Title: Before the Fall of Rome (12/?)

Author: Brooke

Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I wished I owned the two Xanders' from "The Replacement" though. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN and whoever else has rights to the show.

Summary: You remember all that crap that started post-puberty…yeah, it's great isn't it. It was when life started

Distribution: I don't know why anybody would want this, but if somebody does…sure.

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Authors Note: Takes place in an AU season 1 where Buffy and Xander are best friends and Willow is the new girl as Sunnydale High. It is the beginning of their sophomore year and, as 15 and 16 year olds, hormones and feelings are taking center stage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It shouldn't be so sunny," Buffy commented offhandedly to no one in particular, even though she was flanked on both sides by Xander and Willow. They didn't answer, just kept their squinted eyes focused out across the quad as they all watched the students – their classmates, wander aimlessly about their business.

Xander swallowed at Buffy's tone, not sure of what to say. She had been speaking random thoughts for a while now…if just to get everything out in the open, he guessed, he wasn't really sure. He agreed with her though, he did quiet frequently, but specifically, about the brightness of the afternoon, he agreed. It was way too bright to be the day after…

"I'm gonna go grab a coke before class," Willow spoke up and then stood slowly. Xander noticed Buffy's small nod of acknowledgment, despite the fact that she never turned to look at the other girl, and then he noticed the blank look in Willow's eyes as she gathered her things slowly and headed back inside.

It seemed to him that everything was in slow motion now…everything methodical…nothing done in fun or jest. Even in the situations that he could make a joke, or Buffy would laugh, or Willow would blush redder than her hair – nothing happened.

In all honesty, he couldn't really expect it to be any different. Yesterday he was at one of his best friend's funeral…he had to watch Jesse be buried mere hours before – of course things wouldn't be the same. And to top it off, there was nothing he could do about it – nothing to say.

The whole week prior had gone by in a flash; all Xander could really remember was driving Buffy home after they had left Angel in the hospital. She had the same vacant look in her eyes that she had now, dull and haunted, red from tears that he knew she shed, but wouldn't let him see. Her jaw always seemed to be set in stone now, too, she was always determined. She had good reason to be, Xander knew, because it had been a vampire that had killed her best friend…a vampire that had gotten away, and he knew that she was going to find it.

They were going to find it.

Xander sighed and sat up, unable to take the silence anymore – Jesse hated silence, and therefore, to him it was almost disrespectful to his memory to let life fall into it. "You wanna hang out tonight?" he asked quietly, leaning into Buffy's shoulder in a quietly playful manor. Ever since she had gotten out of his car that night they hadn't really been alone, except for school; a fact that could, for the most part, be attributed to the fact that all their parents were wigged at the close proximity of the, hospital named "gang violence fatality", and the fact that Xander just couldn't bring himself to do much of anything.

He had kept up with school just as Buffy and Willow had, but that had been about it for the past week. He had skipped swim practices in favor of sleeping and had spent more time alone than he ever thought he would…but then again, outside of class, Buffy had been scarce, as well, and Willow…she was… she was taking the place of somebody who had been there since the beginning, and she was having a hard time with that so she did what the Romans were doing – she kept to herself.

Buffy's brow furrowed as if he had shaken her from a deep thought before she arrived at an answer. Xander always knew that when she hesitated before speaking she was trying to come up with a decent excuse to say 'no'. "I should train after practice," she said in a low voice. "I haven't been stellar in either lately."

"Yeah," Xander sighed, "I need to get back into it too…"

"That's what's supposed to happen, right?" Buffy interrupted out of the blue. "People always die – you just have to keep living. Jesse died, but we're still here." She finished staring off into space again, looking just beyond all the matriculating students…the lucky ones who were wasting their day.

"Yeah," Xander agreed again. "Keep living…but," he paused and swallowed. His eyes were stinging and not for the first time since Jesse had died. He had been inconsolable at points over the last week, crying into his mother's shoulder in the privacy of his room countless times at just the simple thought of Jesse not being there anymore. Death had never seemed so real to him, as it did right now. He hated that thinking about it would make him cry again, especially in front of anybody…in front of Buffy when she seemed to be wearing a constant façade of strength. "It's hard." He felt a tear roll down his cheek and he turned away from her quickly so that she couldn't see it.

