Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters from Lord of the Rings….we do own ourselves though…and Vebor.

Authors' Blab: Wow, we started writing this and it suddenly became seven pages long. Wowzers! Well this is the first chapter of Emilee and Anna Invade Middle-Earth. Please like it. We like it. It's funny! Enjoy! –Howard & PortaPotty, AKA: Emilee & Anna

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"Bang! Bang! Bang!" Emilee woke up to one morning.

"What the crap?" she thought. So immediately she grabbed Mr. Pink, her plastic flamingo, and looked around her room nervously.

"Who's there?!?" She yelled. She got up and went to her closet, where the banging was obviously coming from. Emilee ripped open the door and saw a strange looking fellow standing in her closet, so out of natural reaction, she smacked him over the head with Mr. Pink and slammed the door shut and shoved her rolling drawer thingies in front of it. Then she called Anna, her best friend.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Get over here now!!!!!"

"What? Why?"

"Just do it!!!" Emilee screamed into the phone and hung up.

So Anna got dressed and hopped into her car to drive over to Emilee's house.

When she got there, she let herself in and ran up the stairs to Emilee's room.

"What is it?" Anna said as she walked into the room.

Emilee was sitting on her bed, looking towards the closet, holding Mr. Pink close to her.

"There's someone in my closet!!"

"What?! Did you call the police??"

"No…I called you!!" Emilee squealed.

Anna looked at Emilee then narrowed her eyes, "You made you bed?"

Emilee blinked, then nodded, then started yelling, "This is no time to make fun of me and how I make my bed all the time!"

Smirking, Anna nodded, "Okay."

They stood there glaring at one another for a while, then Emilee remembered, "There's somebody in my closet!"

They both jumped when Emilee's mom called over the intercom, "What are you girls doing up there?!"

Emilee rolled her eyes and got up from the bed, still clutching Mr. Pink. "Nothing mummy." She said sweetly into the intercom.

"Well stop being so loud!" Her mum yelled back, "Oh and hi Anna." She said nicely.

"Yah yah, Anna says hi." Emilee replied, rolling her eyes again and leaning on the wall next to the intercom. "What are we going to do man?"

"Give me that." Anna grabbed Mr. Pink and Emilee grabbed it back.

They played a lovely game of tug-a-war with Mr. Pink for a while then Anna finally grabbed it and ran off to the other side of the bed.

"Go to the closet and see who it is." Emilee told her, pointing at the closet (as if Anna didn't know where it was).

Anna laughed, "Oh that closet? That one there?" She teased, pointing to where the closet was.

Glaring in reply, Emilee sat down in her desk chair and watched as Anna, still laughing went to the closet and opened the door, not expecting to see anything. "It's probably just your cat…Tigerlilly?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

"Told you."

Anna slammed the door (not after hitting the fellow over the head with Mr. Pink again) and ran back to the bed. "There's a GUY!"

"Spot on, Anna. I didn't know that." Emilee replied sarcastically, now hugging her teddy bear, Napoleon.

"Well what are we going to do?!"

"I don't know. That's why I called you."

"But YOU are the…figuring-out-what-we're-going-to-do one!"

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh."

They didn't say anything for a few seconds, but then Emilee gathered up her courage and set Napoleon down, then walked over to the closet, Anna right behind her, and flung open the door…

Legolas Greenleaf hadn't the slightest idea where he was. All he knew was that he'd been screamed at and hit over the head with a rock hard pink bird on a stick…twice.

He knew the dark room he was locked in had to be some prison for clothing, but he didn't really know why. The only reason he could think of was that the odd looking shoes with multi-colored laces stunk like nothing he'd ever smelled.

So as result to the two bruises on his head (one of them gave him a black eye), Legolas wasn't hoping the door wouldn't open again.

But then it did.

"Ahhh!"

"Please, don't hit me with that petrified bird again." He pleaded cowering back away from the door.

The two girls who'd hit him earlier were standing there with their mouths open and Legolas really hoped they'd close them. The brunette's mouth was quite large. She sort of reminded him of Pippin…

"Who are you?" the brunette one asked finally.

The other girl nudged her, "How can you ask him who he is! Look at him!"

The brunette shrugged and looked at her friend cluelessly.

"You are such a dipshit, Emilee."

"Shut up ANNA."

The blonde one Legolas decided was Anna, jumped when he moved ever so slightly to scratch his cheek.

Anna gave Emilee her daily 'you're an idiot' look. "It's Orlando Bloom dressed up as Legolas!"

"Really?" Emilee narrowed her eyes at Legolas, stepping further in the closet, "You think so?"

"Emilee, who's picture do I have glued all over all of my folders?"

"Orlando Bloom."

"Very good."

Emilee shook her head disbelievingly and grabbed Legolas' arm, pulling him out of the closet and into the light of her room. "He can't be Orlando Bloom, look at him. He's…." Emilee gaped, "…really really really hott.."

Legolas shook her hand from around his arm and looked around the strange room he was in. "I don't know what kind of black magic you two possess, but I do warn you, I am very good with a bow."

Anna and Emilee looked at each other and started cracking up. "Aww! That's so cute!" Anna laughed.

"I'm serious." Legolas said, looking hurt.

"So is she." Emilee replied, then realized that she still had her Hard-Rock Café t-shirt and pajama pants on. "Uhm…Hey Anna?"

