A/N: For those BUFFOONS who don't know who Lierre is (and shame on you!), go and read When She Was Evil by my demon buddee Stephanie18. It's never been more worth it. And Lierre is the best.
A/N: For arguement's sake, the Steph in this story is NOT the same one as who is in Charmeded. Why? Just... because.
A/N: Oh - the part where Prue reads Phoebe's column aloud, well, it wouldn't be there without the fabulous Kit who I stol- um... borrowed the idea from! Thank you, my sweet little genius of a friend! If you want more like what Prue reads aloud, I'd tell you to check out "Just Ask Phoebe" by Kit-The-Cat however those bastards at ffn deleted it.
A/N: Man, I really do seem to plug other people's stories a lot. They better be grateful...
A/N: Oh one last thing, to get the part about Kit and Animal Welfare, just check 'A Long Time Coming' by the wonderful me, and yes, it's short.
A/N: Anon! You psychic ho you! You'll see why.
PRUE INVESTIGATIONS 1.2: An Old Flame Quelleth But A New One Liveth
INT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION, LIVING ROOM - DAY. PRUE IS SITTING ON A BIG BEAN BAG. SHE'S ASLEEP. THE SCREEN GOES ALL FUZZY AS WE GO INTO PRUE'S DREAM...
She's in the Underworld. She's... she's The Source! And there's a man, a man who she loves very much... L... what's his name? L...
BAM! PRUE WAKES UP.
PRUE: Lierre!
SHE LOOKS AROUND HER, AND REALISES SHE'S ALONE. STEPHANIE18 RANDOMLY ENTERS.
STEPH: Hey!
PRUE: You! You killed my love!
PRUE JUMPS ON STEPH AND STARTS BEATING HER BACK TO HELL.
STEPH: Woah woah woah woah! Prue! Hold on - I'll fix it, I promise!
PRUE: Well. DO IT THEN WENCH!
STEPH PRODUCES A LAPTOP AND BEGINS CLICKING AWAY ON IT. SUDDENLY, LIERRE APPEARS BESIDE PRUE.
LIERRE: Prue?
PRUE: Oh my god you're alive!
KT ENTERS AND SLAPS STEPH.
KT: Hello? Who writes the script here? How dare you write in a new character?
STEPH SLAPS KT BACK. KT TURNS TO THE CAMERA.
KT: You know she's the only person that retaliates... how I hate her.
STEPH: I can do what I like round here... I'm your demon buddee!
KT: I don't make random appearances in YOUR stories, do I?
STEPH LOOKS AT KT.
KT: Um... what's brown and sticky?
PRUE: Look, can you guys continue this... whatever you're playing at later on? I'm trying to have a moment here!
KT AND STEPH DROP TO THEIR KNEES AND GROVEL.
BOTH: Yes ma'am, I apologise, sorry, you're the Queen, etc etc.
PRUE: Don't say "etc" because you're too lazy to continue! I'm fed up of people saying that! "We're sorry you're great etc" I mean it totally takes the mood away. Oh, paige it. Just get out of here!
KT: I love you Lierre!
PRUE: Go! And he's mine!
PRUE KICKS KT. KT AND STEPH SCAMPER OFF BICKERING. LIERRE TAKES PROO'S HAND.
LIERRE: Have you missed me?
PRUE: Duh! You're my one true love!
BUCKO ENTERS.
BUCKO: Hey Proo... and company.
LIERRE: Who's this schmuck?
PRUE: *dismissively* Oh that's Bucklands Guy. He's a nobody.
BUCKO: Prue! I thought we were friends...
PRUE: Oh, the tiniest violin is playing the smallest tune for you. Get out of my office!
LIERRE: Yeah, ho!
BUCKO EXITS. LIERRE AND PRUE HUG.
PRUE: I missed you so much... you and your black!
LIERRE: Me too...
PRUE: Let's never be apart again.
THEY PULL APART. HUH. IGNORE WHAT PRUE JUST SAID MUCH?
LIERRE: You got it Prue! I don't lubb you.
PRUE: ... what?
LIERRE: I don't lubb you cos I LOVE you!
PRUE IS DELIGHTED. AS ARE WE ALL. YES, YES, THIS SCENE IS ONLY TO GRATIFY MY INTENSE NEED FOR THOSE TWO SOULMATES TO BE TOGETHER. *LOOKS AT STEPH*
PRUE: I love you too!
KT(OS): Awwwww!
STEPH(OS): Okay that's quite enough.
