Title: Can't let go

Author: Ruby

Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell or the song 'Can't let go'

Rating: PG

Couple: Michael and Maria

Summary: Just an idea I had when I was listening to this song, set after destiny. Thanks to Raven wave for beta reading this story for me!

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Chapter one

There you are

Holding her hand

I am lost

Dying to understand

Didn't I

Cherish you right

Don't you know?

You were my life

Maria watches them from afar and feels her heart break again into a thousand pieces. It felt so wrong it shouldn't be Isabel there, it should be her, it should be her who is pulled close to him, it should be her he is smiling at tenderly, it should be her who is happy.

"Staring at them is going to change anything," Alex whispers from beside her. He was hurting as well, he really thought that he had meant something to Isabel that she had felt the same way as him but if she had then she wouldn't be with Michael.

"I know," Maria says fighting back the tears, this had been the worst week of her life, she had lost so much. She had lost her best friend; Liz had made her choice as soon as she sat down with Max, Isabel and Michael, she had choosing the pod squad over Maria and Alex. Maria looks at the person sat next to Liz, Max; she had lost her girlfriend, every time she looked at him she saw the pity he felt for her and if there was one thing Maria couldn't stand it was pity. Isabel; Maria and Isabel had just started to become friends, as in real friends but then destiny happened. And Michael the love of her life, he walked away from her, he left her, he told her that he loved her too much, that he had to be a stonewall, that he was a soldier and that he had to be alone. Yeah that was a good one, he sure looked alone with his arm wrapped around her waist as he talked to Max.

"Do you want to go? We could go you know!" Kyle says from her other side.

"No I am cool," Maria smiles a weak smile at Kyle and Alex for trying to protect her. If it hadn't been for them Maria would have been more of a wreak then what she already was, she doubt she would have been able to make it though the summer without them and Tess.

"Are you sure? Cause we really don't have to be here, we could go anywhere, its up to you," Tess says concerned for her friend

"Maybe we could go back to my house," Maria says as she watches Michael kiss Isabel. She felt like she was going to be sick. She had thought that she had meant something to him, that he had loved her but it had all been lies. He had used her until he could get to Isabel cause at the end of the day why would he want to even touch a human when he could be with one of his own kind.

"Yeah that is a great idea Deluca," Alex says feeling sick as he saw what had Maria nearly in tears. If you told him when Tess first came to Roswell; that Michael and Isabel would get together, Liz would choose the aliens over her long live friends. That Tess and Kyle would be two out of the three people in the world that he trusted with his life and that Maria would lose her spark, her love for life. He would have laughed, asked you if you had forgotten to take your pills but now, now it was the bitter truth, it was cruel but it was real and it didn't appear to be going away any time soon.

Alex and Kyle quickly stand up and try and shield Maria from the eyes of the group now watching their sudden movement with interest.

Maria stands up but feels her legs give away from beneath her. As always Kyle and Alex are there and each of them grab one of her arms before she could hit the floor.

"I am okay just got up to fast," Maria lies

"Yeah well I think it would be best if I keep hold of you," Kyle states linking his arm with Maria's

"Hey what about me?" Tess playfully pouts causing a weak laugh to come from Maria

"May I fair lady walk you to the car?" Alex asks bowing making the request into a grand gesture

"You may kind sir," Tess giggles linking arms with Alex

"So those car are we taking?" Kyle asks as they start to walk towards the car park in hope to make Maria forget that they were about to pass the traitors' table

"Mine," Tess says

"Hey guys!" Liz calls out as they get nearer to the table,

"Hey," Alex says moving to block Maria from their view.

"Do you guys want to seat with us?" Liz smiles brightly

"No we're going," Tess says coldly

"Going where?" Isabel asks her tone the same as Tess's

"We going back to mine," Maria says coldly glaring at Isabel

"Oh right, nothing wrong I hope," Max says always the peacemaker.

