isn't too heroic because I want him back for me. Not for the world, for me."
"Isn't that selfish?" Snape muttered.
"Yes, it really is selfish," Cassandra said. "It disgusts me, but it's really quite selfish. So, you need to back off and let me work."
"I fail to see any work being done here," he responded, gesturing vaguely around them.
Cassandra's wand jabbed him sharply. "I am trying," she growled, her voice dropping even lower.
They stared at one another for a long moment before Cassandra dropped her hand and turned away, shaking her head slightly. As she knelt down to pick up her pack, Snape put his own wand away then glanced at her.
"Perhaps you ought to try harder," he said softly, then tried to walk away.
"Go to hell!" she yelled suddenly, her voice hoarse with anger. "We don't need you."
"You certainly need something," Snape retorted. "You're not much use on your own."
Cassandra shook her head angrily, staring at him. "I hate you."
Snape's eyes glittered with anger. "The feeling is more than mutual, I assure you."
"Stop fighting!" Sirius growled suddenly. "We can't do this now."
"When?" Snape asked sarcastically. "Can we do this when we get home?"
"It's just the stress," Cassandra murmured, turning away from the other two. "All three of us are under tremendous pressure, it's only stress."
"It's not just stress," Snape said. "I'd hate you whether I was under stress or not."
"Fine!" she yelled. "Hate me, just stop talking about it. We have to go, we don't have a choice anymore."
Silence fell over them once more and for a long while there was nothing but that silence. Then, in the still air behind them, someone laughed softly. It startled Cassandra and she turned quickly to find herself staring into Lucius' cold grey eyes.
"Locomortor mortis," he drawled softly and a moment later Cassandra felt her legs bind together. She struggled and cried out for Sirius, but just as he reached for her another Death Eater put him under the Imperius curse.
"No," she shrieked, dropping her wand and reaching for him.
"Petrificus Totalus," Lucius said, his wand turning on Snape. Cassandra watched in horror at Sirius was marched away and Snape toppled to the ground, his hands clenched stiffly on either side of his body.
"Cassandra Harvey," Lucius murmured, approaching her and stepping over Snape's frozen body. "You can't imagine how many years I've been waiting for this." He raised his wand and dragged the tip of it across her cheek, cutting a thin slice in her skin. A drop of blood slipped over her face and Lucius smiled cruelly before putting his wand away and staring at her.
"Did you really come all this way for Remus Lupin?" he asked.
Cassandra glared at him.
Lucius laughed. "You did, didn't you? The werewolf was right when he said you'd do anything to get him back." He shook his head, blonde strands falling over his face. "I suppose you should be somewhat thankful that we found you before you made it to Cape Three Points. Remus doesn't look very nice, Cassandra, he's been through a lot. You wouldn't want to see him like that."
"I don't care what he looks like," she whispered, "just as long as he's alive."
"Don't care about looks?" Lucius asked. "Well, if that isn't a joke then I don't know what is." His eyes narrowed as he advanced on her. "What else could have possibly possessed you to agree to a date with me? I was never a nice boy, I wouldn't have brought you flowers or taken you home to meet mummy and daddy," he sneered at her. "You knew that and you still agreed to go with me. So, what was Cassandra Harvey looking for that night?"
Cassandra drew in a deep breath and fixed Lucius with a steely glare. "I made a mistake, but because of that mistake I met Remus, so I can't even regret it."
"Such admirable sentiments," Lucius said, a sarcastic grin tugging at his lips. He turned away from her and pointed at Sirius. "Someone needs to take him back."
Cassandra searched the sand quickly for her wand and found it near Lucius' feet. She stretched, her fingers and arm straining toward it. The sand was rough against the tips of her fingers and yet she kept reaching. She longed to feel the smooth wood beneath her fingers, longed to feel the comforting weight of her wand in her hand.
"Malfoy," a Death Eater said, motioning to her.
Lucius turned around and another smile broke out on his face. "Diffindo," he said, pointing his wand at her. Cassandra toppled awkwardly to the ground, missing her wand by inches as she fell.
"Go ahead," Lucius said. "Pick it up and see what you can do to me."
Cassandra stood shakily and stared at him before turning on her heel and running as fast as she could possibly run in the other direction.
"Dammit!" Lucius yelled from behind her, then motioned at Snape. "Kill him. I have to get her back."
Over the rushing wind Cassandra could hear Lucius' feet pounding into the sand as he gave chase to her. She wished then that she had stopped to pick up her wand but there was no going back now, not after she had started running. As she ran she imagined his hand closing down over the hair flying behind her, yanking her to a violent stop and throwing her into the sand. The vision made her push herself faster, her legs burning as she ran and her heart pumping quickly. Air rushed from her lungs in quick gasps only to be replaced immediately by another breath and before she realized it, Cassandra was turning into the mare as she ran.
