Diary of a Sentimental
There's a bit of artistic license involved, but then again in what fic is there not?
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one, too bad for me.
Guess what, it's here! I know I've kept you all waiting for far, far too long for this next instalment so in repayment it isn't going to be the last. I have at least one more chapter in the works and I promise from the bottom of my heart not to leave it so long before its uploaded!
Enjoy, and feel free to review! Love you all, miss demeanour xxx
* * *
Chapter 3 "To Have Loved and Lost"
I have never known dawn to rise so slowly, nor the pale moon weave its weary way across the sky in such a long space of sweet time.
The concept of freedom is an idea that has perplexed great authors of every generation, and it was on this night, as day broke with such excruciating slowness that I could be found pondering that very subject. The only conclusion I came to draw in that eternity is that freedom is a concept never to be truly understood. Many would have classed my very situation as I pondered, to be freedom. Laid close to the man I love, warm and safe in his arms. And yet, as I stared into the face of a fallen angel, my heart did not feel free. Instead only a single half lay inside my chest, the other having been sacrificed long before to this earthly cherub and now lay captive, within his ribcage. Trapped there for an eternity.
No, I was anything but free.
"I wish you wouldn't look at me like that Geoff" A sleepily smooth voice spoke through parted lips. I started at the speech; unaware that the angel I had been watching had been conscious of my stare.
"Like what?" I reached out a hand to stroke the smoothness of his pale cheek, as his other rested warmly against my bare chest.
"Like I am the only being worth anything in the world"
He spoke on a sigh, chestnut eyes upturned to mine and I smiled into his gaze, unwontedly happy that he'd interpreted my stare so precisely.
"If you want me to stop gazing at you as such, the only solution is to stop me thinking what I do"
He laughed, "Which is impossible."
"However clever you my be, my knight, you have not the power to change a mans thoughts"
"You amaze me sometimes Geoff. How sentimental you can become at not a moments warning"
"A poets curse" I smiled.
"And a knights nuisance." He spoke with a joke in his voice, but that did not prevent the twisting in my heart as I realised how little this comfortable banter would and could ever mean to him. That was my curse.
And yet, how could loving this heavenly creature be both my curse and my saviour simultaneously?
"Rouen calls" I spoke lightly after a few moments lost in his sugary gaze. "If I don't rouse myself now I'll sleep all day."
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Slowly he tightened his grip on my chest.
"I think Wat and Roland may become suspicious." There was an attempt at laughter in my voice,
"I think it would take more than a lie-in to rouse their suspicions"
"Like what?"
"Like, this, for example" Gently he lent up and captured my mouth with his, the musty taste of the morning clinging to his lips.
"Ahh, that." My voice was a whisper, breathed against his touch.
"And, perhaps, this." His mouth came up again to meet my own as his hand flickered down between our bodies, eliciting a low moan from my throat.
"Yes, I think, that, would be, cause for some, -concern" My voice faulted as his warm grasp took control, and words, slowly, were no longer needed
* * *
A knock.
"Hey guys, you going to sleep all day?" Roland's voice, panic in Will's eyes.
"We'd planned on it" It was an effort to keep my voice steady as I called back.
"Tough luck, want you up and out of there in ten minutes, you hear?"
"We hear .mom" I called in another reply, this time muffled by the warmth of an angel's hair
There was a chuckle from the other side of the door ".forever the comedian" he said, more to himself than to us, before footsteps finally signalled his withdrawal. We both let out a sigh of relief
"Now where were we?"
* * *
The look on Roland's face was a picture when we finally tumbled out of our room, fully clothed, clean and ready for the day ahead. If one man could convey more displeasure in a single glance, I do not know of him.
"You're late" His low authoritative voice caused me to have to fight the urge to hang my head like a naughty schoolboy.
"But we're here now" Will spoke, having seemingly built up an immunity to that voice "So perhaps its time we got going?" I had to repress a smile. Just a few moments ago it had been I that had been the one shepherding us out the door, breaking from his ever-deepening kisses that threatened to leave us stranded in the room when Roland came to follow up on his first wake-up call.
"I'm glad someone's got some sense," Roland said with a smile, following Will's lead "if we're going to make it to Rouen by lunch we'd better be getting going." And he continued to talk, loading our things, and collecting the sleepily sedate Wat from his perch at the edge of the road. Will and I only exchanged glances and followed on behind, our secret smiles reminding me with a tug in my heart that this morning may have been our last.
