Lost in the Smoke
Chapter 8
(Disclaimer in part one)
"Come on pet," Spike said as he rubbed the cheek of Buffy's prone form, "Come on luv, open your eyes and look at me." A smile spread across the vampire's face as her eyelids fluttered open to reveal brown eyes, filled with, growing anger. Well, he hadn't really expected anger, but then again, this was Buffy he was dealing with. She quickly removed herself from beside him and took up an imposing stance at the foot of her bed.
"So I guess that means the chip doesn't work anymore then. I wonder how many towns you pillaged on the way back from Africa?" He was amazed that even after telling him she loved him that she would still jump to that distrusting conclusion.
"I haven't killed anyone. Don't even know if the chip works or not. Haven't tried to test it out. And just for the record pet, no one except stuffy watchers use the word 'pillage' anymore." He didn't want to be cross with her, but her rage was causing him rage in return. They couldn't help their voices from getting increasingly louder.
"And you think what, that you deserve medal for that? You just leave town with no regard for how it would effect Dawn or I. If you had just told us before then we wouldn't have been put through all this."
"Now wait just a minute here pet. I had no control over what happened back here. It's not like I blew up my own crypt or anything. What would you have done if I had told you? Probably would have run off and told that poncy Angelus that you two could finally make with the smoochies forever I'd wager. Forget all about it being old Spike who actually wanted to love you without a bloody soul."
"Oh no, you are so not going to make this about Angel. This is about you Spike. Besides, how insecure are you, that everything automatically makes you need to compare yourself to him? You went and got your soul back because you subconsciously wanted to his equal, didn't you?"
"Bloody hell woman. No, I did this for you. No one else. You. I finally listened to you agreed that I was beneath you. I knew I had to change if you were ever going to love me the way I love you. The trials I went through would have killed most demons, but I made it because I had one thought driving me. I kept saying to myself, I'm going to be the MAN that Buffy needs and deserves. I knew you wouldn't ever love someone without a soul."
"You spent more time with me than anyone else in last few months. How could you of all people not notice it? How could you not realize that I already loved you without it?"
Spike didn't know what to say. Hearing her tell him that she loved him the night before was wonderful, but finding out that she had loved him before he left was unimaginable. He watched her eyes to see if she regretted her admission and saw that she didn't. He did however see her mood change.
A shock of realization hit Buffy and the truth of the situation sunk in. The urge to hit him faded quickly and instead she wanted to hit herself. "But, if all the horrible things I said to you made you do it, then I forced you to leave. I forced another man out of my life. I made someone else leave me. I brought all this pain on myself. I brought it all on Dawn. How could I have been such a bitch and not even see what I caused to happen around me?"
The tears came unbidden to her eyes and flowed down her face, paled from the blow of reality. Spike rose to stand in front of her and brushed the offensive droplets from her face. He knew without having to think about it jus how to hold her like she needed to be held at the moment, half way between the way you would child whose best friend just moved away and a lover you haven't seen in months.
"Oh luv, it's not your fault. We just didn't handle things very well. These things happen. It's not your fault."
**********
Down the hall in her room, Dawn had been trying her best to let her pillow swallow all the noise coming from her sister's room. She hated having to two most important people in her life fighting, especially when Spike had just gotten back. Her first reaction to screaming was to shed a few tears over the shattered, short happiness and to pummel the pillow, that now rested over her ears, with punches. But then she realized that this could be a good thing. It meant that things would be back to normal. Buffy wouldn't be depressed and Spike would still be around to talk to her. And it seemed like there would be improvements too, as Dawn remembered they had been much more touchy-feely during the day.
Also, she had already figured out what it was that he wouldn't tell her earlier. She had distinctly heard the words 'Spike' and 'soul' in the same sentence during the shouting match. The implications of that didn't even register to her. Dawn simply grinned at the thought of what the Scoobies would do when they found out. "Xander's gonna die," she thought and giggled.
**********
I'm actually liking this chapter and it takes a lot for me to like something I wrote. I freely admit there may be grammatical errors, but hey, they give it character. (Okay so maybe that's just my excuse, but it works.) I thought Buffy just accepting the soul was too easy, hence why I went with the whole being mad thing. Hope everyone likes it. Sorry about formatting everything to the left. I worked for half an hour to fix it, but the site wouldn't accept it any other way. Stupid technology.
