A/N: So the reason this hasn't aired for weeks is I thought the ep due to go on air wasn't complete but it turns out... I was watching the wrong one... ahem. Well.

A/N: Thank AP I don't own Avril.

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PRUE: INVESTIGATIONS 1.6: WHICH PRUE IS IT ANYWAY WHO ATE THE LAST DAMN CROISSANT?

*

OPEN ON:

AVRIL LAVIGNE SITTING AT A DESK ADJUSTING HER TIE.

AVRIL: Ladies and Gentlemen *screams* And punks! *normal* Raise your liquid eye-liners to Shannen and That Guy Who Plays Jesse in Prue: Investigations.

THERE IS A QUICK BLAST OF SKATER BWA OR SKATER BOY AND I FLAT OUT REFUSE TO LOWER MYSELF TO THE ABYSMAL WAY THAT WHORE SPELLS IT. YES, SORRY GUYS, I, UNLIKE SO MANY OF YOU SCUMBAGS, AM ANTI-THATBITCHAVRIL. GOD I HATE HER. I HATE HER LIKE I HATE PAIGE. EXCEPT I'M GOING TO SEE AVRIL IN CONCERT IN... OO A WEEK TODAY! ... UM... ROLL CREDITS!

KT EXITS THROUGH THE BACK DOOR TO AVOID THE MANY THINGS BEING THROWN.

AVRIL: Oh yeah - I like to skate.

UM... OKAY.

ROLL CREDITS.

SCENE: ATTIC. PRUE IS SITTING RANDOMLY DOING NOTHING.

PRUE: I wish I could cast a random spell from the Book of Shi-aaadows right about now. Oh, I know! I'll just recite one I did ages about... round about... series one of Charmed?

SHE GRINS WICKEDLY.

PRUE: Take my powers, blessed be, multiply their strength by three.

BAM! PRUE DROPS TO HER KNEES (SOMETHING SHE SEEMS A LITTLE TOO PRACTISED AT IF YOU ASK ME... BUT YOU'RE NOT ASKING ME... SO JUST FORGET IT, OKAY? OKAY.) AND TWO MORE PRUES APPEAR BY HER SIDES.

PRUE: Woohoo! Now you two should do exactly as I say.
PRUE1: No!
PRUE2: You slut!
PRUE: Eh? What's with the sudden defiance? And name-calling? YOU'RE the slut, slut-face!
PRUE2: Okay, but we're the same person, so you just insulted yourself.

PAUSE.

PRUE: Confound me and my superior-to-Phoebe intellect! Oh well. You two, come with me.

SHE STARTS GOING DOWN...STAIRS BUT STOPS WHEN THE TWO PRUES DON'T FOLLOW HER.

PRUE: What the paige are you up to?
PRUE1&2: Take my powers, blessed be, multiply their strength by three.

FOUR MORE PRUES APPEAR.

PRUE1-6: Take my powers, blessed be, multiply their strength by three.

TWELVE MORE PRUES APPEAR.

PRUE: Okay I'm gonna pull a Phoebe and...

PRUE COUNTS THE AMOUNT OF PRUES PHOEBES STYLE... EXCEPT WHEN PHOEBE COUNTED, THERE WAS ONLY THREE PRUES. NOW THERE IS-

PRUE: Eighteen mes. Nineteen including me.

GUYS, IF THAT WAS WRONG, BLAME ME AND NOT PRUE. SHANNEN WAS JUST READING THE SCRIPT. *WHISPERS* SHE NEVER GETS IT WRONG.

PRUE1-18: Take my powers, blessed be, multiply their strength by three.

A BAZILLION PRUES SOON POPULATE THE ROOM.

PRUE: I'm not even gonna try.

JESSE ENTERS AND FINDS HIMSELF IN THE MIDST OF A SEA OF PRUES.

JESSE: Woah mama!
PRUES: Hey Jesse!
PRUE: Quiet, everyone! I'm the real Prue.
PRUES: No, we're the real Prues. I mean, I'm the real Prue. No, I am, no, I am, no, I am, look at your stoopid hair, it's YOUR hair too, dingus etc.
PRUE: Uh, had some technical difficulties with a little spell.
JESSE: So I see. Croissant?

SURE ENOUGH (AND SOMEWHAT CONVENIENTLY), JESSE HAS BROUGHT IN A PLATE OF MILLIONS OF CROISSANTS. THE SEA OF PRUES DESCEND ON IT.

JESSE: Good thing I made enough to feed an army.
PRUE: An army, eh?

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

SCENE - THE SAME, EXCEPT ALL THE BAJILLIONS OF PRUE ARE WEARING ARMY GEAR, CARRYING GUNS, AND FACING FORWARDS WHERE PRUE PACES IN FRONT OF THEM WITH BLACK STRIPES DOWN HER CHEEKS. JESSE WATCHES, NOT REALLY GIVING A DAMN.

JESSE: Prue, I like your make-up.
PRUE: It's not make-up.

PAUSE.

