Chapter Two: Crikey!
Ara, I haven't updated in quite a bit, ya? *Gets whacked by anti-Wakka fans* How can you hate Wakka and his accent? They're so…funny! XD
~
"AAAAaaaaaAAaaah~~!!!!" A boy with coffee-colored hair roughly resembling a chocobo's plumage woke up. Perspiration was pouring down the sides of his 14-year-old head like the Niagara Falls. Scowling from the authoress's insult on the flow of his sweat and the sudden surprise he woke up from, he got up very stiffly, ruffling his already ruffled hair and yawning rather disgracefully.
"Uuugh.., I'm so tired…," Sora moaned, not realizing his body motions were enough to show his fatigue. After stretching, he perked up.
"Gee, that dream was strange. One really sexy man and an old gramps were handcuffed together…" he mumbled as he slid down the stairs. Of course, he didn't forget to lift his leg up near the end of the ride in fear his little willy might collide and take colossal damage from the ornamental orb on the end of the rail.
"Ooh!" But Sora forgot! The pain of rail burn!!! He squirmed and rolled around in pain with his hands rubbing his thigh-crotch area ferverently. Stop giggling you spoony children!
~
"Ohhh!! Where is Sora?!?!" Riku glanced at his imaginary watch and stomped his feet in dismay. He crossed his arms and started tapping his foot at an irregular rhythm. As he started to slow down, he got out a gold locket shaped like a heart from somewhere within his bosom. In the handcrafted frame was a picture of Sora with his signature stoned smile.
"Because.., I have something I want to tell him tonight, my precious. Yes, my precious," Faintly reminding himself of LOTR, Riku tried cackling evilly, but David Gallagher was unable to do so, resulting in some kind of horrible beaver retching noise. Blushing slightly, he cleared his throat and reminded himself never to try the evil cacklings again.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~~~ku!!!!" Sora's voice echoed through the east side of the island. Riku quickly hid the locket inside somewhere within his capacious pecs and returned the call. Sora, with much glee written on his face, sped to his best friend like a mad cheetah blinded by hunger and lusting for blood from its fresh victim. Ok, maybe not that obsessive.
Either way, Sora's speed was remarkable, his attraction to Riku was like a magnet. Fortunately for Riku, he had enough experience from the previous collisions to sidestep at the right time. Sora suddenly stopped, landed softly on his abnormally large clown shoes and then turned his head to shout at Riku.
"RIKU I HAD THE SCARIEST DREAM EVER!!!!!" Riku tapped his head a few good times to get the feeling back in his ears. Sora could easily win a screaming contest.
"Um, Sora? You mind not screaming into my delicate ears?" Riku asked, still rubbing his ears. Sora gasped melodramatically and started whispering loudly (oxymoron…).
"Riku…I see dead people!!!" Riku looked at him with pure disbelief as well as an eyebrow twitch. He hated that movie. Yes, that movie.
"No, it's true Riku! The man hanging down from the handcuff had his tongue hanging out of his mouth!" Sora said, truthfully.
"Well," Riku started, "The guy could have been dehydrated, tired, or relentlessly crashed into lamp posts." What irony; Riku did not realize was that he was actually correct. Sora pouted.
"Whatever it was, it sure was scary," Sora started muttering to himself and Riku grasped this chance to say a certain three word sentence. Riku stood up, properly cleaned himself of whatever dust got on him, and took on a manly pose.
"S-S-Sora, I-I lo--" VROOM! A large vehicle shaped like crappy legos put together in 8 minutes by a six-year-old zoomed by and landed near Riku and Sora, interrupting Riku's important speech.
"Damn it!! I was thissssssss~ close!!!" Riku snapped his fingers together and hissed under his breath.
"There's trouble! We need you to get on! Hurry!!" A white duck with a rather zippy costume called out harshly to the teenagers. As Sora got in, another on the ship, a dog with only two square teeth noted Riku's appearance.
"Gee, gawrsh Donald Duck. Do we have to bring him along too?" The dog asked fearfully, faintly remembering the time Riku tried the Chinese water torture on him when Goofy refused to let him watch porn. Donald glowered at the trembling dog.
"Goofy, you idiot! The whole purpose of bringing the ship here was to retrieve the silver haired freak!" Riku's forehead vein slowly started to visibly show.
"Come on Riku!" The duck screamed. "I need someone less disturbing to talk to among these two." Both Sora and Goofy giggled, not knowing Donald was referring to them both as well as not knowing what Donald meant by 'less disturbing'. Riku reluctantly got on. He sat next to Sora, making plans to find another way to tell Sora the very words he longed to tell him since the day he reached Destiny Islands.
"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer~ You take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer on the wall 98 bottles of--" Sora and Goofy started singing to entertain themselves. As the song progressively grew louder and more persistent, Donald's colorless, white body began filling up with a nice shade of red.
"Keep it down you guys, I'm trying to concentrate so I can drive this ship properly" It was apparent that Donald could not tolerate such horrible, jarring music produced by Sora and Goofy.
"78 bottles of beer on the wall!!! 78 bottles of--"
"I said keep it down!!" Donald growled (ducks growl?). His body was now 75% dominated by red.
"69 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 69 BOTTLES OF--"
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!" Donald screamed, going completely insane smashing everything around him into pieces and bits with his wings and blabbering out bizarre noises only a mentally disturbed person could produce. The gummy ship began shaking violently, and only Riku seemed to be aware of its unusual condition.
"Sora? Is the gummy ship okay? I mean, it's not singing its damn theme song anymore…"
"Oh, he's fine Riku. At times, me and Goofy have to inject some elephant tranquilizers on him when he goes berserk but most of the time, he's fine." Sora cheerfully said. Riku began to panic, afraid his friend took a whiff of something not legal.
"Sora, I was referring to the ship," as soon as Riku said this, the gummy ship whirred at started spinning down into an unknown world…or continent.
~
Riku's head throbbed with intense pain. He slowly got up and checked his head carefully in a mirror. Nope, nothing protruded out from his perfectly shaped head. He smiled, proud of sexy self and got up to view the strange environment. All he could see was leaves, trees, and bushes.
"Sora? Sora? Sora?!?!" Riku called out, gradually getting louder. His voice echoed throughout the dense forest, yet, the disembodied voice seemed to be getting nowhere.
"SORA!!!!" This time, the cry must have gotten somewhere. The silent forest's ground started rumbling. Pebbles near Riku's feet started trembling at an abnormal rate. Regretfully recognizing the signs of danger Riku began to pray in trepidation.
What? You ask for what happened to Ansem and Sephy-san? I shall gladly do so! =D
The two were obviously not in the best of moods, Sephiroth, with having to carry Ansem's 170-pound-comatose-body around and Ansem, with having too many bruises to count and unconscious.
"We're almost there…" Sephiroth said, using every ounce of his strength to drag the cumbersome load over the sand.
A rainbow colored chameleon came to investigate. It swayed to and fro, and licked his left eye. He climbed up on a sign to get a better look at the two strangers.
Ansem started to open his eye and cursed in utter rage as the sand seeped into his mouth.
"Dirt?! I, the master of Darkness, is eating dirt!!" He spewed out some nasty soil and nearly choked on a sand crab. He glanced on over to the sign.
"Ooh, a lizard…" Saliva began slyly creeping out of Ansem's dark lips and down to his chin. What he didn't notice, was the text on the sign "Welcome to Australia".
~
Ah ha ha, that was weird. And thanks for the goodie good reviews. I hand you all chocobo plushies for that.
Next, is Cloud and Leon!!! Woo hoo! O_o;;