Buffy heard the hitch in his voice and turned to face him only to find herself looking at the back of his head. She didn't really know what to do, "I'm going to patrol later." She spoke sternly, ignoring the fact that she knew Xander was crying. "I'm going to find the one that…I'm going to kill her."

She watched the back of his head nod and heard a sniffled grunt of agreement. "And you're going to help," she told him quietly.

Xander turned to face his friend with now red eyes, his face a mask of confusion as he waited for her to continue.

Buffy looked down at her hands before she spoke, "We don't deal well, Xan," she started out with a labored giggle.

"That's a given." He answered back.

She raised her eyes and smiled at him, "Yeah. We lose one and separate ourselves from who's left…" Buffy hesitated, disturbed by her own sentence. "But," she started again with a nervous swallow, "I'm not going to lose anyone else…not to this town and what's in it. I'm not going to bury more of my friends. I don't really have that many…"

"What are you saying?" Xander asked his mouth quirking into a grin. Was she offering…

"You…we…"

"Us…" Xander added as if on cue.

Buffy focused on her hands again, "I need to train more, so I don't have a lot of free time…and…and I want to make sure you're safe…you and Willow," she added, glancing up to meet his gaze briefly. "I thought that, if you don't tell Giles, you could patrol with me…I could teach you the fighting stuff, so you'd have that for defense…and then you could go out with me…on patrol, just till we find the bitch that killed him."

Xander almost flinched at the venom in her voice. He wasn't used to the vengeful Buffy that he had been introduced to about a week ago, and to tell the truth it was halfway scary. He knew that Buffy could be as stubborn an ox when she set her mind to something, and it wasn't that he didn't back he crusade whole-heartedly, but she was fixated on it… and the last thing he wanted was to lose her to this. He was sure that Jesse would agree with him on that too. "If that's what you think you need to do," he said with a shrug.

Buffy cast him a skeptical look and her mouth cracked into a grin. "Oh please, Xander," she shook her head, "You've been begging me to let you come out with me."

Xander shook his head, "No – no I haven't…I've been begging you to go out with me."

"Same diff, isn't it?" Buffy shrugged dismissively. "The point is that I want you to be able to defend yourself…"

"So this has nothing to do with spending more time with me…you know…" he trialed off and gestured between the two of them. "You know…" he reiterated again when Buffy maintained her vacant stare.

Her brow furrowed at her friends confusing hand gestures, "I don't want you to die." Buffy stated that fact clearly and watched as Xander's gaze dropped to his knees.

"Right," he nodded, sounding almost disappointed. "You don't want me to die. And here I was thinking you might want to, oh I don't know; finally talk about what happened…"

"Jesse died Xander." Buffy stated defensively.

"I know!" he snapped and then collected himself. "I know, and I'm so sorry about that…I'm so sorry, but you know what?"

"What?" Buffy asked quickly, knowing tat she would have gotten an answer regardless of if she had chosen to speak.

Xander looked ahead briefly and squinted against the sunlight before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "I wanted to go to you about it – about how it was tearing me up inside. And I thought you would come to me about the same thing; but you didn't."

"Well sorry if I've been focused on my retaliatory…"

"Whatever." Xander cut her off and ignored her narrowed eyes. "It's more than that…it's…it's everything since…"

Buffy huffed out a loud breath and stood up, flinging her bag over her shoulder at the same time. "Willow was right," she said, "I need caffeine before Bio."

"This is just what I'm talking about!" Xander said loudly as he stood up and followed her, now talking to her back as Buffy made a hasty retreat inside the school. "You don't ever talk about anything, but that doesn't change the fact that things happened, Buffy."

Buffy reached into her purse and pulled out a dollar bill, "Should I get a diet Coke or a Sprite?" she contemplated out loud. "They say that clear sodas are better for you."

"Sprite is caffeine free." Xander told her shaking his head. "But things between us specifically changed," he got back on topic, "It should have brought us closer together…"

"You're right. Diet Coke it is." Buffy pushed the button and retrieved her soda. She wished he would stop talking about what he was obviously trying to broach…in front of the whole student body it seemed. Not only was she not ready to discuss all the kissage with him, but Buffy was quiet sure that this was not the appropriate time to be having the conversation either. There had to be some sort of time limit before you pushed the memory of your best friend's murder out of your mind in order to focus on hormonal conflicts.  But Xander was till talking behind her as she walked down the hall towards their homeroom. All Buffy could do was hope that Willow would be sitting there so that he was forced to shut the hell up.

