Title: Before the Fall of Rome (4/?)
Author: Brooke
Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I wished I owned the two Xanders' from "The Replacement" though. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN and whoever else has rights to the show.
Summary: You remember all that crap that started post-puberty…yeah, it's great isn't it. It was when life started
Distribution: I don't know why anybody would want this, but if somebody does…sure.
Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!
Authors Note: Takes place in an AU season 1 where Buffy and Xander are best friends and Willow is the new girl as Sunnydale High. It is the beginning of their sophomore year and, as 15 and 16 year olds, hormones and feelings are taking center stage
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It was about 5:30 when Buffy finally opened the front door of her home, immediately dropping her book and gym bags on the floor. She had called Willow from her cell phone from the locker room after she had stormed out on Giles in the library and told her that they would have to reschedule the mall trip. Willow had understood, and said that it was probably good idea since her tutoring session with Xander was running a lot bit long.
Buffy was glad that the locker room was completely empty as she proceeded to take one of the longest and hottest showers she ever had all while laughing bitterly to herself.
Tutoring session with Xander…
She had completely forgotten, and she had been so pissed at him during her training session with Giles that he hadn't shown for the end of her practice that she could hardly even see straight. And here he was taking her up on her suggestion that he ask Willow for help with math.
But, Buffy justified herself, that excuse only stood for today…why he had been MIA the rest of the week was completely out of line. She knew he wasn't studying every afternoon the whole week.
Buffy sighed and wandered into the kitchen, tucking her still wet hair behind her ears as she headed for the refrigerator.
"What?" her mother's voice beckoned from the counter behind her, "I don't get a greeting? Not that I'd expect one, being as though I don't even get a call when you're going to be three hours late from school."
Buffy shut her eyes for a moment before turning and speaking to her mother, "Hi mom," she promptly turned and restarted her rummage through the fridge. "I'm sorry about that, practice…"
"Was over at 3:45," Joyce exasperated, "I got the schedule in the mail." She heard Buffy sigh, but still refuse to meet her gaze, "So…where were you?"
"At school." Buffy answered simply.
"Doing what?"
"Studying. Listen mom, I just lost track of time…" Buffy grabbed the loaf of bread and the jar of peanut butter and headed to the kitchen island.
"I wasn't aware that studying required a shower afterwards," Joyce commented as she moved about the kitchen, busying herself with preparing dinner, "And dinner is almost ready," she noted when she saw Buffy getting ready to make a sandwich.
"I wasn't aware that I couldn't bathe when I choose too," Buffy commented in much the same way her mother had, "And I'm hungry now, I didn't eat lunch…"
"Well, what were you doing then," Joyce removed a dish from the stove, "I mean, you weren't on campus…" she threw in, "At least that's what the school called to tell me."
Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed. Giles had sent her out to case this house that he said there was a vampire nest in…it was where she was going to go clear out tonight. She had missed fourth through sixth period walking through Sunnydale trying to find the goddamned place…and apparently somebody had noticed. "I went for a run."
Joyce just narrowed her eyes at her daughter who refused to look at her, knowing that she was lying. "Buffy," she started watching her put the two peanut butter smothered pieces of bread together and move to put the ingredients away, "I don't want you to lie to me…"
"Who's lying?" Buffy asked, picking up her sandwich, "I was having a bad day, and you know working out helps me get through that…"
"Not in the middle of the day, it doesn't." Joyce disagreed, "Now I didn't tell your father, but I don't want this to happen again."
"Yes mother," Buffy sighed and walked towards the door.
Joyce suddenly became angry at her daughters attitude. "I always assumed that you could tell me anything…that you would tell me anything…if something was going on…with you."
"Well, I guess you assumed wrong," Buffy mumbled from the doorway.
"Buffy Anne Summers," Joyce said angrily. Buffy turned around slowly, knowing that tone meant that her mother wouldn't take anymore shit from her. "You will not walk away from me." Buffy nodded dumbly and remained in place. "You can tell me anything," Joyce continued more calmly, "I want to help you…"
Buffy rose her hand to take a bite of her sandwich, but then lowered it before she could, "Mom," she tried to sound reassuring; "There's nothing to help…seriously."
"I know you broke up with Scott, and if this is because…"
"It's not," Buffy cut in hastily, "It's not about him…it's not about anything…there's nothing for it to be about, really."
Joyce nodded, still not believing her, "I know you're growing up Buffy…I know…things...are changing…with you. I want you to know we can talk about it. We can talk about anything."
Buffy regarded her mother as she seemed to have forgotten momentarily about the dinner she was fixing. She could she the obvious concern in her eyes, but then again, it was always there, she was a mom. Buffy sighed, considering how easy it would be to just tell her mother everything. She could tell her all about the Slaying and she would forbid it based solely on the insaneness of the whole idea and Buffy would never have to do it again. Her life could get back to normal and then she could focus on her more normal problems…namely one Xander Harris, and worrying whether or not she passed her biology quiz, and talking her Dad into buying her a car when she got her permit.
Or she would tell her Mom everything and she would have her committed to the Sunnydale Institute, because, lets face it, vampires and demons are figments of the imagination. Buffy'd have to be crazy to think that her mother would buy that she was dead tired because she spent an average of six hours a day training and fighting "fake" monsters every night. Oh, she'd for sure be committed. But her Mom had no idea about that aspect of her life, and she seemed to think the root of all Buffy's problems lay in the boy-factor…that she could work with…
"We already had that talk," Buffy smirked for the first time and listened to her mother release a breath. "You remember boys and girls and how they're different, and all find out about that once I fall in love well after the age of 25… To tell you the truth, I kinda lost Dad when he started talking about squirrels and trees and the Love Handshake, and that was pretty early on."
