A/N: Hey people! I read a bunch of stories containing bounty hunters, and so I figured...why not
do my own? Of course, all the ones I read were serious. This one...well...if you read the
summary, you'd understand completely. Enjoy! Reviews are highly welcome and
appreciated. Also, DO NOT READ if you find Vegeta and Krillin as a couple offensive, or if any
other weird and strange pairings make you queasy, or if you don't like weirdness period. As for
OOCness, this is humour, there's a TON of OOCness here.
Disclaimer: Me no own DBZ.
Small Minds In A Vast Universe
Summary: The tyrannic empress Bulma has hired professional bounty hunters Yajirobe, Goku
and Maron to kidnap the fry-pan-princess who lives on a far-away planet called Earth. With
fortune-teller femme 18 and newlywed strippers Vegeta and Krillin tagging along, as well as a
host of others getting in the way, the search for the princess will not be your average bounty
hunter story.
His long, black hair swept behind him like a proud victory flag. He was costumed in colours so
deadly, so vile, so...ORANGE. His swagger showed he was a proud man, a determined man, a
fat man. He was in it for the money and that was it, besides food of course. This, my friends, is
Yajirobe, the most feared bounty hunter in the universe, and today, he was summoned to the
palace of...
THE UNDERWEAR EMPRESS!!!
You see, the empress, her name was Bulma, had a slight problem. Her cook had just died of a
heart attack, and Bulma was having a very hard time cooking for herself. In fact, the blue-haired
tyranness was beside herself in anger after blowing her kitchen to smithereens. You could not,
however, call her Bulma. Her proper title was...
THE ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM.
This was how she wished to be addressed. If one did not say her proper title, they were sent to
the dungeons of her castle, where they were made to watch "Cooking With Babadi and Buu"
videos over and over and over until they went insane. Enough of that though.
Yajirobe strolled into the throne room of THE ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS
BLOOM and kneeled, his fat covering the short, stubby legs with which his body weight lie. The
beauteous yet evil empress waited impatiently for him to speak.
"ALL POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM, I have been summoned by thou for a
purpose which I have not yet been informed, but I do understand that there is a cash reward."
"Yes, oh mightily fat bounty hunter, there is enough cash to buy food to keep you happy for..."
Bulma took a glance at Yajirobe's girth.
"About three days. But the details shall not be revealed until the others arrive."
"Others?"
"Yes, the other bounty hunters. Whichever one of you completes the task first shall receive the
money."
"How much?"
"That also cannot be said until the others arrive."
Suddenly, as if right on cue, a handsome man with streamlined muscles and a blood red gi
entered the room. His hair shot out in every direction imaginable, and his eyes were so black
that you could see no reflection in him. Around his waist, a chocolate brown tail was wrapped.
Following the man was what seemed a young girl of about the same age. Both were in their
twenties, while Yajirobe was in his 37th year of life. The girl had powder blue hair, close to the
empress's. Her eyes were blue and she wore a simple yellow tee with beige capris.
"Hey there sexy empress! What job do you have for me to do?"
"Nothing to do with me Goku, and may I REMIND you that improper use of my name results in
confinement with the videos...surely you don't want that."
The once confident man in red paled and shook his head slowly. He did, however, have one
question.
"What's your real name anyways?"
"It's a secret, and only my beloved can call me that."
Yajirobe was too busy staring at the female bounty hunter to pay attention to Bulma.
"Hey! Fatso! Keep your eyes off of Maron and keep your ears tuned to me, unless you want to
spend time in the prisons."
"Yes, your evilness. Sorry, I was distracted by my rival's obvious beauty."
The one called Maron giggled and blushed slightly. She was new at this whole bounty hunting
thing. For the first few years of her life, she was an absolute ditzy boy-crazy shopper. Now, she
was still a ditzy boy-crazy shopper, but the men had stopped buying her things once they figured
out how many men she went out with at a time. In order to get some cash to go shopping, she
applied for the job. Her vileness the ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM hired her merely
because she couldn't wait for the idiot to get killed by the other bounty hunters.
