Title: Before the Fall of Rome (6/?)
Author: Brooke
Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I wished I owned the two Xanders' from "The Replacement" though. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN and whoever else has rights to the show.
Summary: You remember all that crap that started post-puberty…yeah, it's great isn't it. It was when life started
Distribution: I don't know why anybody would want this, but if somebody does…sure.
Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!
Authors Note: Takes place in an AU season 1 where Buffy and Xander are best friends and Willow is the new girl as Sunnydale High. It is the beginning of their sophomore year and, as 15 and 16 year olds, hormones and feelings are taking center stage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander was still on the phone with Jesse working half heartedly to assure his friend that Paige was not at all interested in being the football team's plaything, even though she already was, and both knew it, when he heard the familiar sound of weight moving on the roof outside of his window.
But this time it was different.
Earlier Xander had been sure that Buffy had been outside his window for a period of time before he actually heard her. Which left him slightly embarrassed and even more intrigued as to how much of him she saw exactly, since she had never given him an direct answer as to how long she had been there. But this time there was no attempt to maintain silence. It sounded like she literally dropped down onto the roof.
Xander shot up off the bed momentarily tripping over his shoes as he stumbled towards the window. He tossed the cordless phone, leaving Jesse in mid-sentence, to the bed and pushed up on the window pane, a blast of cool air rushing in from outside. He looked around briefly, "Buff," he called after a moment of seeing nothing.
"Over here," he heard a quiet, almost pained whisper and he turned his head to the hall window. Xander saw Buffy sitting against the wall on the far side of the window; her left hand seemed to be gripped onto her shoulder. As he climbed out of the window and steadied himself against the small slant and watched as Buffy made no move to face him or move towards him.
"Buff, are you alright?" he asked, his voice full of concern for his friend and he thought he heard her sniffle and saw her body shake slightly. Xander started to make his way towards her, but stopped when he saw her stand to her feet, still holding her shoulder.
Buffy walked over to him demonstrating an ease that Xander knew he could attribute to her new supernatural powers and he wrapped his arm around her to guide her into his room. She ducked her head as she climbed down over his window ledge and inside so the he couldn't see her grin at his chivalry. Buffy watched Xander do a quick visual sweep of the street before entering the room behind her and shutting the window behind him.
"Are you alright Buff?" he asked again as she stood with her back to him, he could see that she was finding his floor very fascinating.
He saw her nod her head slightly, slowly turning to face him, "Yeah…"
"Is your arm hurt?" he asked approaching her and studying her swollen shoulder. He ran his fingers over it lightly and didn't notice Buffy shudder at the contact.
"I think it's dislocated or something…I fell on it pretty hard…a couple of times…" she whispered as she remembered seeing the child on the bed, but being thrown from the house before she could reach him. She heard Xander huff out a small laughing breath and look her in the eyes for the first time since she had gotten there and then his laugh faded into a surprised gasp. Buffy knew that she had taken some hits but hadn't had the opportunity to study them or cover them properly before she reached his house. Now Xander stood before her, tilting her head to the side to examine what she assumed was a pretty nasty shiner on her left eye. She remembered getting hit there vaguely, not that it hurt all that much anymore.
Buffy watched as the concern in his eyes clouded over with an anger that was rarely present in him and then felt his hand drift up from her shoulder to her chin. Xander bit his lip slightly and Buffy saw that when he withdrew his hand there was a fairly decent amount of blood on his fingers…Maybe she got punched in the mouth a few times, too.
"I'm sorry it's so late," she whispered as he continued to touch her face lightly, "I was going to just have Giles drop me back off at home…" That was a lie and she knew it.
Xander didn't say anything as he walked pass her and into his bathroom. Buffy turned to follow him with her eyes and saw him return to her with a wet cloth in hand. He gently wiped the remaining blood from her chin, "Don't ever apologize for coming to me." He told her quietly.
Buffy nodded slightly and murmured, "Thanks."
She let him finish cleaning her up noting how carefully he avoided putting pressure on any of the bruises he could see. "What about your shoulder?" he asked as he finished, "I can get ice." She watched as he shifted nervously from foot to foot.