JESSE: So it's just natura-
PRUE: Yes. *to Prues* Now, Prues, your mission, if you choose to accept it - which you will - is to go all the way to Santa Fay, then change your minds and go to San Francisco and beat the not-so-holy crap out of Phoebe. Think you can do that?
JESSE: Which Prue ate the last croissant?

ALL THE PRUES POINT AT VARIOUS OTHER PRUES.

PRUE: Jesse! I'm planning an attack on the enemy camp here!
JESSE: Since when were your sisters your enemies?
PRUE: *disdainfully* Don't you watch Charmeded?
JESSE: Well, no, actually, I don't.
PRUE: You watched it with me last night!
JESSE: That was Charmeded? I thought it was some low-budget lesbium porno!

SILENCE. PRUE STARES AT JESSE WITH A "WELL DUH" EXPRESSION ON HER FACE.

JESSE: Ohhh...

PRUE AND JESSE EXIT.

CUT TO:

THE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY.

PRUE AND JESSE ENTER.

JESSE: Prue, since when did you think it was a good idea to make multiple copies of yourself?
PRUE: Since when were you the boss?
PHOEBE: Who's the boss?

FAINT DRUM ROLL.

PRUE: You came all the way from San Fran for that one-liner?
PHOEBE: Yes.

PRUE PUSHES PHOEBE OUT THE DOOR.

PRUE: Lesbium.

AVRIL LAVIGNE ENTERS.

PRUE: It's Avril Lavigne!

THE AUDIENCE GO "OOOOOoooooOOOOO" AND CLAP (AP ONLY KNOWS WHY) AND THERE IS A BLAST OF THE GUITAR RIFF (IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT... I MEAN, TWO NOTES! WHAT THE HELL!?! *RANTS*) FROM SKATER BWA AGAIN.

AVRIL: I'm a punk.
JESSE: Yes, you sure are.
AVRIL: Do you like my tie?
PRUE: No. No I don't. You look stoopid.
AVRIL: Hey! I'm a punk, I'll have you know!
JESSE: *singing* She was a punk, and he did ballet-
PRUE: Your first girlfriend, Jesse?
JESSE: Quiet, you. So, Avril, what's a young skater bwa such as yourself doing here?

PRUE GRABS AVRIL'S SKATEBOARD AND JUMPS ON IT, PUSHES OFF AND FALLS ON HER ASS.

AVRIL: *genuine* Wow Mister, your girlfriend's better than I am!
JESSE: I can't imagine that's difficult, you failure.
AVRIL: Hey, I'm a bazillionnaire and what are you?
PRUE: I don't know what he is but you're living proof of what's wrong with this world. Well, you and Alyssa Milano, but she isn't here just now. God KT's decided I loathe you, so naturally I do.
AVRIL: You just inspired me to write a really crappy punk-pop song!

AVRIL GETS HER ENCORE GUITAR (IF YOU PLAY GUITAR, YOU'LL KNOW WHAT THAT'S ABOUT MWA HA HA) AND PLAYS A POWERCHORD. PRUE AND JESSE MOSH ABOUT HALF-HEARTEDLY.

AVRIL: *sings* She was a punk rawk girl!

SHE PLAYS ANOTHER POWERCHORD.

AVRIL: *sings* He wasn't in her world

ANOTHER POWERCHORD.

AVRIL: *sings* And if he tried to be a punk too

ANOTHER POWERCHORD. BASICALLY GUYS, THIS IS AN ALYSSA MILANO SONG WITH GUITAR. IF YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.

AVRIL: *sings* It would get him kill...urld!

SHE FINISHES WITH A FLORISH AND A REAL PROPER SIX-STRING CHORD! WOWO! Em! ISN'T SHE INCREDIBLE? PRUE AND JESSE CLAP.

PRUE: Why that was wondercrap!
JESSE: Truly amazsh*t!
AVRIL: Oh yeah - I like to skate.

AVRIL WRITES DOWN THE LYRICS.

AVRIL: Yeah, cool, punk, rad, kick, skate, deck, wicked!

JESSE FROWNS.

JESSE: What the paige is she talking about?
AVRIL: Paige? As in Paige Matthew Stroke Halliwell? I love that gal!
PRUE: *hopeful* In a lesbium kinda way?
AVRIL: God no, I'm a punk!

SHE SAID IN THAT SORT OF WAY THAT INDICATES BEING A PUNK MEANS SOMETHING. IDIUM. HOW I LOATHE HER.

PRUE: So what are you doing here, scuzbucket?
AVRIL: KT called me up and said she wanted me on the show. Something about being a great fan.
KT(OS): A PHAN you mean!
AVRIL: Yeah, she spells things weird like I do. Cos I spelt 'skater boy' S K the number 8 R, B O I and she spells things with a P H-
KT(OS): When I'm taking the piss, you lesbium!
AVRIL: There! Lesbium! That's not the proper spelling!
PRUE: That's cos it's not the same word, doofus! The amount of people who get that word mixed up with what it sounds like... honestly, there's a right bunch of idiums round these parts.
JESSE: *looking at Prue* There sure are.
AVRIL: Oh yeah - I like to skate.

PAUSE.