"Now then, you are all here and I shall reveal your task. The lucky one to complete it shall
receive a reward of..."
A curtain is pulled back to reveal a vast room full of gold pieces, as well as every kind of
precious gem imaginable. Yajirobe's eyes went wide with greed, Goku gave an evil smirk and
rubbed his hands together, and Maron stared in dumbstruck awe.
"Wow...look at the pretty colours..."
"Glad to see you're so excited Maron. This room comes equipped with a leather chair!"
Out of nowhere, Radditz came in dressed in a pale blue nightie and sat on the leather chair in
the middle of the room. He smiled with pearly while teeth and crossed his legs. Everyone but
Bulma and Maron shuddered in disgust.
"You've got your own 'Price Is Right' thing going on here, don't you?"
"Very observant, Goku. I would have liked to get Bardock as my model, but I have a budget to
follow."
"My father?"
"Oh, that's right...you didn't hear of his debut in Victoria's Secret."
"...I didn't need to know that."
Yajirobe scoffed at the mention of 'budget'. This woman had no idea what a budget was if one
of them was to carry away all those riches.
"ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM, I have a question for you."
"Well Goku, the answer is already no."
"You don't even know what my question is!"
"It's still no!"
"So you WILL sleep with me eventually?"
"NO!!!"
"Who is your lover, by the way?"
"You could never compete against him, he's so much better than you, saiyajin bounty hunter."
"Show him to me!"
"Fine. Lovebug, would you come out here and meet some guests of mine?"
All three bounty hunters' faces dropped to the floor as none other than Dabura stepped out of the
shadows. Could it really be true? The evil ruler of the underworld and the sinister diva ruling a
good part of the upper universe be lovers? If so, things weren't looking good for the good guys.
Who are the good guys anyways? Well, you'll meet them later. Anyhow, Dabura made his way
over to Bulma's side, and the two proceeded to make out.
"I hate to interrupt your little fun, but what are we supposed to do to get this dough?"
What happens next? You'll have to wait 'till next time! Please review and hope you liked it!
do my own? Of course, all the ones I read were serious. This one...well...if you read the
summary, you'd understand completely. Enjoy! Reviews are highly welcome and
appreciated. Also, DO NOT READ if you find Vegeta and Krillin as a couple offensive, or if any
other weird and strange pairings make you queasy, or if you don't like weirdness period. As for
OOCness, this is humour, there's a TON of OOCness here.
Disclaimer: Me no own DBZ.
Small Minds In A Vast Universe
Summary: The tyrannic empress Bulma has hired professional bounty hunters Yajirobe, Goku
and Maron to kidnap the fry-pan-princess who lives on a far-away planet called Earth. With
fortune-teller femme 18 and newlywed strippers Vegeta and Krillin tagging along, as well as a
host of others getting in the way, the search for the princess will not be your average bounty
hunter story.
His long, black hair swept behind him like a proud victory flag. He was costumed in colours so
deadly, so vile, so...ORANGE. His swagger showed he was a proud man, a determined man, a
fat man. He was in it for the money and that was it, besides food of course. This, my friends, is
Yajirobe, the most feared bounty hunter in the universe, and today, he was summoned to the
palace of...
THE UNDERWEAR EMPRESS!!!
You see, the empress, her name was Bulma, had a slight problem. Her cook had just died of a
heart attack, and Bulma was having a very hard time cooking for herself. In fact, the blue-haired
tyranness was beside herself in anger after blowing her kitchen to smithereens. You could not,
however, call her Bulma. Her proper title was...
THE ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM.
This was how she wished to be addressed. If one did not say her proper title, they were sent to
the dungeons of her castle, where they were made to watch "Cooking With Babadi and Buu"
videos over and over and over until they went insane. Enough of that though.
Yajirobe strolled into the throne room of THE ALL-POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS
BLOOM and kneeled, his fat covering the short, stubby legs with which his body weight lie. The
beauteous yet evil empress waited impatiently for him to speak.