* * *
Tournament Grounds Rouen
* * *
"May I present my Lord Ulrich, who's mother's father was Shilarch von Rechburg son of the Duke Geld of Saxley, son of Gibling, son of Vendish the fourth earl of Brunswick, the same Vendish who inherited the Fife of Lumberg." I was in full artistic swing. Somehow the sight of so many people looking to me to speak causes me to overdo it somewhat, and I end up pouring my invented soul to them.
"That'll do herald," Sounding not unlike Roland when he'd chastised us that morning the man I was facing cut me off mid-flow "six generations is more than enough. Show me the patents" Without some trepidation I handed over the work I had finished that night, a work of pure fiction, but, I hoped, not obviously so.
As he studied them I could feel the apprehensive stare of William on the curve of my back.
* * *
"I can't believe it, you did it!" Time seemed to fast forward itself until I was stood by my master once again, him atop his horse, looking down on his herald as convention required. I smiled at his excitement, patting the mane of the great horse and trying not to let the game of dice by my side catch my eye "I have to thank you, I didn't think we had a chance" His words began to fade into the background as those small, fateful cubes took my attention.
"My pleasure William, now if you don't mind I think I'll stick around and see how things turn out." By now he had gained my attention once again, our stroll taking us on past the tent and the game.
Suddenly his face was close to mine, causing me to have to fight the sharp intake of breath as his sweet scents assailed me. "Act as my herald and you'll receive a share of the winnings"
But oh, how those winnings mattered so little to me at this moment. At this moment I would have walked to the ends of the earth if he had bid it so, and yet at the same time been infuriated that I was spending a moment out of his heavenly presence.
"Done" A single, simple, sublime word that caused him to clasp my hand in a gesture that rang too formal a chord in my own mind. Unwittingly an image of his naked flesh, warm and golden in the morning sunlight, wrapped itself around my mind on the touch of his hand "now, if you don't mind" I tore myself from his face, wishing to suppress memories there was no longer any use in having "I've got to go and see a man, about a dog"
* * *
The afternoon saw me falling back into the kind of activities I thought I had begun to leave behind with the meeting of Will and followers those few days before. Dice, cards, betting- I wasn't choosy. As long as there was money involved and gambling to be done I was a happy man. For a few hours I was able to put behind me the memory of sweet kisses and even sweeter caresses as I lived from card to card, hand to hand, throw to throw. That was until my winning streak was savagely broken, and the money I didn't have began to be squandered on bets that were a sure thing. until I lost.
And then, as suddenly as the money was gone, the figure I had spent the good part of an afternoon desperately trying to forget, appeared before me. He stood so close I could feel his warm sweet breath on my face, his dark chocolate eyes fixed upon mine.
"You were never robbed were you?" There was such seriousness in his eyes, the warm velvet of his voice caressing my body as softly as those warm hands had done only a few hours before.
"Look," There was nothing else for it but the truth "I have a gambling problem" Desperately I sought to block out the figure of a man to the right of me who looked on, sharpening his knife "I can't help myself, and these people they'll" There was nothing I could do but laugh, a kind of embarrassed, half-sigh of a laugh that only arises in such situations "quite literally take the clothes off your back"
For the third time in as many days I had found myself stood naked in front of a group of practical strangers. In fact I was beginning to think William had beheld me more times without my clothing, than with it.
"What do you expect us to do about it?" My angel asked me powerfully. For a moment I was lost for words, have expected my white knight to come bounding in atop his horse and rescue me from the peril I had created for myself. Somehow I had never expected him to question the reasons why he should do so.
Beside us Peter cut in: "He assured us that you, his liege would pay us" I winced at the scorn he mounted on the word "liege". And yet he was not just my liege, he was my all, my friend, my companion, my love, my day, my night, my angel and, if he wished it, my executioner.
The look Will gave me on that sentence was enough to boil my blood and freeze my heart simultaneously. "Oh" He mouthed as his eyes widened with shock. I could only flinch under his scrutinous gaze and implore with my eyes.
"And who are you?" But he had turned from my gaze, meeting the eye of the man who still stood brandishing his knife with such zest beside us,
"Peter, a humble pardoner and purveyor of religious relics" He nodded his head as he would to nobility and for a second I had to remind myself that in his eyes, not just in my own, William was considered as such.