PRUE: Why do you keep saying that?
AVRIL: I'm a character, what can I say? Hey - what can I say - that's one of my lyrics!
JESSE: Lyrics? More like half-rhyme pieces of shi-

HE SEES AVRIL PULL OUT HER ARMY KNIFE AND LOOK AT HIM.

JESSE: -amazing stuff!
PRUE: Shamazing? Nice.
AVRIL: This is my knife. He's called Punky.
PRUE: How... inventive. This is my chainsaw.

SHE PULLS A HUGE WHIRRING CHAINSAW OUT FROM HER... HAIR.

PRUE: It's called Diepunkdie. (pronounced Deepunkdee)
AVRIL: Diepunkdie. I like it!
PRUE: Me too, my little Punkish friend, me too.
JESSE: I don't get it.
PRUE: And you never will. Unless I explain it. Which I won't.
JESSE: Aww...
AVRIL: Ohmygod, you just inspired me to write another shitty punk-pop song!

ONCE AGAIN, THE ENCORE (HA!) GUITAR REARS IT'S UGLY, INEXPENSIVE AND UNPLAYABLE HEAD. AVRIL PLAYS THE SAME POWERCHORD AS BEFORE.

AVRIL: *sings* She was a skater, he was a punk.

ANOTHER POWERCHPARD, THE SAME AS BEFORE.

AVRIL: *sings* Apart they were about as useful as a skunk.

ANOTHER POWERCHPARD, THE SAME AS BEFORE. BASICALLY, SHE'S PLAYING THE EXACT SAME STUFF AS SHE DID IN THE PREVIOUS 'SONG'. HONESTLY I'M SHOCKED THE LYRICS AREN'T THE SAME. WHORE.

AVRIL: *sings* He smashed his guitar off the stage with a thunk.

UGH, THE LAST POWERCHORD.

AVRIL: *sings* Put together, the two of them rock-unk!

FLORISH. AND SHE PLAYS Em AGAIN! WOW! ISN'T SHE INCREDIBLE? I MEAN, WHAT TALENT! PRUE AND JESSE DON'T EVEN REPLY, THEY'RE TOO HORRIFIED.

AVRIL: Oh yeah - I like to skate.

ONCE AGAIN, AVRIL WRITES DOWN THE LYRICS.

AVRIL: Yeah, cool, punk, rad, kick, skate, deck, wicked!
PRUE: I want her out of my house.
JESSE: I want her out of my country.
PRUE: Let's ship her to the UK!
KT(OS): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
AVRIL: Oh quiet you, she said the UK, not Scotland. Everybody knows Scotland isn't a part of the UK.

SILENCE. EVERYBODY STARES AT THE HO.

AVRIL: I like to skate?

AND SUDDENLY (AND HAPPILY), PRUE'S CHAINSAW 'DIEPUNKDIE' GETS TO LIVE UP TO HIS NAME. AWWW! I ALWAYS CRY AT HAPPY ENDINGS!

ROLL CRED-

PRUE: Hold on a minute, Missy! Aren't we gonna find out what happened to the army of Prues I sent out after Phoebe?

OH... I GUESS...

CUT TO:

SOME EQUATORIAL JUNGLE. THE PRUES ARE MARCHING ALONG.

PRUE867: Are we in Santa Fay yet?
PRUE3987: I don't think we're anywhere.
PRUE85: My kickin' leg's really itchin' for a kickin'

PAUSE.

PRUE1242: How come we have a yokel Prue with us?
PRUE8976398: We also have a German Prue.
PRUE68: Da! Ich mögen zu Skate!
PRUE8976398: And a French Prue.
PRUE968: Oui! J'aime à skateboard!
PRUE8976398: And a Norwegian Prue.
PRUE753: Jeg liker til skateboard.
PRUE8976398: And an Italian Prue.
PRUE43: Amo allo skate.
PRUE8976398: And a Spanish Prue.
PRUE8349: Aprecio ir en monopatín.
PRUE8976398: And a-
PRUE1242: Okay okay! Geez...

PAUSE. WE'LL IGNORE THAT THEY ONLY STOPPED WAS BECAUSE KT GOT ALL SHE COULD FROM FREETRANSLATION.COM. OH ME.

PRUE1242: Meh.
PRUE398: Are we in Santa Fay now?
PRUE8937: No idea sweetie.
PRUE3: Maybe we should ask someone, I dunno, one of the local snakes or something.
PRUE354634: Mmm snakes.
PRUE8: There's slutty Prue!
ALL: *singing* Do you know the way to Santa Fay?

THEY CONTINUE TO SING AND MARCH AS WE PAN OUT... ONTO A MAP OF THE WORLD... WHICH SHOWS THAT SANTA FAY IS IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND THAT THE PRUES ARE ACTUALLY MARCHING TOWARDS... NO... IT CAN'T BE... HOLD ON, NEVER-NEVER LAND ISN'T A REAL PLACE!

PRUE84(OS): It isn't? Let's go this way then!

THEY START SINGING AGAIN. NOW THEY'RE HEADED TOWARDS... THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. WELL, AT LEAST IT EXISTS. THEY'LL NEED A FAIR FEW BOATS OUT THERE ALL RIGHT!

ROLL CREDITS.