Xander's hand shot out and grabbed her forearm before she was home free and able to walk into the class room. "Buffy," he sighed as if he were collecting his thoughts. "I know the timing sucks, I really do," he pleaded as he looked in her eyes, searching the clear blue orbs for some sign as to how to proceed in this matter, but she was giving him nothing. "I know that we just lost somebody who was – will always be a huge part of our lives – but I'm still here…and so are you." Xander glanced down at his hand on her arm and Buffy followed his gaze. He didn't let go despite the fact that he knew that she could probably rip it off if she so chose. "But that night…with us…it was great Buff."

She just watched him. Buffy couldn't deny that kissing Xander in real life that night was better than she had hyped it up in her mind to be. She couldn't even deny that she hadn't thought about doing it again, despite the circumstances of the last week – that was just what made her feel like the scum of the earth…she hadn't spent all her time trying to figure our how to make the vampire pay for what she had done. She had spent a lot of the last week just wanting to cry on Xander's shoulder…just wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible, because if what had happened had taught her anything, it was that everything was unpredictable and the people closet to you would be the first that were ripped away.

"Just let me train you…"

"No!" Xander shook his head and let his hand loosen its grip. "I mean, yeah – train me and whatever, but don't make that about this. This," he gestured between the two of them, "has nothing to do with the Slayer."

"Shhh!!!" Buffy's eyes darted around the hall. "You do realize that it's not supposed to be public knowledge right?"

"It's not about the Slayer," Xander said again more quietly. "It's about you and me…"

"As long as it's about me, now Xander, it'll be about the Slayer." Buffy said sadly and looked down at the hall floor as the first bell rang in the background.

"No," Xander denied while craning his neck to catch her eyes. He offered her a grin when she caught what he was trying to do and raised her gaze to his, "It's about you, Buffy. Not the Slayer, cuz those are two different things…believe me, I know. I haven't been thinking about kissing the Slayer all week long."

Buffy laughed slightly, "And you don't think it's at all weird that we are best friends since, like, forever…"

"A little," Xander admitted with a shrug. "But I got over it pretty quickly…well partially over it."

"Over it enough to 'not be able to stop thinking about it'?" Buffy asked in a disbelieving tone.

"Well, yeah…" Xander tried to sound confident.

"And over it enough to fell completely comfortable telling me about it?"

Xander sighed, "Like I said, I can adapt easily…and I can tell you anything. You are my best friend…"

"All week huh?" Buffy's tone suddenly became curious as she glanced into the class room. If they both had been thinking about it, what was the harm really? If she just gave in this one time, she would really not have to feel like such an insensitive bitch later. She noticed Willow first – well, she was only really looking for Willow in the first place; she was the only one who any of this would matter to anyway.

Buffy groaned and watched as Scott crossed the room and slid into the seat next to the red head. She watched as her friend nodded sadly but the shrugged indifferently. Scott must have asked where she was – the last thing, Buffy knew, Willow wanted to be asked following a question that was obviously about Jesse. That ass munch…

Takes one to know one. She was an ass munch…

Her eyes darted back up to Xander's long enough to see him nod despite the fact that he was trying to follow her gaze into the classroom. "Add that onto everything else," he chose not to voice the previous events, "and I'm surprised that I haven't wondered into oncoming traffic."

"It's been on my forefront too." Buffy nodded, and then looked down. She was forced to take a step closer to him as more students filed into the room they were still standing in front of. She watched Xander's eyes dull briefly and could just imagine the bazillion boob jokes that flashed through his mind at her mention of 'her forefront'. "Does that make me a bad person?" she asked despite herself.

Xander refocused and grasped her right hand in his. "No…never." He denied. "It makes you human…"

"Is it human if I want to blow off homeroom…" she trailed off and gestured with her head down the hall while applying a slight pressure to his hand. "Just so I don't have to keep dealing with it…" her voice was low at the end of her sentence.