Will managed to look unimpressed "How much does he owe you?" His voice was unshakable, authoritative, exactly the kind of voice I had imagined he would use as I had begged them to find him before they started taking by force the amounts they were owed.
"Ten gold florins" Simon, from our other side, spoke with relish.
In shock Will's warm eyes widened and slid back to mine in amazement. I caught them for the moment before looking away in shame, as he spun on his heel to look back at his friends, walking away for a short distance and giving Wat the chance to launch himself at me with the battle cry of:
"You lanky git!" And clamping his arms around my head he proceeded to take out his rage on my delicate flesh. I could only cry out in pain and annoyance until Will and Roland came to my rescue, breaking his vice-like grip.
"Oww!" I cried, as I backed away from this small, savage and severely unpredictable man, who could only look rather pleased at himself for my discomfort.
Finally Will took the situation once again in hand, striding confidently up to me and speaking to my debtors with his eyes firmly on mine.
"What would you do to him if I was to refuse?" Slowly, if it was at all possible, my heart broke in two once again inside my chest. Two shards now lay inside my useless ribcage, while the untouched half still rest inside the chest of the man who stood before me, mocking me with its undamaged betrayal.
There was nothing I could do but meet his eye in desperation, seeking out the warmth and passion that had lain in that same gaze that same morning.
It was Simon the Summoner who broke into the private world of our gaze "We, on behalf of the Lord God, will take it from his flesh" And the cold end of his staff was tapped against my naked shoulder, chilling me to my soul. "So that he may understand that gambling is a sin." I cast Simon a glance over my shoulder to signify my annoyance before turning to once again meet the searing gaze of my angel, who only raised his eyebrows to ask silently: "Do you? Do you understand?"
He shouldn't have had to ask me that. I knew. I knew all to well that what I was doing was wrong. I had hurt myself, my friends and the one man I could ever truly wish to love. I was wrong and now the only thing I could do to prove I knew that was plead:
"Oh come on," I'd dropped my voice to address only the beauty before me "Please Will" But even my lowered voice was audible to the rest of the assembled group, who immediately grew suspicious of my mistake. Hurriedly I corrected myself, dropped my eyes for a moment so I would not have to hold his gaze while I used something as impersonal as a false name at such a time "Please will you help me Sir Ulrich." I caught his gaze again "I promise you won't regret it"
For moment I could see the compassion in his eyes, the affection in his face, and my spirits were lifted. Until he opened those perfect full lips and destroyed my world.
"I don't have the money" And for the first time since he had been stood in my presence I could not bring myself to look upon his heavenly face. Instead I stared down at our feet, one pair in armour, the other wearing nothing but streaks of dirt from the muddy floor. I could feel his gaze on the top of my head as I pushed my fingers through my short hair in desperation, but could not bring myself to meet it once again.
"Release him" His voice was low and powerful, commanding in a way no others voice could be "and for gods sake give him back his clothes and you'll get it" Raising my head I once again caught his gaze, the creeping sensation of joy beginning to suffuse throughout my body.
"Done" Cried Simon beside us, his voice muffled by the quiet intensity of Will's gaze, still holding mine, so powerful that he became the only person to inhabit my world. It was only when Simon followed his single word with a click of the fingers in order to propel those around us into action to gather my things, that I was once again transported back into the here and now.
The urge to reach across and kiss Will, to put my soiled hands on those perfect cheeks and tip his head across to meet my mouth in gentleness was almost too much to bear. Instead I had to settle with a nod of deepest thanks, and a silent walk away.
* * *
"You lied" The spell broken, my clothing found, we strode away from the fateful tent into the crowd of the tournament grounds. His voice, although preoccupied with our current destination, still managed to convey the hurt that fact had brought.
"Yes, yes I lied," I tried to block it out "I'm a writer, I give the truth scope" I'd gone back to the same state of mind I had been creating for myself all day, a state of indifference. It was the only way I was going to survive the next few days, weeks, months, years -however long I choose to torture myself in this forbidden heavenly embodiments presence. "Behold, my Sir Ulrich Von Liechtenstein." I addressed the massed crowds, only to be cut off.