Joyce laughed, relaxing a little bit, "I may never be able to undo the damage done by that conversation. Now, at least I know to handle it myself with Dawn."
Buffy chuckled and nodded in agreement, "Listen Mom, nothing is going on. And if it were I'd tell you…I promise." Buffy hated herself for building up her mother's confidence and then lying right to her face. "I'm gonna go to my room now," she said now backing out of the kitchen, "I'm gonna go to the Bronze later."
Joyce nodded and watched her leave, "I'll call you when dinner's done," she called out after her and heard her daughter yell "Okay" back down the steps.
Buffy walked up the steps while eating her sandwich, thinking how good it was to finally be thinking about nothing but the two tasks of chewing and walking. Oh how she loved the simple life. Now all she had to do was ensure that her mother didn't have any other reasons to be suspicious of her activities…she'd have to be extra crafty to pull that off, since she had only been the Slayer for a couple weeks and she was already being questioned. She'd have to run by something with Giles to offer an excuse…like, a book club or something, she thought.
"Loser," she heard her little sister's voice call from behind her just as she was about to step into the sanctuary of her room.
Buffy sighed and looked over her shoulder, "What do you want Dawn?" she asked in her patented 'I hate you' voice, which was reserved for Dawn, Cordelia, and sometimes Jesse and Xander.
"I need to wear your purple tank top," the ten year old spoke as she stepped out into the hall.
"Why?" Buffy turned to question her, and then narrowing her eyes when she saw the girl already had the shirt in question on. "Did you go through my room to get that?" she asked taking a step towards her.
"You don't even wear it anymore!" Dawn yelled.
"It doesn't matter if I don't wear it, it's my shirt! And I told you NEVER to go into my room!" Buffy yelled back.
"Why," the younger girl questioned, "You afraid I'll find your precious diary in the super secret hiding place under you pillow." She watched her sister's eyes widen momentarily and continued, "Besides, this shirt probably doesn't even fit you anymore," Dawn smirked and gestured to the half sandwich in Buffy's hand. "Plus, Mom said I could have it."
Buffy sneered at her younger sister, trying to fight every urge to go over there and rip the shirt off of her… and possibly beat her for searching through her room, she'd play that by ear. "It's not hers to give."
"But it doesn't fit you anymore, right Tubbs?" Dawn laughed.
The older girl turned briefly to set the sandwich in her room before facing Dawn again, "At least I've got something for it to fit to…why do you even want it, it's just hanging on you."
Now it was Dawn's turn to sneer back, "Should I ask Scott Hope about that?"
"Prick." Buffy shot at her.
"Slut."
"Brat."
"Mutant."
"Adopted." Buffy finished off triumphantly and watched her sister's face fall. The 'adopted' comment always won the war if she didn't break after the 'slut' shot.
"DAD!!!!!!!!" Dawn shrieked, and Buffy watched as Hank Summers stumbled half asleep out of the master bedroom.
He wiped his hand over his face and through his hair as he approached his youngest daughter, "What is it Dawny?" he asked with sleepy concern.
"Look what you did now," Buffy accused her sister angrily; "You woke Dad up. Way to go, you little walking turd."
"I'd rather be a walking turd than a dumb, fat cheerleader…who skipped school for half the day," Dawn added with a bright smile just as Hank reached her.
Buffy narrowed her eyes at the girl as her father rose to face her, now suddenly awake. "What's that Buffy?" he asked looking at her from the other end of the hall.
"I heard Mom listen to the message when we got home," Dawn spoke to her father while receiving the death glare from her sister. "She skipped three classes."
Hank rubbed his eyes, "Go watch some TV, Sweetie." He told the younger girl, leaving Dawn to run down the steps while sticking her tongue out at Buffy on her way.
Buffy just glared at her in promise that she would receive a sever ass kicking once their parents left her with babysitting duties. "Dad…"
"I will not have you skipping school Buffy," her father spoke, unwilling to listen to whatever she had to say.
She hung her head under her dad's disapproving gaze. "I don't know what's been going on with you recently Buffy, but it stops here. You're grounded." He settled.
Buffy's eyes flew up to meet his and widened in protest, "DAD!!! You can't…"
"Every second you spend arguing with me over what I can't do is one more week you'll be spending your nights at home, with no phone and no TV."
Buffy dropped her head, trying to contain her anger at the situation. She had always threatened to kill Dawn before, but now….now she had the physical means to make it a reality. "I already promised Xander I'd meet them at the Bronze tonight…"
"Well you're going to cancel." Hank stated.
"I hardly even see him…them... anymore…" Buffy pleaded.
"You'll see them at school. And at the end of two weeks, I'll decide whether or not you'll see them on weekends."
"Two weeks?!" Buffy whined, her voice involuntarily high pitched, "It's not like I robbed a bank…"
"Three weeks. Don't push me Buffy."
She dropped her head, her teeth grit together and her father was speaking again, "Now wash up and get ready for dinner. You're going to eat one meal this week with your family."
Buffy watched him with narrowed eyes as he turned and walked back into his room, leaving her alone in the hall with her seething anger. She turned on her heel and stamped into her bedroom, making sure to slam the door behind her.