"Yes?" Anna said, not taking her eyes off of Legolas.

"You think you can manage to not jump on Orlie here while I go change?"

"I'm not promising anything."

Emilee rolled her eyes. "Right." She disappeared into her closet.

The whole time Emilee was changing Anna and Legolas just stared at each other. Anna was wondering where the hell he came from, while Legolas was wondering exactly how many bracelets she had on her wrists.

When Emilee came back out, she slapped a hand on Anna's shoulder, then looked at Legolas with a big smile. "This is Anna, she doesn't have a boyfriend."

Anna glared at Emilee, "Thanks man!"

"I'm helping you out man, just keep smiling." Emilee whispered back, winking at Legolas with a huge Game Show Host smile.

Anna rolled her eyes and moved a bit closer to Legolas, he stumbled a bit and fell to a seat in Emilee's cluttered red chair. Narrowing her eyes at him, Anna tilted her head to the side, "Who are you?"

"My name is Legolas-"

"Okay, somebody's playing a trick on us. What's Dale's number…that bastard will pay." Anna said, turning around but Emilee wasn't behind her anymore. She was sitting at her computer.

"What are you doing!?"

Emilee looked over her shoulder and shrugged, "I'm checking my mail."

"Wh..wh…why the hell are you doing that?!"

She shrugged again, "I'm checking to see if our story got any reviews."

"Who cares!? Legolas is sitting in your chair dumbass!"

"Hey! Don't yell."

Legolas shifted in his seat and pulled out from under him a stuffed bunny.

"Oh hey, Lego found Llama." Emilee said cheerfully.

Anna was completely speechless. She concluded in her head that probably the only reason Emilee wasn't spazzing out about Legolas being in her room, was that the poor girl had probably imagined this happening so many times it really wasn't surprising anymore.

Legolas put the bunny in his lap and sat forward, looking at Anna, "Where am I?" he asked, putting his hands on his knees.

"Oklahoma babe, sorry." Anna replied, then looked at him for a moment. She walked over to Emilee, who was dancing in her chair about having three new reviews for their Once In A Thousand Years story, and pulled her out of the room in the rolly chair.

"Excuse us." Emilee told Legolas as she was rolled out of the room.

The chair got stuck in the doorway though so Emilee got out of it and pushed it back in it's place, before giving Legolas a cheerful grin and going out the door to talk to Anna.

Anna slammed the door shut and looked at her best friend with huge eyes. "Emilee do you know where you are?"

Emilee narrowed her eyes and nodded slowly, "Yess…."

"Do you know that Legolas is sitting in your room?"

"Yup, know that too."

"Do you know what we're going to do about it?"

Emilee bit her lip, "Get him some coffee?" she offered.

Anna fell over.

"Hey man, are you okay?"

"NO!"

Emilee nodded, "Alright, I'll give you some privacy." She started to go back into her room, but Anna grabbed her leg.

"Are you dense? Did someone drop you on your head when you were little?!" Anna yelled, getting up from the floor.

From downstairs somewhere Emilee's dad yelled up, "I did!"

Emilee shrugged, "I suppose so."

"Oh my God, why is this happening to me? I'm going crazy and I'm only seventeen!"

"Dude, face it, it's destiny!" Emilee said, and they both looked up at the sky and opened their mouths all weird. (Don't ask. It's a weird thing we've done for like, a year…every time someone says destiny.) "Legolas came here for a reason, and I think that reason is me…I mean you."

Anna smiled softly, then snapped back into reality, or what was left of it. "No man, it's not destiny. It's an illusion."

"Whatever man, I'm going back in there before he finds my stash of mints." Emilee said, going back inside.

Wondering briefly why Legolas would want a mint, Anna followed her friend back in the room and closed the door behind her.

Legolas was amusing himself by pushing the speaker button on Emilee's phone and hearing the dial tone. Emilee was in her closet somewhere.

"Hey, stop that!" Anna yelled when Legolas started sniffing the White Out.

She ran over and grabbed the bottle from him, looking at him apprehensively. Sighing deeply, she sat him down on the bed and sat in the desk chair in front of him.

"Okay, answer me truthfully, alright? Who are you?" Anna asked, realizing she hadn't put the White Out cap back on all the way and it was spilling all over Emilee's desk. "Shit."

"I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood." Legolas answered, "What is shit?"

Anna laughed, "This stuff you were smelling."

"Ah. It didn't smell particularly pleasant."

"Yah. Okay whatever." Anna said, looking back at him, "Where are you from Legolas?"

"Mirkwood."

"And where is that?"

"Middle-Earth."

"Stop that Anna!" Emilee called from somewhere in the house. "Stop asking him questions you already know the answers to! It's embarrassing."

"Where are you?!" Anna yelled angrily.

Emilee walked in from the front door of her bedroom, carrying a pile of clothes, "Right here."

Legolas was watching them with an amused expression on his face.

"Where did you go?"

"To see if my dad has anything that will fit Legolas." Emilee answered with a shrug.

"Why…?"

"Well we're not going to take him out looking like that." Emilee answered, "I mean the hair is bad enough, but men in tights aren't appreciated these days."

Anna looked at Legolas and nodded, "Sad but true."

Legolas looked at them like they were crazy.

But that's okay, because they're used to it.