Good Enough
By: Tenshi no Nozomi (tenshi_no_nozomi@hotmail.com)
Chapter Four: Inescapable Destiny?
AN:
By some miracle, I'm managing to release this
when I said I would. Truth to tell, I could have- SHOULD have- released it
sooner. For those of you who have patiently waited for this, I apologize…
Especially since this chapter is rather uneventful. I also do not have the time
to make a shout out to all of you wonderful people who reviewed for last
chapter… I'm very sorry! Please forgive me…
I hope the beginning doesn't confuse anyone… in case you're wondering, it's a
dream sequence. ^^;;;
DISCLAIMER: the same
WARNINGS: Same; some disturbing imagery in the beginning; mentions of
porn and yaoi… (Hey, this is Schuldig we're talking about here! Don't hurt
me!!); character OOCness on Schuldig's behalf.
PAIRINGS: same
---------------------------------------------------*
Flashes of light, confusion, pain…
A brief glimpse of… flower petals blowing in the wind? Sakura petals, perhaps?
Yet… no, they were too dark. Roses, then?
Not roses. Blood.
Blood splattering the area, the concrete, gracefully arching through the air to
its destination. Staining that crystalline and pure light a crimson colored
blur. They landed and formed deep ruby-red puddles that glistened a fiery tone
as the light shone through it.
A flash of what looked to be the shape of a woman, blazing like an inferno of
light. Out of her that white light poured, wind funneled like a cyclone and
spindled off. Her eyes were wide open, hands spread in front of her in a
plaintive gesture.
This is My spirit.
The voice had come from no where, had not actually been embodied by noise.
Instead, it was like a thought- noiseless words that form in the mind, have no
real substance, and often fade back to where they came from.
A new picture, of a creature formed from a dark red shadow. Blasphemous acid
yellow eyes were narrowed in malicious anticipation. Usagi struggled to look
away from it, tried to avert her eyes from it- something about it terrified her
in a way no youma had been able to.
I have spent more than a millennia chasing Her down… In different forms,
different lifetimes, I am the Light that chases Her Dark.
This time, Usagi could sea the Earth. Not the current Earth, but maybe one
that had suffered tragedies un-thought of yet. The ground was cold, hard, and
barren…. Utterly devoid of life. There was a feeling of hollowness, an
encompassing and bleak emptiness.
Magma rose from cracks and crevices in the earth, running like blood. There was
a smell of blood and ashes and sulfur in the air, and the sky was darkened with
unending and impenetrable storms. She has come again, like she always has,
always will. I must rise to meet her. I will need your help… If we fail, your
world will fall into a never ending Darkness, and will be unredeemable.
The lights went out, and velvet darkness drew around her like a curtain.
There were no stars in this space, no sound. It was cold, just as equally empty
as that Earth had been.
What… will I have to do?
You will know in time. For the moment, though… things must run their course.
The dream was breaking up, fragmenting and fading. That presence was
fading, the voice becoming a lingering echo, a last sliver of the force it had
been. And slowly, Usagi awoke to the world.
*----------*
"Okaasan, for goodness sake, you're so lazy! It's a wonder that your
parents never shipped you off to Hong Kong or something."
Usagi opened her bleary eyes, and saw her son sitting beside her, looking
rather cross. He wasn't dressed in his pajamas anymore, but rather he had taken
a bath and dressed already. For the first time, this really struck her as odd-
he was only seven, and yet he could dress himself and bath himself without
being asked to.
When she was seven, what had she been doing at this time in the morning? She
was in her pjs, watching cartoons till her parents came in and told her to sit
further from the screen and turn down the volume (neither of which she ever
actually did).
In fact, a lot of things surfaced to her mind right then. Like the fact that he
had begun to be able to cook small meals for himself on the stove. That he had
taught himself math, and talked to the teachers freely if there was anything
that he didn't understand. He aced tests, was responsible for his work, and was
active in both the 'student council' and after-school activities.
It occurred to her, then, how little he needed her, but for food and shelter.
He was seven, going on thirty.
"Okaasan, are you feeling all right? Should I call 'tousan, or
something," the small boy asked, as his mother stared at him unnervingly.
She looked a bit on the pale side, and her eyes were looking at him like she
was just really seeing him for the first time.
That did the trick, and she was pulling herself out of bed almost immediately.
"No, don't do that," she said between yawns. "Most likely he's
still asleep, like I'd like to be." She stretched her arms to the ceiling,
arching her back and making a satisfying popping. She then headed towards the
bathroom with one last yawn as she rubbed the last of the sleep away from her
eyes.
"Okaasan," Ryu said suddenly, stopping her in her tracks.
