Rating: R

Disclaimer: What's mine?  The plot.  What's their's?  Everything else.  Is life unfair?  Yes. 

A/N: Wow, talk about feedback.  Sad-Dream and Ava Adore…I'll make note of the footsteps thing for future reference.  Zachere…thank you for pointing the stuff out, I'll go back and try to correct them.  Thanks to everyone else who reviewed and who are following this fic.  I'm sorry that this chapter took so long, the bane of my life – college, started up again.  Fanfic is so much more interesting than essays on the revenge tragedy genre.  Okay, notice the chapter title…the dream bits are all in italics.    

Lest We Forget

Chapter 3: Dreams

"In memories we remember our lives.  In dreams we live new ones."

Crashing through the undergrowth, hair dishevelled, clothes ripped to shreds, Quistis ran desperately towards the cave, towards safety, towards sanctuary.  Branches scratched and tore at her, etching a network of glaring red lines along her arms and legs.  She occasionally stumbled and fell, tangled roots ensnaring her feet.  Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and she blinked furiously, attempting to clear her blurry vision. 

Why?

The question rebounded inside the confines of her mind, echoing in time with her racing heartbeat. 

Why?

Her breath came in short pants, expelled between clenched teeth. 

Why?

Slipping and sliding, her feet pounded the muddy ground and Quistis frantically looked back, half-expecting to see the glint of a gun barrel or hear –

- The unmistakable staccato sound of gunshots punctuated the night's silence, leaving behind an eerie and unnatural calm.   

What the hell?

Quistis spun around, fearfully focusing on its source.  The gunshots had not been aimed at her.  They had come from Garden.  Filled with trepidation, she stared at the building in the distance.  Its beautiful and majestic facade hid the terrifying nightmare that it had initiated…that was still, currently unfolding.     

Seifer!

Quistis forced herself to turn around and continue running to the now visible cave.  She hoped that the gunshots meant he had escaped, but the darkness taunted her with its emptiness.  She was merely prolonging the inevitable.  Everything suddenly seemed so futile.  Death awaited her at every turn, playing a drawn out game of cat and mouse.   

The cave was exactly as she had left, but this time no sarcastic comment greeted her.  No smirk incensed her.  There was a noticeable void.  No Seifer.  Forced to confront the possibility of his death, Quistis collapsed to her knees on the cold, hard floor.

He might have escaped.  Those gunshots…

…could have killed him.

Why should I care?  He was a traitor anyway.

Apparently so am I.  He couldn't remember the past.

Does that make him innocent?

But he saved me and I…I killed him.

A treacherous tear escaped her left eye and meandered slowly down her cheek, trailing a solitary cold wet path.  Guilt and doubt overwhelmed her. 

Squall accused me of killing someone else too.  Perhaps I really did kill them.  There were witnesses.   Maybe I just don't remember.  What if I don't want to?   

Deep inside something snapped and waves of self-hatred assailed her.   

Quistis, what happened to you?  Was it revenge for Squall loving Rinoa?  He never even looked at you.  You were nothing to him.  Now you're even worse than nothing.

The cruel voice in her mind continued to taunt her.  Quistis covered her ears, unconsciously rocking herself back and forth.  The voice was hers and yet she couldn't stop it.     

How could you do this to me, Quistis?  Throw everything away – my friends, my home, my reputation.   Perhaps you resented not being reinstated as an instructor?  You lack leadership skills - a failed, mediocre instructor.  You know what?  You're just a joke.

Slap.

She stared down at her palm in shock.  There would be a mirror image of it imprinted on her burning cheek.  The sharp pain partially restored her to her senses.  Most importantly, it had silenced the mocking voice.  She shook her head viciously, pulling back from the threshold of insanity.  The onslaught of dark emotions had consumed her entirely, making her irrational, unstable.  By now, tears were cascading down her cheeks and she curled up on the floor, her body wracked with great wrenching sobs.  Trembling like a wounded animal she laid there, until physically and mentally exhausted, her eyes slowly slipped shut. 

