Sailor Bish

Episode Four

"Sailor Jupiter and the Lair of Cuteness!"

By the HFWS

**Fighting Evil By Moonlight**

**Eating chicken by daylight**

**Always ready for a real fight!**

**They are the one's named Sailor Bish**

**They will never turn their back on their friends**

**They are always there to defend**

**But they think Sailor Briefs feel like Depends!TM**

**They are the one's named Sailor Bish!**

**Sailor Moon!**

"Umm what was my line again?"

**Sailor Mercury!**

"Bubbles? Damn you Re—Well just damn you!"

**Sailor Mars!**

"Yeaha I gots me a flamin' fan!"

**Sailor Jupiter**

"Feh- I told you a million times… I didn't kill my girlfriend!"

**Bishounen who are called Sailor Bish**

**To wear their skirts they must now keep trim**

**Magical Boys named Sailor Bish**

**They are the one's… Sailor Bish!**

Meanwhile at the Devious Cute things Secret Lair

"Attention all Puuchuus please head to the double H club room for a meeting with our supreme ruler… please bring any sacrifices you may have captured today." A female said across the intercom. Swarms of the cute creatures ran down the hallway quickly, excited to meet up with the supreme ruler. About fifteen of the Puuchuus carried their sacrifice… a gagged and tied up Kagome Higurashi. Once the Puuchuu had all entered the clubroom the door slammed shut and the room fell quiet.

"My servants!" said a booming voice… that despite it's intimidating tone, was strangely cute. The Puuchuus all lowered to a bow as their supreme ruler came out from behind a door decorated with various rainbows and happy looking suns. It looked at its subjects with woobly eyes. "What sacrifices have you brought your mighty leader? Hamtaro!" The Puuchuus bowed once more for good measure. "Hamtaro is hungry… I hope you minions brought me something nice!" The Puuchuus cleared their throats.

"Puuchuu," they said and cleared the way so the evil overlord could see what they had caught. Kagome looked up from her position on the floor, and would have screamed had she not been gagged.

"Aghhh!" She thought to herself… "Too cute… and it's like eight feet tall!" Kagome twitched. "Is this gonna be the death of me… by that cute thing???" The Puuchuus nodded.

"Puuuchuuu!" they said in the affirmative.

"Not if I can help it!" InuYasha proclaimed as he busted through the cute doors.

Meanwhile while this whole incident was happening…

"I sense evil…" Kero's eyes darkened. Zel blinked.

"Ah shit… not now," He grumbled.

"Ah well we should go after it…" Gourry put in. Tasuki smiled.

"Do I get to play with my fan again?" Zel rolled his eyes.

"Yes you get to play with your fan again… and I guess I can use my damn bubbles!" The room was silent for a moment.

"Okay let's go…" Kero said.

Back to the Lair of Cuteness

"InuYasha," Kagome mumbled through the gag. InuYasha unhilted his sword and began to plow through the Puuchuus with the rusty blade. Upon seeing Kagome bound and gagged it angered him even further and the blade began to crackle with lightning energy. As the lightening wrapped around the sword, it seemed to grow in power and length…

"Whoa how did that happen… my sword grew… that's never happened before," he blinked, "Was it because of that girl?" He sighed. "Ah well this kicks ass!" InuYasha smirked. It was then that the trio of transformed Sailor Scouts barged in with Kero in tow. Gourry gasped.

"Whoa InuYasha's sword is so big! It used to be old and rusty…" Kero's eyes widened.

"That energy… coming from his sword… that's the power of Jupiter!" Kero leaped forward and landed on InuYasha's shoulder. InuYasha turned to his shoulder and his eyes bugged.

"What the hell? It's another evil cute thing!!!" He yelled… "Get away!" Kero got up to InuYasha's ear and whispered…

"InuYasha…" he said, "Say… "Jupiter Star Power Make-over!" InuYasha reached up to his ear and grabbed the yellow creature… then proceeded to squish him in between his fingers.

"What… Jupiter Star Power Makeover… shut up!" InuYasha's ears twitched as strange music began to waft through the room… and he felt himself begin to spin. "What the hell. Why am I spinning… I hate spinning… it makes me dizzy…" He blinked… "Where did my clothes go… hey these aren't my clothes… what the heck… why am I wearing a fuku… what's with these shoes… I hate pointy shoes… they hurt…aggh my ears hurt…" he felt, "Aghh my ears aren't pierced… get those out of my ears… why am I wearing two earrings… gay guys do that. Put my hair back down… why is it up… it feels stupid… this is stupid… I hate this!" InuYasha rambled. He looked down to his sword and noted that it had, in fact transformed into a small green scepter with a symbol on top. "AGHHH what happened to my sword… It was so big before… it shrunk… it's tiny… it's not even a sword… it's sparkly!" InuYasha gasped for breath.