"Hmm," Usagi asked, turning around to face her boy, brushing away
blonde hair that hung crazily after a night's restless sleep, like a golden
halo that swung haphazardly behind and around her, a nest of messy locks and
tangles.
For a moment longer, there was silence, before Ryu said anything more.
"You… and otousan… You loved each other, right," he asked finally,
letting the difficult words rise and fly from his mouth. His eyes locked on
hers, determination shining clearly from their emerald depths.
Usagi's eyes widened, and she blushed despite herself. "Yes, Ryu, I loved
him," she admitted. she added mentally. she hurriedly told herself, trying to rid herself of that uneasy feeling.
His green orbs flickered downwards, his socked toes curling up as tightly as his fist. These were questions that had burned him from a time long before he truly understood their situation; now all he had to do was find the courage to say what he desired to know.
"Then why didn't you get married, stay together?" The question was blurted, came out quick and unsteadily, wobbling and uncertain as a toddler's first steps. His green eyes met hers, and she could see the curiosity and pain in those eyes.
Usagi let out the breath that she'd been unconsciously holding in out her mouth hard, blowing her bangs out of her face momentarily. "If you're thinking it was you… then you'd best think again. Things just… didn't work out," she said lamely, waving her hands in the air as if searching for his understanding in her equally pathetic gestures.
From the look on his face, she could tell that he still didn't understand, nor did he believe her. She sighed, and leaned against the sink counter. She studied him hard for a few minutes, wondering just how she should go about explaining something that she herself didn't understand to her son before she finally spoke.
"I really don't have much of an answer for you, Ryu. Except that life isn't fair, and sometimes, no matter how much you love something or someone… Sometimes things simply don't work out. But if there was ever a reason for the two of us to stay together, then it was you… and I'm sorry that I've taken things away from you that I'll never be able to give back."
This was the truth, and it struck a chord in not just Ryu, but in herself as well. She'd never phrased things that well, and inside she feels like maybe she'd earned a victory for herself. She only hoped that Ryu could understand what she meant.
There's a brief flash of understanding in his eyes, before he walled him off to her again. He turned around, faced the tv, and turned it on. "Saa…. I see," he replies in a way that gives away nothing and has no meaning, it is so vague. Usagi could tell from the way he stared so attentatively at the screen that their discussion was obviously over. >
*-------------*
Usagi sighed to herself, and then went into the bathroom, and shut and locked
the door behind her. Since when had it become so difficult to talk to her own
son? Usagi hugged herself, and shivered in the chilly air. Things were
happening too fast, running right by her. Something inside her warned her that
if she didn't act quickly, she might be left behind.
Sometimes there simply isn't a return to the things that have passed, she
though to herself as she undressed. She can't ever go back to her childhood,
and she can't pretend that things are the same. Because they aren't- they're so
different that all she'd like to do is to sit down and have a good cry.
[My, my, aren't we philosophical today,] a voice resounded smugly in Usagi's
head, snapping her out of her daze as she adjusted the water temperature.
Usagi's eyes narrowed unconsciously, and her blood pressure rose to match the
heat of the steaming water. Even as her hand began to turn red and hurt, she
ignored it, preferring to center in on the fact that she was being harassed by
a voice in her head rather than the fact that she was scalding her right hand.
You again, she practically growled at him. She was bristling inside,
feeling almost violated. She had never had her privacy interrupted in a way
quite like this one, that was for sure.
His laughter resounded in her head, and she tried to shake it away. She entered
the shower, and sighed with relief as the droplets instantly began to take her
insecurities away with her grime.
[Do you think you're just going to be allowed to forget me, liebe,] his
voice purred. Usagi sighed in exasperation, and rolled her eyes heaven ward.
Gods help her; if this was a sign of things to come, then she should just go
back to bed and wait it out.
"Apparently not," she muttered to herself, before aggressively
attacking her scalp with shampoo.
[The games have only just begun liebe,] he murmured to his helpless
audience that tried desperately hard to ignore him.
*---------------*
"Your minions have been deployed at your orders mistress, and all but two
of those who refused are dead."
"Good," she murmured, but did not take her eyes off of the vision
before her of Tokyo. Above the busy city, filled with ever-moving people and
cars, and the noisy streets filled with people and small animals, even above
the smog and light pollution that covered the area in a great, over-turned bowl
type thickness…
A dark, unseen cloud was beginning to spread, fringed with a red that shifted
from darker to brighter tones and looked similar to the color of blood.
She always gazed at the moving images, like a creature obsessed. Unable to turn
her gaze away from the things she desired most in the world, would stop at
nothing to have. She would achieve what her mother had been unable to.