She couldn't stop the tears anymore and she dropped herself into her bed, burying her face in the pillows as her body wracked with sobs. Buffy had claimed to hate her life before, but now it was true. She hated her fucking life…she hated every part of it…
Her chin was shaking as she pulled back from the pillows and she sniffed to control her tears. She had to get out of here. Buffy quickly pushed herself off the bed and stumbled across the room to lock the door; hopefully after that incident they wouldn't even expect her at the dinner table. She wiped at her eyes clumsily and made her way to the window.
Xander fixed these things for her, and things had gotten beyond being able to be fixed by a four hour long phone call, and the crowded atmosphere of the Bronze couldn't facilitate how she needed her friend. She needed just them and everything else would fall into place.
Buffy made her way over to her window and opened it, easily slipping outside onto the porch roof. She had been doing this ever since she began patrolling so now she had a fool proof plan to get to the ground safely, and she slipped over the side of the house and dropped quietly to the ground below, just to the right of one of the living room windows. She didn't look back as she took off in a full tilt run towards the Harris house, hoping against hope that Xander was back form studying with Willow…and if not, he had a low roof right outside his window as well, so she'd make do. Buffy would wait for him all night, if she had too, because right now this was all she had left.
*~*~*
Buffy wiped her hands down the sides of the gray sweat pants she was wearing to dry them of the sweat that had accumulated during her run to his house. She could see the lights on in the living room, but decided against ringing the doorbell.
She figured that if her parents found out that she wasn't in her room, Xander's would be the first they called, and if Xander's parents knew she was there, they would probably, under section 7 code B of the parents code, give her up. If that were to happen, with the way her father was over-reacting, she would probably loose her "privilege" of hanging out with him all together. Her father was already getting skeptical of her close relationship with Xander, and even though Hank tried to hide it, the fact that he barged into her room every fifteen minutes whenever the teenaged boy was in his home proved otherwise.
Buffy gripped the drain pipe on the side of the house and hoisted herself up using her newfound strength to her full advantage. She climbed onto the primary porch roof and stuck to the wall as she inched towards Xander's window, seeing the yellow light emanating from within. She had ducked to clear the window at the end of the hall way in hopes of avoiding his parents seeing her, but rose slightly once she reached the outside of his room. Using her Slayer stealth, as she had dubbed it, Buffy peered into the corner of the window and her breath involuntarily caught in her throat.
Xander stood with his back to the window, towel wrapped around his waist and another draped over his shoulders. Buffy swallowed and watched him dig through a drawer, eventually pulling out a black tank top and pulling it over his head. He's probably getting ready to come over to my place so we can go to the Bronze. she thought, but then gasped and lost her balance, dropping into a seated position on the roof and loosing her line of sight into the room. Although her tears had since stopped she was shaking again…she supposed that was what she deserved, playing "peeping tom" on her best friends roof…not that she had meant to…it was just so tempting…and now she had seen…
Xander had always seemed more lanky than built to her, even in the summer when they had gone to the beach and he had spent the majority of the time in just board shorts. But, she had guessed the swim team workouts did have there advantages, as he seemed to have…filled out…muscle-wise, at least from behind. Buffy giggled and smiled a little to herself…Xander's ass wasn't bad…not bad at all. She wondered about the front…
She collected herself and craned her head up slightly to look back through the window…
Xander glanced towards his window when he thought he heard something fall outside. "What the…" He pulled on some basketball shorts and headed for it.
He stopped suddenly, "Weapon," he reminded himself and snatched up the nearest object…his hair brush. Xander snorted and threw it back down on the dresser, "Very threatening…Oh, mister intruder, please don't attack me, not when I can help you get rid of those pesky split ends…" he chastised himself while he looked for something heavier. His first place regionals swim meet trophy.
Xander quickly grabbed it up and headed across the room. He peered outside into the darkness and saw nothing, which meant nothing; because the sound he heard was too close…it came from the roof. He took a deep breath and steeled himself and gripped the window frame with one hand. He flung the window open with one hand and raised the trophy with the other, prepared to bash it over the head of the sick perv who was watching him get dressed. "I GOT YOU…Buffy?"
Buffy fell back again at his yell and her hands came up to shield her face. "Buffy?" Xander asked again, his voice oozing concern as he tossed the weapon onto his bed and extended his hand to her through the window.
He pulled her into the room, "How long have you been there?" he asked immediately his tone turning more embarrassed than anything else, "Cuz I just got outta the shower and…"
Buffy allowed him to pull her inside and ducked her face to hide her blush, "Not long," she said quietly, setting herself before she looked at him. She raised her face slowly and realization dawned on his features instantaneously.
"What's the matter Buffy?" he asked his eyes wide as he gripped her shoulders, "Why couldn't you use the door? Did something happen after practice…I told Jesse to wait for you…"
Buffy shook her head and peered at him in a total sense of awe that he had actually told Jesse to watch out for her when he knew that he couldn't be there himself. Xander was always doing things like that for her. "I didn't want your parents to know I was here," she admitted, "I sorta snuck out…Dad totally wigged on me…"
Xander's hand rose to cup her face, seeing that her eyes were still red, and there were still slightly blotchy spots on her cheeks. Buffy always got blotchy after she had been crying. "What happened?"
Buffy involuntarily leaned into his warm palm, but it was removed as soon as he recognized the action and she felt him move them completely as he sat them down on the edge of his bed. "I just…there's so much," her voice caught in her throat, "and you…you've been avoiding me…and I just…I needed you, and I wasn't allowed to leave the house tonight…"
Xander gave her a lopsided grin and denied, "I have not been avoiding you…How could I possibly avoid you?"
