Sometimes I don't understand myself.
This beautiful, perfect girl throws herself at me… This beautiful, perfect girl who *loves*
me, comes into my bed and throws herself at me, and I turn her away.
I make her cry.
There should have been nothing holding me back from taking her, from devouring her, in
all her innocence. In my bed, she had lain, beautiful, ready to be taken.
And I had left her cold, untouched. Why, when I want her, when I *love* her so?
Because if I'd touched her, she would no longer be perfect. One kiss tainted her already,
what would happen if I tell her, in all honesty, how much I love her?
I find her at the bridge, tears rolling down her cheeks. I know she feels she has no one,
that everyone who ever cares will desert her, push her away. I have felt that way many
times.
I sit next to her, I take her hand.
Because of me, she has lost her boyfriend, and quite possibly a good part of the
relationship with her mother. I have nothing to give her that will fill the holes that I know
I have made in her heart.
So I wrap my arm around her, and I hold her, well into the night.
She asks why I don't talk to her. Why I don't confide in her any longer.
"Jess, I love you," she says quietly. I nod. I already know.
"And I love you." I reply, wanting her to believe that I truly do.
She kisses me softly, and I am floating on to heaven…
TBC
This beautiful, perfect girl throws herself at me… This beautiful, perfect girl who *loves*
me, comes into my bed and throws herself at me, and I turn her away.
I make her cry.
There should have been nothing holding me back from taking her, from devouring her, in
all her innocence. In my bed, she had lain, beautiful, ready to be taken.
And I had left her cold, untouched. Why, when I want her, when I *love* her so?
Because if I'd touched her, she would no longer be perfect. One kiss tainted her already,
what would happen if I tell her, in all honesty, how much I love her?
I find her at the bridge, tears rolling down her cheeks. I know she feels she has no one,
that everyone who ever cares will desert her, push her away. I have felt that way many
times.
I sit next to her, I take her hand.
Because of me, she has lost her boyfriend, and quite possibly a good part of the
relationship with her mother. I have nothing to give her that will fill the holes that I know
I have made in her heart.
So I wrap my arm around her, and I hold her, well into the night.
She asks why I don't talk to her. Why I don't confide in her any longer.
"Jess, I love you," she says quietly. I nod. I already know.
"And I love you." I reply, wanting her to believe that I truly do.
She kisses me softly, and I am floating on to heaven…
TBC
