Title: The Forsworn ~ Futile – Part B

Author: Sita Seraph

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Unknown

Rated: R

Warning: Suicide, angst, depression

Note: This part is dedicated to Shiki-chan…She was breathing over my shoulder as I wrote the last few sentences.  I know she is going to be so happy when she sees I've finally finished it for her.

Also, I want to thank Masamune for giving this back to me so quickly! Arigato, Masa-chan!  You're the greatest beta in the entire world! *glomp*

Such a blinding white light.  I could see it even behind my closed eyelids.  What could produce such luminosity?  Was it the light from my dream, where the light had desperately reached for me but the darkness tried to cave in and keep me away?  Was I in the light, smothered in its white glow?  Where was I?  Could I see?  If I opened my eyes, would I be blinded immediately?  So, I kept them closed.

Slowly, I reached my hand out across the white plane, scraping the exterior beneath me.  As I expected, I wasn't floating…I was lying down on some sort of soft surface.  Yes…soft.   Like…a…blanket almost.  Except…I felt like it was sucking me in, gently tugging on my skin.  It felt good almost.  Like a light massage against my tense joints in my back, fingertips of white gentling pulling me down.  I smiled faintly, my mind growing at ease and my body relaxing.

That was until I encountered something terribly sharp.

Crying out in surprise, my hand jerked back away from the thing that had sliced into my fingers.  Cradling the wounded hand blindly, I let fingers guide themselves to the point of pain.  I immediately recognized the blood that slipped across my skin.  What I didn't recognize was the thing that had stuck itself in my open wound.

Carefully, blindly, I removed it and held the tiny thing in between my two fingers.  It…almost felt like glass.  A tiny shard of broken glass.  It was…so very sharp that it began to cut my fingers just holding it.  Quickly, I threw away the splinter, fingers pricked already and giving their worth of dark blood on my face.  I wiped away the ruby liquid from my face, probably smearing it across my cheek to look like war paint. 

Where was I?  A bright place with broken glass…I couldn't recall anything that could resemble this place in my head.  Nor memory of mine could be twisted into the dream I had set myself in.

…That is, no mind of MINE could imagine such a place as this.

Duo.

Slowly, I dared to open my eyes and was surprised that it wasn't as bright as I imagined it to be.  It was actually quite dim, but the place consisted of nothing but a singular color: white.  I made myself rise from the sucking ground, my eyes blacking out for a second before sight was brought back to me again.  I always sat up too fast and…

Blood.

Gasping in shock, I stared at the glass like trail stained with gallons of blood.  Glints of shards stuck out of the ground like growing weeds, like horrible thorns of roses.  The thorns begged to grow more, stretching their prickly fingers towards the white sky.  To cause more damage, to drink up the red liquid soothing over their clean sharp ends.  And the petals of the rose were the blood, dripping and drying, melting and spreading, across the white plane.  I don't know how I didn't realize it before…but the thick scent of drying blood was heavy and thick in the air.  I was practically suffocating in it.

"Duo!?" I started gagging and covering my mouth with a hand, I looked around desperately. Neither Trowa, nor Duo, was in sight.  Just a trail of blood with broken shards of clear glass.  I was alone…alone in a world of white and drowning in the smell of blood.  Why was I here?  What was it that they were trying to show me?  Were they trying to show me something?

"Trowa!! Duo!!" I called.  I expected an echo, anything but this horrible silence that accompanied my heavy breathing.  But there was none.  Silence was a deafening thing, something called forth when the end had finally come and there was no more tomorrow. That it was time to let the fear grow and realize the truth of the situation:

No one was going to hear me.

*****

I had to have been walking this bloody trail for hours.  I was hoping it would lead me to someone, to something.  I had nowhere else to go.  I had assumed that I was locked in my own mind now, like Trowa.  Or locked in Duo's mind.  I'm not sure how that worked so for the past two hours, I've tried to figure it out. I…had assumed that Trowa entered Duo's mind through his eyes, as he did with me.  But did this tactic suck Trowa in whole?  How could it be?  I didn't understand.  But…then again…Trowa did see things differently then I.  Maybe…maybe there is something in Duo's eyes that could suck a being in and never let them return.

Like Wufei…How he sucked me in the first time he met after the war…

Some…pit…turning endlessly downwards and it had sucked Trowa in, suffocating him and making his cries for help unheard.  The same for Duo.  But why hadn't I been sucked into that vortex?  Was I here…in this forbidden place of blood and white? Was I trapped here as well?

Trowa…must have guided me here.