"Are you done yet…?" Zel approached him and asked. InuYasha noted that Gourry, Zel, and Tasuki were all dressed similar to him.

"What… you put me in these clothes so I would join your stupid girly club… Gourry you were trying to put the moves on me weren't you?? All that monkey talk… you were flirting with me weren't you Gourry? Don't think I don't know the connotations of the word 'monkey'… you fruit!"

"Huh?" Gourry responded.

"Well I'll tell you what… I don't be a part of your drag club! I don't care what you guys think… I-AIN'T-GAY!"

Zel sighed. "Look InuYasha… we'll explain it to you later… just… we have to defeat the evil giant hamster okay?"

"I'm not helping you…" He growled.

Tasuki blinked. "Well don't you want to save that broad over there?" InuYasha crouched into his typical sitting position.

"I'm not going to help until I am back in my normal clothes… and when I know I don't have to be involved in your fruit club!"

Gourry smiled and approached the disgruntled new recruit. "Ooh… you dropped this InuYasha," he held up the pink bunny… "You should save Kagome… your bunny is sad because you won't do it just because you are in a skirt. Your bunny says that doesn't matter and you should save her anyway," Gourry said plopping the bunny onto InuYasha's head.

InuYasha glared up at him. "Oh so you can talk to the bunny now?"

"Oh no the bunny talks to me!" Gourry nodded.

"… Right." Using the Puuchuus distraction Kagome was trying to escape by crawling across the floor until she was almost directly behind InuYasha. She had managed to get the gag loose enough and spit it out.

"InuYasha… you shouldn't sit like that in a skirt… you can see right up the backside." InuYasha went wide eyed and blushed, and quickly pulled down his skirt as much as possible and stood up. Tasuki couldn't help but point and laugh.

"What are you doing looking at my ass?" he yelled over in her direction. Before Kagome had a chance to answer the Puuchuus noticed their escaped sacrifice and quickly dragged her away. "Kagome!" InuYasha screamed. InuYasha stood up completely and handed the bunny to Gourry. "Hold this…" Gourry just nodded and began to play with the bunny.

"InuYasha!" she said as she was being dragged off. "They're going to feed me to the Hamtaro." InuYasha looked up and saw the ferociously cute creature… it's enormous eyes woobling. InuYasha glanced quickly at the creature… "There's something weird about those eyes…" he said to himself and looked over to Zel and Tasuki, their eyes seemed to be strangely glassed over and they seemed to be in some kind of trance…. As they stared at the giant rodent.

"Hamtarooo…" Zel and Tasuki said in monotone, "We live but to serve you…" InuYasha gasped.

"Those fruity guys are being hypnotized by the hamster's eyes!" Gourry meanwhile, just stood there talking to the bunny.

"What?? You mean I shouldn't look up… just keep my head down and don't look at the cute thing? Okay Mr. Bunny!" InuYasha made a note not to look in the Hamster's eyes.

"Okay so if I go for the eyes… I can get him. But what am I supposed to do with this stupid stick…!" He glared at the scepter and noted that the Puuchuus were only seconds away from reaching Hamtaro…with their sacrifice, Kagome. "Kagome!" he yelled again. "What the hell am I supposed to do?" he thought for a moment… "Oh! Jupiter Supreme Thunder!" he yelled and pointed the scepter at the Hamtaro's enormous eyes, careful not to look and get caught up in its hypnosis. A bolt of thunder streamed out of the scepter and straight into the creatures eyes.

"AGHHHH!" it yelled cutely and closed its eyes in pain therefore breaking the spell on Zel and Tasuki… and the Puuchuus.

"Puuchuu!" they all said and began to walk off. InuYasha blinked.

"It looks like the Puuchuus were under the spell as well… those wands are actually futon beaters… and they thank us for helping them." InuYasha stated.

"How do you know what they are sayin?" Tasuki asked.

"Feh… Hell if I know. Probably because of those radioactive waves that got in my brain from the Styrofoam in the microwave…" Gourry stopped playing with the bunny for a moment.

"Ohh that makes sense!" Gourry responded and went back to the bunny. Zel twitched, walked over and pried the bunny from the blonde's arms.

"The hamster is still alive… will you take care of this?" Zel growled. Gourry nodded, and began to pose ridiculously.