"Too late he's already been announced"
"Fine"
* * *
Of course he went on to win that match, and the one after it, each victory for him, a victory for me as I became so wrapped in his success I felt each one as if it were my own. Dutifully I attempted to lose myself in the moment, take the day as it came and enjoy the success of my liege, my angel, and my love. It was only the last part of that sentence that weighed down my heart as the day wore on. With two events we barely had any time to catch our breath between matches, as we hurried Will from victory to victory, never mind conversation. That was until late afternoon, when in the spare 10 minutes before Will was due in the arena for the sword final I managed to drag him to one side.
"Geoff, what do you think you're doing, Chaucer!" He cried as I physically dragged him from the main crowd, pinning him behind a tent in a deserted part of the tournament grounds.
"Thanking you," I said simply, pushing myself against his body and catching his lips finally with my own. He laughed against my embrace.
"You think you could do it slightly more gently than that?" He pushed me away lightly, a smile on his face.
"Sorry," I backed off, bowing my head, surprising even myself with the depth of my desire for him still.
"Don't be sorry, just." And he captured my lips again, our kisses deepening quickly, until breath was ragged and hands itching to wander. Instead I broke free, deciding it was not worth the risk, to both our honour (if we were to be caught it would have been the end of Will) and my heart.
"Thank you," I said finally, holding his gaze "I don't know what else to say, I owe you so much"
"You owe me nothing" His heavenly good looks smiled upon me "You owe it yourself to stop gambling"
"I've tried" I spoke softly.
"And you failed" A matter-of-fact "You have to be stronger Geoff"
"I'll try" I smiled sadly at him, unable to tell him the real reason I'd fallen prey to those dice this afternoon, the way I'd placed those bets to forget these moments, these kisses, this touch.
"Then there is no need to thank me" He matched my smile with a stronger one "I shall pay off your debts this one time Geoff, as soon as I have finished winning this tournament." He laughed through his resolution, breaking free from my embrace to resume his walk across the grounds toward the arena. Before suddenly he stopped and turned toward me.
"Oh Geoff, you remember when I told you last night that I feared I would never meet the right lady?" My half-heart did a double somersault inside my chest, and I nodded silently at his delight "Well I need not have feared, for she is here, upon this very ground, the lady I know I shall spend the rest of my life with!"
And with that savage dagger twist, delivered with a smile, he spun around and continued on his way to the first of his victories after he had won my heart all those days ago.
* * *
To be continued.
There's a bit of artistic license involved, but then again in what fic is there not?
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one, too bad for me.
Guess what, it's here! I know I've kept you all waiting for far, far too long for this next instalment so in repayment it isn't going to be the last. I have at least one more chapter in the works and I promise from the bottom of my heart not to leave it so long before its uploaded!
Enjoy, and feel free to review! Love you all, miss demeanour xxx
* * *
Chapter 3 "To Have Loved and Lost"
I have never known dawn to rise so slowly, nor the pale moon weave its weary way across the sky in such a long space of sweet time.
The concept of freedom is an idea that has perplexed great authors of every generation, and it was on this night, as day broke with such excruciating slowness that I could be found pondering that very subject. The only conclusion I came to draw in that eternity is that freedom is a concept never to be truly understood. Many would have classed my very situation as I pondered, to be freedom. Laid close to the man I love, warm and safe in his arms. And yet, as I stared into the face of a fallen angel, my heart did not feel free. Instead only a single half lay inside my chest, the other having been sacrificed long before to this earthly cherub and now lay captive, within his ribcage. Trapped there for an eternity.
No, I was anything but free.
"I wish you wouldn't look at me like that Geoff" A sleepily smooth voice spoke through parted lips. I started at the speech; unaware that the angel I had been watching had been conscious of my stare.
"Like what?" I reached out a hand to stroke the smoothness of his pale cheek, as his other rested warmly against my bare chest.
"Like I am the only being worth anything in the world"
He spoke on a sigh, chestnut eyes upturned to mine and I smiled into his gaze, unwontedly happy that he'd interpreted my stare so precisely.
"If you want me to stop gazing at you as such, the only solution is to stop me thinking what I do"
He laughed, "Which is impossible."
"However clever you my be, my knight, you have not the power to change a mans thoughts"
"You amaze me sometimes Geoff. How sentimental you can become at not a moments warning"
"A poets curse" I smiled.
"And a knights nuisance." He spoke with a joke in his voice, but that did not prevent the twisting in my heart as I realised how little this comfortable banter would and could ever mean to him. That was my curse.
And yet, how could loving this heavenly creature be both my curse and my saviour simultaneously?