***

It was the orphanage.  Home.  A building by the sea.  Children playing nearby, shouting and yelling.  She was 8-years old and very mature for her age.  Matron had told her so.  Quistis sat on the stone wall, idly swinging her legs.  The sun shone blindingly on the water.  Seifer hopped up on the wall beside her.  She ignored him.  He was always picking on Squall and Zell, and they were her friends, even though they were sometimes so childish.  Matron would get mad if she pushed him off the wall.  She momentarily wondered if he would shriek, then berated herself for being so immature.     

"Whatcha thinkin' about Quisty?"  He broke the awkward silence, emerald eyes looking at her curiously. 

"Don't call me that.  Only my friends call me that."  She wished he would get the hint and leave her alone.  This was supposed to be her special place where she could think about things.  Her friends often laughed at her and her dreams.  Then they would go back to playing tag.  They didn't understand.  No one did.  And here was Seifer, come to laugh at her again. 

"But we are friends."  He sounded sincere, unwilling to believe otherwise.

"No, we're not Seifer."  Quistis stressed each word, making it brutally clear so that Seifer couldn't deny it.  She almost wished he would go back to tormenting Zell.

"Fine.  Whatcha thinkin' about Quistis?"  Refusing to give up, he swung his legs in time with hers and nonchalantly picked up a few small stones from beside him, pieces broken off from the wall.  

"What I want to be when I grow up."  She glanced at him, and then returned her gaze to the water.   

"What?"  Seifer casually fingered a pebble and tossed it into the sea, calmly watching as it plunged into the bluish-green depths.      

"A SeeD instructor."  There, she had said it.  She prepared herself for the inevitable laughter that would follow.  Selphie, whose sole ambition was to be a party organiser, had told her to become a school teacher.  She had even gone and made a list of things Quistis needed to be…bossy (check)…smart (check)…serious (check).  Squall and Zell had laughed not only because she was a girl and girls, in their opinion, shouldn't become SeeDs, but also as she was their Quisty who could only hit as hard as a…girl (here they would usually burst out laughing).  If her friends laughed, then why would Seifer be any different?              

"I'm gonna be a knight so I can protect you."  Seifer had stood up, and was now balancing precariously on top of the wall.  He was looking at her earnestly. 

Shocked at his response, Quistis was for a moment, speechless.  No one had replied this way before, and she wondered suspiciously whether Seifer was playing a prank on her.  "I don't need you to save me.  Besides, I have Squall." 

"What can he do?"  Seifer's tone was mocking.

"Once he saved me when I nearly drowned."  Truthfully, she barely remembered the incident.     

"Oh yeah?"  He sounded doubtful.

"Yeah.  If I ever need a knight, I hope he becomes mine.  Goodbye Seifer."  She nimbly hopped off the wall, leaving Seifer standing there alone.  Matron stood waiting for her at the orphanage.  Her hand was firmly grasped, and she was led through the door. 

***

Quistis stepped into the Timber Broadcast Tower, suddenly feeling years older and among other things, a dominating sense of déjà vu.  She knew what was going to happen next.        

"Poor, poor boy."  Quistis glared at the ethereal woman drifting towards a wary Seifer.  

"Stay away from me."  He unconsciously took a step back, gunblade forced dangerously close to President Deling's throat.  Quistis remained in the shadows, unsure of whether to interfere.  Edea relentlessly continued to approach with arms outstretched.      

"Stay back."  Seifer gestured at her fearfully with his gunblade.   

"Don't be ashamed to ask for help.  You're only a little boy."  The hypnotically seductive quality of her voice masked the patronising words.  

"I'm not. Stop calling me a boy," Seifer retorted weakly, plainly losing the battle to stay in control.  The arm that held Hyperion hung limply at one side.  Deling was forgotten.  He had scampered off into the shadows, quickly escaping - a coward.     

"Seifer!"  Quistis cried out, seeking to break the spell.  No longer able to wait patiently as everything around her followed the script, she stepped forward, belatedly realising she had fulfilled her own role.  She raised her arms in defence, attempting to ward off what she knew Edea would do to her, but all the same, after one indiscernible motion directed towards her, she collapsed to the ground. 