Xander began to walk down the hall, not releasing her hand and leading her discreetly away from the room, "Just tell me where you want to go," he said slightly over his shoulder as he turned the corner. "Tell me where you want to not deal for a little while, and I'll wait with you."

Buffy smiled at the back of his head and reached up to grasp his hand that held hers with her other one, stilling his path. Xander stopped and looked around the empty hall. "We shouldn't wait here," he said his eyes focused on the Principal's office nervously. The last thing he needed to top off all his skipped practice was to be banned from the meets for skipping class. And he knew for a fact that Buffy's dad wouldn't be thrilled if he got another call about her absence from school, when she had so obviously left the house that morning.

Buffy nodded and looked around the hall to make sure they were alone before she took a step back, not letting him go so that he stepped with her. "In here," she whispered and reached behind her with her freehand, opening the door to the broom closet behind them.

All Xander could do was offer her a surprised grin as Buffy disappeared into the small room. Xander licked his lips and scanned the length of the hall one more time before grinning to himself and following her inside. Oh, how I do love my best friend he thought as he shrugged his backpack to the floor and shut the door quietly behind himself.

~*~*~

He rolled his neck around slowly and felt it crack under the pressure. "That's the stuff," he groaned in relief.

Then his brow furrowed. What the… The last thing he remembered was Buffy…

He laughed to himself. She would be the last thing he remembered. That was his stupid luck that his last conscious thought would be of his best friend's pretty much girlfriend, and not the completely hot chick that he had reeled in all by himself…

He wondered if he had gotten her number before he had… he had absolutely no clue, really. He remembered walking in an alley with the girl – Darla. The he remembered falling, and then Buffy swooped in like Batman and picked him up…

But I feel fine. he settled, I feel better than fine. Hw finally opened his eyes, only to find himself in complete darkness. And creeped out… Well, he thought he should be creeped out…he thought he should be screaming and perhaps peeing a little, but he wasn't. He was oddly calm…and it felt great. He felt different.

He sat up and held his arms out in front of himself. "I'm all here," he mumbled to himself after a brief examination. "Now where is here?" he looked around the room. It was dark, only lit by candles. And he could hear the drip of water hitting already formed puddles. He could hear slight scurrying footsteps and smell the dampness that permeated the area…

Everything was so clear…

He could hear a heart beat.

"Jesse," a familiar voice beckoned from behind him.

"Darla," he turned with a grin to watch her walking up slowly behind him. He concentrated on the calm footsteps in contrast to the young girl who she was dragging with her. He felt a tingling surge go through him, and it felt almost like he had to sneeze, but nothing came out. Darla thrust the girl towards him and she struggled through the ropes that bound her hand together as she stumbled to the ground.

Jesse involuntarily licked his lips and brought his hands up to his face. It was still tingling under his fingertips as he slid them along…ridges? "What' the matter with my face?" he asked, fighting to push down an insatiable hunger that was rising more and more as he watched the girl struggle in front of him…focused on the fear in her eyes…listened to her pleading whimpers as she couldn't get free.

Darla just grinned at him as she strolled up to where he sat on the ground. "Eat," she ordered, kicking the girl closer to him. "I'll explain everything childe."

Jesse was still mildly confused but glanced down at the girl. She couldn't have been more than fourteen, herself, but he could smell fear. It made him growl in anticipation. He ran his tongue over his teeth, feeling the drastically sharper canines in front and he lunged at her, laughing against her throat at her muffled scream.

~*~*~*~

Willow had walked by the library on her way to Biology to check to see if Buffy and Xander were in there. She had no idea why, but whenever she couldn't find Buffy, the first place she had learned to look was in the library.

She had never figured Buffy for much of a reader, based totally on the fact that Willow had taken two of every English pop quiz since the first week of school in order to spare her friend, so she had no idea why she chose to hang out there.

And she knew that Xander usually went with her because, well, he was Xander and she was Buffy. He'd follow her into a leper colony. But they weren't in there. And the librarian, who seemed to know who she was told her that he hadn't seen her, but then asked  that if she did find Buffy to ask her to see him – which had only served to wig Willow out more.

Was Buffy hanging out with the librarian for fun? Willow asked herself, but was happy that her excursion to the long way to the lab had at least gotten her away from Buffy's ex. She didn't know how many times she could tell Scott that she didn't know where the other girl was. She almost wanted to tell him that she couldn't find Xander either just to watch his head explode.