"Moon Gorgeous Meditation!" Gourry said… a ray of sparkling rainbow power shot out of his scepter and hit the Hamtaro in the stomach… instantly causing it to begin to vaporize.

"It can't be!!!" The Hamtaro yelled as it turned to dust. When the dust cleared Gourry smiled.

"Yay we won!" Gourry said. He handed the bunny back to InuYasha. "Here's your bunny back InuYasha… we couldn't have won without it!" InuYasha took the bunny and distanced himself from Gourry a bit.

"Why am I still in a skirt?" he asked. No one answered and InuYasha turned around and noted that Kagome was still tied up. Ignoring the skirt for a moment he went over and quickly untied her.

"Uhhh thanks… InuYasha," she said with a blush. "Why did you save me?" InuYasha looked away.

"Keh, If I didn't save you than I wouldn't ever be able to get a chance to beat you at DDR." He shrugged. Kagome smiled a bit.

"I see… well thank you. As a token of my appreciation I promise to keep this whole thing secret… okay?" InuYasha nodded.

"You should probably get home Kagome… your brother was really worried about you."

Kagome gasped. "Oh, that's right! He's the only one at the arcade now… I better get back. I'm not sure he can handle it by himself!" There was a silence for a moment.

"Umm aren't you weirded out by all this?" he asked.

Kagome laughed lightly. "Well actually… I work at an arcade… we get so many weirdoes there. Especially when they hosted that anime convention across the street from us last month… so after seeing a forty year old man dressed as a magical girl… this just doesn't freak me out much." InuYasha crinkled his nose.

"Ewwww…"

"Well I better be off now… thank you so much InuYasha!" She reached over and gently hugged him. InuYasha returned the hug slightly and pulled away.

"Uhhh bye Kagome." He said with a faint blush as she walked off. Once Kagome was safely gone Tasuki grinned.

"Oooh InuYasha's got a girlfriend…!" Tasuki yelled.

"Shut up!"

"No InuYasha's girlfriend is dead, she was killed by a rabid monkey!" Gourry put in. Zel smacked his forehead.

"Gourry what did I tell you about talking about monkeys…!" Zel grumbled.

"Oh sorry… primates," Gourry corrected. Zel just sweat dropped.

"Hey wait a minute… would someone please explain this skirt thing. I still don't want to be in this fruit club… and I'm getting really pissed!" He glanced down at his skirt, "And where are my clothes!?"

Sailor Bish Sez!

"Ahem… due to last episodes rather annoying Sailor Bish Sez session… we have decided that Gourry will not be allowed to do this one… and since I don't even want to know what InuYasha would ramble about… We have decided to let Sailor Mars step in for this session… although this will probably be stupid too." Zel grumbled. Tasuki grinned.

"Ah Zel! You're so funny… You know what… I was watching country music awards. They had a bunch of idiots for Judges… I mean come on… George Strait over Tim Mcgraw? That's just stupid! Even Clint Black's better than George Strait! And Tim Mcgraw did that duet with Faith Hill… she's hot! He's so lucky…"

"Uhh Tasuki… that's enough," Zel cut him off. "That's enough… I think I may have to resort to just letting Kero and I do all the Sailor Moon Sez things."

Next Time On Sailor Bish

Love is in the air this spring as the Sailor Senshi come across a new ally… and perhaps a new scout… as the cherry blossoms fall on Tokyo. Hearts will be melting and love will abound… Sailor Bish has never been this beautiful (and sparkly!)

Come be pierced with the arrow of true love.

NEXT TIME

"Ai Shiteru… Sailor Bish"

You will truly "love" this episode.

Once again scribed by KellyChan with much assistance by Jennie Starwind.

Fanart for Episode Two by Jennie

http://www.mediaminer.org/fanart/view.php?id=127019

Lovely reviewers!

Everkewl- Our fellow fruit nut… thank you for the review… it's not like I can say anything to you that I haven't said already…. Ummm everyone… go read everkewls fics!

Narrator- Reading stuff at fanfiiction.net at the library is not always a good idea… ^^ Gourry monkey obsession is fun huh? (So I have this terrible amusement with a villian that is completely serious yet runs around in a monkey pelt… ^^;;;;)

Rune Rune- The ZelAme-ness shall appear later… but it will be a while! Tasuki has girl… he just avoids her like the plague… (see part two with random annoying chick coming to the shrine!) ^^

Bethany (Robochars…) what is with you and mormons?

Minimerc- ^^;; I'm not telling you who all the scouts are, but the only DB char in this is Master Roshi… and I don't think he will ever actually appear… as for the Gboys… making them scouts… too predictable ^^