THE SOUNDS OF A LAPTOP CLICKING ARE HEARD FROM OFF SCREEN. BAM! LIERRE STARTS TO FADE AWAY.
PRUE: Lierre! What's happening to you?
LIERRE: Prue... don't forget our love... avenge me...
LIERRE DISAPPEARS. PRUE FALLS TO HER KNEES AND WAILS.
PRUE: When do I get my happily ever after?
STEPH APPEARS ON CAMERA AS KT KICKS HER ON.
STEPH: Uh... what's brown and sticky?
KT(OS): Get her Prue!
FADE OUT AS PRUE BEGINS TO KICK THE PAIGING HELL OUT OF STEPHANIE UNTIL SHE AGREES TO BRING BACK LIERRE.
KT(OS): Woo! LSL! Lierre Should Live!
CUT TO:
EXT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION. BUCKO IS SKULKING ABOUT.
BUCKO: I'll teach her to call me a nobody!
BUCKO MAKES HIS WAY BACK TO THE F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION BUT BEFORE HE GETS THERE AND HE FALLS DOWN A MANHOLE, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. SHAME.
CUT TO: INT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION. STEPH'S BLOODIED BODY IS BEING 'DISPOSED OF'. WELL... PRUE'S ACTUALLY MICROWAVING IT.
PRUE: Kit, chh chh chh chh *cat noises*
KIT THE CAT RUNS THROUGH AND LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.
KIT: When animal welfare rescued me and Kite guess where I got rehomed! Woo! Dunno where Kite is though...
CUT TO: INT. ROSE MCGOWAN'S TRAILER.
ROSE: Here Kite, I got you some maggots and Alyssa's bra straps for dinner!
KITE: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
CUT TO: INT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION.
KIT PADS OVER TO PRUE.
KIT: I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!
PRUE: Aww you're meowing. Here, have some Steph.
PRUE PUTS DOWN A PLATE OF STEPH AND KIT EATS.
KIT: Mmm tastes like QueeM.
PRUE PICKS UP A NEWSPAPER.
PRUE: "The Bay View"? Sounds sh*tty. Thank AP it was free!
SHE BEGINS TO READ... AND OPENS IT AT PHOEBE'S COLUMN.
PRUE: What the paige! Phoebe has a job? No way! What's this... "Phoebe's Tip Of The Day, Number Seventeen: Never run down the stairs without a bra if you're a woman."
PRUE SHRUGS.
PRUE: Pretty good advice. I can't believe it! How can she sustain an advice column? "Dear Phoebe: I'm having a lot of trouble finding myself a man. Can you help? Signed Payj... um... Hollywall." Payj? Hollywall? What kind of weird yet somewhat familiar name is that? Let's see what Phoebe says. "Dear Payj. Clearly you have not learned the art that is whoring yourself. Step one: cleavage is your friend! Step two: Forget sex on the first date - don't bother with the date at all! Step three..." Wow, this is quite a list.
PRUE STARTS TO MAKE NOTES. PAUSE.
PRUE: I miss those lesbiums. Oh Kit, what should I do? I can't go and see them if they think I'm dead, can I? Oh woe is me the undead hussy!
KIT: Go for it Prue, they need you. All they have is that bug-eyed freak now.
PRUE: You know for a cat, you give good council.
KIT: Put in a word or two for me at that paper Phoebe's at. I'll have her job in no time!
THE DOORBELL RINGS.
PRUE: I have a doorbell?
PRUE GOES TO ANSWER IT. AS SOON AS SHE PULLS OPEN THE DOOR, SHE IS ATTACKED BY A DEMON
PRUE: Aiiiiiiii!
DEMON: Kazaam!
SILENCE.
PRUE: Kazaam?
DEMON: What? It was the only thing I could think of!
PRUE: Who the paige are you?
DEMON: A demon, obviously!
PRUE: Are you here to kill me?
DEMON: Well, for the time being, yes.
PRUE: Oh. Should I be afraid?
THE DEMON THINKS.
DEMON: Uh... sure, why not?
THE DEMON TURNS INTO A HUMAN.
PRUE: Oh, not another half-demon!
DEMON: What? I can't be evil and pretty at the same time?
PRUE: Well... you are kinda cute.
LIERRE(OS): Hey!
PRUE: Oh shut up!
KT(OS): *whimpers*
DEMON: I'm Jesse.
PRUE: Thank AP you ARE a half demon! If I met you in your demon form and knew that was your name I don't think I could take you seriously!
JESSE: Well obviously the demon has another name!
