[A/N] In case I need to remind you, I'll remind you again. Sanzo, Gojyo, Hakkai, and Goku in this fic all look 10 years younger than the hot bishounens that they are. And yes, the life of the fourteen-year-old Sanzo in this fic is based loosely on MY life, and his personality is kind of based on MY personality. Except that one thing: I do NOT hate my prefect board! Wuv it! And the board members too! ^_^ Muakzz! Credits at the end.
DISCLAIMER: *sing song voice* Sanzo and Goku no make out, Kimie-kun does not shout, Minekura Kazuya still got Saiyuki [pout] --- Don't ask ^^;;
Of Perilous Attraction
#3 – Amiable Solitude
By
Gokugurl
****
Solitude is the playfield of Satan.
- Vladimir Nobokov
****
He huddled up in bed, burying himself utterly under the soft silken coverlets, fluttering his dark, bright eyes shut as he tried to divert his attention from the furious and enraged voices that were his mother's and father's in the living room. And hugged himself even as he heard more insults being exchanged between the two of them.
"You good-for-nothing bastard!"
"I should say the same to you, you lowly whore, you fucking slut! What have you done for this family!? What have you done but going into another's arms!?"
"Why, you goddamned son of a bitch! You think I don't know of that, that woman in your room right now? Of the little, fluffy meetings that you presumably held secret from me all this time? You fucking bastard!"
"Shut up!"
"YOU fucking shut up!"
Sanzo could only cringe in bed, trying desperately to block out the shouts, failing as he felt hot tears brimming in his eyes; angry, disappointed, sad tears that told his melancholy tale of his woes. And shuddered involuntarily as the frivolous couple that were his parents continued to yell at each other, oblivious that their eight-year-old son was in bed and listening to their harsh words; bitter, biting words that Sanzo wished that he couldn't hear right now.
Stop it...
Yet, they didn't hear him, and his mother and father continued shouting even as he clutched his head, trying to block out the unwanted and unwelcome voices even as they penetrated his mind, his heart, his soul. And curled up tightly into a ball, like a frightened kitten, as he heard them fighting, and slapping sounds ensued, followed by a crashing of furniture.
Yamero...
But then, no one could hear him. Absolutely no one.
He was alone.
So alone.
And he would be alone, for solitude was his companion, his only friend in times like these. The only one who understood his true pain, the one whom had given him strength to rise again whenever he had felt he hadn't wanted to continue living.
Genjo Sanzo would forever be solitary.
Alone.
****
To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet.
- Charles Caleb Colton
****
Sanzo closed his eyes, fisting his blonde hair, gripping it tightly as he felt warm wetness on his cheeks. And allowed his eyes to flutter open, as dark eyelids exposed enigmatic pools of amethyst, dull with brokenness as those said violet orbs glanced around his room. The fourteen-year-old blonde sighed, leaning back in bed, exhausted as he wiped the perspiration off his face.
A dream. A fucking dream.
He shifted over, and buried his face in his pillow, before turning to look forlornly at the midnight sky. The dark stretch of black was scattered with stars, twinkling, happy little stars that seemed to look down at him, mocking him as they grinned at Sanzo. He said nothing, but just moved so that he looked up at the starlit night, a disappointed smile tugging at the corners of his petite lips even as he felt the deep surge of sadness wash over him in waves.
Maybe I wasn't meant to be. Maybe I wasn't meant to be loved. Maybe I wasn't meant to have someone that I could love, that I could cherish. Maybe I wasn't meant to be here, to be in this fucking world that consists of other's egos and other's fucking interests, as well as their fucking likings.
How long had it been since his mother's and father's divorce? Six years. Six freaking years since that bloody fight that had involved all three of them. Six years since he had been deprived of what one called love, of affection, of tenderness.
He lacked that in his soul, but then, he didn't fucking care. After all, he had lived perfectly in this way since that time, lived without any bloody interruptions on his part. He treasured what they called solitude, and planned to make it stay that way.
He would never have a friend for who he was, the solitary one, the lone ranger that had been wandering along the lonely path, without love, yet longing for love. He didn't want much, all he wanted was for someone to befriend him, to hug him, to reassure him whenever he was in trouble...to be at his side should he experience any problems.
Sure, Hakkai was a good friend, but then, hey... there was just something about the emerald-eyed boy that none could fathom; for a truth lurked behind the cheerful smile that the brunette always wore. And then, Hakkai was far too polite for his own liking, too mysterious and enigmatic.