"ALL POWERFUL UNDERWEAR EMPRESS BLOOM, I have been summoned by thou for a
purpose which I have not yet been informed, but I do understand that there is a cash reward."
"Yes, oh mightily fat bounty hunter, there is enough cash to buy food to keep you happy for..."
Bulma took a glance at Yajirobe's girth.
"About three days. But the details shall not be revealed until the others arrive."
"Others?"
"Yes, the other bounty hunters. Whichever one of you completes the task first shall receive the
money."
"How much?"
"That also cannot be said until the others arrive."
Suddenly, as if right on cue, a handsome man with streamlined muscles and a blood red gi
entered the room. His hair shot out in every direction imaginable, and his eyes were so black
that you could see no reflection in him. Around his waist, a chocolate brown tail was wrapped.
Following the man was what seemed a young girl of about the same age. Both were in their
twenties, while Yajirobe was in his 37th year of life. The girl had powder blue hair, close to the
empress's. Her eyes were blue and she wore a simple yellow tee with beige capris.
"Hey there sexy empress! What job do you have for me to do?"
"Nothing to do with me Goku, and may I REMIND you that improper use of my name results in
confinement with the videos...surely you don't want that."
The once confident man in red paled and shook his head slowly. He did, however, have one
question.
"What's your real name anyways?"
"It's a secret, and only my beloved can call me that."
Yajirobe was too busy staring at the female bounty hunter to pay attention to Bulma.
"Hey! Fatso! Keep your eyes off of Maron and keep your ears tuned to me, unless you want to
spend time in the prisons."
"Yes, your evilness. Sorry, I was distracted by my rival's obvious beauty."
The one called Maron giggled and blushed slightly. She was new at this whole bounty hunting
thing. For the first few years of her life, she was an absolute ditzy boy-crazy shopper. Now, she
was still a ditzy boy-crazy shopper, but the men had stopped buying her things once they figured
out how many men she went out with at a time. In order to get some cash to go shopping, she
applied for the job. Her vileness the ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM hired her merely
because she couldn't wait for the idiot to get killed by the other bounty hunters.
"Now then, you are all here and I shall reveal your task. The lucky one to complete it shall
receive a reward of..."
A curtain is pulled back to reveal a vast room full of gold pieces, as well as every kind of
precious gem imaginable. Yajirobe's eyes went wide with greed, Goku gave an evil smirk and
rubbed his hands together, and Maron stared in dumbstruck awe.
"Wow...look at the pretty colours..."
"Glad to see you're so excited Maron. This room comes equipped with a leather chair!"
Out of nowhere, Radditz came in dressed in a pale blue nightie and sat on the leather chair in
the middle of the room. He smiled with pearly while teeth and crossed his legs. Everyone but
Bulma and Maron shuddered in disgust.
"You've got your own 'Price Is Right' thing going on here, don't you?"
"Very observant, Goku. I would have liked to get Bardock as my model, but I have a budget to
follow."
"My father?"
"Oh, that's right...you didn't hear of his debut in Victoria's Secret."
"...I didn't need to know that."
Yajirobe scoffed at the mention of 'budget'. This woman had no idea what a budget was if one
of them was to carry away all those riches.
"ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS BLOOM, I have a question for you."
"Well Goku, the answer is already no."
"You don't even know what my question is!"
"It's still no!"
"So you WILL sleep with me eventually?"
"NO!!!"
"Who is your lover, by the way?"
"You could never compete against him, he's so much better than you, saiyajin bounty hunter."
"Show him to me!"
"Fine. Lovebug, would you come out here and meet some guests of mine?"
All three bounty hunters' faces dropped to the floor as none other than Dabura stepped out of the
shadows. Could it really be true? The evil ruler of the underworld and the sinister diva ruling a
good part of the upper universe be lovers? If so, things weren't looking good for the good guys.
Who are the good guys anyways? Well, you'll meet them later. Anyhow, Dabura made his way
over to Bulma's side, and the two proceeded to make out.
"I hate to interrupt your little fun, but what are we supposed to do to get this dough?"
What happens next? You'll have to wait 'till next time! Please review and hope you liked it!
