Sailor Bish!
The Homestyle Scout of Mount Liekaku
By KellyChan and Jennie Starwind
"Miaka…"
"Tama…home.."
"Miaka…"
"Tama…"
"I love you Miaka…"
"I love you too Tamahome."
"Miaka."
"Tamahome…"
"Miaka, did I mention I love you?"
"Tama…"
"GAH! What is this shit!" the bandit-wannabe shouted at the television as he clicked it off. "If I have to watch one more episode of Sailor LuvLuv… I am going to break this TV!" The redhead leaned back in his chair and continued to flip through the channels, stopping when he got to TNN. Zel grumbled as the strains of "Friends in Low Places" reached his sensitive ears.
"We must be nearby Tasuki's place," he said as he looked over at his blonde companion. Gourry just shrugged and snapped along with the blaring Garth Brooks tune. It was only a few moments and they reached the entrance of the infamous Liekaku Turtle Shrine. Gourry was quick to rush to the door… "Friends in Low Places" had just ended and now someone who he assumed was Tasuki was singing along to "All My Exes Live in Texas." Zel sighed and mumbled something incoherent under his breath. Gourry knocked on the door. Tasuki stopped his attempted singing and cursed under his breath.
"Yeah yeah I'll be there in a second," he yelled. Tasuki flipped off the TV and headed to answer the door. He was surprised to see a tall blonde high schooler and a rather disgruntled blue skinned young man behind him. "Hey! You guys aren't from Liekaku Academy…"
"Well actually…" Zel said as he stepped up. Tasuki eyed the strange fellow before him.
"Ah you must be here to see Grampa Roshi…" Tasuki smirked, "He's at the convenience store getting some bread… But that's bull I know the new issue of Hustler came out today." Zel decided to ignore that comment.
"No… we're here to see you," Gourry said with a smile. Tasuki hmmphed.
"Well that's awful strange… the only people that ever bear the trek to the top of Liekaku for me is my buddy Kouji and that annoying Naga gal that always wants to train here." Zel gave a look that screamed I want to get out of here now. He approached the red head teenager and cleared his throat.
"I'm Zelgadiss, this is Gourry and this is for you," Zel said as he pulled out a cute little red scepter. Tasuki held it up to the light.
"The Hell???" Gourry smiled.
"This is your changing wand… you say stuff and there's sparkles and you change into a short skirt and there's weird music and you get powers." Tasuki just blinked and stared at the stick. Zel sighed.
"Just say Mars Star Power Make Over," he said. Tasuki shook the stick for a moment then shrugged.
"Mars star power make over…"
insert cheez music, featureless naked Tasuki, Flames, Sparkles, and Pretty nail polish application here
"WHAT THE HELLL!!!!" Zel suppressed a grin…
"Watching other people go through this is so amusing to me," Zel stifled a laugh. Gourry smiled.
"Welcome to the Secret Sailor Scout thing Tasuki!" Tasuki looked down in mortification at his short red skirt… he also noted that his cute red wand had turned into a silver fan. He decided not to address the fact that he was in drag just yet… for he was still in shock.
"What's with the fan?" Gourry shrugged.
"I don't know… I don't have a fan… Zel what's with the fan?" Zel crossed his arms.
"I don't know, I'm too busy using BUBBLES!" Zel looked away for a moment and remembered how he had figured out his attacks… they had just come to him somehow. "Tasuki… imagine there's some kind of evil villain you have to fight… They've stolen your new Tim McGraw CD and you are pissed… What would you say?"
"Is it the one with the Faith Hill duet?" he asked. Zel nodded in the positive. Tasuki looked absolutely mortified at that thought. He whipped out his fan and screamed.
"Mars Flaming Fan attack!" Tasuki yelled in anguish. The outer edge of the fan turned to fire and as he swung it forward tongues of flame shot forth taking out a great deal of the front porch. Gourry just blinked.
"Uh… Zel… I think you hit a soft spot." He stated.
"Whatever works." Zel shrugged as he watched Tasuki play with his new toy… "Well he seems to be so into the fan we don't even have to address the drag issue…" Tasuki blinked.
"Drag?" He looked down, "I was wondering why it was a little breezy down there…"
"You don't have a problem with it?" Gourry asked. Tasuki shrugged.
"Hey as long as I get to play with the fan… I ain't got a problem with it." Zel seemed quite disappointed he was not upset.
"All right… let's go… either we get to find another scout, fight some random people… or if we're lucky… go home for the day."
"I want pizza," Gourry said randomly and walked off to get pizza. Zel just shook his head as his friend followed his nose to the nearest Pizza Shack.
"Where's he going?" The redhead asked.
"To get food," the chimera answered simply.
"Oh can I go… I want bbq," Tasuki contributed.
"No. I want to go home and look for my cure… and maybe eat some wheat thins," Zel said… "It would be so relaxing."
"Oooh your cure? You mean you weren't always a talkin' rock?" The chimera glared in his direction.
"No… I was not." He sighed. Zel really had not had a chance to relax since his initial transformation… with homework… fighting random fruity bad guys and tutoring Gourry. "To go home and relax… that would be the ultima…" He was interrupted by a beep on his girly wristwatch communicator. "Damn you Kero… what now?"
"Zelgadiss… I see you have found the third scout… congratulations! Once again I am communicating through you because I do not think Gourry can comprehend it." Zel sighed. "We have a problem… it is a good thing you found the other scout. This woman will be much harder to defeat than evil Lime." Zel just blinked. "Her name is Soi… and she is draining the chi of office workers at Suzakuryu Inc. Gourry is already there attempting to fight her… but I think he will need help."