"Easy," Buffy was beginning to sniffle again, "you see me and then you run the other way…"
"That's insane Buffy. You know I don't run anywhere." He joked.
Buffy didn't even acknowledge his joke, but instead kept talking, "And you stopped coming to my practices…and calling me…"
"I called," Xander insisted, "You didn't return them…I got the feeling that you didn't want to talk to me…"
Buffy sighed and looked down at the bed, "That's all I want."
Xander watched as she brought her feet up onto his bed and hugged her knees to herself, "All I've wanted all week was to talk to you," she admitted softly not meeting his gaze, but feeling it on her. "There's so much I need to tell you that I just couldn't over the phone…or with everybody around."
"Well you've got me cornered now," he joked and punched her lightly in the knee.
"And I can't tell you," she whispered, "I can't tell you anything..."
Now Xander was confused, "You're going to have to help me here Buff, cuz I don't know what you're getting at here. Should I guess what's wrong?" He waited for her to respond…to even look at him, but she didn't. "Or maybe I wouldn't get it in a million years," he added bitterly and scooted himself back towards the head board. "I used to be able to bat a thousand in the 'What's Buffy Thinking' game." He pointed out, in a sad tone, with his eyes closed, "Now…now I'm lucky to even hit a grounder. I don't know…"
Xander trailed off and his eyes snapped open when he felt the bed shift under her movement and suddenly his right shoulder was pinned to the mattress by Buffy's weight. She shimmied up next to him and fit her head under his shin as she aligned her body beside his, her right arm draping across his chest and grasping the minimal amount of excess fabric of his tank top. When Buffy next released a breath he felt it warm his chest through the thin material.
He hadn't been expecting this, so, completely unsure of how to react, raised his arm slightly and encircled it around her waist. "Is this ok?" he asked quietly against the top of her head.
Buffy nodded slightly against him, "This is what I needed." She whispered, "I don't know anything but this anymore." This was the first time in a long time that she was completely defenseless in front of anybody…there was nobody that she trusted herself enough to. Buffy resigned to just let herself feel through this situation, not to over think and excessively analyze, but to just be here. She let out another deep breath and moved even closer against him, smiling as she felt him tense momentarily at increase in contact before forcing himself to relax against her.
"Didn't you miss this?" Buffy asked after a few minutes of silence.
Xander was caught up in staring down at the top of her head and was startled by the question, "Uh…yeah…"he croaked out nervously, "I did…I missed us."
"Me too," Buffy whispered again and let her eyes drop close, "I missed us."
Xander had seen confused, walked passed it, and was now careening into the land of 'What in the holy fuck in going on here?!'. He had no idea on how to read this. All week she had been preoccupied with something and had treated him like it didn't matter if he spoke to her or took up permanent residence in Iceland. But now, she had come over to his house…snuck over to his house crying in the dark proclaiming that she 'just needed to see him' and she 'missed them' and now with the major snuggleage. And that just made things more difficult since, as a guy, he was finding it difficult to concentrate on what he wanted to. He wanted to find out just what exactly it was that she wanted to talk about, but insisted that he couldn't know…but feeling Buffy pressed up against him, all soft and solid and warm, just like he had been dreaming about day and night for months…and hearing her breath against him, apparently inhaling his scent through his shirt every so often…her breasts, which he had been more than a little preoccupied with for the last little while, pressed tightly against his side…her hand clutching at his shirt, clinging to him as if she had found something she had thought she lost and now never intended to let go again…
It all made forming proper sentences pretty hard on him.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath his senses being flooded by the scent of Buffy's shampoo, telling him that she had obviously showered before coming to see him. Xander's exhale brought with it a low rumble from his chest, which he tried to cover up with a small throat clear and he adjusted his legs slightly…speaking of hard on him…
"Well," his voice was raspy and he tried to think about his grandma Ruth and various episodes of 'When Animals Attack' to side track the response his body was having involuntarily. He couldn't risk Buffy glancing down and seeing his hard on, thus forever proving that he was a huge pig because while she needed him as a shoulder to cry on, he was using her as fuel for a never ending wet dream. "We're here now."
Buffy shifted her right legs and moved it over his and Xander inhaled a sharp breath as her thigh came to rest right over his groin, putting a slight pressure on him…but she didn't move it…she just lay tense for a moment before relaxing again. "Can I tell you something Xander?" she asked finally, ignoring what she thought she felt against her leg.
Xander gulped, "Uh huh."
Buffy swallowed, knowing that this situation was awkward. Rest assured, it went both ways. She had little first hand contact with the boy in the horny variety, outside of Scott, but she had learned all about that stuff in sex-ed last year. And truth be told, she had never, until recently, even considered Xander in that light, even after she realized that she was harboring a huge crush on him. Until now…her best friends erection pressed against her leg, was the most contact that she'd ever had with the male sexual organ…besides when Scott had tried to get her to touch his and she had derailed that make-out session as if she were suddenly afraid that she'd catch the Ebola virus if it lasted one more minute longer.
But now the only way to deal with the situation seemed to be to act as if it were completely normal- for them, since, she assumed, other than the fact that it was them together, it was completely normal.
"You have to promise just to listen to it first," she insisted, still not looking up at him.
"I promise," he said wondering why she sounded so ashamed all of the sudden. It made his stomach lurch at all the possibilities of the things she could possibly want to tell him, but felt that she couldn't…what could possibly drive her aversive demeanor earlier in the week. He didn't know what this was about, but he was already pretty sure he would have to kick Scott's ass tomorrow.