"I am just not feeling well," Maria mumbles trying her best to resist the need to look at Michael

"Its nothing serious is it? Maybe Max could heal you," Liz says quietly, she reaches out to touch Maria and Maria cringes away from her touch.

"No I think I just need to go to bed," Maria says not noticing the pained look in Liz's eyes

"Well if you don't mind we have stuff to do," Kyle says and starts to lead the way to the car park. The people they left behind watch them go, Liz's eyes filled with tears as she watched her two best friends walk away from her. Max couldn't comfort her he hurt too much inside, he had lost Maria's friendship Liz wasn't the only one. Isabel glared down at the table, knowing that if she watch Alex, Maria, Tess and Kyle for one more second then she would be tempted to run to them to ask them to forgive her. Michael watches Maria walk away, his heart-breaking behind his stonewall. He was forced to follow his destiny so that Max could be happy, so that Max could follow his heart and be with Liz.

Maria waits until they're in the car before she breaks down; she holds on to Kyle tightly and sobs onto his shoulder. He whispers soothing sounds in her ear while Tess rubs her hand up down Maria's back.

Even though I try

I can't let go

Something in your eyes

Captured my soul

And every night

I see you in my dreams

You're all I know

I can't let go

Maria stares up at the ceiling in her room. She tried not to think of Michael, tried to forget him, forget her love for him, forget how he had made her feel before he had broken her heart.

Every night she dreamed about him, sometimes reliving some of their moments together sometimes-making new ones, ones of the future, ones full of what could have been.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn't forget the look in his eyes when he told her he loved her, she couldn't make herself see the truth that it had all been a lie. She needed to believe that he had loved her, she needed to believe that she had meant something to him, not matter what she did she could let go of Michael. She couldn't stop loving him not matter what he did or who he did it with, she couldn't forget him she couldn't let go and even if she could she wasn't sure she would be want to, to lose those few moments when she felt pure happiness and love.

She closes her eyes and sees Michael before, she knew he wasn't real; she knew that when the morning came he would disappear and remain just a dream.

Just cast aside

You don't even know I'm alive

You just walk on by

Don't care to see me cry

And here I am

Still holding on

I can't accept

My world is gone

Maria stands by side her locker half listening to what Tess was saying

"So Alex was saying that he could beat Kyle at football on the playstation and Kyle was like you have more chance beating Tess playing really football Whitman. And I was like what's that suppose to mean Kyle and he was like nothing I am just saying that girls can't play football and that Whitman is a girl as well. So you know me, I was like bring it on and guess what I beat them both on the playstation. They are such bad losers, they tried to say that I used my powers which I didn't," Tess says telling Maria about what had happened the night before while Maria had been upstairs sleeping.

"Really? That's great Tess," Maria smiles at her friend, her best friend. The smile slides off her face as Michael walks towards him. He doesn't look at her; he doesn't even acknowledge that she is stood there.

"We're having a meeting tonight at my apartment," Michael states to Tess

"Yeah and what do you want me to do about?" Tess asks glaring up at Michael

"Be there, it's important, it's about home!" Michael orders watching Maria out of the corner of his eye

"I have plans!" Tess states

"Break them. This is important Tess, this is about home, about going home Tess don't you care?" Michael asks

"Do I look I care Michael? I am busy and nothing is more important then my friends," Tess says

"Tess…"

"Michael, this conversation is over!" Tess starts.

Maria watches Michael walk away without even looking at her, he didn't even notice that she was there, that she was alive, he didn't even care enough to look at her. Maria felt more tears fill her eyes. All she seemed to do was cry, every time she heard Michael's name or saw him she started to cry the tears falling down her cheeks in salty waterfalls leaving her eyes sore and puffy.