"I think I just need to pop it back into place," Buffy offered seeing how her condition was affecting him more so than herself. She stood up from the seat at his desk and moved in front of him, "Can you just hold it in place?" she asked taking his hand and placing it on her upper arm. Buffy was all of the sudden glad that this was a suitable remedy for the pain lancing through her side, as otherwise she would have been solely focused on the warmth of Xander's hand on the bare skin of her arm, or the slight tremble of his fingers as he did exactly what she asked of him, or the accelerated breathing coming from the both of them.
"Ready?" Xander's voice rasped with quiet uncertainty as Buffy set herself to relocate her shoulder, a process both expected to cause more than a little discomfort. She nodded and shut her eyes, "Hold it tight."
Xander's grip tightened under her command and he watched as she bit her lip and then thrust her upper body forward. He winced at the audible sound that occurred as her joint popped back into place, but didn't question if it was better as a relieved grin spread over his friends face.
Buffy sighed and rotated her arm around in wide circles, trying to work out the remaining pain. "That's so much better you wouldn't believe it," she commented with her eyes closed, "Thanks."
Xander cast her a grin watching as she stretched with her eyes closed, "Not a problem. Always happy to set a friends arm without proper medical training."
Buffy stopped and turned to face him finding that he was watching her. She laughed slightly when he noticed her looking at him. "Well, better you than Mr. Giles, right?"
She watched Xander's face drop and then twist into a disgusted frown.
"I swear," he started shaking his head, "If that old guy ever touched you, I'd…"
"You'd what?" Buffy asked amusement clearly present in her voice. She waited for a moment for his response that didn't come. "Exactly," she smiled in his face, "He'd set my shoulder and you'd order a pizza…just like you would do anyway."
Xander raised in defense, "I'd kick his ass…" he defied, "I'd kick his wrinkly old British ass."
"Sure you would Xan," she shrugged and began looking around his room. She suddenly turned to face him, "Why are you dressed?" she asked, noticing for the first time that he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans and it was well past 2 in the morning.
Xander looked down, realizing what Buffy just had and shrugged, "Well," he started, "I spent a few hours trying to talk myself into keeping my promise to you," he said not meeting her eyes. "So all I did was get dressed in preparation to rush to your side…and then I got distracted by Jesse…" Xander laughed and looked to the phone on the bed, "Jesse who I was still on the phone with…"
Buffy looked at him with wide eyes as he leaned down and picked up the long ago discarded phone and put it to his ear for a moment. "And he hung up," Xander confirmed with a nod and then sighed, "I see some serious groveling in my weekend plans."
Buffy laughed lightly and fell into a seated position next to where he stood, and leaned back on her elbows, "What was he talking about?" she asked just to fill the silence as her fingers toyed with the strings of his blanket.
Xander looked at her in disbelief, "It's Jesse." He stated matter-of-factly, "If he's not talking about chicks, he's not talking."
"So Paige." Buffy concluded in a bored tone.
"Among others." Xander shrugged, knowing that it would get her attention. One thing he had learned about girls from being her friend for so long was that they loved the gossip.
"What others? Buffy asked sitting up, "Is he finally moving onto someone else? Someone not slutty?"
Xander turned and pretended to straighten the mess on his dresser, "I believe he mentioned something about one Willow Rosenberg," he feigned disinterest.
"What?!" Buffy's voice was a quiet yell of disbelief, "Jesse wants Wills?!"
Xander turned quickly to face her, "I believe the boy does," he grinned, "He just doesn't want to admit it yet."
"Oh my GOD!!!!" Buffy said looking at him with wide eyes, "I can't believe it…that is so great, and with Spring Fling coming up…they could go together…"
"Whoa there padner," Xander held up his hands, "Let's slow this paddy wagon down." Xander fixed her with a stern look, "You can't tell anyone this…Jess totally flipped out when I tried to call him on it. If word got out it could get messy." He tried to remain totally serious but his resolve faltered as he watched Buffy pull her patented 'I'm gonna get my way' pout.
"But she's so much better for him that Paige…if she were the one he was scamming on, do you realize how much easier our lives would be then?" Buffy pointed out.