"This is going to sound stupid…you'll think I'm crazy…"
"I'm a firm believer that as a woman you're already predisposed to crazy," he joked without a laugh. "Just tell me Buff…whatever it is I want to know."
Buffy took a deep breath, "Nobody else is supposed to know this."
I promise I won't tell anybody Buffy…I swear it'll just stay in this room."
She could tell when he was being totally honest. She was one of the few people who got to see this side of Alexander Harris…she might be the only one…the only one who didn't just get the joker. "Do you believe in vampires?" she asked quietly while tightening her hold on him and pulling herself just a little closer.
"Vampires?" Xander repeated, serious doubt clouding his voice, "Like from the movies…like Dracula?"
Buffy bit her lower lip, "Do you?" she repeated.
"Naw, Buff," Xander chuckled a little and felt Buffy move to pull away. He let her go, unsure of why she wanted more distance between them and if it was his place to protest. "That stuff is fake." He said finally able to see her eyes. She still looked so serious, and now a little bit hurt.
"What if I told you that I do believe in them?" she questioned again, wincing as he laughed again.
"Are you for real Buff?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbows to face her as she leant against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest again. "You're afraid that you can't tell me about vampires?"
I'm so dumb. Buffy chastised herself, So fucking dumb. "See, it's stupid."
At least I'm not hard anymore, Xander thanked God as Buffy was now wide awake and looking directly at him. "Not stupid," he disagreed, "Just confusing…what's this about? Why does it matter if I believe in vampires or not?"
"Because they're real," Buffy shot out looking him dead in the eyes. She watched as his brown orbs crinkled slightly at the sides and his face broke out in a huge smile.
"This is a pretty elaborate joke, even for you Buffy Anne," he shook his head in disbelief, "You had me thinking that something was seriously wrong…"
"They're real and I kill them." Buffy stated brimming with determination. She would get this out come hell or high water…what ever that meant. "That's what's seriously wrong."
Xander stopped laughing…stopped breathing completely and tilted his head to look at her. Buffy's clear green eyes focused dead on his, wide open and fierce confidence in her avowal brimming with-in. She believed in what she was telling him…she wasn't joking. Xander knew Buffy, he knew her better than anybody; better that her own parents even, he reasoned…and because of this he knew that there was no way that she could keep a straight face for this long during a joke. Buffy was, right now, telling him the God's honest truth and Xander sat up completely to face her.
Buffy followed his movements with her eyes and continued speaking, "This place…this town…it's on a Hellmouth," she said, "It's a center of evil mystical conversance…there's all sorts of things out there…things that everybody thinks are fake, thinks are make believe. They're not…every one of them is real."
"There're monsters?" Xander asked in just above a whisper his eyes darting momentarily towards his still open window at the black night sky.
Buffy nodded in response, "Everything you were afraid of was out there or in your closet or under your bed when you were a kid…they're all real." Buffy told him. "They're real and it's my job to balance it out."
"Balance it out?" he repeated, refocusing on her.
"Just like there's mystical evil, there's a mystical good." Buffy shook her head, "And it's me. There's this thing…this essence that one girl in every generation gets…it makes her stronger and quicker…and I got it." Buffy focused on the opposite wall as she tried to find the words, she couldn't remember exactly what Giles had told her about it, but she thought she had the gist of it well enough to offer a half decent explanation. "I'm the Slayer." She said finally.
Xander looked at her for a moment longer and Buffy shifted under his gaze, "You think I'm crazy, don't you?" she asked disappointedly, "I shouldn't've said anything…"
"You're a super hero." Xander stated recalling how easily Buffy was now able to push him across the school hall way, still looking at her in disbelief, "You're so small…" he added in wonder.
Buffy narrowed her eyes at him and his awed expression wilted, "Sorry," he squeaked out. "I don't think you crazy," he added for her benefit, "I still don't understand…"
"See," Buffy interjected, "It's Giles," she said excitedly and Xander looked at her confused again, "the librarian," she added and he nodded, "He's my Watcher…"
"I knew that guy was a sicko…"
"He watches me slay these demons…he takes notes on it and everything, tells me where the hot spots are…that kind of thing." Buffy corrected his assumptions and noted how his posture visibly relaxed.
"So he told you about all this on the first day of school?" Xander asked, "When you completely narked out on me for the first time."
"And I've had to train, like, everyday…and…"
"At night you what? Kill these things? That's why you skip out on us at the Bronze. That's why you're always hella tired." Realization dawned on his face.
"So you believe me?" Buffy asked hopefully. "It's not that I didn't want to spend time with you…I always want to spend time with you…it's just been so much…it's been everyday, and it's not going to stop…"
"Well now that you've told me, we can work together," Xander told her and she could see his mind working a mile a minute, "You're work load'll be cut in half…I mean, since we can't tell Jesse or Willow, it'll just be the two of us but…"
"It's just me Xander," Buffy stated, forcing him to stop talking, "It's just me."
"But what about…"
"You don't understand," Buffy was suddenly sad again, "You don't understand that it has to just be me…I don't want you to get hurt…"
"You don't think I'd risk that for you?" Xander asked seriously. "You think I'll be able to sleep at night knowing you're out fighting the boogieman?"
Buffy sighed, "You're going to have to, because that's how it's going to be. Xander, Slayers…they work alone."
"How? These are real live monsters you're talking about…how do you even kill them?"