I wanted a friend. Just one, simple friend whom I could treasure, I could cherish.
All the other students, all of them, other than Hakkai, treated him like an outsider, an alien, not one of their own kind. If cleverness and wisdom would have resulted in isolation and betrayal, he would rather have not have the cursed intelligence that was his. If wits were a blessing, Sanzo would have rather been damned to hell than have it.
It was uncanny, the way the students ignored him, shuffling away from him and giving him creepy stares every single fucking time he actually approached them. And the stares that they gave him weren't friendly; they were more like glares, deep, death glares that bore open hostility and disdain within their shallow depths that were their eyes. Fucking shit, if they hated him, they could just step up and tell him, hell, even punch him if they felt like it, but they just had to keep it secret from him.
Yeah, secret. If talking bad about you behind your back was what you called a secret. And it was even worse if that said person who talked bad about you behind your back was once your best friend. Betraying your trust, betraying your utmost secrets, betraying your friendship just so that they could get a snug little position in the prefectorial board, a safe place where they could make sure that they held authority over you.
Stupid, fucking Homura.
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An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
-Buddha
****
During the probationing, the bloody bastard had gone to the discipline teacher, the only female in the whole school, Gyokumen Koushu [A/N: 'deru, thank YOU for your suggestion XD] and had spread some very dainty little rumors about Sanzo, resulting in the latter almost getting kicked out five fucking times from the prefect board.
Well, if it wasn't for the graciousness of Sanzo's distressed mother, he doubted he would still be wearing the black uniform that were the prefects'. Yeah, and he was sure that if it wasn't for his mom, it was a definite thing that Homura would have set for Sanzo to grovel down before him and kiss his feet.
Just the very thought of it made Sanzo shudder.
Well, on the other hand, the attraction that Gyokumen Koushu held for the dark-haired Head's Assistant was well-known; her infatuation had been rather...obvious, for she had displayed intimate acts of affection with the said young teen, in public, hooking her arms around Homura's neck during one prefects' meeting last year. And Koushu had been rather oblivious to the shock and horror of the prefects of students, not to mention disgust.
For one thing, Koushu had a rather...manly build, if it wasn't for those two boobs that she loved to show off; her dark, cerulean kimono was often worn loose for this reason, exposing a great deal of white, ghastly skin that was Koushu's. Her silken, sick-looking turquoise hair was often tied up in two buns, her hair rolling down the front of her chest even as the remaining strands of aqua-green were held up by chopsticks. In fact, others had even suspected if Koushu was actually a man.
But on the other hand, it wasn't possible, for Koushu had a daughter between her and her husband, a young, perky little orange-haired girl of around nine, named Lirin. One wondered if Lirin was actually the younger, female version of Goku. [That said one person was Sanzo, and Sanzo alone.]
But then...Koushu's husband was supposed to be away overseas...and the thought of the gruesome discipline teacher in her late forties with one good-looking boy of fourteen was enough to make even God shudder on his throne. [God: *shudder* What the – where the heck did that come from?]
Homura and Koushu? Good lord. Sanzo placed a hand to his chest, clutching it tightly as he felt a tight wave of nausea sweep over him at the very image of it. He shuddered himself, and leaned back again in bed. Well, fuck. For the sake of prefectship, Homura had done abominable things unimaginable: first, getting involved with his own discipline teacher; second, playing dirty tricks to try to snatch the authority and the Head Prefect's position, and third – the one thing that Sanzo couldn't forgive – betray his own best friend to get better votes to be the Assistant Head.
Sanzo was bitter.
And hell, who could blame him? It was hard enough to imagine your own best friend, whom had been cheerfully chatting with you about today's television programs, stabbing you in the back just as cheerfully and as casually as one might do to their enemy. And that was the one thing that Sanzo couldn't tolerate; did Homura only make friends with him for his brains? For his charismatic qualities? For everything good he had that the black-haired latter did not possess? Just to dig his mind, to play his weaknesses, betray his trust?
That, Sanzo definitely, could not forgive.
****
Only solitary men know the full joys of friendship. Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile, his friends are everything.
-Willa Cather
****
And just as he was so engrossed in his own thoughts, he heard a beep from his handphone. He cursed, and rubbed his aching temple as he collapsed once again on his bed, reaching out for the small, black phone that was his Motorola, and checked his message.
Oyasumi!
