Part Two: Merry Brandybuck
Everyone's gone, now. They all left Buckland early this morning, eager to leave the Shire. I would be, too.
Pippin's not dealing with Frodo's death very well. He never got to say goodbye to Frodo, or even see him before he died. If I hadn't been able to say my goodbyes… Pippin is so young. He's not even out of his tweens yet, and already he's trying to deal with this. He'll be okay, in time.
Sam, on the other hand… I don't know about Sam. There's that Rose Cotton back in Hobbiton, but I don't know if even she will be able to get poor Sam out of his current mood anytime soon. Sam never got to say goodbye either, and I think that out of everyone, it was worse for him. Neither Pippin nor I was with Frodo in Mordor, and we didn't go through the same things as those two did. I feel for Sam, I really do. I'm almost jealous of him, though. I've known Frodo my entire life, and I never got as close to him as Sam did. I cared for Frodo a lot, and would have done anything for him, Pippin would have too, but Sam took that chance away from us. But right now, I can hardly be mad at him… he just lost his best friend. So did Pippin and I.
The hardest thing for me was to have to come back to Brandy Hall and tell everyone about him. Most of the hobbits here didn't know Frodo extremely well, except for the older ones, and they were all upset. Tonight, they're all going to a nearby Inn to celebrate his life. I don't think I shall be joining them, Pippin either.
I'm just going to stay around here, at Crickhollow. I just want to be alone right now, surrounded by Frodo's old furniture, and some of Frodo's other things. Pippin and I took along most of Frodo's personal possessions, such as Sting, his mithril coat, and his Elven cloak from Lothlorien.
I can hear Pippin in the nearest bedroom, crying. I'm not crying, though. I just… can't. I'm not sure why, but if I had the choice, to feel like I do or to just let it out, I must say I'd rather let it out. Feeling like this is awful.
Before the group left for Rivendell, Gandalf said he was proud of Pippin and I, because "we acted very maturely and intelligently in the situation". He said "though Frodo died, you two, especially you, Merry, made it a much more comfortable, and much less painful". I guess that helps, but just a little bit.
I'm going to go on a walk now. Clear my head. It'll give Pippin a little room, too, because I don't think anything I said to him right now would make him feel any better.
The breeze is crisp tonight, forcing me to wear my warm cloak, but it doesn't help. I'm still shivering.
I stop on the banks of the Brandywine, at the place where as children, Pippin and I would go swimming, often with Frodo when he visited Buckland. The water twinkles in the moonlight, and I can't help but think of Rivendell, and the Anduin. It's most certainly not as beautiful here as it is there, but the water shines in the same way. It reminds me of Frodo…
Goodbye, Frodo…TBC - Pippin