"Vampires are a stake thought the heart, holy water, sunlight…anything you've seen in the movies basically. The rest pretty much die just like humans…stabbing, fire, breaking their necks, all that stuff…" Buffy took a breath and regained her thoughts, "But that doesn't matter to you. I have to do this alone…"
Xander licked his lips and sighed, not quiet believing that she didn't want his help. How could she think that he'd let her do this alone. Slayer or not this was still his best friend, still his Buffy. "I want to help you. I don't want you out there alone…"
"It's my destiny Xander…"
"I don't care. If it's your destiny then it's mine now too."
"You don't get it, and I'm sorry that I can't explain it to you." Maybe this was why she was forbidden to tell people about her being the Slayer…maybe only watchers had the credentials to explain it properly.
Xander set his jaw, not accepting her refusal, "Maybe you should try again."
"There is one Slayer." Buffy matched his tone. "She fights the forces on darkness alone with only the guidance of her Watcher. Not her friends. Until the next is called."
"So when does that happen?" Xander asked, "Why call you?"
"I don't know why call me." Buffy said angrily, "Probably because the last one died…and when I die there'll be someone else."
Her quiet sad tone stopped his heart as much as the sentence she had just completed. It all fell into place, all she was dealing with…it all made sense to him now. "That's not going to happen," he said in a low tone, "Tell this…Giles…tell him that you won't do it."
"There is no telling anybody I won't do it. I just do until…" she trailed off, not liking how that sentence had to end.
"No." Xander was standing suddenly. He was looking down at her on the bed as she focused on the wall to his right and she looked so vulnerable to him…even smaller than usual. He had never wanted to protect her more than he did right now. "I'm not going to let that happen Buffy, I promise you."
"You can't stop it," she whispered, "That's how it ends. That's the only way it'll end." She sighed and turned to face him, trying to force a smile, but it broke immediately and she started to cry again. Only this time she was enfolded into Xander's arms as he climbed back onto the bed and pulled her to his chest; giving just what she had come to him for. He rocked her back and forth slightly as he rested in his shins in front of her, "I'll stop it," he swore into her hair over and over again, "I'll stop it."
Buffy sniffled, but did not pull away from him. "I've got to go clear out this nest tonight…I was training all afternoon…I skipped some classes to stake out the house," her voice was muffled by his shoulder. "Snyder must've noticed and called my house, that's why Dad grounded me."
Xander wanted to tell her to tell her parents what she had just told him, but then quickly realized that that could, potentially do more harm than good, and decided against it. He didn't know what to say to her. He had no idea what it must be like for her to be forced to go out night after night and have all the odds for her coming home stacked against her. Well, now he did. Now he was dealing with the same thing twice over. "Where is this house?"
"I'm not going to tell you," Buffy heard him sigh against her; "You might try to pull your infamous Superman routine. I know you too well Xander."
"Please tell me where it is," Xander asked again, "I just want to know where you're going…call it for my own piece of mind. I promise I won't go after you."
He felt Buffy pushing him lightly as he held her and let his body lean back, soon finding himself reclined in their previous snuggled positions. "Just hold me some more," she asked in a small voice, "Until I have to leave."
"Only if you tell me," he refused to wrap his arm around her.
"Promise you'll stay in Xander."
"I'll stay in. I just don't want to spend the whole night wondering where you're at…"
"1345 Newberry." Buffy told him as she reached behind her and grabbed his right arm, pulling it around her waist.
Xander smiled as she rested against him. He knew exactly where that place was…he could get there just to make sure that she was safe. There was no way she'd do this alone…have to face death alone. "So no Bronze tonight?" he joked silently and pulled her a little closer, silently saying that he had no intention of letting her go.
"No Bronze," Buffy yawned and adjusted her head against his neck. "Just us. For a little while, just us."
Just us, Xander agreed to himself silently thanking his parents for not checking on him. This little scene would definitely draw more suspicions about his relationship with his best friend…hell; he was already confused at all of this. Xander shut his eyes and listened to Buffy's breathing become more even. He wondered what time she had to leave to go to this house, not that he would ever wake her to go kill demons. He let his mind drift and fell into a sound sleep for the first time in weeks.
*~*~*
Xander was startled awake by the feel of Buffy poking him in the side of the neck. "Wake up," she whispered accentuated by another poke before repeating the phrase again. His eyes opened and he look up blurrily towards the ceiling before turning his gaze slightly towards her face.
"I'm up, I'm up," he mumbled sleepily, trying to squint the sleep out of his eyes. "What's the matter?" he asked after he regained his bearings.
"Nothing," Buffy said and earned his glare, "Jesse just kept calling…I told him we'd reschedule the Bronze get together…"
Xander raised an eye brow at her, "You answered my phone?"
Buffy was looking down and didn't see his mouth turn into a slight smile, "Well it was ringing a lot…and you seemed so tired…"
Xander forced his grin away and tried to look serious when she turned her eyes back to his, "Did he say anything?" Xander was slightly fearful of what his other friend might think when Buffy answered in private line at…10:48 at night…and probably saying that he was asleep. He knew that Jesse had recently developed a tendency to pry for details about Xander's relationship…or lack there of with the female faction of their group, and this situation would probably brook a good three days of questioning and lewd comments. It almost made Xander wish that half of the things that Jesse thought were going on between himself and Buffy were actually going on…that would literally make him a living legend amongst the male population at Sunnydale High.
Buffy shrugged her shoulders slightly, "He was just wondering if we were going to show…"
"He asked if we were going to show?"