"No," she breathed, realizing too late what was happening. Her vision was coming true; she was going to run herself to death.
Her hooves pounded into the sand, throwing up clouds of dust behind her as she ran. She heard a gasp of surprise from Lucius when she turned and a smug satisfaction took over her fear for a brief moment. He hadn't know what she was.
She ran on, her mane flowing behind as her hair had only moments before, knowing that with each stride she took she was running closer to her death.
It was a long time before her hooves began to bleed as they had in the vision, the sun had begun to set before her legs felt as if they were going to give out. Lucius was no longer behind her but she couldn't stop, if she stopped he would catch her. If she stopped running, even for just an instant, he would be upon her immediately and everything she had worked for would be over.
Then, just as in the vision, it was over. She stumbled and went down on her side, sand and dust billowing up around her as she fell. Her hooves were bleeding, the red fluid staining the sand around her. As she tried to draw breath into her body she heard a soft pop from nearby. Moments later, Lucius was kneeling beside her, his pale hand touching her quivering flank.
"You tried," he murmured, "but you failed."
She drew four shuddering breaths into her body, then slowly allowed herself to return to her human form.
"Imperio," Lucius said softly and Cassandra stood, unable to do anything else. Her weary legs took her over the sand and she followed him to what was sure to be her death.
* * * *
Remus swallowed hard and stared up through the tiny window far above him. The sky was dark, stars glistening against the stark blackness that the desert afforded the sky. The moon was nearly above him, taunting him cruelly. He felt the wolf raise it's head inside of him, longing to howl at the moon, to run through the woods with the wind in his fur. He hadn't been free in so long, free to do whatever he pleased, even though he would have to confine himself every month. Even then it had been different, he had been a prisoner by his own choice not by someone else's hand.
Now it was torture in its purest form, a mind numbing terror every month of what his body would go through during the change. He never remembered what happened during the night, just the aching muscles and bleeding wounds the next morning. The wolf within him was beginning to go mad, tearing at his insides with invisible claws. Remus hated it and loved it at the same time. It was torment, but it was a release from his constant prison. The pain made him look past the bars and stone walls, it gave him something else to think about.
"Cass," he moaned softly, pressing his fists into his eyes. She was dead, there was no getting around that fact. Lucius Malfoy had killed her and now he was stuck in a hole with James Potter tormenting him at every turn. A man he had once loved like a brother, a man who was supposed to be dead, was whispering sounds of death into his room.
Everything had fallen down around him in the past months, everything he had thought he knew had been torn away and now Remus Lupin didn't care if he lived or died. All he had lived for was gone and slowly, his mind was slipping away with everything else that had escaped him. He no longer wanted to be saved, he just wanted to die. He wanted everything to end for once and for all so that he no longer had to feel the pain.
Remus Lupin slumped against the wall of his cell with the moon shining down on him. He was broken, a shattered remnant of what he had once been and now all there was left for him to do was die.
* * * *
The morning dawned hot and bright and by nine o'clock Snape was thoroughly annoyed. Not only was he sweating, sweating for Merlin's sake, but he was more sure than ever than Cassandra had absolutely no idea where she was leading them. She would walk a few paces before stopping and staring deep into the desert, as if there would be a road sign popping up any second to tell them that they were on the right track. Wasn't she just supposed to know without thinking about it? Wasn't a bloody vision supposed to pop into her head for them to follow like a road map?
Snape paused for a moment, reaching into his pack for his bottle of water and pondering the idea of a road map coming to Cassandra in a vision. Maybe if he pressured her hard enough she'd snap and something more or less like a road map might appear in that head of hers.
"Are we lost yet?" he called dryly, pushing the water back into his pack. "Or do you two just like the desert so much you thought we'd stay here for a few weeks longer than necessary?"
Sirius cast Snape a withering glare over his shoulder before he murmured something to Cassandra.
"What?" Snape called.
"We were just discussing how easy it would be to lose you in the desert," Sirius growled fiercely.
"We were not," Cassandra said.
"Really?" Snape drawled.
"We weren't," she insisted, turning around to look at Snape. "Why do you two have to fight at every single turn of this trip? Why can't you both just shut up and get along?"
Snape blinked at her a few times before advancing. "It isn't Black that I have a problem with here. It's you."
"Me?" she asked, staring at him.
He nodded. "Mhmm."
"What did I do?"
Snape gestured vaguely to the desert surrounding them. "You, Cassandra Harvey, are the one who dragged us into this mess."
Cassandra frowned and stared at him for a long moment before shaking her head and turning away.