Xander nodded in agreement, "But even if he were to admit it, now Percy's in the picture. He's totally gonna bogart the Willow front…"
Buffy sighed and dropped back into a reclined position on the bed, "He's always taking Jesse's girls…he's like Lex Luther to Jess' Superman…only more losery."
Xander swallowed hard and made a grunt in agreement. To tell the truth he was having a really hard time focusing on what she was saying as his brain was stuck on a 'look at her boobs in that shirt loop' as she lay flat on his bed in her form fitting black tank top. He was glad she was studying the ceiling and not looking at him as he pictured himself on that bed with her…his mind placing her in that very position, but in much different circumstances…different hot sweaty situations involving him on top of her, beside her, below her, inside her… "So you wanna shower or something?" he husked out and Buffy sat up fixing his with a curious look at his tone.
Xander cleared his throat as she spoke. "Is this a subtle way of telling me that I stink?" she laughed with threatening narrow eyes that held a gleam of a joke behind them.
He sputtered for his words, "No," he spoke quickly, "No, I just…thought, you know…"
Buffy stood up and moved towards his bathroom, "About me in the shower?" she asked over her shoulder.
Yesyesyesyesyes "NO! I mean, naw, just…hot sweaty f…fighting," Xander was trying to sort through his thought rapidly, "I thought you…"
She fixed him with a warm smile that acted as much to disguise her discomfort as his own as she wondered just what was running through his mind as his mouth rebelled against him. "It's alright Xan," she assured, "Towels are in there?"
Xander nodded again, "Where they always are."
Buffy bit her bottom lip and shook her head, "I'll be back then," she told him, unsure of what else to say. They were both just standing there looking at each other and then turning towards the walls and the floor when one of them noticed that they were staring for too long. "Alright…" Buffy looked around the room once more and then entered the bathroom and shut the door behind her.
Xander huffed his breath out loudly once the door shut and he ran his hand warily through his hair. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea… Sure he had wanted he and Buffy to do the sleepover deal – still wanted, actually – and he was glad that she had come back from her patrol with only minor injuries, and her being there gave him the peace of mind in knowing that she was alright and would be as long as she was right there next to him…but, this was getting ridiculous.
He must be the hugest ass in the world because what he wanted…there was no way that it could ever happen.
Xander set about straightening up his room idly and changing into comfortable sleep clothes, tonight deciding that it would be best it that consisted of long basketball shorts and a new, non-Buffy drool, tank top.
He had this sneaking suspicion that Buffy wanted exactly what he wanted or at least something very close. He had to assume that she hadn't thought about them in the same particular fashion that he had…but then again, if she had…that would be pretty cool, and yet oddly hot at the same time…
But that, although mentally exciting for him, was beyond the point. They were stuck in this vacuum where they couldn't say what needed to be said without the guise of a joke, and they couldn't do what he wanted them to do because…it was weird…and a little uncomfortable – not as uncomfortable as having a hard-on thinking about her laying next to him while she was actually laying next to him and resting her leg on it – but uncomfortable nonetheless.
His mind wandered to the fact that the water was running in his bathroom…where Buffy was all wet and soapy and naked, and completely unavailable because Xander was quiet sure that he couldn't just start making out with his best friend, and he knew that he really couldn't just go open the bathroom door to do so. His perfect freshman year was already shaping up to be a sucking crap-fest because of this…and now Buffy had this whole Slayer thing to deal with, which meant that he had the whole Slayer thing to deal with, and that whatever either was feeling, it would have to be put on the backburner, from what he understood, for the sake if the world at large.
But that couldn't last forever. This couldn't last forever. There was no way that two people could just feel around this imaginary bubble of more than friends for a lifetime, which was apparently how long Buffy would be the Slayer. He was certain that they would be forced to deal with it, and possibly very soon, and while he couldn't wait, the possibility of getting everything, he realized, that he had ever wanted, and had had it right under his nose his whole life, was great…it was also scary.
The water in the shower stopped and he look towards the door. Buffy would come back into his room soon all clean and fresh smelling, probably with her hair still all wet and falling around her face in a way he found cute even before he was willing to accept that he felt that way about her…and he would have to pretend that she was just a regular girl. And she wasn't. Xander had always, his whole life, known that Buffy was special. Then he felt it even more-so when his feelings delved beyond simple friendship, and now, the cosmos were agreeing with him. He could completely understand why she was this Chosen One Girl, she was that for him…but he wished that it would stay only just for him, mostly for her sake. It wasn't that he didn't think she could handle the whole Slayer deal, Buffy was tenacious beyond words and had always been strong, in his eyes, if only recently in the physical sense…but there was more of a inner concern he felt at her having to do this.
