Again with the Jerry Springer thing…
A/N many belated thanks to Elspeth for telling me about Steve the security dude. Umm, this story has a direct link to how evil I'm feeling and reviews! Muhahahaha! Not to say I won't write more without reviews, but they help. Oh yes, there's a lesson to be learned from the last chapter, tell me who you want to see tortured next! Ask and yea shall receive, remain silent and yea shall get no pie.
Once again, we're here with the show, and everyone in the audience is questioning their self-worth, it being Jerry Springer and all. This isn't where I'd thought I'd be at this age!
Misto is physically restraining Munkustrap, Vici is fretting, Tugger thinks it's all hilarious, Demeter looks ready to cry and Tumble seems prepared to bite off his own tail to get away from his mother.
Jerry: Here we are…again. Heavy sigh Our new guests are some lesser-known cats with some serious attitude. Makes face at his cue card. Who writes this crap?
Steve: HEY! I do!
Jerry: Oh and it's so wonderful too.
Misto: grunting as he's got his hands full keeping Munku from killing someone Shouldn't you finish with Munkustrap before you bring some other poor soul into this atrocity that you claim is entertainment?
Jerry: Huh? Oh yeah, I skipped a card, my bad, thanks…uh, magic dude.
Misto: turning to Steve. Has he been drinking during the commercials?
Steve: shrugs. Maybe it's finally getting to him, it's a miracle he's lasted this long.
Jerry: So Munk-tarps, how does this news make you feel?
Munku: froths at the mouth
Jerry: Hmmm, that's very interesting…Is it what you expected?
Munku: Growls, tries to claw at him around Misto
Misto: I apologize; I shouldn't have interfered…
Steve: Don't worry buddy, it's a lesson we all learn.
Misto: Not that I wanted to.
Steve: It's a living. Plus, I'm on t.v.
Misto: shakes head Humans…
Jerry: Well…I'm lost.
Prompter: New guests.
Jerry: Ah! …Name?
Electra: The naming of Cats is a difficult matter…
Misto: Oh for the love of Bast! Kicks Electra because that's his only free limb
Jerry: Riiiiiggghhhhtttttt.
Prompter: Singing in the rain, just…Uh, Asparagus.
Jerry: Okay; now we're getting somewhere! Asparagus wherever you are, you're on!
Asparagus: Walks out of the audience pulling cigarettes out of his fur and making a face Belch…I mean, hello.
Tugger: What are you, Hungarian?
Asparagus: No, I…never mind, shut up Tugger.
Tugger: Jemi, he's being mean to me!
Jemi: You just be mean right back.
Tugger: But…
Jemi: He won't beat you up again, Munku told him not to.
Tugger: Uh Jemi…Munku's kinda incapacitated right now.
Jemi: Wow, how long have you known that word?
Tugger: Points Misto said it just now, was it good?
Jemi: Rubs head Wonderful. Drips with sarcasm
Asparagus: Hey, Jelly what are you doing here?
Jelly: Uh…
Tumble: She's telling everyone I'm a poof daddy! Whining
Asparagus: Not again Jelly! Just because he's slight effeminate doesn't mean he can't like queens!
Jelly: I only wanted to help.
Asparagus: Sigh
Tumble: Mum, I want to tell you something.
Jerry: Uh, I don't think so friend. This is my show only people who I say can tell their family disturbing news on national television.
Tumble: Oh piss off, mum, I'm getting lifebonded to Cassandra.
Jelly: WHAT!
Tumble: Hah! Not so gay now huh!
Steve: Well any idiot can see she's not happy.
Tumble: I was using the word improperly.
Steve: Well don't.
Tumble: Fine, you be that way.
Jelly: Makes odd gurgling noises When did this happen?
Tumble: It's gone on for years. Crosses arms smugly
Plato: Takes flying leap out of the audience. Noooooooooooooooo! Meets the floor with a sickening thud, gets up, runs over. Tumble I love you!
Tumble: No you don't. As if talking to a moron.
Plato: I don't?
Tumble: No. Turns to camera. You see kids, catnip is a bad, bad thing and you should never take it leans in when you're parents are around.
Jelly: I'm going to need a minute before I can yell at you for that.
Tumble: Sure, take your time.
Plato: Falls into Misto and Munku. Hey Misto, pupils dilate you're pwetty.
Misto: Looks ill Vici! Help!
Vici: I'm not going near him.
Misto: Vici! He's coming near me! And I don't like the look on his face!
Vici: Starts running over
Baywatch Moment
Vici: Hi yayayayayayayaya! Flying side kicks Plato in the head.
Jemi: Love the Zena war cry.
Vici: Dusts self off.
Misto: Sighs in relief. Thank you smooches her.
Vici: Anyti-mmmm.
Munku: Sitting contemplating his newfound freedom, plots whom to kill. First that idiotic host, then the clown…
Asparagus: Um, wasn't I supposed to do something…or something?
Jerry: Yeah, no one really cares though.
Asparagus: Oh. That's all right then.
Jerry: I think a commercial is in order.
Steve: Very good grasshopper.
Jerry: Oh God.
Misto: Dignified as he is unaware of the bright red lipstick smeared across his face. God can't help you; we're out of His reach in here. This is a place of suffering.
Jerry: You said it man.
Woman seated on a bench of some sort: You've probably heard a lot about Smorgasborgdufragmelators, but what do you really know? Can you trust what you've heard? Is there really a known function for Smorgasborgdufragmelators?
Man with irritating over passive voice: Smorgasborgdufragmelators are a unique product that can save thousands of lawns. Do the right thing, call now.
Woman: We're not sure what they do:
Man: But we know that they work.
That's a wrap people.
Misto: Thank Bast, how long is this thing going to go on for? Erik isn't even here; you haven't tortured him for months!
Trinity: So?
Misto: Grumble It's not fair.
Vici: We have that Lord of the Rings crossover.
Misto: We're not together!
Vici: Well it's better then being paired with Electra isn't it? Paws on hips
Misto: Glances at queen in question. I love you Trinity.
Trinity: winks
Vici: Wanna go home? Shrugs eyebrows suggestively.
Misto: Damn straight! Presto! Both disappear in cloud of smoke.
Asparagus: I still don't understand why I'm here.
Tumble: You don't want to, trust me.
