Chapter Two: Many Meetings
And so, I finished, looking at Peter (he had asked me to call him by that name), That is how I came to be in this place. The full details of my Quest are unclear; perhaps if you shared the details of your own Quest, the purpose of my journey here would become clearer.
He sat deep in thought for a moment, hands clasped over his knees as he sat on his chair, looking down at me. Finally he spoke.
Mr. Baggins, he said, sitting up a bit, I'm making a movie. A movie is, em, like a Palantir, sort of, he colored at this, for some reason, and I felt compelled to interrupt.
Yes, yes, I butted in hastily, Gandalf has told me of these movies.
So you know how they're made? he said, looking at me in either awe or skepticism.
Well, he may have left that bit out, actually, I muttered.
he said, laughing a bit. Basically how we do it is by using cameras- those things you saw before-
Ah, the ones with the strange windows? The black things? I was a bit confused as to how these objects could create a movie, and I believe he sensed it.
Well, yes. What they do exactly is kind of hard to explain... I'm not sure you would understand... he sat in thought for a moment, then went on, Let's just call it a kind of magic, and leave it at that.
I nodded; Gandalf had told me as much.
So, I am using these cameras to make a movie of the adventures of the Fellowship of the Ring. You know- your, er, nephew, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir.
I was confused for a moment. They are here as well? Frodo and Gandalf? I thought Aragorn and Boromir were dead, as well as Meriadoc and Pippin, I swallowed a lump in my throat- their loss was still very near, and the rest I just left in the havens!
he looked uncomfortable for a moment. We're using different people to play their parts in the movie. He cleared his throat.
Oh, like actors! I exclaimed.
Well yes, exactly! he said more happily. How do you know about-
Why, it's just like the Shire Festivals.* We have- had plays there, though no movies, and we had Hobbits who would pretend to be Men, or Dwarves, and as I recall master Pippin made a delightful Dragon one year. I paused. So, how are you to find Hobbits, Elves and Dwarves to play the appropriate parts in the movie?
Oh, there aren't any here, of course. Didn't, uh, Gandalf tell you? We're just using people, I mean, Men, to play all the roles.
But how is that possible? I asked in astonishment. Men are so much larger than Hobbits, and they lack our feet. I looked down at my own now-tidy feet (I had groomed them before eating).
Peter threw his hands up helplessly, It's another kind of magic we can do with cameras.
All right, I said, knowing I hadn't been told half of the story. No matter, no matter. One thing one learns with age is how to stem one's curiosity. I continued nonchalantly,
how exactly do you deal with the matter of feet? And what of ears?
he said, laughing, I'll show you our makeup trailer. I think most of the actors are there, you can meet them, too. We'll have to take the helicopter, though, to get to the park where we have the trailers set up. he paused. Oh well, I was going to there today anyhow.
I didn't like his impudent tone, and I felt my brows begin to lower in a frown, but I stopped myself. After all, the customs now could be different. I wondered at this helicopter' and was astonished to find, when Peter took me to it, that it was the large metal bird I had seen earlier! I entered it with some trepidation, though it turned out to feel quite safer than flying towed along by an Eagle. It was quite a bit noisier, though, and by the time we arrived at the park I was altogether deafened.
Leading me out of the contraption, Peter shouted something I couldn't quite make out.
I yelled back over the sound of the helicopter. He made motions with his hands as though to follow after him, and I did so. We had landed in a forested area with a dirt path, very familiar looking actually. I walked beside Peter to some large helicopter-like machines which sat on wheels like big, metal carts. These were the trailers Peter had spoken of, of course. Inside and all around the area were Men of diverse appearance, practicing with swords. Actually they weren't very good, but as a polite Hobbit I refrained from mentioning anything about it.
We landed, as I said, rather noisily, so the Men immediately rushed out to meet us, talking in loud voices I'm sure I would have heard under other circumstances. Hobbit ears, you know, are actually quite sensitive! However, the recent helicopter trip had rendered me deaf for the moment, so I simply stood rather uncertainly behind Peter as he (I presume) made my introductions to the others.