When Xander had gone out on the roof to get her, she had just been sitting; staring out into space…she looked so small to him, and so broken. He couldn't imagine how she'd gone so long feeling like that with out telling anybody…without telling him. And when he had gotten her inside the look in her eyes was so haunted. He had spent an inordinate amount of time studying her eyes, those grayish-green crystal clear orbs and tonight, as he had noticed a lot recently, they were clouded. Xander hated to think what Buffy had to do was taking the person who he had grown up with away…he hated that the innocence that was always ever present in her had been fading, and he had just earlier that night found out why.
He wanted to help he deal with it all. God, how he wanted to talk it all away and bring back 'Summer Buffy', the last time he saw that unadulterated smile and giddy laughter for days on end, and the time when he could find her any time of day and just talk to her; but he couldn't. And maybe it was too much for her, and maybe it was only going to get worse, and maybe she didn't have time for petty feelings and dealing with guys anymore. Maybe that was why she broke up with Scott. Xander didn't even want to purpose something like altering the state of their friendship with out absolute certainty that it would happen and work out…he didn't ever want to lose her…and right now, maybe asking that of her would be too much, and hurting her was the last thing Xander would ever do.
*~*~*
She hadn't thought at all during her shower. She had simply watched the water wash the soot and grime off of her body and down the drain until all the water disappearing turned clear again. It was so simple, just like it had been only a few short months before, and had been for the three bites of sandwich she had had earlier in the day. Just simple.
Buffy wanted that all the time now, but it would never happen. Not ever again.
She stepped out of the steamy confines of the tiled walls and into the air of the cooling room, grabbing her towel off of the sink counter and began drying off. As soon as that happened all the thoughts came rushing back…where all the dirt had come from came back, the sight of that little boy, possibly a demon, just out of her reach in that burning house, the vampires…people who had died and whose families had grieved them, she had staked that night, all these nights since even before she had discovered that what she was doing in secret had a name; before she knew that she was doing it so naturally because it was her calling. All those things with human faces that she had killed.
And finally where she stood now. And it was almost too much. For all the times she had wanted to cry recently, none compared to now. But unlike earlier in the day she held it back. Buffy figured that all of her previous childish outward shows of emotion would have to stop for her long term benefit when she had to fight.
She sighed and looked at herself in the foggy mirror. She had a puffy purplish-black bruise skirting around the outside of her left eye and her bottom lip was split on the side. Her eyes skimmed down over another bruise which she had gotten a few days earlier on her clavicle, but had mostly faded, down to the new contusions decorating her ribs and upper arms. It took so much to hide them all, and yet she did it so well. She knew Xander had not even seen most of them despite all the time she knew he spent looking at her, thinking that she didn't know. It was funny to her now, that she could always feel his eyes on her; and not just recently, although only recently did it have the effect on her that it did now.
Buffy knew that she had taken too many hit tonight…hell; she had taken too many hits on all her outings with Giles, and she wasn't looking forward to going out alone. Even thought the old British man was annoying most of the time and always so impersonal with her, she felt safer when he was there; when he was just beyond her making sure that she was ok and ready to jump in to save her if necessary, ready to give her pointers that would save her life. But after tonight, that would be gone. She would be alone and left to simply report to him the following morning about the previous nights slaying. She would have to take care of herself…
She stopped mid way from pulling on a pair of Xander's old boxers that she had designated as hers and she remembered how he had washed her face so tentatively when she had arrived at his house. Climbing back up onto his roof had been harder with an injured shoulder than it had been earlier in the night and she had needed a moment to collect herself and blink away the tears that had forced themselves out of her eyes at the movement of her arm, and he had heard her. And then he had come to her and helped her inside, and checked to make sure that nothing had followed her…he mad sure she was safe, and then he took care of her.