Willow chuckled to herself as she tried to focus on Mr. Gregory's bio lecture about fungus, but as she glanced to the normally occupied seats around her, all she was reminded of was that both Buffy and Xander were in school today – they both had just skipped home room and now first period.

Percy, she tried to force the glum mood out of her mind at the possibility of Xander spending time alone with Buffy with thoughts of the other boy. If he weren't a senior, he'd be there to take her mind off of it…but that wasn't the case. And  she was sitting in the lab without the company of her group… Well, she sighed internally, Xan's gonna want notes.

~*~*~

Xander's hands just kept skimming over her hips. Up and down. Not even back and forth. He was still so unsure of what exactly to do with them. His tongue, on the other hand, was completely comfortable doing what it was doing.

Buffy moaned into his mouth, a low vibration that passed into his mouth just as she pushed her hips against his and pushed him into the row of shelves opposite them – changing their positions while keeping her arms around his neck. She titled her head down in a vain attempt to catch her breath, but Xander continued his onslaught. He pushed his mouth back against hers and Buffy was forced willingly back into the kiss.

Her left hand left it's grip on the back of his neck and gripped the wooden shelf behind his head to catch their balance when Xander twisted their positions and turned his back away from where she had him pinned.

He knew that it was ironic, but the janitor was definitely going to have to clean up the broom closet when they left. That line of thought left his head quickly though when he felt Buffy's hands slip form behind him and slide down the front of his shirt.

Buffy slide her lips over his and then bit at his mouth; pulling away while teasing his tongue with hers while keeping her eyes downcast. She rested her palms on his stomach, contemplating her next move, before deciding that it was probably best not to think about it. She couldn't be as shy as he was being with her, or the most they'd do on their honeymoon would be holding hands.

She leaned up into his mouth and started the fevered kiss again as she moved her hands down to Xander's waist and the pushed them up and under his t-shirt. Xander jumped at the contact of her hands on his bare skin but it only served to make himself kiss her harder. He figured if he didn't he'd have to think about what he should be doing more.

Trying to match her boldness, Xander pushed Buffy back into the brick wall and slid his hands further down her back. He set himself mentally and kept moving his left hand down until…

Alright Xander tried to maintain his breathing as his hand groped at Buffy's rear. I can do this…I can do this. I'm touching her butt… He was becoming more and more aware of a certain part of his anatomy that was more than willing to stand up and join in his mental 'Happy Dance', but, much to his disbelief, he was more nervous about touching her with his hands than her knowing when she had him sporting wood.

Xander groaned into her mouth when he felt her lick the roof of his mouth with a rough swipe on her tongue and scrape her fingernails over his nipples at the same time. "Buff…" he rasped out and broke the kiss, breathing hard.

"Hmmm?" she asked distractedly, still feeling his chest as her own rose and fell against his stomach. What could he possible have to say…

"I…" Xander shook his head to clear it and took another deep breath.

Buffy interrupted him with another kiss. "No talk now," she nibbled against his lips. "Talk when where not on class time." She surprised him by reaching behind them and grasping the wrist of the hand that was positioned on her ass, applying gentle pressure as she glided it up her side.

Making out always had a natural progression to Buffy; one that Scott had taught her. It just seemed that Xander needed more prompting that her ex did, so it was her job to help…

Xander jerked his hand out of Buffy's grasp when she slid it up to her breast, stopping just below and leaving him to take over from there. "Buffy!!" he pulled away shocked and took a step back, causing her hands to slip form under his shirt . Just when Xander thought he had everything under control, she had to go and override his system again. He would never admit it, especially not with his status in the school, but he had never been to…he had never actually and with purpose touched…

"It's a boob Xander, not plutonium." Buffy exasperated.

Obviously Buffy had. Xander realized as he watched her try to smile thought the mutual nervousness. Fuckin Scott… "I know…" he cut his eyes away from her and jammed his hands into his pockets. "It's just…You…You're…"

She ignored his incoherent ramble and stepped towards him again, taking his hand back in hers. "Breathe Xander," she cautioned warmly and raised his hand to her chest. He watched her with wide eyes, but was forced back into action as Buffy started kissing him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The End Part 11