"Excellent," she repeated, finally drawing her eyes away from them,
and focusing on the servant who was looking up at her fearfully and yet
expectantly. "Tell me," she asked the beetle look-alike below her,
"what do you see," she asked, motioning toward the image behind her.
"Ah… I see…I see the city, your majesty," he replied tentatively,
beady black-brown eyes narrowed almost in consternation. None of the youma that
served under her were particularly bright, but the reason he had gone for such
a half-hearted answer was fear of the young woman in front of him.
"And," she inquired, raising a single delicate eyebrow in his
direction, hinting that she was wearing thin on her patience.
"Ah, uhm, and the Gateway."
"Good, Excellent! Yes, it is the gateway. And see the way our bridge to
the world is paved? Soon we will no longer be trapped in this realm of almost
non-existence, with only enough power to send half-brained underlings to
terrorize the people and gather energy for our cause."
She turned around, and smiled a ghastly, wicked smile at the scene that had
drawn before her. Her green eyes glinted slightly, turning almost steely as
they became dangerously narrow with aggression. "Very soon our time will
come, and we will take over the jewel 'Earth' and enslave its peoples."
"Y-your lady ship… what if… what if your plan doesn't… work," the
drone finally managed to inquire.
Her eyes flashed a brilliant shade of spring-green and she turned around
quickly. It was easy to see that he had set her off, and she was blazing with an
unruly temper. "What," she hissed, advancing on him, "did you
say?"
He trembled in terror, only realizing his blunder too late. "I… I meant…
I-I only mean, you're Majesty," he stammered, "that… eh, what if
your… er, ehm… plan fails?"
"How," she demanded, "could my plan fail?" Her rage had
solidified and crystallized, and her deadly rage seemed to have subsided
momentarily into something else. He wasn't out of danger yet, though, and he
seemed to know it.
He cringed in terror, slumping low in an attempt to make himself small. "I
only mean that… what- what if She is not distracted by those two? What if… what
if she should decide to defeat you no matter who you are?"
Her eyes flashed wide with surprise at his daring, and there was a brief note
of deep and old pain in them, accompanied by a moment's panic. "How dare
you question me," she roared, almost shrieking at the mere thought of it.
"You, a mere underling?!"
She lifted her right hand, and a ball of deep purple energy crackled at her
fingertips like electricity. If the youma had sweat glands, he'd surely be
sweating bullets by now. There was nothing, though, that he could do, and he
knew it.
She flicked her wrist, and the sphere leapt from her fingers, flying toward the
demon with incredible speed. It didn't even have time to cry out in fear- much
less run- before it was struck. Almost instantly, it's body turned to gray and
stone, and then cracked and crumbled as though thousands of years of weathering
had struck the stone structure at once.
"Let that be a lesson for you all. I am not afraid to destroy some of my
hard work if I have to- if something is defective," she hissed in a
hateful manner, "then it must be destroyed before it causes harm."
There was a moment of silence as the hordes of youma absorbed what they had
seen before another youma stepped up to take its brethren's place.
"Your majesty," it dared ask.
"Clean up that mess," she ordered softly, returning her attention to
what she'd been watching previously. Her words left for no argument, and held
the barest signal of a threat towards the newest creature's well being.
*---------------*
"What do you mean, you couldn't get into her dream," Crawford
demanded for the umpteenth time.
Schuldich sighed and rubbed his temples. 'Fearless leader' had been trying to
drill new information from the German for over an hour now, as though he
expected him to be holding out. Which, he might just do if he wanted to piss
the American bastard off, but for once… that wasn't the case.
"Exactly what I meant the first time- I couldn't get in. It was like her
mind was blocked off. I couldn't even look at her memories," he
complained, almost slipping into whining.
The American paced some more, as though wearing a hole in the floor would help
the situation. Schuldig felt like smoking a cigarette, but that was one of the
few things that this place failed to provide. It was also one of the few things
that Schuldig had to whine and bitch to Crawford about to give him a migraine,
so his partner was very well aware of this place's lack of nicotine.
It had only been an hour or so ago that Usagi had been sleeping, and yet he
could tell from the little place he'd occupied in her mind that it was getting
close to dinner time. Time ran too strangely in this place for Schuldig to keep
up- if you looked away for a minute and then looked back, it was possible to
see that a whole day had passed while you were unaware.
So far, they'd gone off sight seeing and the likes, like an average, boring
family. It was enough to make him feel like gagging. Even now, they weren't
going to provide him with much entertainment- they were going to visit her
family.
Double ugh.