Buffy wished that she could share this new life she was being forced into with someone…with Xander…but if Giles knew that she had told him what she had already, she was sure he would flip. Maybe the Slayer thing is a 'If I tell you I'll have to kill you deal? she questioned, her brow furrowing with worry at the concept of that. She'd just have to make sure that nobody knew that he knew.
She'd have to keep him out. And it was becoming more apparent by the day that trying to keep Xander out of her Slaying life was going to involve removing him from large portions of her regular life…parts that he had always been in, and Buffy was certain were only there because of him. But she wanted to keep him safe; she wouldn't let anything take him from her, even if she could only enjoy him from a distance. If it meant that she would have to suffer with the Xander-shaped void in her life for the rest of her life, so be it…just because she had to die being the Slayer, doesn't mean that he would go with her. She wouldn't let him go with her.
Buffy pulled on his old oversized gym shirt and hung up her towel vowing that she wouldn't lose him…that she wouldn't let herself become dependant on him when it was her burden alone to carry. She tried to tell herself, as she prepared to open the door, that she didn't need him…
And then the door was open, and she saw him laying back on his bed chuckling a little as he watched an episode of Scooby Doo on the cartoon network…and she realized it…she did need him. And more importantly than that she wanted him. Whatever that may mean, she wanted him.
Xander turned to face her, the laughter in his eyes being replaced by concern as he saw her just standing there. He sat up a little to look her over, dressed in his old clothes, her hair wet like he knew it would be, "You alright?"
Buffy nodded quickly to keep him from getting up and she moved towards the bed. "Can I watch?" she asked quietly taking a seat slightly in front of him and thus avoiding him asking about her shoulder.
"Yeah," Xander said, "I was just waiting for you to get out…"
Buffy turned to face him and then crawled up the bed to sit back against the pillows next to him, "I just lost track of time."
Xander glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, "I like my theory better," he licked his lips, "Where you just spent the last thirty minutes staring at yourself naked…while I sat behind my two way mirror," he added under his breath.
Buffy quirked an eyebrow at him, "How'd you know?"
"Two way mirror." Xander reiterated. He quickly refocused his attention the antics of Shaggy and Scooby to avoid thought of whatever Buffy may have been doing in the bathroom…in his bathroom.
"So," Buffy asked after a moment of watching TV with him, "How bout that answer?" she trued to sound nonchalant.
Xander's brow scrunched up, "Answer?"
Buffy looked at him expectantly, "Yeah my answer…my reason to live." She repeated somewhat sarcastically. "You said when I got here you'd tell me." She watched the realization dawn on his face.
"Um…" he started and shook his head, "I don't…It's…there's a lot of stuff…" he didn't know what to say.
Buffy looked at him confused, "Well, we can talk about a lot of stuff." She glanced at his clock seeing that it was after 2, "We've got plenty of time."
Xander sighed, "It's not about time…it's about the talking." He sat up on the side of his bed, keeping his back to her, "I don't know if we can talk…at least about this."
Buffy was surprised that he wouldn't look at her and disappointment was obvious in her voice, "Alright…so then what? We just don't talk?"
Xander heard her tone change and turned suddenly to face her, noting the broken look on her face that he had just vowed never to be the cause of. "It's just we've been dancing around this since summer, Buffy." He started gaining her attention. Xander realized that he was in a damned if I do and a damned if I don't situation in terms of hurting her, so he might as well give her what she wanted. He'd give her her answer and deal with the consequences for himself. "And every time we end up exactly where we were before only worse off because every time it makes less and less sense."
Buffy looked down at her hands and started fiddling with her fingers. She knew exactly what he was talking about even though he couldn't be more vague unless he stared miming.
They were friends, but they were more. They weren't more, but they might want to be. They might want to be but it could cost them everything. It could cost them everything, but it would be worth it.
It was one huge circle; and it did make less and less sense every day.
"So lets just get it all out then," Buffy said, steeling herself and sitting up to face him. Locking her determinedly nervous gaze with his. "Lets, for the first time in months, have a conversation that makes sense and resolves the issue…"
"And if you're not ready?" Xander shot at her completely devoid of pretences.
"We'll decide that when we're done with the conversation," Buffy swallowed, consciously aware of her use of the word 'we'. "And what if you're not ready?" she repeated his question.