Eventually my ears cleared their thrumming, and I looked up from rubbing them to see the whole group staring at me, wide-eyed. There were nine, I noticed, and by some chance of Fate, or some other force, they much resembled the nine who had set out to destroy my ring, so long ago! Odd, indeed. One of the Men, a young dark-haired boy, looked just like my own Frodo when he was in his tweens. Now, of course, he is getting on in years- I can't be certain of his age, as time goes by oddly in Valinor, but he must be near a century old by now, and so worn he appears older than I myself do. Dear me, I won't even venture to tell you my own age! I have long since passed Old Took, of course.
Well, they stood there for a moment longer as I contemplated them- I noticed four small Men, not quite Dwarf-sized but short, who resembled Masters Meriadoc and Peregrin, not to mention Sam and Frodo (whom I had already seen). The others stood a bit farther off, and I was not to notice them until they made their introduction. These four- they were the actors, naturally- in particular seemed less ill at ease with me than the others. The Man who looked like Sam stepped forward first, casting a glance towards Peter, who was prompting the whole group with emphatic nods.
Um, hello, he said, looking down at me uncertainly, especially my feet. But his eyes were serious and frank, and he continued bravely, though uncomfortably. I'm Sean- I mean, I'm also Sean- he's Sean too, he nodded at a larger Man, and I gave a start! For he was very close in likeness Boromir, at least as far a I recall from the little I saw of him in Imladris. Taking his cue, he too moved towards me, and with a small, uncomfortable bow, introduced himself as Sean Bean, Mr. Baggins.
I gave him a nod, stifling a laugh at his slightly incredulous and wide-eyed look at me.
Then in quick succession two young Men- still in their tweens by Hobbit standards- introduced themselves as Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom. The former was the lad who resembled Frodo, and the latter bore no resemblance to anyone that I thought of, until something in his eyes and face made me think of Elves suddenly, and for no particular reason.
Standing next to the elven-looking lad was another Man, also young. He started to look at me in a rather insolent fashion over his eye coverings, but I gave him my best stern glare (generally saved for young Hobbit lads who had gotten into the garden) and he stopped and introduced himself as simply very quickly, and gulped. The strange dark eye coverings he wore slipped down his nose and I almost laughed- he was the spitting image of Merry in his youth. Slightly in back of him was another Man- a bit older- who nodded at me and told me his name was Billy Boyd, and seemed serious, though a hint of a smile lingered about his mouth and eyes. Though he was the oldest of the Hobbits, and young Pippin had always been the little one, he did resemble the Hobbit in the way he looked at me, and I choked up a bit.
There was also a very large Man, who looked merry about the cheeks and eyes. I honestly could not place him; no wonder, as I later found, for who could guess that such a large Man would be acting as a Dwarf? His name was John Rhys-Davies, though at the time, between his deep voice and my ringing ears, I heard something closer to I didn't mention it at the time, as I was glancing past him to a Man, older than the rest. For a moment I thought I saw Gandalf's eyes looking at me, but he moved foward into the light and the illusion was gone. His name was Sir Ian McKellen, (the was evidently a title of sorts in this land) and I gave him a deep nod, which he graciously returned.
My eyes moved past him to the last Man. My breath caught in my throat for a moment and I stood there, dumbstruck- which is a fairly unusual state of affairs for a reserved and eloquent Hobbit such as myself. There in front of me stood King Aragorn, just as I had seen him last. His hair was shorter and his face subtly different, but there could be no mistaking the keen, piercing look of his eyes. The others were actors- bearing an odd resemblance to people I had known long ago (and indeed know now)- but actors nonetheless. This man- I barely heard him introduce himself as Viggo Mortensen- simply was Aragorn. I blinked, trying to clear my eyes. He inclined his head to me, and I stuttered back my own greetings to the company.
