Hey there, it's Kumorigoe again, and this time I've got something all new for you kiddies. Taking a page from FLCO EX and his excellent 'Ruriem' pieces, I've decided to do one of my own, after reading a particular line in the Love Hina manga, volume nine. So, without further adeu, my version of The Real Slim Shady.
Disclaimer: Eminem, The Real Slim Shady, and all associated articles are the property of their respective owners. No characters were seriously harmed in the writing of this fic, because Keitaro seems to be indestructible anyway.
The Real Urashima
[Keitaro]
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Urashima please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Urashima please stand up?
*sweatdrops*
We're gonna have a problem here…
Y'all act like you never seen a white ronin before
Jaws all on the floor like Naru, like Motoko just burst in the door
And started whoopin my ass worse than before
They first were cohorts, throwin me over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the… "Ahh, wait, no way, you're kidding,
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Mr. Seta said… nothing you idiots!
Mr. Seta's dead, he's drowned in my hot spring! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love kanrinrin {*vocal turntable:
Chigga chigga chigga*} "Kanrinrin, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around, grabbin her you-know-what
Gropin her, you-know-who," "Yeah, but Naru's so cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's going on in Haruka's bedroom
Sometimes, I wanna lay down, and let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Kaolla Su to try to break the peace truce
"My ass is getting kicked, my ass is getting kicked"
And if I'm lucky I might just survive and get through this
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a perverted ronin is
Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is
By the time the hit fourth grade
They got the Cartoon Network, don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals…" well, some of us kendo girls
who cut poor Keitaro open like cantaloupes (SLURP)
But if we can cut up Keitaros and wooden boards
Then theres no reason that town elders can't fuck with your head more
{*OWWWW!*} But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Girls wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes
I'm Urashima, yes I'm Urashima
All you other Urashima's are just living in Hina
So wont the real Urashima please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?
Shinobu don't gotta use cookbooks to make her food good
Well I do, so fuck her, and fuck you too!
You think I give a damn about a recipe?
Half of you girls can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Kei, what if you get in, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys can lie just to get me here?
So you can, sit me here, next to minor characters?
man, Mutsumi Otohime better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Kitsune and quench my thirst
and hear her argue about who she gave head to first
Little bitch get me fired from Mura Sake
"yeah, he's cute, but I think he's kinda Shinji, hee-hee!"
I should buy her some sake on March fourteenth
And show the whole world how she's a damn alchy
I'm sick of you little girls, you tease me, but you never please me
So I have been sent here to molest thee
And there's a million of us just like me
Who study like me, but just can't pass a test like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me, it just might be
The next best thing, but not quite me!
Chorus
I'm like a pervert to listen to, cause I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your Hinata-sou
The only difference is I got no balls to say it
In front of you all, so I gotta be false, and surgarcoating it all
I just get on the roof and hit it
And whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I be getting it
Better than ninety percent of you ronins out there
Then you wonder how I can be getting laid without resorting to porn tapes
It's funny, cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the Hinata House flirtin
Pinching girls panties when I know they isn't lookin
And I'm jerking but this whole pile of hentai isn't workin
And every single person is an Urashima lurkin
He could be workin at Beef Bowl, spittin on your spring roll
{*HACH*} or in the parkin lot, circling
screaming "I just got no luck!"
with his windows down and his bruises up
So, will the real Urashima please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up
And be proud to be out of your mind and out of control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
Chorus 2X
A/N
I just had the idea for this after reading the ninth volume of LH, where Keitaro is hit by a flying manhole cover, and, dazed, quips, "Will the real Naru please stand up?" I thought that I'd try my hand at a parody songfic, and I think that it turned out ok. Props go to FLCO EX and his excellent "Ruriem" works, as well as all those who read and wait for my other stories. (I'm working on them, I swear!)
As usual,
Kumorigoe