"If I'm not then I'd be cracking a joke instead of trying to work out how to tell you that I want to be with you. And I'm not doing that." Xander said in an instance of complete seriousness.
"And you just did." Buffy pointed out matching his tone and trying not to give away the fact that her heart was about to pound out of her chest and her throat was dry and constricted.
Xander just looked at her, trying to read how she took his declaration, and feeling like he was going to die either from embarrassment or from a heart attack at the age of sixteen. "So I did, and there it is." He refused to take his eyes from hers and she did the same. "There's your answer that we've been dancing around since we were at the shore. I want to be with you…I want to date you, Buffy. I can't not be with you because you're my best friend and I love you, and I can't be with you for the same reason."
Buffy swallowed, "That should be exactly why you should be able to be with me…"
Hope crept into Xander's heart and his eyes brightened momentarily. "It's not about my being able to be with you Buffy…I…the way I feel…I could be with you for, like, ever…as a friend, as more…forever. But you've been…you've got all this new stuff…"
The Slayer. Buffy wanted to cry again. He said that he wanted her and she felt the same way, but this goddamned calling…
"And you might not be ready for everything that I am," Xander continued. "You've got so much to deal with, and I don't want to add to it."
Buffy smile at him, relief that he wasn't going to run from his feelings because of what she was now. She looked at him and how he was watching her, not demanding anything from her, just waiting, and realized that she'd always be Buffy to him. No matter what she might be to anybody else, she was always going to be his Buffy. And she made a decision…one she had actually made before, but now she acted on it.
Buffy watched him, and leaned in, moving so slowly as if to give him a chance to back out, but he didn't. They just got closer until she let her eyes shut and turned on the auto-pilot as she pressed her lips lightly to his. So lightly that she barely even felt it. But then Xander tilted his head and kissed her harder, not rough but more decisive, as place one of his hands behind her neck to pull her closer and then closed his lips around her upper one, lingering for a moment as they moved together for a few moments.
They pulled apart slowly and she opened her eyes, still feeling that sweet and chaste first kiss. Any other guy would have made it so much more…Scott had tried to test he gag reflex with his tongue during their first kiss, but Xander didn't. And it was good. It was so good and everything she had been trying to imagine that it would be. She had kissed Xander.
IkissedBuffyIkissedBuffyIkissedBuffyIkissedBuffy Xander's mind chanted as he let his hand fall down to rest on her knee. He kept his face surprisingly calm for all the emotion that was flaring inside of him.
"You won't add to anything," Buffy whispered, breaking the silence.
"But you started slaying and broke up with Scott…" Xander remembered, suddenly thinking that the kiss may have been more harmful than helpful, no matter how nice it was, or how perfect it felt.
Buffy's eyes fell to his hand on her knee, "I broke up with Scott because of Scott," she told him. "He deserves someone who really wants to be with him…I couldn't give him that…"
"I'm going to want the same thing though."
"Good." Buffy said quietly still looking down, "I wouldn't consider giving you any less."
And there was his answer. Stated clearly and out loud…it was what he wanted. It was Buffy and Xander.
Xander leaned forward again, the initial awkwardness of kissing his childhood best friend completely nonexistent at this moment, and tilted her face up to meet his with his mouth, kissing her full on just as he had dreamt about. And Buffy kissed him back, moving her mouth in time with his and sighing into his mouth. And then he felt the very tip of her tongue flick against his lower lip and fought to maintain the kiss instead of passing out. He knew what that meant, and his body responded before his mind could catch up and he pushed his tongue lightly against hers for the first time.
Buffy felt his hand leave her knee and she rose her arms, pain in her shoulder completely forgotten, and wrapped them around his neck. She moaned and let Xander control the kiss, trying to scoot closer to him while feeling his tongue in her mouth for the first time. When she felt both of his hands grip her waist everything she thought would be wrong with this situation melted away…this kissing her best friend was something she could do…a lot.
They stayed like that, each allowing the other to experience everything that they had been wondering about that aspect of the other for several minutes, both sighing at the new form of contact, so long, it seemed recently, denied. When they pulled apart they were grinning at each other.