PRUE: Which is...?
JESSE: I'd prefer not to disclose.
PRUE: Oh come on - tell me.
JESSE: You'll laugh at me!
PRUE: I won't, I promise.
JESSE: Oh fine. It's spelt F H E O E B I E.
PRUE: And it's pronounced...
JESSE: *hangs head* "Feebee".
SILENCE. PRUE THEN BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AND DOESN'T STOP FOR A LONG LONG LONG TIME. AS DO WE ALL.
JESSE: Hey! You said you wouldn't laugh!
PRUE: No I didn't.
JESSE: Yes you did!
PRUE: No I didn't.
JESSE: Yes you-
PRUE: Prove it.
PAUSE.
JESSE: Fine. Laugh it up. But when I kill you and steal your powers you won't be laughing.
PRUE: Okay... I'm already dead, you know that?
JESSE: Stop ruining my evil scheme! I'm going away to plot in my evil lair which most certainly does not have curtains, and I'll return when you're at your most unprepared! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! And ha!
HE SHIMMERS OUT.
PRUE: Evil lairs don't have curtains?
JESSE SHIMMERS BACK IN.
JESSE: Kazaam!
PRUE: This is when you thought I'd be most unprepared? You were here like five seconds ago!
JESSE: Yeah, and were you expecting me to come back?
PRUE: Well kinda. You dropped your keys.
PRUE HANDS JESSE HIS KEYS.
PRUE: And your pants.
PRUE HANDS JESSE HIS PANTS. HE PUTS THEM ON HASTILY.
JESSE: You may have won this round witch, but I'll get you next time!
HE SHIMMERS OUT.
PRUE: Terrifying.
JESSE SHIMMERS BACK IN.
JESSE: Kazaam!
PRUE STARES AT HIM.
JESSE: Nothing?
PRUE: Sorry.
JESSE SIMPLY TURNS AND WALKS OUT THE FRONT DOOR. PRUE WANDERS BACK INTO THE HOUSE AND STARTS WALTZING... ALONE. JESSE SHIMMERS IN.
JESSE: Kazaa- what the hell are you doing?!?
PRUE: *faking it* Aiiiiiiiii!!!
JESSE: Ooh! Did I scare ya? Did I? Did I?
PRUE: Yes, terrorised me good!
JESSE: Woohp! *merry jig. Imagine it.*
PRUE: Indeed. So when're you actually going to try to kill me?
JESSE: Stop pressurising me! This is my first day!
HE SCREAMS AND REVERTS TO HIS DEMON FORM, FHEOEBIE.
FHEOEBIE: Now look what you did to me!
PRUE: Oh, look, Feebee's come to play!
FHEOEBIE: Shut up shut up shut UP!
PRUE: Why should I? Scared you'll turn into a lesbium like Phoebe?
FHEOEBIE: *clutching at his head* STOP IT!
PRUE: *singing* Feebee in his petticoat, Feebee in his gown, Feebee in his petticoat, going down the town!
FHEOEBIE BOUNDS OVER TO PRUE, GRABS HER BY THE SHOULDERS, PINNING HER ARMS TO HER SIDE AND ROARS AT HER. SHE LOOKS SCARED, BUT EVEN MORE SLIGHTLY TURNED ON. THERE IS A HEATED SILENCE AS THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER, THEN FHEOEBIE REVERTS BACK TO HIS HUMAN FORM AND THEY END UP KISSING. EW! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW... HEY IT'D BE FUNNY IF HE TURNED INTO FHEOEBIE... OH WELL.
PRUE: Wow.
JESSE: Well if I was a demon, consider me vanquished.
PRUE: I'll bypass the fact that that didn't make any sense and repeat myself: wow.
LIERRE(OS): I'm gonna get you, Jesse Feebee!
JESSE: I think I'm done trying to kill you now.
PRUE: I think I'm done!
JESSE: Really? The kiss was that hot? Wow!
PRUE: No, I mean the oven! I was cooking some of the leftover scraps of Steph... care to join me?
JESSE: I'd love to.
THEY EXIT TO THE KITCHEN AND WE FADE TO:
BLACK.
ROLL CREDITS.
VOICE OVER MAN: Looks like we may have found a new recurring character in P:I!
VOICE OVER WOMAN: Who, Steph?
VOICE OVER MAN: No, that Jesse guy!
VOICE OVER WOMAN: Oh - you mean Fheoebie!
VOICE OVER MAN: Yeah, that name always manages to find a way onto everything, doesn't it?