"I didn't know you had plans," Maria says wiping her eyes before the tears could escape down her cheeks

"Yeah, you, me and a tub of ice cream, maybe some chick flicks," Tess smiles handing Maria a tissue

"You don't have to that. You should go, Michael said it was about going home,"

"I meant what I said Maria, my friends are more important to me, I've found my home here in Roswell, I've found where I belong," Tess says and Maria pulls her into a hug.

"I love you Tess," Maria whispers holding her friend tightly

"I love you too," Tess whispers, her eyes filling up with tears. That was the first time anyone had ever said that they loved her and meant it.

"Hey what's going on here?" Kyle asks as Alex and him join the girls at there lockers.

"Are you two having a hug without us?" Alex jokes

"I am hurt. Are you hurt Alex?"

"Really, really hurt!" Alex says shaking his head

"What do you suggest we do?" Kyle asks hiding his grin.

"I suggest we attack them where it hurts," Alex says grinning wickedly. The two guys grab the girls and start to tickle them.

"Stop it…Kyle," Tess orders giggling

"Please…Alex…stop," Maria giggles trying to get out of Alex's arms

"Not until you say the magic words,"

"Kyle and Alex are the greatest," Tess and Maria says quickly so that their torture would end

"So what are we doing tonight?" Kyle asks after the girls have finished hitting them

"Well I was thinking, ice cream, chick flicks and just me and Maria,"

"Hey that's not fair you can't leave me alone with Kyle," Alex says causing Kyle to glare at him and Tess and Maria to laugh slightly

"Well the traitors are having a meeting so that leaves the Crashdown free," Maria suggests

"Are you sure?"

"We haven't been there for ages!"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea,"

"We can't avoid it forever and tonight would be a good time to go since they're all be at the meeting," Maria says

"Okay so the Crashdown it is!" Kyle says

Do you even realize?

The sorrow I have inside

Everyday of my life

Do you know the way it feels?

When all you have just dies

I try and try

To deny that I need you

But still you remain on my mind

Maria walks out of the Crashdown, unable to withstand the memories that filled the place, not just memories of Michael but memories of the friendship she shared with Liz, Max and Isabel came rushing back to her.

It was too soon the pain was too fresh.

She closes her eyes trying to calm herself.

"What are you doing?" a voice asks from the shadows. Maria feels her heart stop beating.

"I said what are you doing?" Michael repeats stepping out of the darkness

"I heard you," Maria states

"Then why didn't you answer?" Michael asks

"Why should I?" Maria asks not quite believing he was talking to her expecting her to answer to him, didn't he realize what she was feeling, what hell she had been going through since the day he walked away from her didn't he realize that that day a part of her had died. She shivers as she remembers that day that seemed a lifetime ago.

"You're cold here," he offers her his jacket

"I don't want anything from you" Maria says backing away from him

"Maria…"

"I don't need anything from you" Maria tries to deny like she tries to deny feeling anything when she heard him say her name, something she wished for everyday and had thought would never happen.

"Maria please…"

"I have to go," Maria says quickly running back to Alex, Kyle and Tess, back to her family, her safety line in life.

No I just can't get you out of my mind

I never can say goodbye

'Cause every night

I see you in my dreams

You're all I know

I can't let you go

Even though I try

I can't let go of something that I need so badly

You're all I know

I can't let go

"Hello earth to Maria!" Alex waves his hand in front of Maria's face

"Sorry what were you saying?" Maria asks

"You have to stop this." Alex states

"What?" Maria asks confused

"Thinking about him," Alex says not willing to even utter his name

"I can't," Maria says and it was truth she couldn't, every waken hour he was on her mind and every night was filled with dreams of him.

"You have to let go,"

"I don't think I can," Maria says. How could she let go to something she needed so badly? He was like her oxygen she needed him to live if she let go how would she live?

"You're strong, you can do anything Maria," Alex says

"I was, I used to be strong but I am not anymore I've lost so much I don't feel complete anymore," Maria admits

"You are still strong, you just need to let go. It's in the past, you need to let go," Alex says

"How can I let go of something I need so badly?"