"That was nice," Buffy nodded with a shy tight lipped grin while keeping her arms around his neck.
"Yeah," Xander agreed and licked his lower lip. He could still taste her in his mouth and it was something that he had imagined a lot for the past few months, but the reality was so much better. Her kiss was so much better than anything he could ever have come up with on his own; so soft and warm…and real. "Really nice," he added with a smile after he cleared his throat. "And at first I thought it'd be like kissing my sister…"
"But definitely not," Buffy stated.
"Right. Definitely not anything like that. And good. Great." His mind was still firing on about three cylinders after that experience. The one thing he had been working to talk himself into not wanting anymore had just been given to him and now he knew he would never want to give it up.
Buffy smiled at him again and loosed her arms from his neck, "Great…I loved the answer…" She leaned in and pecked him again on the lips, now completely allowed to want to do so before she settled back in his bed.
"Me too…it was the best answer I've ever given." Xander turned out the light and lay down next to her, settling on his side to face her.
Buffy felt him watching the side of her face and was well aware that she was still grinning a little, and she turned to face him. The size of the bed placing them almost nose to nose. "What?" she asked quietly after a few moments of them just watching each other.
Xander smiled shyly and shrugged his shoulders, "Just thinking."
Buffy grinned back into his face and unconsciously slid herself closer to him. "Bout what?" she asked, biting her lower lip slightly and she watched Xander's eyes focus on the action.
"Bout kissing you again," he admitted without a hint of bashfulness.
Buffy hummed before she answered, smile still in place as her lips grazed his when she spoke, "Me too." That was all she could get out before Xander's hands gently grabbed her face and pulled it to his and crashed their lips together.
~*~*~*~
And maybe I'll see you
At a movie
Sneak preview
You'll show up
And walk by
On the arm if that guy
And I'll smile and you'll wave
We'll pretend its okay
This charade it won't last…
Xander's hand reached out to his night stand and snatched the alarm clock off the top, dropping it to the floor with a groan. He had set it for 7:30 so that Buffy could get home early for her sister's soccer game without her parents knowing that she hadn't been there all night.
He rolled over onto his side so that he could face her and found himself looking at the back of her head as she lay on her stomach facing the wall. Xander sighed and reached out slowly to brush some of the hair off of her neck gently in hopes of waking her up an quietly as possible.
A lot had changed with them a little under four hours ago and he had to admit that waking up next to her, while the few other previous times he had done it were amazing, caused a grin to form on his face immediately. He couldn't remember if he had ever heard of anyone waking up with a smile on their face, but he just had.
His fingers were still stroking slowly through the loose hair that had fallen across her back and he rubbed the skin of her neck underneath; she was still all warm and tingly. The last thing Xander had expected last night was a make-out session with his child hood best friend, but that was just what he got; and through it all it remained completely innocent…no wandering hands or anything, a fact he had to chalk up to raw nervousness, about not only the opposite sex, but also the particular member of the opposite sex involved; not to say that an avid curiosity was not displayed in the fullest. He guessed they both just needed time for that to happen, or a cue, or the other to make the first move, none of which had happened last night.
So basically they had kissed some more; in reality probably only about ten more minutes, before they had fallen asleep, and now Xander had this morning after glow in the anticipation of redefining their relationship so that he could kiss her again. He supposed he could kiss her anytime he wanted now really, they had already moved past that, oh so awkward, first kiss and not to mention the months and months of build up that took.
"You always do that to your clocks?" Buffy's voice was mumbled into her pillow as she spoke before turning to face him. She had been awake since the first buzz that signaled the alarm getting ready to sound, she just hadn't moved. And when she had been ready to climb out of bed she had felt Xander's hand on her neck, lightly rubbing over her spine, and she hadn't wanted to move just yet. But, as she had rightly assumed, as soon as she showed signs of life, his hand had flown away from her skin as if she were ready to burst into flame if it remained in place for a second longer.
Xander cursed himself for jumping at the sound of her voice; he couldn't possibly be scared of her if he wanted a girlfriend out of her. He hesitantly lowered his hand again back into the place where it was before combing through her hair, only now more unsure because she was awake. "Yeah…" he answered, "but at least that always turns them off."