And if so, where was he?

I wasn't watching where I was going.  I was too lost in my thoughts.  But suddenly I felt one of the thorns slice into my barefoot and pain rocketed up my leg.  I cried out, jerking my foot away from where I trailed too close to the hideous glass, but the thorn stayed with me, sucking itself deeper into my skin.  I screamed, horrified, as I felt the glass disappear into my foot-Right before I blacked out.

*****

~(soft laughing)~

Duo?

"AHHH!!!"

Duo!?

Deathscythe…I was in Deathscythe!?  Impossible!  It was destroyed, it's gone!  Blinking lights, flashing explosions, battle reigned everywhere!  What the hell is happening!?  And where was Duo!?  I tried to turn my head but found I could not.  Instead…it seemed my eyes were moving on their own, my hands flipping over the controls crazily and shifting the armor suit with perfect ease.

I…I wasn't in my body…

I screamed…I think it was I who screamed and the powerful scythe loomed into view, the green flash luminating the entire blackness of space before it wiped away any threats nearing its precious cargo.  The screen lit up with flashes of light, mobile suits dying in the rage of fire.

Duo…I was…I was in Duo's mind…

And suddenly I could feel the emotions, the tingling sensation of pleasure coursing through his very veins.  His eyes were only for the explosions, the satisfying gleam that was hidden behind the violet pools.  He was frowning, as if sad to kill, but inside he was laughing.  Enjoying the battle and the blood he was creating with his mighty scythe.

~Burn, motherfuckers.  I wish I could hear you scream.~

Duo…I could even hear his thoughts, radiating in my mind.  Why…Why did he enjoy this?  It was war, not a game!  Duo!  What the hell is wrong with you!?

Again, the overwhelming feeling of happiness to be engaged in battle…something I never thought I would hear about since my last battle with Wufei.  The completeness of destroying your enemies, the pleasure drive tingling your bones as you stand victor of the rubble of war.  Was this…Was this what Wufei expressed?  What he was trying to tell me?  Did…Did Duo feel the same way?

Suddenly, Duo smashed his elbow against the dashboard and music was literally blaring out of the speakers.  Loud music…always incredibly loud music where ever Duo went.  It could never be quiet…it had to try to make your ears bleed and go deaf for weeks.

//Nothings all right!

Nothing is fine!

I'm running and I'm crying!//

Suddenly, there was darkness as Duo closed his eyes.  He was still moving the controls, still fighting the un-seeable enemy.  Was he crazy!?  He was going to get killed if he didn't open his eyes!

//I'm crying!//

But that was the funny thing.  Duo didn't die.  Instead, he hit every target, killed every soldier in their mobile suits…

With his eyes closed.

//I'm crying!//

Who was Duo…?

//I'm crying!//

What was Duo..?

//I'm crying…//

Where was Duo…?

*****

I was on my back again.  But this time, my head was lying on its side so I could wake up to first see the blood and growing shards.  I groaned softly, not daring to move from my position incase it would cause any more pain to my damaged foot.  Duo had to have walked on all of that…had to walk across all of the glass…Why…Why did he make up such a place…?

"…ero…"

I closed my eyes tightly wishing for black instead of white.  I needed sleep; I needed to just get away for a week…a month…forever.  So much I didn't know, I didn't guess.  So much and I only had scratched the surface!  My, God, Duo, how could you lie with a smile!?  How could you frown but be laughing inside!?  How could I not see it?

"…ero…"

Was…someone calling me…?  Duo…I wish it was you calling me.  So then you could answer my questions.  So then you could just hold me while I cried with regret.  I'm sorry, Duo.  I'm sorry I didn't see.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you in time…I'm sorry I didn't show you…how much I loved you…

I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…

"Heero!  Come back!"

I felt the floor beneath me begin to shake, but I didn't care.  In fact, I welcomed it and hoped this white world would swallow me up whole.  I was useless, a piece of trash, I couldn't do anything…Duo…

I heard the crack as the white began to tear apart but I refused to acknowledge it.  I never realized things before, so why should I start now?  All I cared about were the missions.  The stupid, stupid missions!  I should have paid attention, I should have saw it all…I had the clues, the hints, and I didn't do a fucking thing!  Stupid, useless, baka!  Idiot!!!  Duo!!! I'm sorry!!

Suddenly, the very floor broke away and I was surrounded in glass and blood…and darkness.  But I didn't deserve the night.  I deserved to burn in a white hell.  Duo…why did you answer my prayers with the shadows of rest?

TBC…