VOICE OVER WOMAN: Indeed. Phoebe is clearly the devil.
A/N: For arguement's sake, the Steph in this story is NOT the same one as who is in Charmeded. Why? Just... because.
A/N: Oh - the part where Prue reads Phoebe's column aloud, well, it wouldn't be there without the fabulous Kit who I stol- um... borrowed the idea from! Thank you, my sweet little genius of a friend! If you want more like what Prue reads aloud, I'd tell you to check out "Just Ask Phoebe" by Kit-The-Cat however those bastards at ffn deleted it.
A/N: Man, I really do seem to plug other people's stories a lot. They better be grateful...
A/N: Oh one last thing, to get the part about Kit and Animal Welfare, just check 'A Long Time Coming' by the wonderful me, and yes, it's short.
A/N: Anon! You psychic ho you! You'll see why.
PRUE INVESTIGATIONS 1.2: An Old Flame Quelleth But A New One Liveth
INT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION, LIVING ROOM - DAY. PRUE IS SITTING ON A BIG BEAN BAG. SHE'S ASLEEP. THE SCREEN GOES ALL FUZZY AS WE GO INTO PRUE'S DREAM...
She's in the Underworld. She's... she's The Source! And there's a man, a man who she loves very much... L... what's his name? L...
BAM! PRUE WAKES UP.
PRUE: Lierre!
SHE LOOKS AROUND HER, AND REALISES SHE'S ALONE. STEPHANIE18 RANDOMLY ENTERS.
STEPH: Hey!
PRUE: You! You killed my love!
PRUE JUMPS ON STEPH AND STARTS BEATING HER BACK TO HELL.
STEPH: Woah woah woah woah! Prue! Hold on - I'll fix it, I promise!
PRUE: Well. DO IT THEN WENCH!
STEPH PRODUCES A LAPTOP AND BEGINS CLICKING AWAY ON IT. SUDDENLY, LIERRE APPEARS BESIDE PRUE.
LIERRE: Prue?
PRUE: Oh my god you're alive!
KT ENTERS AND SLAPS STEPH.
KT: Hello? Who writes the script here? How dare you write in a new character?
STEPH SLAPS KT BACK. KT TURNS TO THE CAMERA.
KT: You know she's the only person that retaliates... how I hate her.
STEPH: I can do what I like round here... I'm your demon buddee!
KT: I don't make random appearances in YOUR stories, do I?
STEPH LOOKS AT KT.
KT: Um... what's brown and sticky?
PRUE: Look, can you guys continue this... whatever you're playing at later on? I'm trying to have a moment here!
KT AND STEPH DROP TO THEIR KNEES AND GROVEL.
BOTH: Yes ma'am, I apologise, sorry, you're the Queen, etc etc.
PRUE: Don't say "etc" because you're too lazy to continue! I'm fed up of people saying that! "We're sorry you're great etc" I mean it totally takes the mood away. Oh, paige it. Just get out of here!
KT: I love you Lierre!
PRUE: Go! And he's mine!
PRUE KICKS KT. KT AND STEPH SCAMPER OFF BICKERING. LIERRE TAKES PROO'S HAND.
LIERRE: Have you missed me?
PRUE: Duh! You're my one true love!
BUCKO ENTERS.
BUCKO: Hey Proo... and company.
LIERRE: Who's this schmuck?
PRUE: *dismissively* Oh that's Bucklands Guy. He's a nobody.
BUCKO: Prue! I thought we were friends...
PRUE: Oh, the tiniest violin is playing the smallest tune for you. Get out of my office!
LIERRE: Yeah, ho!
BUCKO EXITS. LIERRE AND PRUE HUG.
PRUE: I missed you so much... you and your black!
LIERRE: Me too...
PRUE: Let's never be apart again.
THEY PULL APART. HUH. IGNORE WHAT PRUE JUST SAID MUCH?
LIERRE: You got it Prue! I don't lubb you.
PRUE: ... what?
LIERRE: I don't lubb you cos I LOVE you!
PRUE IS DELIGHTED. AS ARE WE ALL. YES, YES, THIS SCENE IS ONLY TO GRATIFY MY INTENSE NEED FOR THOSE TWO SOULMATES TO BE TOGETHER. *LOOKS AT STEPH*
PRUE: I love you too!
KT(OS): Awwwww!
STEPH(OS): Okay that's quite enough.
THE SOUNDS OF A LAPTOP CLICKING ARE HEARD FROM OFF SCREEN. BAM! LIERRE STARTS TO FADE AWAY.