"Come with me to a place of no return. Bid farewell to your childhood."  Ominous, Edea's words increased the well of dread building in Quistis.  Next, Seifer would step forward with a strange smile and then vanish with Edea into a wall.  And she would be trapped, still watching them, but able to do nothing.

Seifer stepped towards Edea, with a strange smile on his face. 

Suddenly, Quistis was surprisingly able to move.  Things were different.  She approached the pair, intent on preventing the scene playing out in her mind.  Her whip lashed out, arcing towards Edea's back, but it hovered inches above it, suspended by an invisible force.  Abruptly, the whip end spontaneously combusted, magical flames dancing up along the whip length, sheathing it in coronal fire.  Quistis quickly dropped it.  She backed away slowly. 

Edea had yet to turn around. 

"Seifer.  Come on.  Let's go."  Quistis pleaded softly.  He was unresponsive, the small smile still plastered to his face.

"Quistis, I offer you a choice.  Save either Squall or Seifer."  Edea raised her arms and Quistis was sent flying through the air, painfully colliding with a wall.  Edea's laughter echoed in her ears, but just before she blacked out, she heard someone murmur her name.    

***

Her eyes snapped open.  It was Balamb Garden all over again.  This time though, she watched from the overhang, cradling a sniper rifle with one finger gently caressing the trigger.  Shocked, she realised she was where Irvine had been. 

"Save either Squall or Seifer."  Edea's words continued to reverberate in her mind.  She reluctantly looked down at the gate booths, dreading what she knew she would see.     

Seifer shifted his grip on Hyperion and held it closer to Squall's neck.  They were surrounded.  There was no way out. 

Quistis tightened her hold on the rifle, its cold, black surface a reminder of the death it promised. 

It happened in slow motion, everything around them blurring out of focus.  Seifer drew the gunblade across Squall's neck, slowly, almost agonisingly so.  A line of red appeared, rapidly growing into a flood.  Blood seeped through the wound, dyeing the white fur collar crimson.  Squall gurgled incomprehensibly, clawing and struggling against his captor.  He slumped to the ground, weakly convulsing as Rinoa ran to his side, screaming. 

A gunshot rang out.

Seifer collapsed to his knees, more blood staining his grey trench coat.  He gazed forlornly at Quistis, emerald orbs locking with sapphire. 

Something inside her shattered.  She had unconsciously pulled the trigger.  She had killed him.  Not wanting Squall to be hurt anymore, she had killed him.  Now she had lost both of them. 

"You chose wrong."  The words were whispered softly into her mind.

No not traitor…something infinitely much worse than that…murderer.

Seifer balefully stretched out his arm towards her, blood pouring from his head wound.  Strangely, a small, bittersweet smile traced his lips, and his expression, one of resigned understanding, was burnt forever into her memory. 

***

Quistis started awake.  Sunlight was already filtering into the cave.  Immediately, she closed her eyes again, rapidly trying to sift through what was real and what was not, reality and illusion, memory and dream.  Everything had merged, without clear distinctions or pauses in between them.  It was too vivid to be simply a dream.  She had experienced emotions, had lived, but some of those things had never happened. 

Save either Squall or Seifer.  Quistis shivered in remembrance.  She already had a flawed memory.  This dream hadn't made things any clearer, rather it had merely emphasised her guilt.  Images of Seifer's outstretched arm and expression resurfaced in her mind.  That had definitely not happened. 

Slowly opening her eyes to welcome reality's banishment of her dream, she blinked and then recoiled in shock and horror.

An arm was still outstretched towards her.  Dream or reality? 

A/N: Any suggestions?  Hope it wasn't too confusing.  I know the first two dream sequences have probably already been done a million times, but please bear with me, it's an essential plot device.  The pace was slower than in the last chapter, but it should speed up again in the next one.  If someone can't remember the crime, are they still guilty?