Why can't she do something a bit more interesting, like look at porn or
something, he wondered to himself. And that witty little voice in his head
replied that it was because she was a girl, and girls didn't generally go
looking at porn. They went looking at shounen ai and yaoi, and it was likely
that if Usagi did that then Schuldig would wish she'd go back to sight-seeing.
But what a boring, boring day it had been. Even Crawford had gone out for some
time to kiss up to the scary-lady, making more promises that they most likely
wouldn't be able to keep. Schuldig really hoped that Crawlie had a plan of some
sorts, or else when they got to Hell, Crawford's ass would 'be his' like
Americans sometimes put it.
Crawford had finally stopped pacing, but that scowl on his face was beginning
to look permanent. Schuldig couldn't help but think that if the man didn't stop
frowning, his face would freeze that way, or he'd develop wrinkles. Schuldig
fought back snickers; most likely, Crawford's face was already frozen that way.
"We're going out," Crawford finally said, taking a seat in a chair
adjacent to Schuldig's.
"Ooh, a field trip? Or is this a date, Bradley-boo," Schuldig teased
with a mock-female's voice, far too squeaky for it to be owned by any woman.
"God, I hope we never have to go cross dressing anywhere," Crawford
said in a prayer-like manner. Schuldig just snickered; they had already had to
do that once, and the results had been… interesting. "But it's neither-
it's completely business.
"One of her majesty's youma has gone off to attack our problem's friend.
We're there to be insurance for the thing, in case it screws up, and if our
'problem' should show up on the scene, it will be our duty to distract
her." Crawford shoved his glasses a little bit higher up on his face,
looking dead serious.
Schuldig, on the other hand, leaned back nonchalantly in his chair. "So,
we get to play with the bunny then?"
Crawford sighed. "Yes, we get to 'play with the bunny,'" he intoned
with a hint of exasperation.
"Hah, hah! You said 'bunny,'" the German laughed.
Crawford sighed; this was turning out to be a long day. And what the hell was
wrong with Schuldig, anyhow?
*-------------------*
"Oh, my goodness, Usagi," her mother squealed, hugging her grandson
tighter, "he's so cute!"
Usagi could only smile politely, feeling almost like a stranger in her own
house. She couldn't remember ever feeling a stronger sense of déjà vu in her
life. This was the house she'd grown up in, eaten in, dreamed in, played in,
slept in, and snuck out of as a young girl.
There was an overwhelming sense of nostalgia in the air, and it was making
Usagi feel uneasy.
"We're so glad to have you home again, Usagi," her mother continued
to gush, putting their coats in the closet. "How long are you
staying?"
"Not too long. I have work, and Ryu has school…" She could see the
deep sadness in her mother's eyes, and tried not to feel too guilty. "But
I was thinking about taking some time off in the summer, and maybe we'd come
down again," she amended quickly, and the youthful look returned to her
mother's face instantly.
"Well, then, I suppose that's not too bad! Come in, come in… If I'd known
you were coming I would have fixed you some special food. All we have are
leftovers," she admitted to her daughter over her shoulder. "I hope
that's okay with you?"
Usagi's heart ached slightly at the almost-apologetic look on her mother's
face. "Leftovers are fine," she assured her mother.
When they reached the den, Usagi hugged her sides and looked around herself. A
feeling of deep nostalgia overwhelmed her. On those stairs, she had once tripped
and broken her ankle, which had gotten her time out of P.E. One Chistmas, her
father had caught all of their stockings on fire, and had afterwards been
banned from using the fireplace.
Too many memories here, a voice inside of her whispered. It was wrong to come
back here…. You'll get chained in again. Do you want to be trapped here, that
selfish voice whispered in her ear.
But look how happy she is, her mind objected. She hasn't ever seen Ryu in all
these years, and she looks young again…
It was only half true. Her mother's eyes sparkled with happiness, but her skin
was aged and showed hard toil. The years were beginning to catch up with the
older woman, and her hair glinted gray and silver at Usagi as proof of this.
It will not hurt for us to stay here for a little while, she thought, smiling,
and banished away the negative thoughts that plagued her. She walked across the
den and into the kitchen to greet her father, a genuine smile curved on her
lips.
*---------------*
The evening wind stirred the chimes outside, making them tinkle ever so softly
like the sound of charms on a silver bracelet jangling together. (1) The birds
had stopped chirping hours earlier, leaving the world a quiet, almost eerie
place.
As red and gold faded slowly to violet, Rei's eyes finally readjusted from
their trance-filled glaze. Alert again, she blinked and looked away from the
ever-bright flames of the Great Fire. Her visions had been shrouded and foggy,
and she had had trouble interpreting them, but the feeling behind them was
still recognizable.