Chapter 8
(Disclaimer in part one)
"Come on pet," Spike said as he rubbed the cheek of Buffy's prone form, "Come on luv, open your eyes and look at me." A smile spread across the vampire's face as her eyelids fluttered open to reveal brown eyes, filled with, growing anger. Well, he hadn't really expected anger, but then again, this was Buffy he was dealing with. She quickly removed herself from beside him and took up an imposing stance at the foot of her bed.
"So I guess that means the chip doesn't work anymore then. I wonder how many towns you pillaged on the way back from Africa?" He was amazed that even after telling him she loved him that she would still jump to that distrusting conclusion.
"I haven't killed anyone. Don't even know if the chip works or not. Haven't tried to test it out. And just for the record pet, no one except stuffy watchers use the word 'pillage' anymore." He didn't want to be cross with her, but her rage was causing him rage in return. They couldn't help their voices from getting increasingly louder.
"And you think what, that you deserve medal for that? You just leave town with no regard for how it would effect Dawn or I. If you had just told us before then we wouldn't have been put through all this."
"Now wait just a minute here pet. I had no control over what happened back here. It's not like I blew up my own crypt or anything. What would you have done if I had told you? Probably would have run off and told that poncy Angelus that you two could finally make with the smoochies forever I'd wager. Forget all about it being old Spike who actually wanted to love you without a bloody soul."
"Oh no, you are so not going to make this about Angel. This is about you Spike. Besides, how insecure are you, that everything automatically makes you need to compare yourself to him? You went and got your soul back because you subconsciously wanted to his equal, didn't you?"
"Bloody hell woman. No, I did this for you. No one else. You. I finally listened to you agreed that I was beneath you. I knew I had to change if you were ever going to love me the way I love you. The trials I went through would have killed most demons, but I made it because I had one thought driving me. I kept saying to myself, I'm going to be the MAN that Buffy needs and deserves. I knew you wouldn't ever love someone without a soul."
"You spent more time with me than anyone else in last few months. How could you of all people not notice it? How could you not realize that I already loved you without it?"
Spike didn't know what to say. Hearing her tell him that she loved him the night before was wonderful, but finding out that she had loved him before he left was unimaginable. He watched her eyes to see if she regretted her admission and saw that she didn't. He did however see her mood change.
A shock of realization hit Buffy and the truth of the situation sunk in. The urge to hit him faded quickly and instead she wanted to hit herself. "But, if all the horrible things I said to you made you do it, then I forced you to leave. I forced another man out of my life. I made someone else leave me. I brought all this pain on myself. I brought it all on Dawn. How could I have been such a bitch and not even see what I caused to happen around me?"
The tears came unbidden to her eyes and flowed down her face, paled from the blow of reality. Spike rose to stand in front of her and brushed the offensive droplets from her face. He knew without having to think about it jus how to hold her like she needed to be held at the moment, half way between the way you would child whose best friend just moved away and a lover you haven't seen in months.
"Oh luv, it's not your fault. We just didn't handle things very well. These things happen. It's not your fault."
**********
Down the hall in her room, Dawn had been trying her best to let her pillow swallow all the noise coming from her sister's room. She hated having to two most important people in her life fighting, especially when Spike had just gotten back. Her first reaction to screaming was to shed a few tears over the shattered, short happiness and to pummel the pillow, that now rested over her ears, with punches. But then she realized that this could be a good thing. It meant that things would be back to normal. Buffy wouldn't be depressed and Spike would still be around to talk to her. And it seemed like there would be improvements too, as Dawn remembered they had been much more touchy-feely during the day.
Also, she had already figured out what it was that he wouldn't tell her earlier. She had distinctly heard the words 'Spike' and 'soul' in the same sentence during the shouting match. The implications of that didn't even register to her. Dawn simply grinned at the thought of what the Scoobies would do when they found out. "Xander's gonna die," she thought and giggled.
**********
I'm actually liking this chapter and it takes a lot for me to like something I wrote. I freely admit there may be grammatical errors, but hey, they give it character. (Okay so maybe that's just my excuse, but it works.) I thought Buffy just accepting the soul was too easy, hence why I went with the whole being mad thing. Hope everyone likes it. Sorry about formatting everything to the left. I worked for half an hour to fix it, but the site wouldn't accept it any other way. Stupid technology.
