Title: A Meditation on Masks
Author: Mac
Summary: Masks, masques, and masquerades. Internal reflection. A series of moments and hidden thoughts.
Story: Single character POV
Rating: G

Disclaimer: All things CSI belong to CBS, et al. All other things are of my creation.


**Hidden Masks**

We all hide something. Whether it's a demon, a part of our past, or regrets, we still hide behind masks of false happiness. We work together all night, yet none of us really knows each other. All we know is what the other allows us to see.

To everyone it seems that I'm confident and outgoing. I wear a mask underneath my normal self. There are things that no one knows about, things that haunt me morning, noon, and night. Especially the night, which, I guess, is why I work at night. That way the demons of my past can't attack me.

But even as I work, it comes back to haunt me. I can't let go of it. Usually I manage to hide it, but every now and then it comes up and slaps me in the face, taunting me, daring me to throw away the mask that guards its cell.

I tried to do so once and managed for less than a day. Analysts say that if you talk about your fears with someone, they lessen. Not this one. This fear, this hidden demon has only become greater after its revelation. I've tried to tell someone else, but every time I work up the courage to do so something happens. A case distracts me, the timing isn't right for the situation. There's a saying that bad things always come in threes.

This demon came as one, exists as one, is hidden as one, but it seems to be all engulfing. So instead, I hide. I hide behind an easy-going, confident persona and it fools everyone. During middle school I was too studious. I read just about anything that came my way, but during the summer between middle school and high school, my dad said he was worried about me. So began the formation of my mask. After so many years, I don't know if I could just simply let it go.

To be or not to be. That is not an easy question. Neither is "who are you?" I strive to find the peace inside. Like Catherine or Grissom. Catherine's life has been hung out to dry on several occasions, but she rolls with the punches. Grissom simply does what he loves, doesn't want to look at anything outside of his world, his focus.

They're both at peace with who they are. They accept their demons, they've faced them and moved on. I wish I had the courage to face mine.