Sanzo, watcha doin' now? I cant sleep... wanna chat? :3 Ore wa tsumaranee yo...harahetta =
He couldn't help but smile, and dialed the person's number, before holding it close to his ear. And his smile widened even more as he heard someone answer the phone, a shuffling of clothes and a few muffled thumps on the bed as that someone scrambled about for the phone. Sanzo's lips parted, and he spoke.
"You there, Goku?"
****
A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.
-Pam Brown
****
Sanzo jumped off the bus, taking in a whiff of the fresh, morning air, thick with moisture, even as he yawned, but not before clapping a hand to his mouth, blocking the rude gesture. He looked up at the sky, and groaned silently as it began to drizzle. Shit. He sighed involuntarily, before correcting his tie and black vest, combing his hair with his fingers as he took a deep breath, and stepped in into the school.
Looks like no one is fucking here at 10.35 in the morning. Bloody hell.
He shrugged, and proceeded to make for the school canteen, trudging heavily on the wet, mucky sand that was soaked with rain, and allowed the soft, tender raindrops to fall onto his face, playing with his sun-kissed hair as the small drizzle grew heavier. Sanzo sighed again, his mouth curling into a frown even as he reached for his blue umbrella. And cursed out loud as he found none, naught but his school books, already wet from the rain.
"Bloody SHIT!"
Sanzo was ready to kill. He muttered something inaudible, before deciding that he would just go to the canteen, without an umbrella, and risk getting soaked during assembly after this. He kicked a small pebble, and let out a string of swears, his violet eyes glinting with apoplectic rage. How the fuck was he gonna survive the rain for another bloody god knows how far in the wet muddy sand without getting fucking soaked?
It seemed that his question was answered when he felt an umbrella above him.
Sanzo glanced up, confused as he found himself looking into a bright yellow Pikachu umbrella [2] before looking down again, and almost passed out from shock as he saw Goku grinning up at him. "What the freaking hell are you doing here?" Sanzo asked dryly, too weary to even speak as he sighed in the bliss of shelter, relishing in the presence of the umbrella.
"Nah, house practice," Goku chirped. "Today's Tuesday – I'm in Green house"
"Sou ka."
Sanzo could only keep a straight face, even though he fought the urge to smile as his dark amethyst locked with Goku's radiant golden to become one. He only shook his head, before ruffling the shorter one's hair. He let his eyes flutter shut, and he brushed back the wet strands of blonde, before looking down at Goku again.
And smiled.
"Ikuzo!" he muttered, and didn't see Goku grinning as he looked away. The young child next to him stifled a laugh, and shifted so that the bright yellow umbrella sheltered them both. And for a moment, none of them spoke, only listened as the soft pitter-patter of raindrops fell on the umbrella, trickling down to the ground around them.
"Hai!" Goku said happily, and then, they turned to go to the canteen.
Sanzo had wiped the smile off his face, but his heart was singing a hymn of joy, a song of laughter and happiness as he stole a sideways glance at the young golden-eyed adolescent next to him.
Maybe, finally, I've found a friend.
****
Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.
-Muhammad Ali
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[A/N] Need I say another miracle? I finished this in two hours. Guess I had the inspiration...aww man, Sanzo is really starting to sound like me XD Yay! Anyways, yeah...
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THANKS TO:
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laila: Hey, thanks! But then, it isn't MY fault that I'm acting 17 when I should be 13 this year [think lime scenes ^^] And I'm like that in school. REALLY.
chris: Believe me, you do NOT wanna know.
Star-chan: O.o Kowai desu.
'deru: Wai! Sempai! ^^ Still can't believe this is your kouhai meh? Anyway, thanks for the Koushu suggestion [tries to stop laughing] You're right! Our beloved teacher really plays the part perfectly! XD GAHAHAHA! ^^ Jyaa ne! See ya~
Kamen: Don't hate ME know coz I'm gonna buy them in 10 hours time! [Yes, it is 1.30 in the morning ==;; Insomnia lah – call me lar wei...
M-i: Yah, continued. ^^
gallatica
Aeries N
jashuang: ^^ Jas, it's the hormone years XD For me anyway :P
enervate: Well, don't hate me...I'm gonna buy more than 10 tomorrow! XD
crazzzybanana: Nice quotes eh? Thank William Shakespeare, Ralph Wardo Emerson and Matthew Arnold! ^^
nan
~THANK YOU~
Love,
Gokugurl,
26th January 2003 – 1.36 AM