"Rouen calls" I spoke lightly after a few moments lost in his sugary gaze. "If I don't rouse myself now I'll sleep all day."
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Slowly he tightened his grip on my chest.
"I think Wat and Roland may become suspicious." There was an attempt at laughter in my voice,
"I think it would take more than a lie-in to rouse their suspicions"
"Like what?"
"Like, this, for example" Gently he lent up and captured my mouth with his, the musty taste of the morning clinging to his lips.
"Ahh, that." My voice was a whisper, breathed against his touch.
"And, perhaps, this." His mouth came up again to meet my own as his hand flickered down between our bodies, eliciting a low moan from my throat.
"Yes, I think, that, would be, cause for some, -concern" My voice faulted as his warm grasp took control, and words, slowly, were no longer needed
* * *
A knock.
"Hey guys, you going to sleep all day?" Roland's voice, panic in Will's eyes.
"We'd planned on it" It was an effort to keep my voice steady as I called back.
"Tough luck, want you up and out of there in ten minutes, you hear?"
"We hear .mom" I called in another reply, this time muffled by the warmth of an angel's hair
There was a chuckle from the other side of the door ".forever the comedian" he said, more to himself than to us, before footsteps finally signalled his withdrawal. We both let out a sigh of relief
"Now where were we?"
* * *
The look on Roland's face was a picture when we finally tumbled out of our room, fully clothed, clean and ready for the day ahead. If one man could convey more displeasure in a single glance, I do not know of him.
"You're late" His low authoritative voice caused me to have to fight the urge to hang my head like a naughty schoolboy.
"But we're here now" Will spoke, having seemingly built up an immunity to that voice "So perhaps its time we got going?" I had to repress a smile. Just a few moments ago it had been I that had been the one shepherding us out the door, breaking from his ever-deepening kisses that threatened to leave us stranded in the room when Roland came to follow up on his first wake-up call.
"I'm glad someone's got some sense," Roland said with a smile, following Will's lead "if we're going to make it to Rouen by lunch we'd better be getting going." And he continued to talk, loading our things, and collecting the sleepily sedate Wat from his perch at the edge of the road. Will and I only exchanged glances and followed on behind, our secret smiles reminding me with a tug in my heart that this morning may have been our last.
* * *
Tournament Grounds Rouen
* * *
"May I present my Lord Ulrich, who's mother's father was Shilarch von Rechburg son of the Duke Geld of Saxley, son of Gibling, son of Vendish the fourth earl of Brunswick, the same Vendish who inherited the Fife of Lumberg." I was in full artistic swing. Somehow the sight of so many people looking to me to speak causes me to overdo it somewhat, and I end up pouring my invented soul to them.
"That'll do herald," Sounding not unlike Roland when he'd chastised us that morning the man I was facing cut me off mid-flow "six generations is more than enough. Show me the patents" Without some trepidation I handed over the work I had finished that night, a work of pure fiction, but, I hoped, not obviously so.
As he studied them I could feel the apprehensive stare of William on the curve of my back.
* * *
"I can't believe it, you did it!" Time seemed to fast forward itself until I was stood by my master once again, him atop his horse, looking down on his herald as convention required. I smiled at his excitement, patting the mane of the great horse and trying not to let the game of dice by my side catch my eye "I have to thank you, I didn't think we had a chance" His words began to fade into the background as those small, fateful cubes took my attention.
"My pleasure William, now if you don't mind I think I'll stick around and see how things turn out." By now he had gained my attention once again, our stroll taking us on past the tent and the game.
Suddenly his face was close to mine, causing me to have to fight the sharp intake of breath as his sweet scents assailed me. "Act as my herald and you'll receive a share of the winnings"
But oh, how those winnings mattered so little to me at this moment. At this moment I would have walked to the ends of the earth if he had bid it so, and yet at the same time been infuriated that I was spending a moment out of his heavenly presence.
"Done" A single, simple, sublime word that caused him to clasp my hand in a gesture that rang too formal a chord in my own mind. Unwittingly an image of his naked flesh, warm and golden in the morning sunlight, wrapped itself around my mind on the touch of his hand "now, if you don't mind" I tore myself from his face, wishing to suppress memories there was no longer any use in having "I've got to go and see a man, about a dog"
* * *
The afternoon saw me falling back into the kind of activities I thought I had begun to leave behind with the meeting of Will and followers those few days before. Dice, cards, betting- I wasn't choosy. As long as there was money involved and gambling to be done I was a happy man. For a few hours I was able to put behind me the memory of sweet kisses and even sweeter caresses as I lived from card to card, hand to hand, throw to throw. That was until my winning streak was savagely broken, and the money I didn't have began to be squandered on bets that were a sure thing. until I lost.
