Title: Cross My Heart

Author: Yugure

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers. Wish I did. And if wishes were fishes… I'd be one herring too many.

Notes: Three asterisks (such as ***) indicates a change in time, such as flashbacks to Zelgadis's past, or a change in setting.

Chapter 2

            Zelgadis tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. He could tell Lina was dying to know more. Outside, a sharp wind whistled and beat against the window.

            "It wasn't you, was it?" Lina asked. Her ruby red eyes were narrowed in concentration, and her knees were pulled up to her chin.

            "That killed her? L-sama, no. Don't even say that, Lina."

            "So what happened? And don't leave anything out, either."

            "Didn't it occur to you that I'm having a difficult time dealing with this, Lina? That maybe, just maybe, it's painful for me to remember?" Zelgadis didn't even bother looking at Lina as he talked. He continued to stare at the ceiling, as if it could keep him from the sorrow.

            "… Sorry," Lina muttered. "But I want to know. Juliana, as you called her, is sitting downstairs and supposedly she's dead. Something isn't right with that."

            "Lina, you have to promise me this stays between us. I don't want anyone else to know. Not Amelia, not Gourry, especially not Xelloss." Zelgadis's face darkened for a moment at the mention of the Trickster Priest. "It's too personal. What I'm about to tell you… it will show you a part of me I never want anyone to see."

            "Your weak spot, eh?" Lina queried. Zelgadis said nothing. Lina sighed. "I promise that nothing said here and now will leave this room. I shall never tell another soul." She raised her hand in a symbol of honor. Zelgadis nodded faintly, lowering his head. He continued to stay seated, but he let his gaze drift slightly to Lina's right. He couldn't bring himself to watch her face as he began his tale.

            "As you know, Rezo turned me into a chimera quite awhile ago. I was mentally and emotionally broken, and – in a way – physically, too. I wasn't who I used to be. It took me so very long to acknowledge this new body as my own. I left home in search of a cure, and I became fixated on it because it was my only hope." Zelgadis laughed then; a cynical and jaded laugh, one that sent shivers down Lina's body.

            "Hope. What a disgusting word. Hope won't let me die peacefully; no, it forces me to continue searching for the ever-elusive cure. Hope led me to her, but I'll get to that in a minute.

            "I saw many things on my journeys; things I would never wish upon my worst enemies. You may wonder why I'm so cold-hearted, so cynical. I had to be, to survive. The years I spent searching felt like an entire lifetime of horrors. I have supped full of horrors, Lina, and little shocks me now. But I met Juliana when I was still mostly unsullied.

            "It was on a night like this: cold, blustery, Jack Frost at his most bitter and vicious. I was in the northern mountain range of Carthak, searching for a temple said to hold the answer to life itself. Surely, if the temple could answer such a divine question, it could give me the secret to my cure. And so, holding onto that thread of hope, I entered the Obsidian Village…

***

            Damn it's cold! Zelgadis thought as he wrapped his cape tightly around him and hurried through the deserted streets. One by one the lights of surrounding shops went out, swallowed up by the oppressing darkness. Business was wrapping up for the evening, and only the taverns were open this late. Zelgadis winced as a tavern door near him opened and a group of drunken merchants stumbled out into the snow. The sound of laughing and dishes clattering poured through the night air like something tangible. It immediately cut off as the door banged shut. The inebriated men wandered away, singing a harsh sailor's song. Zelgadis paused for a moment, the wind stinging his eyes and making him squint.  

            He was so very hungry. He hadn't eaten in what seemed like weeks, although it had only been a few days. Still unused to his new chimera body, Zelgadis craved the same necessities his human body once had. Food, shelter, warmth, acceptance: these things were still a part of his life, although the latter was not easily obtainable, as Zelgadis found out the difficult way.

            Zelgadis shivered, ducked his head, and continued on his way. The temple was only a short distance away and surely someone there would allow him to bed for the night. The storm raged on.

***

            Juliana hated having the night vigil. The night had always scared her. Things unseen and unknown crawled through the darkness, lurking on the edge of sight. Juliana was a child of the day. All her enthusiasm and brightness came from the light. This darkness dampened her spirits and brought out her worst fears.

            "It's all Sister Vega's fault. She doesn't like me; I just know it. She gave me the night shift because she knows I hate it," Juliana muttered as she swished the gnarled broom across the stone floor. "Just you wait, Sister Vega. You'll get yours."