"Well, he said 'were in the fuck are you Harris?! I'm dying here, Paige is totally macking on some other dude and I need serious back-up'" Buffy repeated the conversation as best as she could remember. "Why?"
Xander shook his head, "I was just wondering…sometimes he…he might think the wrong thing…"
She watched him stumble over his words and narrowed her eyes at him, "You can call him back to tell him that you'll be there…and clear up whatever…"
He caught her tone and wiped his hand over his face, "I'm just gonna stay here tonight. All of the sudden midnight strolls down Main Street don't seem so choice anymore…"
"I could walk you on my way to meet Giles." Buffy told him.
"Nah," Xander refused, "I'll just stay here…worry about you…change my shirt…" he looked at her suddenly with a small smile and Buffy turned, finding the wall very interesting. "I don't remember you being quiet so spitty in the past…" he fingered a small wet spot on the right side of his shirt.
"Sorry," Buffy said quickly.
"Quiet alright. I just never figured you for a drooler." Xander joked, "I gotta say, it's going to ruin a lot of my fantasies were we sleep together."
Buffy turned her head to him, "Well; now you've got the reality."
If you only knew… "Touché." Xander sighed and rolled his neck, trying to work out the kinks.
"I'm going to trail Jess and Wills home before I hit the Slayage…the Bronze closes soon." Buffy told him. She looked briefly around his room, her eyes finding a picture of them from the shore that summer on his desk by his door. They were on the deck in front of the pool and he was holding her piggy-back style on his back. She liked that picture, but she had let him have it after an hour of the puppy-dog eyes.
"Good idea," he agreed with her, "But what'll the demons think when they fond out that the big bad Slayer is playing personal bodyguard to the towns teenage population."
Buffy shrugged, "Probably that they'll still be able to get you. And since you're more meaty that either Jesse or Willow, that it's probably for the best."
"You won't protect me?!" Xander asked in mock hurt, his eyes wide.
Buffy seemed to think for a moment, "If you pay me." She smiled in his face.
"How much?" he asked, smirk in place, "Cuz I don't have any money…so if it's a lot, I'm willing to let you use my body in reparations."
Enter tension stage right.
Buffy sat silent after his comment, not sure exactly what to say, and if he was even being as serious as she almost wanted him to be. In a process that had taken a couple weeks the idea of being with Xander didn't seem like such a bad idea…she had reasoned it out initially that she would eventually have sex with someone, why not Xander? She knew him, she trusted him, she loved him…why not? But after further consideration it became about more than the common sense of the act and the choice of Xander…she wanted him…he made her feel all…weird sometimes, but a good weird, just a little bit tingly. And she liked that feeling…it was what she sometimes felt with Scott when they were hooking up, but she figured it was about more than that since she had never been in that kind of contact with Xander, but just the thought was enough to give her that feeling.
Xander suddenly became nervous too. I don't know why I said that! Shit! "I was just joking…you know I don't need you to save me…" he was trying to lighten the mood so the joker came out to play.
Don't say that…don't joke… Buffy's mind begged. She could say the right thing right here and they're relationship could be changed forever. She could say one phrase and it would let Xander know that his friendship was not nearly enough, and that she wanted more.
But he was talking again… "So, you're gonna head out then?"
Buffy nodded, "I should…get going. Giles'll…I don't know, do something English."
"Wouldn't want that," Xander agreed quietly still fairly embarrassed. He sat up with her when she climbed off his bed…
"Alex…" Xander's door came open just as Buffy's first foot hit the floor and both teens turned to face his mother.
"Mom," Xander started nervously, "Hey."
"Oh," Jane Harris looked slightly embarrassed at having barged into her son's room. "Buffy," she acknowledged in a surprised tone, "When did you get here? I didn't hear the door bell."
"I, uh…"
"Dad let her in…you must've been in the basement." Xander cut in for her.
"Oh," Jane nodded, before turning back to her son, "Are you staying in tonight honey?" she asked him, her eyes flicking between the two teens as she tried not to look like she had just caught them climbing off of his bed. Best friends or not, they were teenagers, and of opposite sexes…Jane remembered all about the hormones flying around at their age.
"Uh, yeah Ma," Xander told her.
"Is Buffy going to spend the night?" she asked next, seeing the girl standing nervously by the window wearing a tank top and sweatpants, looking like she had just woken up…possibly and probably in her son's bed… "You kids could microwave a pizza."
Xander forced a smile, "We're okay ma," he assured, "Buffy's on her way out."
Buffy nodded in agreement and headed towards the door.
"You aren't going to walk her home?" Jane asked in a motherly tone, "It's dark out."
"We know Ma. It's called night…" Xander smirked.
"I'm alright Mrs. Harris," Buffy said, "It's just a quick walk."
Jane nodded, her eyes still darting between that two of them as they shifted under her gaze. "Well, tell your mother I said hi," she said to Buffy with a warm smile. "And call when you get home, so we know you got there safely," she added, shooting her son a look.
Xander rolled his eyes while Buffy's small smile died. Her mother and Xander's mother were best friends…it was a huge part of why Xander and Buffy were too. It was why they had grown up together. Now Buffy had to tell her mother that Mrs. Harris said hello thus giving up that she had snuck out of the house and spent the last 3 hours at Xander's. There was no possible way to avoid having to give up her cover because if she didn't relay the message, Mrs. Harris would, most likely, bring up the fact that she had been over at the house…then Buffy would have to explain why exactly she was at the house with nobody, but Xander knowing. Either way she was screwed and even more grounded than she was when she left her room…and the whole trust issue…well, needless to say, she could see that going up in a huge mushroom cloud. Now, once her mother found out that Jane had seen her climbing out of her son's bed, would she have to have a serious talk about something she really didn't want to talk about, but her parents comfort level with her best friend was likely to become a flaming pile of rubble.