And then, as suddenly as the money was gone, the figure I had spent the good part of an afternoon desperately trying to forget, appeared before me. He stood so close I could feel his warm sweet breath on my face, his dark chocolate eyes fixed upon mine.
"You were never robbed were you?" There was such seriousness in his eyes, the warm velvet of his voice caressing my body as softly as those warm hands had done only a few hours before.
"Look," There was nothing else for it but the truth "I have a gambling problem" Desperately I sought to block out the figure of a man to the right of me who looked on, sharpening his knife "I can't help myself, and these people they'll" There was nothing I could do but laugh, a kind of embarrassed, half-sigh of a laugh that only arises in such situations "quite literally take the clothes off your back"
For the third time in as many days I had found myself stood naked in front of a group of practical strangers. In fact I was beginning to think William had beheld me more times without my clothing, than with it.
"What do you expect us to do about it?" My angel asked me powerfully. For a moment I was lost for words, have expected my white knight to come bounding in atop his horse and rescue me from the peril I had created for myself. Somehow I had never expected him to question the reasons why he should do so.
Beside us Peter cut in: "He assured us that you, his liege would pay us" I winced at the scorn he mounted on the word "liege". And yet he was not just my liege, he was my all, my friend, my companion, my love, my day, my night, my angel and, if he wished it, my executioner.
The look Will gave me on that sentence was enough to boil my blood and freeze my heart simultaneously. "Oh" He mouthed as his eyes widened with shock. I could only flinch under his scrutinous gaze and implore with my eyes.
"And who are you?" But he had turned from my gaze, meeting the eye of the man who still stood brandishing his knife with such zest beside us,
"Peter, a humble pardoner and purveyor of religious relics" He nodded his head as he would to nobility and for a second I had to remind myself that in his eyes, not just in my own, William was considered as such.
Will managed to look unimpressed "How much does he owe you?" His voice was unshakable, authoritative, exactly the kind of voice I had imagined he would use as I had begged them to find him before they started taking by force the amounts they were owed.
"Ten gold florins" Simon, from our other side, spoke with relish.
In shock Will's warm eyes widened and slid back to mine in amazement. I caught them for the moment before looking away in shame, as he spun on his heel to look back at his friends, walking away for a short distance and giving Wat the chance to launch himself at me with the battle cry of:
"You lanky git!" And clamping his arms around my head he proceeded to take out his rage on my delicate flesh. I could only cry out in pain and annoyance until Will and Roland came to my rescue, breaking his vice-like grip.
"Oww!" I cried, as I backed away from this small, savage and severely unpredictable man, who could only look rather pleased at himself for my discomfort.
Finally Will took the situation once again in hand, striding confidently up to me and speaking to my debtors with his eyes firmly on mine.
"What would you do to him if I was to refuse?" Slowly, if it was at all possible, my heart broke in two once again inside my chest. Two shards now lay inside my useless ribcage, while the untouched half still rest inside the chest of the man who stood before me, mocking me with its undamaged betrayal.
There was nothing I could do but meet his eye in desperation, seeking out the warmth and passion that had lain in that same gaze that same morning.
It was Simon the Summoner who broke into the private world of our gaze "We, on behalf of the Lord God, will take it from his flesh" And the cold end of his staff was tapped against my naked shoulder, chilling me to my soul. "So that he may understand that gambling is a sin." I cast Simon a glance over my shoulder to signify my annoyance before turning to once again meet the searing gaze of my angel, who only raised his eyebrows to ask silently: "Do you? Do you understand?"
He shouldn't have had to ask me that. I knew. I knew all to well that what I was doing was wrong. I had hurt myself, my friends and the one man I could ever truly wish to love. I was wrong and now the only thing I could do to prove I knew that was plead:
"Oh come on," I'd dropped my voice to address only the beauty before me "Please Will" But even my lowered voice was audible to the rest of the assembled group, who immediately grew suspicious of my mistake. Hurriedly I corrected myself, dropped my eyes for a moment so I would not have to hold his gaze while I used something as impersonal as a false name at such a time "Please will you help me Sir Ulrich." I caught his gaze again "I promise you won't regret it"
For moment I could see the compassion in his eyes, the affection in his face, and my spirits were lifted. Until he opened those perfect full lips and destroyed my world.