            Juliana loved fantasizing about divine retribution. Every person who ever said a word against her suffers for their sins in Juliana's mind. Her favorite daydream was when Sister Vega was eaten alive by carnivorous bunnies with fangs. Of course, Juliana would never admit she had these thoughts. She would be kicked out of the shrine quicker than she could bat an eye.

            Someone pounded on the shrine door. Juliana's heart leapt in her throat. They hardly ever had visitors this late in the evening. Occasionally a wanderer in search of enlightenment would stumble across the threshold during the night, but on a night like this… every sane person would have sought shelter hours ago. Juliana was the only one awake in this section of the shrine. There would be no way for her to reach the other "night shifter", as she liked to call them.

            Juliana took a deep breath and walked to the huge stone doors. She hated being weak of heart, of being scared witless by little things, of always being the one who cried wolf. Juliana grasped the broom in her hand and tried to recall her self defense lessons from when she was younger.

            The person outside pounded on the door again, causing Juliana to jump. She crossed herself and opened the door.

            "I seek sanctuary," the hooded figure requested before Juliana could even open her mouth.

            "I must oblige," Juliana replied, her voice catching as she stepped back. Any visitor requesting sanctuary had to be let in, Juliana knew, but even thus, she cringed in fear.

            "I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I need a place to stay for the night. Would you be so kind as to –"

            "Of course," Juliana interrupted. Her heart was beating at breakneck speed. She stared in open wonder at the stranger. She couldn't see his face at all; it was hidden behind the cowl of a beige cloak. Juliana's curiosity roared to life like a flame becoming a blaze. "I… This shrine is always open for those in need. Please, take off your cloak and follow me."

            "I'd rather not," the hooded stranger replied. "Just show me the way."

            "… Okay." Juliana didn't want to turn her back on this man, but she had little choice. Praying that she would be safe, Juliana led the stranger down a side hallway.

***

            Zelgadis held his cloak together tighter when the young shrine maiden offered to take his cloak. He'd be kicked out if his true identity were revealed.

            "No thank you," he mumbled. "I'll keep it with me, if it's all the same."

            "All right. If you need assistance, I'll be in the main hall. Sister Agatha will replace me in a few hours, though," the young girl replied. She hesitated at the door. Silently, Zelgadis wished the girl away. No doubt she would be stricken dead at his horrific appearance. "My name is Juliana."

            Zelgadis didn't see what importance this piece of information had, so he simply nodded. When the girl didn't leave, he turned to look at her. In her eyes Zelgadis saw fear and curiosity vie for dominance. He could tell by the stubborn set of her jaw that this girl had a fierce spirit. Maybe she wouldn't keel over at his appearance, but he still refused to drop his hood simply to satisfy her curiosity.

            "Thank you, Juliana," Zelgadis said, unsuccessfully trying to make the girl leave. Juliana blushed and ducked her head.

            "If you don't mind my asking, why are you seeking refuge here at the shrine? There are plenty of inns in town," she asked. Zelgadis sighed heavily.

            "I'm searching for a certain manuscript that, legend says, resides here."

            "Oh, the Obsidian Rune, right?"

            "Yes. You know of it?"

            "Of course I do. I am, after all, a shrine maiden at this temple. I can help you translate it." Juliana sat down on a pew, obviously having no intention of leaving.

            "Great. It needs to be translated?"

            "Yeah. But it's not too terribly difficult. It might take a day or two, but I think I can do it."

            "Can you take me to it now?" Zelgadis got to his feet, excited at the prospect of having his cure this close.

            "I'm afraid not. But first thing in the morning, I'll gladly help you," Juliana replied. She gently tugged on Zelgadis's cloak. "What is your name? You haven't told me that yet."

            "Zelgadis. And leave that alone, please."

            "Why not? Surely you're not freakishly disfigured," Juliana coaxed. Zelgadis cringed at her words and tightened his grip on his cloak.

            "I'm tired. I wish to rest now." To emphasize this, Zelgadis lay on the pew and closed his eyes. "Wake me at dawn's light, and not a moment before."

            "Fine. I shall. Good night." Juliana left in a huff. Zelgadis refused to worry about the girl, and he let sleep overtake him.