PRUE: Lierre! What's happening to you?
LIERRE: Prue... don't forget our love... avenge me...
LIERRE DISAPPEARS. PRUE FALLS TO HER KNEES AND WAILS.
PRUE: When do I get my happily ever after?
STEPH APPEARS ON CAMERA AS KT KICKS HER ON.
STEPH: Uh... what's brown and sticky?
KT(OS): Get her Prue!
FADE OUT AS PRUE BEGINS TO KICK THE PAIGING HELL OUT OF STEPHANIE UNTIL SHE AGREES TO BRING BACK LIERRE.
KT(OS): Woo! LSL! Lierre Should Live!
CUT TO:
EXT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION. BUCKO IS SKULKING ABOUT.
BUCKO: I'll teach her to call me a nobody!
BUCKO MAKES HIS WAY BACK TO THE F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION BUT BEFORE HE GETS THERE AND HE FALLS DOWN A MANHOLE, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. SHAME.
CUT TO: INT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION. STEPH'S BLOODIED BODY IS BEING 'DISPOSED OF'. WELL... PRUE'S ACTUALLY MICROWAVING IT.
PRUE: Kit, chh chh chh chh *cat noises*
KIT THE CAT RUNS THROUGH AND LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.
KIT: When animal welfare rescued me and Kite guess where I got rehomed! Woo! Dunno where Kite is though...
CUT TO: INT. ROSE MCGOWAN'S TRAILER.
ROSE: Here Kite, I got you some maggots and Alyssa's bra straps for dinner!
KITE: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
CUT TO: INT. F*CK OFF YELLOW MANSION.
KIT PADS OVER TO PRUE.
KIT: I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!
PRUE: Aww you're meowing. Here, have some Steph.
PRUE PUTS DOWN A PLATE OF STEPH AND KIT EATS.
KIT: Mmm tastes like QueeM.
PRUE PICKS UP A NEWSPAPER.
PRUE: "The Bay View"? Sounds sh*tty. Thank AP it was free!
SHE BEGINS TO READ... AND OPENS IT AT PHOEBE'S COLUMN.
PRUE: What the paige! Phoebe has a job? No way! What's this... "Phoebe's Tip Of The Day, Number Seventeen: Never run down the stairs without a bra if you're a woman."
PRUE SHRUGS.
PRUE: Pretty good advice. I can't believe it! How can she sustain an advice column? "Dear Phoebe: I'm having a lot of trouble finding myself a man. Can you help? Signed Payj... um... Hollywall." Payj? Hollywall? What kind of weird yet somewhat familiar name is that? Let's see what Phoebe says. "Dear Payj. Clearly you have not learned the art that is whoring yourself. Step one: cleavage is your friend! Step two: Forget sex on the first date - don't bother with the date at all! Step three..." Wow, this is quite a list.
PRUE STARTS TO MAKE NOTES. PAUSE.
PRUE: I miss those lesbiums. Oh Kit, what should I do? I can't go and see them if they think I'm dead, can I? Oh woe is me the undead hussy!
KIT: Go for it Prue, they need you. All they have is that bug-eyed freak now.
PRUE: You know for a cat, you give good council.
KIT: Put in a word or two for me at that paper Phoebe's at. I'll have her job in no time!
THE DOORBELL RINGS.
PRUE: I have a doorbell?
PRUE GOES TO ANSWER IT. AS SOON AS SHE PULLS OPEN THE DOOR, SHE IS ATTACKED BY A DEMON
PRUE: Aiiiiiiii!
DEMON: Kazaam!
SILENCE.
PRUE: Kazaam?
DEMON: What? It was the only thing I could think of!
PRUE: Who the paige are you?
DEMON: A demon, obviously!
PRUE: Are you here to kill me?
DEMON: Well, for the time being, yes.
PRUE: Oh. Should I be afraid?
THE DEMON THINKS.
DEMON: Uh... sure, why not?
THE DEMON TURNS INTO A HUMAN.
PRUE: Oh, not another half-demon!
DEMON: What? I can't be evil and pretty at the same time?
PRUE: Well... you are kinda cute.
LIERRE(OS): Hey!
PRUE: Oh shut up!
KT(OS): *whimpers*
DEMON: I'm Jesse.
PRUE: Thank AP you ARE a half demon! If I met you in your demon form and knew that was your name I don't think I could take you seriously!
JESSE: Well obviously the demon has another name!
PRUE: Which is...?
JESSE: I'd prefer not to disclose.