Oh my, at that point I dearly wished to be back in my nice Hobbit-hole in Valinor (quite cozy, all a Hobbit could ask) with a roaring fire and a cup of tea! So many odd things were happening, I was completely befuddled. Too much, really, for an old Hobbit. Yet I straightened my spine and went about my own introductions. I've had many an adventure in my years, and have learned one can't back down at the first surprise. Besides, I knew Gandalf had sent me here for a reason. So I cleared my throat and began, wishing I had my old ring, just for the assurance the possibility of becoming invisible gave, of course.
Hello all- my name is Bilbo Baggins, and that's either Mister Baggins or Bilbo to you, I nodded at them. I am a Hobbit- I heard a slightly incredulous noise come from one member of the assembled group, but, unable to make out who it had come from I simply cleared my throat and went on. I know, many of you Men did not realize Hobbits truly exist. It is true, there aren't many of us now- just myself, my nephew and mayor Sam in the Elves' land-
I heard Elijah Wood give a gasp at this, and the first Sean's eyes widened, but they did not interrupt me.
I continued, I think that is why Gandalf sent me on this Quest. As you all should know, thanks to the works of Tolkien, a great author of your time who I hear has told my story and others of Middle Earth, I went on my share of adventures. Hobbits are capable of far more than carrying a Ring! Frodo and Sam were a wonderful pair, and had their own braveries and adventures, I don't deny. Saving Middle Earth is tricky business! But Hobbits have done more than that. I think- I paused, and by reflex cast a glance at Sir McKellen before remembering Gandalf was another person entirely and going on, I think Gandalf sent me here to make my own story, There and Back Again.' I stopped and dug in my pack a minute before bringing out the beautifully-bound copy of the book the Elves had made for me. To make my own story into a movie.
At this the carefully-held silence the Men had been holding fell to pieces. I heard snatches of conversation which I gathered were not in my favor:
-is he really-
-just a publicity stunt-
His feet!
-but he looks serious-
Peter stepped in front of the babbling throng (only Mr. Mortensen and Ian McKellen stayed silent) with his hands raised for quiet. They all obeyed instantly, falling into an organized line with a haste I found amusing.
Mr. Baggins is truly the man- eh, Hobbit, he says he is, Peter said quietly.
Elijah Wood looked at me with wide eyes, Sean (the first one) looked down at the ground ashamedly, seemed to be hiding behind his eye coverings and Orlando Bloom narrowed his eyes at me. The others simply stood still.
After taking a long and serious look round the group, Peter spoke again.
I know I don't tend to go for split-second decisions-
I heard a definite snort.
but I think we should listen to Mr. Baggins. I know, I know it seems crazy but- I'm convinced he is right about his, er, Quest.
Mr. Rhys-Davies folded his arms and looked skeptical at this, but only Elijah Wood spoke up, brow furrowed in seeming confusion.
But Peter, he interjected, What'll this do to our movie? I mean, you can't be saying you're starting another picture right now? My contract is only for three... His eyes darted around a bit and he seemed rather ashamed under Peter's steady gaze. His voice tapered to nothing.
I don't know what is happening at this point, Peter said. But this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Bilbo Baggins, in the flesh. You can understand that, can't you? He looked around at the assembled actors.

*Yes, we had festivals in the Shire celebrating the seasons and other events. Did I neglect to mention it in any of my other books? I will have to remedy that immediately!

Disclaimer: I still am bereft of any ownership whatsoever concerning the Lord of the Rings. I quite definitely do not own myself, Bilbo Baggins. I do not own any of the people mentioned in this story and if I portrayed them inaccurately I apologize profusely.

Narrator: I apologize for leaving you with something of a cliffhanger. Bilbo is adamant about what he considers good writing. I also apologize for the long delay in updating, and it is in no way Mr. Baggins' fault (I say this for legal reasons- he's gotten pretty well-versed in our laws through a long time spent trying unsucessfully to buy himself back).