"I don't have the money" And for the first time since he had been stood in my presence I could not bring myself to look upon his heavenly face. Instead I stared down at our feet, one pair in armour, the other wearing nothing but streaks of dirt from the muddy floor. I could feel his gaze on the top of my head as I pushed my fingers through my short hair in desperation, but could not bring myself to meet it once again.
"Release him" His voice was low and powerful, commanding in a way no others voice could be "and for gods sake give him back his clothes and you'll get it" Raising my head I once again caught his gaze, the creeping sensation of joy beginning to suffuse throughout my body.
"Done" Cried Simon beside us, his voice muffled by the quiet intensity of Will's gaze, still holding mine, so powerful that he became the only person to inhabit my world. It was only when Simon followed his single word with a click of the fingers in order to propel those around us into action to gather my things, that I was once again transported back into the here and now.
The urge to reach across and kiss Will, to put my soiled hands on those perfect cheeks and tip his head across to meet my mouth in gentleness was almost too much to bear. Instead I had to settle with a nod of deepest thanks, and a silent walk away.
* * *
"You lied" The spell broken, my clothing found, we strode away from the fateful tent into the crowd of the tournament grounds. His voice, although preoccupied with our current destination, still managed to convey the hurt that fact had brought.
"Yes, yes I lied," I tried to block it out "I'm a writer, I give the truth scope" I'd gone back to the same state of mind I had been creating for myself all day, a state of indifference. It was the only way I was going to survive the next few days, weeks, months, years -however long I choose to torture myself in this forbidden heavenly embodiments presence. "Behold, my Sir Ulrich Von Liechtenstein." I addressed the massed crowds, only to be cut off.
"Too late he's already been announced"
"Fine"
* * *
Of course he went on to win that match, and the one after it, each victory for him, a victory for me as I became so wrapped in his success I felt each one as if it were my own. Dutifully I attempted to lose myself in the moment, take the day as it came and enjoy the success of my liege, my angel, and my love. It was only the last part of that sentence that weighed down my heart as the day wore on. With two events we barely had any time to catch our breath between matches, as we hurried Will from victory to victory, never mind conversation. That was until late afternoon, when in the spare 10 minutes before Will was due in the arena for the sword final I managed to drag him to one side.
"Geoff, what do you think you're doing, Chaucer!" He cried as I physically dragged him from the main crowd, pinning him behind a tent in a deserted part of the tournament grounds.
"Thanking you," I said simply, pushing myself against his body and catching his lips finally with my own. He laughed against my embrace.
"You think you could do it slightly more gently than that?" He pushed me away lightly, a smile on his face.
"Sorry," I backed off, bowing my head, surprising even myself with the depth of my desire for him still.
"Don't be sorry, just." And he captured my lips again, our kisses deepening quickly, until breath was ragged and hands itching to wander. Instead I broke free, deciding it was not worth the risk, to both our honour (if we were to be caught it would have been the end of Will) and my heart.
"Thank you," I said finally, holding his gaze "I don't know what else to say, I owe you so much"
"You owe me nothing" His heavenly good looks smiled upon me "You owe it yourself to stop gambling"
"I've tried" I spoke softly.
"And you failed" A matter-of-fact "You have to be stronger Geoff"
"I'll try" I smiled sadly at him, unable to tell him the real reason I'd fallen prey to those dice this afternoon, the way I'd placed those bets to forget these moments, these kisses, this touch.
"Then there is no need to thank me" He matched my smile with a stronger one "I shall pay off your debts this one time Geoff, as soon as I have finished winning this tournament." He laughed through his resolution, breaking free from my embrace to resume his walk across the grounds toward the arena. Before suddenly he stopped and turned toward me.
"Oh Geoff, you remember when I told you last night that I feared I would never meet the right lady?" My half-heart did a double somersault inside my chest, and I nodded silently at his delight "Well I need not have feared, for she is here, upon this very ground, the lady I know I shall spend the rest of my life with!"
And with that savage dagger twist, delivered with a smile, he spun around and continued on his way to the first of his victories after he had won my heart all those days ago.
* * *
To be continued.