"Will do," Buffy tried to force her grin back in place.
Jane nodded and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Xander waited a second before speaking. "At least she didn't see us lying next to each other." He reasoned when he saw her stressing.
"Small favors," Buffy humored him. She really didn't want to have to deal with her parents later, and she didn't want to have to go slay things now. And things would be easier if she and Xander's relationship would just fall into place so she could stop thinking about it. And if they were older she could just climb back into bed with him, like she so wanted to do, and it wouldn't matter to anybody…not that if she chose to climb into bed with him anybody but the two of them would have to know anyway…But she was only fifteen…Stop it Buffy! she scolded herself Just leave. The vampires'll give you something else to focus on
"Remember you promised to stay in tonight," she reminded him, and saw Xander's gaze fall guiltily to the floor.
"I was hoping you forgot about that," he looked up at her with his head still bowed.
"Yeah, I bet you did," Buffy reached out and punched him in the arm lightly.
Xander tried to fight his wince at the overly friendly gesture, that seemed to be for both of their benefits, and succeeded until Buffy spoke again. "I'll call you when I get in," she prompted, knowing that he would ask her to before she left.
He nodded briefly, "Well," he started, "If you… I mean…you could, if you want…"
Buffy looked at him confused and smirked, "Sentences, Xan."
"Yeah," he shook his head, "I don't know…"
Buffy sighed. Every step forward was like taking two backward with them. "Alright, I call…"
"I liked sleeping with you," Xander blurted out, and didn't bother to clarify the multiple meaning that could be construed with that statement. Buffy just looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "I could set my clock…if your parents think that you're in your room. When you're done…with the vampires and such…you could come back here and I'll wake you up early so you can go home." He got out finally.
Buffy looked at him shocked, trying to think of the correct answer for him. It seemed like he had had enough of the tap dancing routine they were engaging in daily.
Xander continued, "I haven't slept that good in weeks…I couldn't sleep because of you, and just then…I slept because of you…" he released a deep breath, kicking himself for even suggesting it. I t was completely unreasonable, and stupid. It was the worst idea in the world, no wonder he had thought of it. How could he ask her that…
If her parents checked her room it'd be her ass. That was all Buffy was thinking about. Her immediate mental response had been a screaming yes. Of course she wanted to spend the night at his place…and just sleep. That was all they would do, that was all they needed to do since the discussion portion of their relationship was still on life support. But if her dad decided to get the key and unlock her door and she wasn't there, and hadn't been all night…
If she spent the night with Xander…she was going to spend the night with Xander…
"Alright," she said quietly, "Leave your window unlocked…"
Xander's head shot up, a childlike excitement seeping into his expression and voice, "I'll wait up." He realized how foolish he must seem when she giggled at him and his smile turned embarrassed.
"It might be late when I get here," Buffy pointed out with a deep swallow.
"It's okay," Xander assured, "I won't be able to sleep till I hear from you anyway."
Buffy shook her head, "One day soon I'm going to want an explanation for comments like that." She told him without meeting his eyes, which she knew were focused on her.
"One day soon," Xander repeated her phrase, "I want to have the balls to give you one."
"Do you have one?" she asked with genuine curiosity and a sort of stare down commenced as they just looked at each other.
"I…"
Xander was interrupted by the sound of Buffy's beeper going of. "Shit," Buffy muttered as she read the number, "Giles." She looked at him apologetically. "I told him to beep me when I should meet him…"
"You better go," Xander said in just above a whisper, "You'll already be late if you follow Jesse and Willow."
"Yeah," Buffy agreed, "But I'll see you after," she told him, crooking her neck to catch his eyes and they shared a smile. Xander nodded in agreement as he watched Buffy move to open his door. "Before I go," she stopped and turned to face him, "what were you going to say?"
Xander gave her a lopsided grin and looked almost shy. "I have an answer," he told her, "I've had it for a while. I've just been wondering if it's the right one."
"Wondering?" Buffy questioned.
"Hoping," Xander corrected, "I hope it's the right one."
Buffy took another deep breath, hesitating yet again as she went to open the door. "Can I have the Spark Notes version before I go…I mean, you never know…"
Xander shook his finger at her, "Don't try to gain pity with the death card Buff," he scolded. Buffy fixed him with an exaggerated pout and looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I'd like to tell you the whole thing at one time," Xander reiterated.
"Fine," Buffy pouted one more time, "I'll wait…"
"Just think of it this way," Xander said as she opened the door, "It'll give you something to look forward to…a reason to live, if you will."
Buffy turned as she headed down the stairs and stuck her tongue out at him over the banister, "Just don't forget the window Harris," she called back and walked out of his sight.
Xander fell back onto his bed and shut his eyes, a blissful smile on his face. Buffy was going to spend the night with him…the whole night in his bed. He had spent so much time thinking about that…and to think all he had to do was ask. Huh, who know that would be true? He was one step closer to having everything in his life fall into place…be absolutely perfect. He was one step closer to having Buffy. Now all he had to do was keep his promise to her and wait until she climbed back through his window…
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End Part 4
NEXT: Well, you'll have to wait and see, because the next time I post it'll be the remaining two chapters of When You Win ;)