"Oh?" Zel questioned. Kero sighed.
"Yes I think he finds her rather attractive." Kero looked over at Gourry who was currently listening to Soi ramble about Chi.
"Mmm… Soy sauce sounds really good right now… Hmm Chi, is that a biscuit?" Zel heard him in the back ground and grumbled.
"Tasuki and I will be there right away…"
Meanwhile at the Scene of the Chi Theft
"In the name of the moon… and soy sauce… I will punish you!" Soi sweat dropped and twiddled her long magenta hair around her fingers. She smiled at the swarms of office workers who lay drooling at her feet.
"Who's next," she said with a smirk… A young man with chin length black hair and a rather ordinary appearance approached Soi.
"I am more than willing to share my Chi with you oh you lovely woman!" Soi grinned.
"And you are?" The young man put his hand behind his head.
"Oooh I'm just you every day ordinary Watanabe!" Soi nodded and motioned him to come with her…
"Just follow me…" She led him behind a curtain she had pinned up to the building. "Lay down… get naked and it's chi time…" Watanabe nodded and got on the makeshift bed… which consisted of a cot and what he assumed to be Soi's cloak as a sheet.
5 minutes later
"Mmm Watanabe that was great… I'm not sure everyday ordinary is the best description for you tiger!" Watanabe smiled as he pulled on his clothes.
"I'm sure glad you enjoyed it pretty lady… I am sure you will use the chi well." Soi nodded.
"Yes but unfortunately I have no use for you anymore…" She readied a lightning attack.
"STOP!" Yelled a distinctly female voice. Soi looked over to see a red headed girl in a black tux that resembled something a disco vampire would wear. "I am Tuxedo Fireball… and you're messing with the wrong people here… I am a defender of love and justice… and dreams… and WHY!! Am I saying this crap! I'm Tuxedo Fireball and you better watch your back cuz I am going to whoop your ass!" Soi pulled on her skirt and sighed… leaving the Watanabe behind the curtain.
"So you've come with the Magical Boy to defeat me… well I guess he is here to defeat me… though he seems dumbfounded by my beauty." Fireball shrugged.
"I think that's the way he always is." Fireball sighed… "Look… I'm not too big on this speech thing… so just stop having sex with guys to get their chi and then killing them with lightning attacks."
"A mere little girl thinks she can defeat me?" Soi laughed, and hurled a bolt towards the nearby building. Either the falling rubble or the screams of the workers finally snapped Gourry out of his reverie.
"Oh, I guess I should try and fight her, right Kero?" The yellow animal's eyes narrowed.
"That's kind of the point here." Gourry nodded, and pulled forth his scepter.
"Moon Shining Heart Attack!" The attack just missed Soi, as she jumped to the side.
"Oh, so now you want to play too?" Soi said launching another lightening bolt attack in his direction. The remnants of the building plummeted towards him. Lina glared in Soi's direction.
"You are dirty Soi," she said… Soi just laughed.
"Whatever it takes to get by!" Fireball just shook her head.
"Yeah… whatever it takes to get by," she smiled, "Like this… BURST RONDO!" The explosion of magical energy hit Soi straight on… The villain screamed in pain and Fireball knew that was the end of her.
As the dust cleared, nothing but the boy's blond hair remained visible through the wreckage. "Oh no! Sailor Jellyfish!" Fireball said as she jumped down from her perch atop the lamppost. She pushed her cape back behind her, as she began to dig him out of the rubble. "Hey… Jellyfish, are you okay?" she asked upon unburying his upper half.
"Jellyfish?" He questioned. She blushed slightly.
"It's…uh…. a nickname…sorta…" He just smiled as he struggled to stand. "Jellyfish…I like it." He teetered forward and Fireball reached out to steady him. He slumped up against her, his pigtails brushing against her cheek. Her face turned crimson.
"Uh…are you going to be okay?" She stammered out. He pulled back to face her. "Yeah, I think so…" Fireball looked away nervously and looked back… she opened her mouth to say something when she heard.
"WOHHOOOO! Go Gourry!" Tasuki said as he ran toward the scene… Zel was running behind him and both were in full sailor fuku glory. Zel glared.
"Hey Gourry???? You do realize that you just blew his cover Mars?" Tasuki just shrugged.
"Ah sorry there Zelgadiss… I didn't mean to." Zel sweat dropped, I'm surrounded by morons, he thought to himself.
Gourry waved at his companions.
"Hey guys! This little girl and I defeated Soi already…"
"It looks like you did more than just defeat Soi," Tasuki said as he noticed the placement of Fireball's arms. Gourry blushed and Zel just rolled his eyes. Fireball meanwhile…
"Little Girl???" she spat, "Fireball!!"
A.N.- Tasuki is a hick… okay… it's true. (Bandit dance… nuff said)
Another A.N.- We got a new writer in our group… it's Jennie Starwind… she helped a lot with this chappy too! (L/G fans… enjoy the sap)
Disclaimer- Hajime Kanzaka, Yu Watase, Koishi Rikdo, Naoku Takeuchi, CLAMP… anyone else… please forgive us.
Next Chapter in Sailor Bish- When a new student transfers to Hayajaka's School of Mostly Bishounen… no one thinks much of him… except he pretends to be a huge bad ass and has fuzzy white ears… Could he perhaps be the Sailor Scout Jupiter?
Next Time on Sailor Bish!
Feh… So You Think Torturing Puppy-boys from Feudal Japan is Fun?
(Yes we do enjoy it very much.)