"No scathing replies?" Snape asked. "I was sure I could count on some ridiculous speech about saving Lupin and how much it means to the world. I was positive that you would deliver a heroic tirade on his behalf and now I'm to be disappointed?"
"Don't do this right now, Severus," she murmured warningly.
"Should I wait for a better time?" he asked sarcastically. "Until we're dying of hunger and dehydration perhaps? Maybe I should wait until Voldemort kills us all and then I can ask you if that was part of the great plan."
"Why are you attacking me?" she cried desperately. "I'm as lost as you are."
"So we are lost," Snape said.
"Stop it," Sirius growled in a warning tone.
"Why?" Snape asked. "I never wanted to be part of this but Albus insisted. Now I'm lost in the middle of Africa and I'm probably about to die. If I don't starve to death Voldemort will make sure my death is painful and most likely prolonged. I don't want to be here. I would rather be back at Hogwarts where I'm safe and will stay alive."
"Then go," Sirius said, pointing in the direction they'd come. "Walk back home and take the damned plane by yourself. See if I care. We don't need you, just stop attacking Cassandra."
"Or what?" Snape asked. "You'll hurt me?"
Sirius' fingers flexed on his wand. "Don't tempt me."
Snape took out his own wand. "Why don't do indulge our fantasies, Black? Why don't we do what we've been dying to do for years?"
"I'm warning you, Snape."
"What? What would the big bad Sirius Black do to me? Kill me?"
Sirius' nostrils flared angrily and he advanced on Snape, but said nothing.
Snape's black eyes narrowed slightly. "Go ahead, Black. Do it. Do what you've always wanted."
The two men stared at each other, their eyes glittering with malice and years of pent of hatred. Silence fell over the group, the only sound was the wind whispering over the sand before it curled around them.
Sirius raised his wand and Snape smiled bitterly before doing the same. His eyes slid over to Cassandra momentarily before returning to Sirius. She looked worried, which was exactly what he wanted. She had to do something and if he had to force her to do it, then he would.
"On three?" Cassandra asked dryly.
Snape frowned and turned to look at her. She was staring at them both with her hands on her hips and an annoyed expression on her face. She reminded Snape of the Potions Mistress who had taught him when he was at Hogwarts and her wrath had been one of the worst he'd ever experienced.
"You two amaze me," she said simply, dropping her pack to the sand and reaching for her wand. "Sirius, I love you, but you're a bleeding idiot. Put your wand away." She glared at him hard when he didn't obey her immediately and added, "Now!"
Sirius mumbled something under his breath, but tucked his wand away reluctantly.
Cassandra turned on Snape and as he studied her, he decided he didn't like what he saw in her eyes.
"You," she said, walking over to him with her wand held out in front of her. "I don't like you very much and I don't want to like you, but I was forced to work with you just like you were forced to work with me." The tip of her wand pressed into his chest as she stepped closer, still glaring at him.
"This isn't easy for me," she said in a low growl. "Don't think for ever a second that I like being here. Do you really want some 'heroic tirade', as you called it? I can deliver one. Yes, I am here for Remus more than anything, but honestly, that's not all that heroic. You see, Severus, there's this thing that happened to me when I met him. I guess most people would call it love . . . you, on the other hand, might think of it as something dirty. Simpering loyalty . . . a weakness, perhaps?"
Snape snorted angrily, but said nothing.
"Whatever you think about it doesn't matter. My heroic tirade isn't too heroic because I want him back for me. Not for the world, for me."
"Isn't that selfish?" Snape muttered.
"Yes, it really is selfish," Cassandra said. "It disgusts me, but it's really quite selfish. So, you need to back off and let me work."
"I fail to see any work being done here," he responded, gesturing vaguely around them.
Cassandra's wand jabbed him sharply. "I am trying," she growled, her voice dropping even lower.
They stared at one another for a long moment before Cassandra dropped her hand and turned away, shaking her head slightly. As she knelt down to pick up her pack, Snape put his own wand away then glanced at her.
"Perhaps you ought to try harder," he said softly, then tried to walk away.
"Go to hell!" she yelled suddenly, her voice hoarse with anger. "We don't need you."
"You certainly need something," Snape retorted. "You're not much use on your own."
Cassandra shook her head angrily, staring at him. "I hate you."
Snape's eyes glittered with anger. "The feeling is more than mutual, I assure you."
"Stop fighting!" Sirius growled suddenly. "We can't do this now."
"When?" Snape asked sarcastically. "Can we do this when we get home?"
"It's just the stress," Cassandra murmured, turning away from the other two. "All three of us are under tremendous pressure, it's only stress."
"It's not just stress," Snape said. "I'd hate you whether I was under stress or not."
"Fine!" she yelled. "Hate me, just stop talking about it. We have to go, we don't have a choice anymore."