Buffy let out a laughing sigh as she rolled out of his reach and sat up in the bed, bracing herself with her hands behind her. She yawned the sleep out of her voice and blinked her eyes several times to clear them. "What time is it?" she asked, suddenly climbing down the foot of the bed until she was standing and stretching.
Xander lay still, now alone in the bed and watched her. He knew that Buffy was not a morning person, so he hadn't been expecting her to start reciting Shakespeare when she woke up, but he at least thought she would give him some sort of acknowledgment.
"Uh…" he stumbled and swiped his hand through the rest of the clutter on his night stand until he found his watch. "7:48." He informed her, and only received a nod. Alright… Xander tried to hide his confusion and act as passive as Buffy was when he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Do you wanna shower again here?" he asked, his eyebrows raising involuntarily at the mental process that thought led him through.
Buffy stopped in her retrieval of her slaying clothing which she had lain over the chair by his desk and turned to look at him. She held his gaze for a little while not speaking as she watched him sit uncomfortably on the side of the bed. "No thanks." She said simply, before grabbing her clothes and disappearing into the bathroom, not waiting for a response before she shut the door behind her.
Truth be told, Buffy had no idea what to say to him. She thought it was weird between them before she had started sucking on his tongue, but, apparently, she had had no idea. Now, in the light of the morning, she could admit that the kissing had been, well, great. She hadn't lied when they agreed on that fact, but it happened so fast.
So fast she almost wondered of they could take a step back…talk it out and try again with a purpose.
She pulled back on her leather pants and tossed his boxers that she had slept in behind the bathroom door, before focusing on making her hair less beddy. Buffy had known what she wanted when she climbed through his window last night, and she had gotten it. She liked getting what she wanted. But because talking had gotten them absolutely nowhere, and actions seemed the only way to resolve any situations, she, now being a girl of actions, as per the Slayer, had grabbed the bull by the horns. Only problem was, now they would have to talk. It was either that or lose her best friend. Or make out some more. her mind threw in, and she scowled at herself in the mirror. She knew she wanted that too.
Buffy was stuck, now, wanting her best friend, and at the same time wanting more; and now that she had both in the same person, she wasn't quiet sure she wanted all of that in the same person. She was just confused beyond words, so the best possible option she could come up with was the: 'Don't talk and get the hell out' method; which she was in the process of executing right now.
Buffy flung open the bathroom door to find Xander still seated on his bed, only now wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "All set," she informed him, with a half formed smile as she made her way quickly across the room to the window.
"Kay," Xander acknowledged and stood up to follow her path. He watched her open the pane and turn to look at him, "Are you going slaying tonight?" he asked trying not to sound to unsure.
Buffy shook her head, "Nope." She hesitated a moment and there was complete silence, "Thanks for last night," she grinned a little and Xander nodded.
"Not a problem. Any time." He meant that. He really did. "So…"
"Yeah," Buffy said, "I'll see you in school."
"If you can sneak out again…" Xander trailed off leaving it opened ended.
"We'll see," Buffy said quietly. "Bye." She prepared to climb out side, but then felt Xander grab her forearm, stopping her. Before she knew what was happening Xander's lips where on hers. A small imitation of what she had experienced earlier in the morning, and she felt and resisted his attempt to take it to that level, but it was distracting enough for her to pause and linger against him.
Xander pulled away slowly, leaving Buffy slightly shocked and he heard her release a breath. "Bye," he whispered, noting how he had pretty much, he figured, rightly assumed that he could kiss her again if he so desired.
"Bye," Buffy said again, this time turning quicker and ducking through the window before he could react. She had to wonder if every time she left now he would expect a goodbye smooch, or if he would expect what they shared last night on a regular basis…not that she necessarily had a problem with that…in theory. It was the in practice part that was going to get her.
Xander watched her jump down his roof and land squarely on her feet before running down his street and out of sight and he vaguely noticed that her shoulder must not be bothering her anymore because she hadn't mentioned it at all since she had woken up. But then again, if his room had been swarmed by flaming aliens from Mars, he doubted if he would have noticed. Buffy had slept in his bed, and kissed him, and just run away from him as if he had the Ebola virus and was about to be quarantined. No, my life can't get more confusing at all. No sir.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End Part 6