It was a warning of danger slowly creeping up from the shadows to rear its
bloody head at her again.
Rei sat back thoughtfully, eyes narrowed. It was a puzzle, and one that itched
at her. She felt that she had the key to solving it, if only she could put the
pieces together…
Was it possible that there was another enemy appearing to them? One that had
gone unnoticed by Setsuna somehow? Troubled amethyst eyes looked toward the
setting sun. If there was another enemy coming, then how could they possibly
hope to win with only her here?
Sure, Usagi still lived in Japan, but Kyoto was some ways away. The rest of the
scouts were off wherever their dreams had taken them- Ami in Germany, Lita in
France, and Minako in Great Britain. God only knew where Mamoru was, and the
outers-aside from Setsuna- seemed to relocate themselves regularly.
Rei' thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of frightened birds being scared
away from their nests. Rei's eyes shot open wide and then narrowed with
aggression. Had it already come for her, this battle? Was it already too late
to bring them all back to fight one last time?
Rei stood up and grabbed her bow and arrows. Even if fate was against her, she
wouldn't go down without a fight.
*-----------------*
Relaxing after a good meal was what Usagi did best. Her mother's cooking was
still the best, she decided. Maybe I should invite her to come and live with
Ryu and I, she thought to herself, half-joking.
From the room, she could hear the sounds of her father explaining to Ryu how to
play Go. Usagi smiled to herself; the game had always been one of her father's
favorite pastimes, but both she and Shingo had been relatively uninterested in
it.
Her mother stood in front of the sink, rinsing the dishes before placing them
into the dishwasher. When Usagi had offered to help her, she had declined,
teasing Usagi that she was not an 'invalid old geezer' yet. Not her mother. As
sweet and kind as her mother was, she couldn't ever imagine her going into a
state of dilapidation.
"He's such a sweet boy," her mother commented with that familiar
smile on her face. Usagi smiled softly. It was true; despite everything, Ryu
had grown to be a wonderful little boy.
Usagi thought sadly to herself. Before she could sink into another bout of self-pity, though, a feeling curdled in her stomach. One that refused to be shaken and mounted in intensity inside of her.
she
thought, looking out the kitchen window with a frown on her face.
Usagi, who didn't really get bad vibes like Rei did, generally trusted her
instincts. She wasn't psychic, but she listened quite attentively when her
heart began to beg her to get out of somewhere. It had been a lifesaver on more
occasions than one, and tended to be a bit on the eerie side.
Usagi closed her eyes, and reached deep into her subspace pocket for the
Ginzuisho. After all these years, it had remained unused, gathering dust with
her. Was it even possible for her to use it anymore, if she had to? Because she
felt that if she couldn't… If she had lost that knowledge or skill, then
something bad was going to happen.
Usagi stood up, not feeling quite resolute but impossibly drawn, like a bug
that can't look away from the light of a bug zapper but knows that it will die
if it goes closer.
"Something wrong, dear," her mother asked, looking concerned and
having paused in her loading the dishwasher.
Usagi smiled at her reassuringly. "Not exactly, but I just remembered that
there's one last think I need to do today. You wouldn't mind letting Ryu stay
here for a while, would you," she asked, feeling hopeful.
"Of course we wouldn't mind! We would be delighted. I'll bake him cookies
and he can have a soda, and I'm sure that he's having a wonderful time with
your father," her mother replied, obviously overjoyed.
Usagi smiled brightly. "Great," she said, grabbing her purse and
jacket from the closet. She walked back into the den very quickly to say
goodbye to Ryu. "I'll be back soon, okay, honey? You be good for your
grandparents while I'm gone, okay?"
Ryu gave a distracted nod yes before returning to his game. Usagi couldn't help
but grin. She gently ruffled his hair and gave him a kiss on the cheek- which
he hastily wiped away, to her amusement- before leaving.
Outside, the world seemed still and grave-yard quiet. A chill ran up her spine,
and a sense of urgency squeezed her chest tight. If she didn't hurry, she'd be
too late. Usagi quickly started the car up, backed out of the driveway, and
drove down the street, pressing the speed limit and what she dared to drive at
in an area filled with houses and young children.
Allowing the sense of foreboding to lead her, Usagi found herself going in a familiar direction. She felt a pang of distress and nostalgia when she turned the final street and was faced with the image of the Hikawa Shrine, which had barely changed- if at all- in her absence.
Rei-chan…
**
Bwah! So I leave it there. As said above in the AN… no time to reply to you guys if you want it out today. Once again, I'm very sorry!! Hopefully I'll have the next chapter out soon, but before that… I really, really need to finish AoC. ^^;;;