Silence fell over them once more and for a long while there was nothing but that silence. Then, in the still air behind them, someone laughed softly. It startled Cassandra and she turned quickly to find herself staring into Lucius' cold grey eyes.
"Locomortor mortis," he drawled softly and a moment later Cassandra felt her legs bind together. She struggled and cried out for Sirius, but just as he reached for her another Death Eater put him under the Imperius curse.
"No," she shrieked, dropping her wand and reaching for him.
"Petrificus Totalus," Lucius said, his wand turning on Snape. Cassandra watched in horror at Sirius was marched away and Snape toppled to the ground, his hands clenched stiffly on either side of his body.
"Cassandra Harvey," Lucius murmured, approaching her and stepping over Snape's frozen body. "You can't imagine how many years I've been waiting for this." He raised his wand and dragged the tip of it across her cheek, cutting a thin slice in her skin. A drop of blood slipped over her face and Lucius smiled cruelly before putting his wand away and staring at her.
"Did you really come all this way for Remus Lupin?" he asked.
Cassandra glared at him.
Lucius laughed. "You did, didn't you? The werewolf was right when he said you'd do anything to get him back." He shook his head, blonde strands falling over his face. "I suppose you should be somewhat thankful that we found you before you made it to Cape Three Points. Remus doesn't look very nice, Cassandra, he's been through a lot. You wouldn't want to see him like that."
"I don't care what he looks like," she whispered, "just as long as he's alive."
"Don't care about looks?" Lucius asked. "Well, if that isn't a joke then I don't know what is." His eyes narrowed as he advanced on her. "What else could have possibly possessed you to agree to a date with me? I was never a nice boy, I wouldn't have brought you flowers or taken you home to meet mummy and daddy," he sneered at her. "You knew that and you still agreed to go with me. So, what was Cassandra Harvey looking for that night?"
Cassandra drew in a deep breath and fixed Lucius with a steely glare. "I made a mistake, but because of that mistake I met Remus, so I can't even regret it."
"Such admirable sentiments," Lucius said, a sarcastic grin tugging at his lips. He turned away from her and pointed at Sirius. "Someone needs to take him back."
Cassandra searched the sand quickly for her wand and found it near Lucius' feet. She stretched, her fingers and arm straining toward it. The sand was rough against the tips of her fingers and yet she kept reaching. She longed to feel the smooth wood beneath her fingers, longed to feel the comforting weight of her wand in her hand.
"Malfoy," a Death Eater said, motioning to her.
Lucius turned around and another smile broke out on his face. "Diffindo," he said, pointing his wand at her. Cassandra toppled awkwardly to the ground, missing her wand by inches as she fell.
"Go ahead," Lucius said. "Pick it up and see what you can do to me."
Cassandra stood shakily and stared at him before turning on her heel and running as fast as she could possibly run in the other direction.
"Dammit!" Lucius yelled from behind her, then motioned at Snape. "Kill him. I have to get her back."
Over the rushing wind Cassandra could hear Lucius' feet pounding into the sand as he gave chase to her. She wished then that she had stopped to pick up her wand but there was no going back now, not after she had started running. As she ran she imagined his hand closing down over the hair flying behind her, yanking her to a violent stop and throwing her into the sand. The vision made her push herself faster, her legs burning as she ran and her heart pumping quickly. Air rushed from her lungs in quick gasps only to be replaced immediately by another breath and before she realized it, Cassandra was turning into the mare as she ran.
"No," she breathed, realizing too late what was happening. Her vision was coming true; she was going to run herself to death.
Her hooves pounded into the sand, throwing up clouds of dust behind her as she ran. She heard a gasp of surprise from Lucius when she turned and a smug satisfaction took over her fear for a brief moment. He hadn't know what she was.
She ran on, her mane flowing behind as her hair had only moments before, knowing that with each stride she took she was running closer to her death.
It was a long time before her hooves began to bleed as they had in the vision, the sun had begun to set before her legs felt as if they were going to give out. Lucius was no longer behind her but she couldn't stop, if she stopped he would catch her. If she stopped running, even for just an instant, he would be upon her immediately and everything she had worked for would be over.
Then, just as in the vision, it was over. She stumbled and went down on her side, sand and dust billowing up around her as she fell. Her hooves were bleeding, the red fluid staining the sand around her. As she tried to draw breath into her body she heard a soft pop from nearby. Moments later, Lucius was kneeling beside her, his pale hand touching her quivering flank.
"You tried," he murmured, "but you failed."
She drew four shuddering breaths into her body, then slowly allowed herself to return to her human form.
"Imperio," Lucius said softly and Cassandra stood, unable to do anything else. Her weary legs took her over the sand and she followed him to what was sure to be her death.
* * * *