PRUE: Oh come on - tell me.
JESSE: You'll laugh at me!
PRUE: I won't, I promise.
JESSE: Oh fine. It's spelt F H E O E B I E.
PRUE: And it's pronounced...
JESSE: *hangs head* "Feebee".
SILENCE. PRUE THEN BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AND DOESN'T STOP FOR A LONG LONG LONG TIME. AS DO WE ALL.
JESSE: Hey! You said you wouldn't laugh!
PRUE: No I didn't.
JESSE: Yes you did!
PRUE: No I didn't.
JESSE: Yes you-
PRUE: Prove it.
PAUSE.
JESSE: Fine. Laugh it up. But when I kill you and steal your powers you won't be laughing.
PRUE: Okay... I'm already dead, you know that?
JESSE: Stop ruining my evil scheme! I'm going away to plot in my evil lair which most certainly does not have curtains, and I'll return when you're at your most unprepared! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! And ha!
HE SHIMMERS OUT.
PRUE: Evil lairs don't have curtains?
JESSE SHIMMERS BACK IN.
JESSE: Kazaam!
PRUE: This is when you thought I'd be most unprepared? You were here like five seconds ago!
JESSE: Yeah, and were you expecting me to come back?
PRUE: Well kinda. You dropped your keys.
PRUE HANDS JESSE HIS KEYS.
PRUE: And your pants.
PRUE HANDS JESSE HIS PANTS. HE PUTS THEM ON HASTILY.
JESSE: You may have won this round witch, but I'll get you next time!
HE SHIMMERS OUT.
PRUE: Terrifying.
JESSE SHIMMERS BACK IN.
JESSE: Kazaam!
PRUE STARES AT HIM.
JESSE: Nothing?
PRUE: Sorry.
JESSE SIMPLY TURNS AND WALKS OUT THE FRONT DOOR. PRUE WANDERS BACK INTO THE HOUSE AND STARTS WALTZING... ALONE. JESSE SHIMMERS IN.
JESSE: Kazaa- what the hell are you doing?!?
PRUE: *faking it* Aiiiiiiiii!!!
JESSE: Ooh! Did I scare ya? Did I? Did I?
PRUE: Yes, terrorised me good!
JESSE: Woohp! *merry jig. Imagine it.*
PRUE: Indeed. So when're you actually going to try to kill me?
JESSE: Stop pressurising me! This is my first day!
HE SCREAMS AND REVERTS TO HIS DEMON FORM, FHEOEBIE.
FHEOEBIE: Now look what you did to me!
PRUE: Oh, look, Feebee's come to play!
FHEOEBIE: Shut up shut up shut UP!
PRUE: Why should I? Scared you'll turn into a lesbium like Phoebe?
FHEOEBIE: *clutching at his head* STOP IT!
PRUE: *singing* Feebee in his petticoat, Feebee in his gown, Feebee in his petticoat, going down the town!
FHEOEBIE BOUNDS OVER TO PRUE, GRABS HER BY THE SHOULDERS, PINNING HER ARMS TO HER SIDE AND ROARS AT HER. SHE LOOKS SCARED, BUT EVEN MORE SLIGHTLY TURNED ON. THERE IS A HEATED SILENCE AS THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER, THEN FHEOEBIE REVERTS BACK TO HIS HUMAN FORM AND THEY END UP KISSING. EW! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW... HEY IT'D BE FUNNY IF HE TURNED INTO FHEOEBIE... OH WELL.
PRUE: Wow.
JESSE: Well if I was a demon, consider me vanquished.
PRUE: I'll bypass the fact that that didn't make any sense and repeat myself: wow.
LIERRE(OS): I'm gonna get you, Jesse Feebee!
JESSE: I think I'm done trying to kill you now.
PRUE: I think I'm done!
JESSE: Really? The kiss was that hot? Wow!
PRUE: No, I mean the oven! I was cooking some of the leftover scraps of Steph... care to join me?
JESSE: I'd love to.
THEY EXIT TO THE KITCHEN AND WE FADE TO:
BLACK.
ROLL CREDITS.
VOICE OVER MAN: Looks like we may have found a new recurring character in P:I!
VOICE OVER WOMAN: Who, Steph?
VOICE OVER MAN: No, that Jesse guy!
VOICE OVER WOMAN: Oh - you mean Fheoebie!
VOICE OVER MAN: Yeah, that name always manages to find a way onto everything, doesn't it?
VOICE OVER WOMAN: Indeed. Phoebe is clearly the devil.
